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Nancy was born in a remote and beautiful place in northeast China. After graduating from university, she has worked as an investment banking manager and HRD in a securities company for ten years. Now she is working in a listing company in Shanghai. Nancy is independent, loyal and down to earth. What she is looking for is true love and a happy family. She has always dreamed of being a good writer and hopes her blog can be the stage for her to write her stories.
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Remembering My Father 记住我的父亲    

By Nancy
3977 Views | 11 Comments | 7/8/2014 12:34:49 PM

Long time ago, I always wanted to write something down to memorize the days gone, also to cheer up my future life! I am very appreciated the CLM to give me the opportunity to open a blog here.



I usually can see the warm picture around me. A couple with white hair arm in arm warmly walked slowly in the sunset. Each newly-married couple has the wonderful wish to go together to the old without any serious conflicts. But in the reality, there are many more divorced, separated, no love anymore. I am sure many friends here are looking for the other part around the world with full of expectations.



The old days’ experience, no matter happy or sad, is a process which makes us grow, a life experience, a precious memory. Tomorrow will be better.



Happy Father’s Day to my father in the other world



I was born in a very remote village. That’s a very fabulous beautiful village where I spent my childhood without any worries. There is a big river separated the village from the outside world. It is not easy to go out of the village, thus the automobiles were monsters to me. I never met them before I was 5 or 6 years old. In my child’s memories, there were many deep pink azaleas all over the mountains in the spring, many pals naked playing in the pond in hot summer, scattered mushrooms and sweet mountain fruits after frost in autumn, and in winter heavy snow falling down, the temperature was very low, I skated outside with frozen face and forgot to go home. Also in my memories, my father was always working outside in all seasons.



My father has 5 children, the youngest one is a boy, four daughters, I am the fourth one, also his most favorite and spoiled one. More spoiled than his only son. In summer, if we want to visit aunt’s home living the other side of the river, there was no bridge at that time, father had to walk through the water with pants rolled up high, then the young me ride father’s neck through the river. I can remember I could not bear to see the fast water and felt dizzy and creepy.



Father likes me, he was always proud of me because I was always learning well in my school time. I was the only one in the remote village who entered the senior high school located in the county. My family’s condition was not good when I was young, father always told me not worry about money. He would support me no matter how hard the life was. In a summer vocation I don’t remember which year, father was working on the hill under the hot sunshine. I was reading in a hut nearby. I felt distressed when I saw him working outside for so long time, bowed down his back under the hot sun. I got some water over and gave him a drink. When I wipe his swarthy back, a layer of skin took off. I could not help tears whenever I thought of the scene.



It took me more than 3 hours by bus from my hometown to my high school. And all the ways were country roads. It was not easy for the bus. Father let me stay at school study hard also save the bus fees though I miss my family a lot. He often walked the half day with many foods to the school. I was always before the top 5 in the whole high school time. Father was so proud of me. He did not care about the rules, he pushed the door without knocking, no matter I was in the class or not. He would call my name directly, almost all my teachers and classmates knew my father, and my father knew some of them. When I was in summer or winter vocation, he would ask me some of my classmates one by one, whether they learned well or not. We always have topics.



Father has a bad temper. My sisters and brother were afraid of him. But I am not. I was always the one to help them communicate something with father. Mother always says I am the different one. Father would be full of joy whenever he saw me.



I worked in a good company located in the province capital after graduated from the university. The second year, I saved a little money, the first thing I wanted to do was let my father leave the village, never do the heavy labor in the village any more. I made my mind and bought a house in the county where one of my sisters was working. At that time, all my sisters have been married. Then my family including my parents and my brother moved to the county. It was a little bit hard for father to adapt the city life though I could send money to him. Father had no safe feeling without land. He would not like to stay at home doing nothing. My sister rent a few land for him, and he again labored in the less land in the early morning or in the day. Even more, he pulled out the sticks in the yard, changed the yard into the land and grew some eggplants and peppers. Sometimes he went to the superb to purchase the wastes and sell. There were full of the wastes in the yard.



Five years later, father diagnosed with cancer and left us in a half year. There was not complete family in my world. Father like a mountain left me with my love. For many years, I could not accept the reality he was not there anymore. The man love me most in the world was gone. The pain ever made my mind not to give a birth. I could not let my child bear such pain when he or she lost me. I ever blamed myself maybe he could live longer if he still was busy on his own land.



Until now, whenever I thought of my father, I felt he was with me warmly. Last weekend was Father’s Day. People blessed their fathers and I, from the bottom of my heart blessed my father in the other world silently.  “Happy Father’s Day!”



很长一段时间以来,我一直想写点东西,纪念逝去的日子,也给自己未来的生活加油!非常感谢CLM给我这个机会。



时常在周围能够看到那样温馨的画面,一对鹤发童颜的老人,温情地挽着彼此的胳膊,漫步在夕阳中。相濡以沫,白头偕老,是每一对新婚夫妇美好的愿望,但是在现实生活中,却每每多了很多劳燕纷飞的怨偶。相信来到CLM的许多朋友,都是满怀期待,来这里寻找散落在天涯海角的另一半。



过往的经历,无论是快乐的,还是悲伤的,都是一个过程,一段让我们成长的过程,一段人生的阅历,一段弥足珍贵的记忆,相信明天会更好。



致另一个世界里的父亲节日快乐!



我出生在东北一个僻远的乡村,那个小村现在想起来真是美丽极了,那里有我无忧无虑的童年,一条江隔开了村子通往外界的路,小时候要想走出村子,是一件极其费事的事,所以我长了很大一直没有见过机动车,童年的记忆中有春天里漫山遍野、姹紫嫣红的映山红,夏天里光屁屁在水塘里嬉戏的小伙伴,秋天里山里遍地的蘑菇和打过霜之后甜到心里的野果,冬天里大雪封山小脸冻的通红还是要在冰面上溜冰车忘记回家。记忆中还有一年四季总是在辛勤劳作的父亲。



父亲有五个孩子,最小的一个是儿子,前面四个是女儿,我是他的第四个女儿,也是他最宠爱骄惯的孩子,甚至宠过他的唯一的儿子。夏天的时候如果想去江那岸的姑姑家,过这道江很费事,以前没有桥,就要趟过这道江,父亲会把两个裤管卷起很高,然后小小的我骑在父亲的脖子上,记忆中我高高骑在父亲脖子上忍不住会看湍急的江水,有点晕,而且怕怕的,现在还能记起父亲吃力地过江的情形。



父亲喜欢我,也因为我一直让他很骄傲,因为我从小学习成绩一直很好,在那个僻远的乡村中学,我是那届唯一一个考上县城重点高中的学生,小时候家里条件不好,父亲总是和我说不管有多难,砸锅卖铁也要攻我读书,让我放心去读,不要考虑钱的事情。有一年暑假,父亲在山坡上干农活,我在附近一个小草棚里读书,看着他深深躬着的脊背在烈日下工作那么久,我很心疼,弄了点水过去给他喝,当我拿毛巾给他擦擦那黝黑的脊背时,瞬间父亲的脊背就脱了一层皮,那是在烈日下晒的太久的缘故。每每想起这一幕,我还是忍不住掉眼泪。



我读高中的时候,县城高中离我家要乘三个多小时的客车,而且大多数是山路,很不好走,父亲为了让我节省时间在学校多读书,当然也可以节省下路费,不让我回家,他会经常走很远的山路背很多吃的东西到学校看我,高中时我的成绩也一直在全校前五名,父亲很骄傲,当然他也不太懂上课的规矩,每次都是直接推门进去,喊我的名字,学校里很多同学和老师都认识我父亲,父亲也认得一些,每每放假在家,他时常和我有说不完的话,问这个同学,那个同学。



父亲脾气不好,姐姐和弟弟有事情常常不敢和他讲,怕他发脾气。所以我常常会当他们的传声筒,母亲常说,父亲看到我就心花怒放,小女儿就是不一样。



我大学毕业后留在了省城工作,工作第二年攒了一点钱,想着烈日下父亲的脱皮的脊背,我第一个想做的事情是让父亲离开乡村,不再做那么辛苦的农活,于是和在县城工作的姐姐商量在县城买了一个平房,把父母弟弟接过去生活,那个时候我的三个姐姐都结婚了。离开土地的父亲一时很难适应城里的生活,尽管我会寄钱补贴家用,但是父亲始终没有安全感,他也闲不下来,姐姐在县郊给他租了两条垅的地,他没事就去伺弄这两条垅,甚至把院子里铺的砖地起开来,种了点茄子辣椒。有时也会到远郊收一些废品卖,好好的一个小院,到处都是他收来的垃圾,因为他根本不能闲下来。



在县城仅仅生活了五年,父亲就检查出了癌症,半年后离开了我们。我的世界从此缺了一角,山一样的父亲就这样离开了我,很多年,这一直是我心里挥之不去的痛,世界上那个最爱我的男人走了,那种痛曾经让我想下决心不要孩子,因为我不忍心让我的孩子有一天也要面对失去我那种撕心裂肺的痛。我也一度很自责,假如父亲仍在那片土地忙碌,也许他会活的久一点吧,我常常这样想。



时至今日,想起父亲,更多的是一缕温情,上周末是父亲节,人们纷纷祝福父亲时,我也在心里默默的向在另一世界里的父亲道一声:“祝您父亲节节日快乐!”


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#2014-07-08 12:36:36 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

We want to welcome Nancy to the blogs. This blog really highlights why we think hearing from the Chinese ladies is so important. This is such a wonderful picture Nancy has given us of her life in rural China growing up, of her family structure, of her incredible efforts to make life better for her parents. This blog is simply so human, and so compelling.

More than anything, it tells me that the cross cultural barrier is largely more about the language barrier than anything else.

When someone can write this story in good enough English that it created a lump in my normally hard, cynical throat, then how is she culturally so different from a girl who grew up in rural America. If I had spent my entire life in Los Angeles or New York, and I met a lady who had spent her life in rural Wyoming, wouldn't our cultural differences be nearly as great as they are with Nancy (before she made her move to Shanghai at least). The same goes for a Canadian from Toronto, an Aussie from Sydney, a Brit from London, etc., etc.

Regardless of where you are from, any man fortunate enough to meet a lady who could have expressed the thoughts expressed in this blog, to have unthinkingly sacrificed so much for her family's happiness (also regardless of where she came from), is going to be one well taken care of, happy husband with a great wife. Cultural differences be damned!

Welcome aboard Nancy. Great blog.

#2014-07-08 13:01:14 by Barry1 @Barry1

What a beautiful story to recount to us, Nancy, thank you.

I can see that you're a fine writer with a lot to share with those around you. I look forward to reading many more stories in the future about you, your life and your work.

With regard to the passing of your father, I believe only his body has died, not his spirit. I'm sure your two spirits will reconnect in another lifetime. Please know also that death is a part of life, for without death, there could be no life. So please don't look back at life with your father with sadness, but with happiness and appreciation for the wonderful times you shared together.

I'm sure also that your father must be very proud indeed of both the kindness you've exhibited and the achievements you've attained in your life. You still have so much more to offer and to experience.

Many blessings to you, Nancy. May you have a long, rich and rewarding life journey ahead of you. (f)

#2014-07-08 13:09:23 by chengcheng72 @chengcheng72

读你的文章,竟然让我泪流满面。

#2014-07-08 18:09:08 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

Nancy thank you for this beautiful article!

You have touched my heart deeply! You brought me back to my childhood when I lived in a small village as well. You made me to remember playing in the hills in the snow or in summer time swimming in a near by pond.

I wish if I had a relationship with my father like you had with your hardworking father.
You gave an example to me with your description what a man I should be to my family in the future.

Thank you for writing from your heart and showing us your true feelings!

#2014-07-09 09:06:23 by ferlo @ferlo

@ Nancy
For some time I have entertained the idea o writing some from my childhood, but because lack of time or scare of not writing well enough to attract readers.
Now I am sure that if I had it done it wouldn't be as near nor beautiful like you did Nancy. When you mentioned many pals naked I visual myself when I was nine to twelve years old, we the kids of the neighborhood got together and went swimming to any river or pond in the out skirts of town.
You brought memories of my childhood.
Thank you Nancy. Fernando

#2014-07-09 09:24:30 by yinanancy @yinanancy

@JohnAbbot
What I want to say here is thank you so much for opening my blog.

#2014-07-09 09:27:37 by yinanancy @yinanancy

@Barry1

Hello Barry, I am also impressed by your story with Tina. Thank you for your so nice blessing.

And give my best wish to you and Tina, may you have a wonderful time!

#2014-07-09 09:35:03 by yinanancy @yinanancy

@chengcheng72

I was writing this one with full of tears in my eyes and heart, too.

#2014-07-09 09:41:24 by yinanancy @yinanancy

@Imi5922

Hello Imi, I am very glad to see your comment.

I read all your blogs here and just because of yours and Barry's stories, I made my mind to write mine.

I am so touched by your love to lily. I don't know whether lily has the chance to read your love story. Anyway, time can cure all. Just keep going and I am sure you will be a very nice husband and father!

#2014-07-10 09:58:54 by anonymous10913 @anonymous10913

很感动,父爱如山,这也让我想起我的父亲,我的父亲是个的混蛋。父亲对我来说只是个名词.

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