Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
A writer for CLM Magazine and CLM Social Pages, Achelle is also an independent blogger, giving her two cents on personal and social issues from an educated Filipina's point of view, especially those relating to love and relationships. She has a knack for tackling issues from unique angles that are often left unexplored, posing questions that move and challenge readers to view a certain issue from a wholly different perspective. Achelle is happily engaged to her childhood sweetheart and is currently based in the Philippines. Achelle's writing is a delight to read and highly enlightening, entertaining and thought provoking. You're going to see lots of her on our Emagazine, Blogs, Social Pages and Hubs. Enjoy
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Reflections Upon An Ugly Reality: Of Online Dating Scams and Filipina Frauds Part 1    

By Achelle Vinzon
14445 Views | 22 Comments | 2/11/2013 11:06:48 PM

Maybe this guy is okay, but do you think this Filipina is in love?

We take a lot of pride here on CLM/ALM in introducing Achelle Vinzons to the blogs. To have such an intelligent and educated Filipina here blogging for us is a real coupe in our opinion. What Achelle has to offer us all, our members especially, is a chance to learn about the real majority of Filipinas, not the minority who have overwhelmed many Asian dating sites and given Filipinas generally an undeserved bad name. Achelle has been given as free a reign as any of our bloggers, and her opinions as expressed in her blogs are her own, not dictated by us. Here then is Achelle Verzons, a great new blogger:

"Cultural Prostitution"

A blogger referred to online dating activities and marriage scams involving Filipinas as a form of "cultural prostitution". Being a Filipina, I should be indignant. Being a woman, I should be offended. As a hard-working and self-sufficient single parent who have had more than my share of hardships, I feel... a little bit of both but more disconcerted and disappointed. His motivations and claim of nondiscriminatory intentions aside, it is a sad reality that Filipinas have made a bad name for themselves not only in the online dating scene, but in the real world, as well. In this blog, which will be the first in a series, I will be reflecting upon this issue with a focus on middle-class Filipinas who seek foreign sugar daddies and engage in visa/marriage scams.

I feel a little bit indignant and offended because the misguided and ill-intentioned actions of other Filipinas also reflect on me and many others like me who strived for a good education, and even a degree, and who work hard to live a relatively comfortable life. I am disconcerted and disappointed by the sum total of factors that contributed to this phenomenon of "cultural prostitution," and which continue to do so.

My feelings are not directed toward the blogger. I have a firm belief in the idea that we get what we deserve because we determine our own actions and dictate our own choices. The circumstances influence them, but these circumstances are themselves, also of our own doing. That being said, the ill reputation all Filipinas now suffer because of the ill-intentioned actions of a great number of these women is, as all stereotypes go, unfair; at the same time, the increasing distrust and contempt majority of foreign men feel toward all Filipinas are understandable.

A significant number of online dating and marriage scams involve Filipino women who have had a fair amount of education (some even have College degrees, while others only have elementary education), belong to the lower- or upper-middle class of society, and actually have the skills and opportunities to support themselves and their families. This "cultural prostitution" is more the result of a culture of rationalized greed fueled by misguided and self-serving notions of being practical to achieve a better status in life.

Needless to say, this group of Filipinas engages in such behavior because of their desire to have a better life and to give their families the same. To this end, they seek relationships with foreign men (mostly through online dating sites), and marry them if they can; it is a parasitic behavior. And as the blog stated, it has become "socially acceptable" so much so that it has turned into a form of "cultural prostitution." While, in a lot of cases, there is no literal and actual engagement in promiscuous sexual relations in exchange for money or other benefits, this group of Filipinas do offer themselves in exchange for the better life they desire; in any case, such relationships already imply the offer of sex in the future. For all intents and purposes, and satisfying their rationalized greed and misguided practical motivations, the relationships they seek with foreign men can be regarded as a fraudulent business transaction.

Am I being too judgmental of my own countrywomen because I chose to work hard instead of being practical and using my "feminine wiles" to get a foreign husband and elevate my status? Am I being a prude and a goody-two-shoes? Should I just leave well enough alone? After all, I should not judge someone unless I have walked a mile in their shoes.

I am a Filipina and can be judged by the international community based on this particular stereotype of Filipinas, which many of my countrywomen have propagated themselves, despite the fact that I chose not to conform to what is now a socially acceptable norm. If the actions of these women do not negatively impact the whole Filipina population, including those who have carefully built a good name and a good life for themselves through hard work, then I can leave well enough alone. I have walked a mile in similar shoes and on similar, difficult paths so I am not being insensitive to other Filipinas' difficult circumstances.

My fiancé, also a Filipino who has been based in the US for more than two decades now, visited me last year and while at a comedy bar, was interviewed on stage. After finding out that he's from the US and engaged to a Filipina, the comedians (referring to me) said, "Good for you. You're being practical and smart!" That really stung. My fiancé and I have been together for nearly two years now, engaged for more than one, and have known each other for 17. Despite a lot of obstacles and the many years in between, we found our way back to each other. Financially, we're both struggling; I continue to work hard to support myself and my daughter. He's working hard to support himself and for our future. When we are finally able to get the process of applying for a fiancée visa started, I will be considered a "high-risk" applicant. It is not fair, but that is the ugly reality.

Through my blogs, I am hoping to make a small but relevant change in how all Filipinas are perceived. There are also a lot of honest, intelligent, and trustworthy Filipinas out there seeking love online for much the same reasons that other women, and even men, do. The succeeding blogs in this series will deal with other Filipinas, from different social and economic backgrounds, who are also players in this disturbing trend of “cultural prostitution.”

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2013-02-11 23:28:31 by scubaguy14 @scubaguy14

I would just like to post a link to a news story from here in Canada, about how western men are also victims of internet dating..

#2013-02-12 11:08:18 by sunrise68 @sunrise68

Good writing.

#2013-02-12 17:36:52 by anonymous5479 @anonymous5479


#2013-02-12 21:34:40 by panda2009 @panda2009

Am I being too judgmental of my own countrywomen because I chose to work hard instead of being practical and using my "feminine wiles" to get a foreign husband and elevate my status? Am I being a prude and a goody-two-shoes? Should I just leave well enough alone?
To author: of cause, you are not. For a capable woman, if she must use so called "feminine wiles" to get something, maybe she would found those transfered back that she has.
Because Filipino generally speak English, easy to communicate with foreigners, so have more this kind of cases, and easier be considered a "high risk" applicant. But so many Chinese women can't speak English good who would have more barriers, if they try to find a foreign husband. In fact, hard work, earn money to invest real estate in a beautiful beach city in China is easier than find a nice husband for me.

#2013-02-13 07:59:25 by bmccull @bmccull

Ha, I think you are being too much of a prude and goody-two-shoes. It is the nature of the male-female relationship that a woman should try to elevate her status in the selection of a mate. Women have been doing this since the dawn of time, and men are their willing co-conspirators. After all, there is much to be gained by the men too.

I also think you are being a bit hypocritical too. Are you hoping to join your husband in the USA only for love? Or is there some attraction in leaving the Philippines for a chance at a better life?

#2013-02-13 12:40:36 by AchelleVinzons @AchelleVinzons

@scubaguy14 Thank you for sharing that link.

@sunrise68 Thank you.

@panda2009 Thank you, too, for the feedback and for sharing your own struggles.

@bmccull I also appreciate your feedback. With regards to your comment, "a woman should try to elevate her status in the selection of a mate," in many other cases where the arrangement is understood by both parties, and especially when, as you said, the men have much to gain as well, then this would be acceptable. In the case of the issue I was discussing, it is common for certain Filipinas to take advantage of foreign men only to gain a visa and be able to move to another country and then burden their foreign husband with the additional support of their family back in the Philippines. Of course, if the husband has always been aware that this is what he would be taking on by marrying that Filipina, then there wouldn't be a problem. With these visa/marriage scams, however, these women misrepresent themselves. The issue, really, is far bigger than what I could cover in this blog, but I will be discussing more of it in succeeding blogs.

With regards to me and my fiance in the U.S., it is love, and he knows that I don't really care much where we end up living. He still has a lot of family here and given his experiences, as well as mine, we can live a very comfortable life right here in the Philippines (in fact, we are considering moving back here to retire once our children have become adults). The main reason he wants me to move there is because he has sons from a first marriage (he is divorced) and, of course, he wants to be as close to them as possible while they are still growing up. On the practical side of things, he also has a very stable job and is a critical part of the company which has only started to make a name for itself. Given that I write for a living (and have been making a good living out of it, too), I can live anywhere and continue to do what I do.

#2013-02-13 12:48:18 by Tyler72 @Tyler72

I know several filipinas here in the US, they are married (two to uncles of mine) and they appear to have happy balanced marriages.

But I have also seen the very young girl married to a creepy old guy thing and while they appear happy, it really does look bad. Im talking just like that picture above. Maybe shes happy that shes here and living the good life and so shes ok with making that choice and it is obviously her choice to make. But still, its very disturbing to see that much of an extreme age difference. One wonders when even viagra is not enough and she will just spend her 30s and up changing his diapers until he dies.

Ive also seen the obvious high mantainance gold digging bitches who treat everyone like they are queens now that they have American style money.

Its hard to generalize them all.. But I can definitely see where the "good girls" dont like getting lumped together with the negative stereotypes, and I can see where they dont think its fair.

Some I have met worked hard to get nursing degrees and get sponsored to come here. Nurses are the Phillz no 1 export for those who dont know. And those educated, nice girls, if they marry an American will still be looked at like green card whores by anyone who doesnt know them... Hows that right?

#2013-02-13 12:50:59 by Tyler72 @Tyler72

Lol, that girl up top is super cute... But that guy totally looks like hes on the sexual predator list and not allowed to live within a thousand yard of a school.

Where did you find that? Its the most perfect illustative shot Ive seen on any blog here so far...

#2013-02-13 19:24:07 by scubaguy14 @scubaguy14

I miss Malaysia and would leave Canada again if I had the chanceto go back to south asia.. I must seem strange with most people wanting to come here :)

#2013-02-14 12:42:42 by danruble @danruble

Tyler,dude! that's me before I grew a moustache, and I wore contacts back then..Ha!~ ha! Just kidding.. Yeah, I have read a lot about the massive amonut of fraud, coruption, false rape/imprisioment scams that are not uncommon in PI..The abilty to communicate was a plus factor, but I am drawn to the Chinese woman.Unfortunately , although English is taught in school in China, many seem to have lost much they had learned, or , perhaps not well taught. I am sure there are any number of great women in the Philipines, but too much troubles me. the reputation is poor..The Chinese women to me seem so much a better choice. Guess I will just have to learn more Chinese. wo shuo de bu hao.

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