Luckily in China (unlike the rest of the world) you are allowed to create any cheap design of plastic and wire and electrify it!

Every year, at different seasons, the commodity manufacturers of China create new and improved fire-hazards that can be plugged into electrical sockets nationwide to scare the hell out of foreigners visiting!

In winter the weapon of choice is a small bag of glycerine and water, usually in the shape of a love heart or flower enshrined in a rubberised cloth cover featuring someone else's trademarked mouse-shaped entity. It reaches the hands of the masses at a low cost and can be found everywhere in the junk markets.

A small plastic plug on one side accepts a 250volt removable cord to heat up the liquid inside  - you simply plug it in, heat it up, unplug it then shove it down the front of your trousers (or wherever else has been adversely affected by the cold!)

The only trouble is, the safety switch that supposedly stops the electricity flow when the little thing gets to 45 degrees usually fails after the second use and leaving the thing turned on for more than 5 minutes leads to thermonuclear meltdown! In addition, the high quality outer covering loses plasticity within 20 uses making them prone to burst open, showering the user in steaming glycerine causing 3rd degree burns to surrounding skin! People choosing to use them as a lap-warmer while watching their favourite movie are advised to keep deadly still lest the little bomb decides to explode! 

In summer, a new appliance is available - shaped like a small tennis racket with a push button in the handgrip, the device is used to fry mosquitos mid-flight. Any flying insect within swiping range finds itself squeezed between a wire grid and 50,000 volts of electricity crosses from wingtip-to-wingtip! Complete with a blue spark, wisp of smoke and loud crack, the tool is a satisfying way to get back at Mother Nature!

The newest models now have a LED torch so you can spot-and-swat in the darkness and a new attachment, two small talons that snap out of the handle to allow you to plug it into a powerpoint to recharge! 

My friend brought one of these and keeps it beside the bed so if the airspace above her body is invaded by any undesirables, they are summarily dispatched with a startling jolt of lightning! Needless to say, I am very much more careful in her presence in the last few weeks than before! Certainly be very careful if invading her airspace! And whatever you do, don't try an unannounced landing!

The new favourite seems to be cheap-arse aftermarket USB chargers that have ultra flimsy electronic transformers and can melt your phone and personage within seconds! Now I know this sounds like a conspiracy theory to get you to buy 'original' stuff but I have had one melt down in my office recently (luckily nobody hurt or a fire) and when we looked at the smoking mess of plastic that remained it was clear that the wires inside are too close and too flimsy to function too well! We’ve done a purge but if you want to put your life in the hands of a 2 dollar piece of plastic and wire, be warned by our experience! Unfortunately, there have been deaths and near-misses reported recently in China and abroad from these types of devices - so be warned!

Ok, back to frying mosquitos!