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PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN 2016...THE VIDEO GAME!    

By Ken Silver About Asia
1433 Views | 9 Comments | 8/11/2016 2:13:37 PM

You can play Presidential Campaign 2016 as one of two characters. Either Preacher Hillary or as the Trumpanzee.

The first level was easy, really a give away. I had no problem beating the “Insensitive to the needs of the physical challenged”... the key was simply to avoid calling them “handicrappers”.

The next level was “Saving the NATO dinosaur from extinction”. I beat that by declaring Estonia and its neighbor, Eastern Dogpatch, as both being vital to American security. But then, I'd played that level 40 years ago, when the answer to “America's vital ally” was “Vietnam”.

I got stuck though, on the next level of “Campaign 2016”, which was “Honoring Americas' fallen soldiers in Afghanistan.”

“Yes, that's a hard one”, the Rajah remarked, looking at the screen. “How can you console grieving parents who lost a son who really died fighting to protect the Afghani opium market, since that was the business of the Afghan gangsters whom Obama's strategic policy of the week was supporting?”

That gave me an idea! Playing as Preacher Hillary, I spun the control joystick to change the date of death, so my fallen soldier died fighting to protect the hashish market, which was the cash cow of the rival gang whom Obama's' strategic policy was supporting that week.

Success!

“Because its the right thing to do!” screeched Hillary's' voice from the laptop as the screen showed grieving old hippie parents consoling themselves at their sons grave by smoking the very same hashish their son had died protecting!

People, is that what we've come to? The symbol of patriotic grief for relatives who have lost a family member in combat is a Gold Star. School teachers paste a gold star on a kid's good homework. Training for Corporate War starts early in America.

And, of all piss holes, Afghanistan! Fifteen years plus of war without end! The only war longer in American history has been the hundred year war against that race of giant intelligent insects from the Andromeda galaxy. Oh wait, that's a science fiction novel! Doesn't count, unless you are Donald Trump.

One way to score bonus points in “Presidential Campaign 2016” is to keep both candidates fingers off the Nuclear Button. Preacher Hillary, because she would push it just so that the onlooking generals would get a chance to admire the gargantuan emerald ring her friends on Wall Street had given her. The Trumpanzee because he would push it and shout “Nuclear war is gonna be great! I'm telling you, great!”

You know something? The best way to watch the nightly American news is from a foreign country. A very distant foreign country, without a doubt. That way it looks like “Megashark Vs. Super Python”. Life in Asia is ever so much more fun!

Well, as I have said, and you may quote me, America is “shit outta luck”. When the evil Laurel and Hardy are the candidates...

Anything else going down the drain this week?

Only the entire culture of Asia! The Thai Minister of Tourism announced a campaign to put an end to Thailand's sex industry. Troublemaker! Why not announce a campaign to help even more guys to date beautiful Asian women?

Anyhow, what will replace sex? Classical Thai culture!

Heck, let me repeat that!

What will replace sex? Classical Thai culture! You don't need a condom to enjoy classical Thai culture!

The ministers name is Ms. Honawhatatutu. Yes, a mouthful. Probably the only mouthful she has ever...but I digress. She has picked the “holiday city” of Pattaya as her test case. She wishes to make Pattaya known “not for its red light districts but rather for its scenery and rich culture”.

Say again? Classical Thai culture!

I've lived in Pattaya for many years and I guess I ought to clean my glasses cause I've never noticed any scenery worth staying sober for. Minister, the bar girls are the only scenery in that town! And, “rich culture”? There is a nice ten screen movie complex, sure, and that is my kind of culture sure, but rich Thai culture? Apart from a sweet old lady who, back bent and varicose veins showing, pushes the last charcoal stove ginger tea cart in town...(note to photographers...catch a great shot of her serving the strippers on their break from “Sexy Lady Bar 8”)... oh wait, the taxi drivers do refuse to throw their meters, that's classical Thai culture all right!

The Minister of Tourism is under the Hillary Clinton level hallucination that men love to watch fully clothed women jerk and shuffle awkwardly through bloodless temple dances.

Why would men love this?

Because its the right thing to do!

Lets not let Minister of Tourism Honawhatatutu get her fingers on the nuclear button!

Because its the right thing to do!

Man, I remember when Thailand was fun! At the Bangkok airport the immigration officers who stamped your passport would ask if you wanted your thirty day visa with or without a “quickie”? Same with the airport baggage handlers and taxi drivers. Even the ATM machines into which you dipped your card gave you a thrilling experience. (Of charging you twice). Heck, in those days, even the bar girls worked day jobs as bar girls! And those laundry ladies asking if you wanted to be “starched, pressed, steamed, and then folded”...

Really, its just another example of the mass forced global extinction of the working class.

The Tourist Minister says she is seeking a richer, more refined class of tourist, who will stay and spent their money only in fancy resorts. Not good! Why? Because behind each and every glamorous bar girl there is a dedicated support crew of masseuses, wandering negligee salesmen, nighttime soup stall vendors on the streets, taxi drivers, high heels and naughty nurse clothing shops, pork rib vendors (I know them all by name) and bartenders. Also, that little old lady with the ginger tea cart!

Put them all out of work, would you?

How inefficient to have tourist money spent in actual neighborhoods. Lets concentrate all that spending inside a handful of resorts and malls and make sure all that money gets to the Russian and other global mobs without as much as a ginger tea stain on it!

Because, as Preacher Hillary would screech, its the right thing to do!

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 9 of 9) 1
#2016-08-11 14:13:15 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

OMG Ken! You're killing me! It has now been over 6 years since I have been to Thailand, but I miss it a lot. And what I miss most about it is the entire absence of political correctness. Thailand is the one country I have been to where the only real rule to follow is the rule to "live and let live".

Now you're telling me that all that is about to change, and possibly before my wife and I can get back there for our intended 6 month stay. Say it isn't so!

On another note, your description of the US Election is too funny to be true, except that it is far too true to really be funny. The article is hilarious, don't get me wrong. But the actual election is anything but.

Hillary is so bad, and getting caught in so much illegal behaviour, that Trump could win the election easily by just disappearing from site until November 8th and then making an appearance to vote just so the Hillary Haters (about 80% of Americans) would know he wasn't dead.

But instead he finds something so incredibly stupid to say everytime another Hillary crime comes to light that the mainstream media never have to take their darling Gangster to task, because they can instead focus on Trumps shooting himself once again in the foot.

But you made me laugh several times and I have not been able to laugh at the absurdity of the whole thing until seeing it through your eyes.

So now that Thailand is losing it's common sense, where do you suggest we all gather to so we can enjoy life again while waiting for our final escape?  

#2016-08-11 22:39:31 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

I won't repeat my personal views of Thailand because I posted them a couple of days ago to Mr Hendry, but for those of us outside of that  fair country, things appear to worsen by the day....

The latest news online is that the Thai gov are now requiring all foreigners to buy a government approved SIM card for their phone. That way the gov can keep tabs on you.

For me, I'd just buy one for THB100 and give it to the first bar-girl I meet - let the gov see where SHE is - lol

 

Of course, the Thai gov have no common-sense and wouldn't even entertain the possibility that one may buy a SIM card and then throw it down the nearest drain....

I've mantioned here before that I have a good Aussie mate in Patong. He owns a small bar and I have been a regular there since 2008 - at least once-a-year.

But the allure of Thailand has long since gone. I'm tired of being seen as a walking-wallet.

I went to Vietnam last Feb for the first time, and I'm flying out there again tomorrow - just for a couple of relaxing weeks.

Compared to Thailand, it's cheaper, more welcoming, just as clean and refreshing, and westerners are seen as guests rather than an irritation.

 

When I went there in Feb, I stayed at a small private hotel, right on the beach. More like a B&B that a hotel I guess. Breakfast is served from a menu. You choose what you want and they cook it for you, rather than a buffet-type service.

 

I've booked my first 3 nights there and was charged the whopping sum of RMB318 in total.

In your money (Ken), about THB1500, and in your money (John), about USD$50.

 

I'm not a tight-wad by any means, but a comfortable bed and welcoming surroundings is more appealing to me than a luxury penthouse suite that costs 3 arms and 6 legs per night and includes caviar for brekky. Eggs on toast is fine as long as I get coffee!

 

As for Trumpanzee and Clitorison - coke or pepsi?

Stick a shot in John's bourbon and there's no difference.

I'm just glad I'm not an American !

 

 

 

 

 

#2016-08-12 10:02:44 by Macchap @Macchap

@JohnAbbot
6 months in Thailand and 6 months in China, eh? Or is it Canada? You clearly are living the good life. ;) How do you do this? Care to elaborate?

#2016-08-13 07:13:08 by Barry1 @Barry1

"What will replace sex? Classical Thai culture! You don't need a condom to enjoy classical Thai culture!........ I've lived in Pattaya for many years and I guess I ought to clean my glasses cause I've never noticed any scenery worth staying sober for. Minister, the bar girls are the only scenery in that town! "

 

Another well written and very funny article, Ken.  Always a delight to read.  Well done, mate!  (clap)

#2016-08-17 08:46:36 by Macchap @Macchap

Earlier today I was reading the Nikkei Asian Review and came across an article with the title “Thailand to make tourists use traceable SIM cards”, something paulfox1 have already mentioned earlier this week. I thought he had made it up this preposterous idea but it appears to be true, sadly.
I don’t know the details but what’s so special about this traceable SIM card that can’t be done with the standard SIM card? Have they built a power supply or antenna into this SIM card so they can trace it? Every mobile/cellular phone/GSM once connected to the network is traceable; a SIM card without a phone is just a piece of plastic which cannot be traced. Again, what’s so special about this traceable SIM card that can’t do with the standard SIM card?
Let’s not forget that with so many messaging apps offering Voice over Internet Protocol (VoIP), you don’t need a SIM card; all you really need is an Internet connection. You can use Wi-Fi on your phone without having to have a SIM card in your phone. Try for yourself by switching off your phone, remove the SIM card and switch it on again. Turn on Wi-Fi, connect to an available Wi-Fi access point, open a new web browser window, type in the web address, click on “Enter” and off you go. For those feeling they need be online 24/7, another option is using a roaming SIM card.
The existing requirement for everyone, Thai and foreigner (expats with permanent addresses) alike, is to register when buying a SIM card; how hard can it be to require this from tourists too? Why this “special” treatment? The suggestion – to make it look credible – that it is also to help find travellers who are in trouble or had gone missing, is utter tosh. Your do not have to be Einstein to come to that conclusion.
If someone was following you around the whole day looking over your shoulder – literally – each and every minute of the day who you’re contacting, the webpages you’re browsing, where you’re spending your time, would you accept that? Would you? This is exactly the same thing and it is about time people start educating themselves and vote with their wallet. Go to Vietnam, Myanmar, Laos - or for something completely different - North Korea. Your phone will be of little use over there, at arrival you have to hand it over.

#2017-04-04 09:37:04 by bgies @bgies

Wow.. this is a great topic for a dating website. None of the men who've commented or read this blog see anything wrong with a blog that laments the passing of prostitutes on every corner in Thailand? Then complains that the "entire culture of Asia" is disappearing because of it?

If you know anything about Pattaya, you would know it's where the parents of missing teen age girls go to find their kidnapped daughters, and try to get them out of the sex trade. Yeah...I guess the pedofiles will really miss it. I hope you people get some perverse satisfaction by contributing to sex slavery. How do you live with yourself?

How does anyone have the nerve, lack of morals and total lack of any class to publish this on a dating website designed for Chinese women to meet foreign men?

@JohnAbbot this is really what you want to publish on your website?

Am I allowed to publish a blog asking all ladies on this website to read this blog, and then decide if they want to be members? I'm seriously considering trying to alert the ladies to this blog somehow... they need to be warned about the men on this website.

 

 

 

 

#2017-04-04 09:41:29 by bgies @bgies

The marketing slogan "Join the Fun" has new meaning to me as of this minute... I guess I didn't really know what the "Fun" was until now..

#2017-04-04 10:26:54 by bgies @bgies

Thought I'd just post this link for anyone that wants to know about Pattaya...

http://news.wgbh.org/post/human-trafficking-one-town-thailand

Don't know if it will be allowed.

#2017-04-04 13:46:06 by bgies @bgies

A little background for those who don't want to read an entire article:

"Anyone who goes to Pattaya, they see 27,000 sex workers in a corridor of about three miles,” said Matthew Friedman, regional manager of the United Nations Interagency Project on Human Trafficking."

and a few sentences later: "Adding to the complexity, Friedman said, is the fact that not every prostitute in Pattaya is working against her will".

My words: NOT EVERY prostitute is a sex slave, or victim of human trafficking... just the vast majority...

Still think this article is " @JohnAbbot   OMG Ken! You're killing me! It has now been over 6 years since I have been to Thailand, but I miss it a lot. And what I miss most about it is the entire absence of political correctness. Thailand is the one country I have been to where the only real rule to follow is the rule to "live and let live".

Enjoy Pattaya John... FYI.. I have nothing against prostitution. I think it should be legal as long as the woman decides for herself to do it, and she gets all the money (no pimps or gangs), and it's regulated such that she is tested for sexual diseases constantly. I wouldn't use prostitutes myself, but that's just a personal choice. I still think it should be legal for those who want it...

BUT.. I am a crusader against underage prostitution, human trafficking and sexual slavery... and Pattaya is the world capital of it according to most anti human trafficking organisations, moaning about it being shut down is just wrong on so many levels.,,, AND on a marriage website where the woman probably want to feel safe... what are you thinking? 

Brad

 

 

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