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Imi was born and raised in Europe, Hungary. After finishing his school years, he moved to Canada to search for a better life. He lived in Toronto for 13 years and currently resides in Vancouver. He is a romantic at heart with a strong desire to always do the right thing. He would like to give hope to the Chinese and Asian ladies with his story and send a message that love eventually finds everybody.
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Our Lives Through The Keyhole 键孔里的生活    

By Imi
4340 Views | 69 Comments | 9/23/2018 2:12:07 AM
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#2018-10-19 00:00:51 by QinQL @QinQL


@LUCKYME1 - 谢谢关注。但愿乘你吉言,让我遇到适合我的那位帅哥。

 

为什么不敢冒头?还那么久不敢?跟老外对话多了,英文也有提高,真好!同时,也会小有趣事和故事吧?有空和我们分享点呢。

#2018-11-02 18:24:24 by melcyan @melcyan

The following was recently printed in the Australian press

 

"Also significant was a big drop in the number of partner visas processed from 47,825 in 2016-17 to 39,799 last year."

 

I wasn't sure where to post this on CLM but I  wanted to alert CLM members.

 

Conditions are tightening in every country. This is just one more reminder that every piece of evidence that your relationship is genuine is absolutely crucial.

#2018-11-03 19:40:23 by anonymous18402 @anonymous18402

@QinQL

为什么不敢冒头?还那么久不敢?跟老外对话多了,英文也有提高,真好!同时,也会小有趣事和故事吧?有空和我们分享点呢

我真的不相信你的口语是有限的.  I do not believe your spoken English is limited.

我也会认同“约翰”。你的个性是迷人的,友好的,和蔼的,聪明的,你有亲切的款待。 I will also concur with "John" .  Your personal character is charming, friendly, congenial, intelligent, and you have gracious hospitality. 

然而,除非“约翰”真的在中国见过你,否则“约翰”不可能知道你的个人特征。

However, unless "John" has actually met you in China then "John" can not possibly know your personal characteristics.

因此,我保持匿名。 

匿名写作的目的是共享信息。我不写我个人的冒险经历。社交媒体充斥着个人冒险。唉,描述个人的冒险经历有可能引起误解。然而,CLM中的作者们应该为他们对跨文化关系的透明、敏锐的洞察力和发自内心的体验而鼓掌。

The purpose of writing while anonymous is to share information.   I do not write about my personal adventures.  Social media is inundated with personal adventures.  Alas, to describe personal adventures has a risk of misunderstanding.  However, the writers within CLM deserve applause for their transparency,  keen insights, heartfelt experience into intercultural relationships.

 

 

 

#2018-11-03 20:30:05 by WarmLifeGz7 @WarmLifeGz7

@John

concerning the disappearance of QQ or Wechat -- This should not surprise those who live here long enough.  Wink Wink ... come to think of it I am guessing that I do not have yours or others QQ or Wechat ... Maybe viewing Wechat Moments or QQ's counterpart might be another item Barry might consider when being effed...  Imagine a Pandora's Box being opened should the Women's discussions concerning the Male members be accurately translated into English ... 

Since I have been in the neigborhood since 1988 ... seldom traveling back to what is now a heavily polarized society with an Orange head ...  5 times? for several weeks at a time?  Intercultural relationships and the Marital process that might happen (hopefully) .  CLM has always raised the bar for authenticity, suitable, reliable and dependable dating possibilities.   I do not believe ( or to put it another way -- In my opinion )  CLM offers the best opportunity for those who live outside China to meet with those who live within China.  Granted, that there might be a language barrier -- however, with patience and by reducing that complexity of language to a basic or simple sentence structure along with sufficient body language ( non verbal communication does occupy considerable more influence )  Men and Women should be able to meet, greet and eat meals together .  Walks in the park, movie theaters etc. etc.   Also I would recommend both parties attempting to be friendly enough without trying to pummel the other with a zillion personal questions as if they were having a job interview.  Indeed, traveling afar does involved considerable finances and the time spent seems woefully inadequate as well.    I am not sure IF many foreigners here can deeply understand, perceive or have experienced what Imi's Wife is going through with her family .   This is yet another cultural arena that needs acknowledgement from both parties.  Not only are Conditions tightening in every country -- for visas -- but also the expectations and daily potential conflicts of interest are escalating .  It is cheerless, depressing, distressing, despondent, and more ... should Imi and his Wife not be able to continue being together due to this unfortunate turn of events.  Although I am extremely familiar with Chinese household living I would wish to tell Imi's Wife to pursue her dreams with Imi instead of following the stressful pressure from within her family clan.  I have also had extreme familiarity with Chinese living within my household back where I came from as well .  Thus I would suggest that Chinese women here who have found someone and are developing their relationship -- to spend more time reading local News media about his City.  (unless it is a huge metropolis then try to find localized News media concerning those districts, counties or areas where you might relocate)  You cannot begin to imagine what it will be like until you "see" "feel" and "experience" what the local people deal with everyday in their daily routines.  For example, how many know anything about Portland, Oregon outside the current dysfunctional fighting between those two political groups???? Of course, the English is not easy to read!  However, I still get frustrated with using my Huawei but Youdao and Google (not my friend .... sarcastic twist ) are getting much better at reading signs .. etc...   If you see local news media .. there should be videos, images, photos etc... to help you to get a "feeling" for the environment, how do the people feel, move and experience their daily lives...  Chinatown doesn't exist in many places, Overseas Chinese can be quite unfriendly to other Chinese or Asians, Living in Richmond, B.C. really seems to be attempting to escape from here simply to live in an emulation of the mainland.  If you do not put enough effort into beginning to understand what life will be like outside China ... then why are you attempting to move there ?  How are you able to follow the excellent advice given by Melcyan ... his reminder to seek to establish daily evidence that your relationship is genuine ... and not just for the sake of transplanting your current lifestyle to another place outside of China.  Which by the way in my opinion is a major pitfall (epic fail) for foreigners attempting to simply transfer their previous lifestyle and insist that they can continue doing so while living in the mainland.  Yakking everyday, complaining, bashing the "wall" ad nauseam ...   I sincerely hope that Imi and his Wife will be able to continue being together while riding out this Cat 4 Hurricane ...  and afterwards as well...  Many blessings to both of them!! 

#2018-11-03 23:33:59 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

@melcyan

 

This is what I read this week in Canada.

 

"Canada will take in 40,000 more immigrants in 2021 than it plans to accept this year, Immigration Minister Ahmed Hussen said Wednesday."

 

"The vast majority of these newcomers are coming under economic programs designed to address skills shortages and gaps in the labour market."

 

"Hussen says economic immigration is badly needed in areas across the country that are short on workers and long on older residents."

 

"Canada does plan to gradually increase the number of family reunification and sponsorship programs from 43,000 to reach 51,700 by 2021."

 

"Nevertheless, the lion's share of the new admissions under Canada's immigration levels plan — 72 per cent — will be allocated to economic programs in 2021."

 

Despite this increase, it is actually a decrease. 72 per cent of these people will come from countries where people's skin color matches with the Immigration Minister's, Ahmed Hussen, skin color. I know it's not a conspiracy blog, but nowadays, liberals bring politics into our everyday lives, calling you a racist if you dare to complain. Fortunately, there is an election next year in Canada, and we can change these numbers.   

#2018-11-04 17:10:02 by Barry1 @Barry1


@WarmLifeGz7

 

As usual, very interesting, informative comments, based as they are on a wealth of pertinent experience.

 

"concerning the disappearance of QQ or Wechat -- This should not surprise those who live here long enough."

 

I wasn't aware the above services were in any trouble?  These days, I'm a daily user of Wechat, I think it's the best instant message service out there.

 

Due to age factors, I was no longer able to procure a work visa for China unfortunately. My guess is you were in a similar situation and relocated back to Taiwan. 

 

Whatever the case, welcome back to CLM, Jim.  Please have a couple of beers on me!   (beer)(beer)

 

 

#2018-11-04 19:30:41 by melcyan @melcyan

@Imi5922

What you have said maybe 100% correct. However, does it have any bearing on the actions of you and your wife? Regardless of which government is in power, your task remains the same. You have to provide clear evidence that your relationship is genuine and ongoing.

#2018-11-05 22:31:11 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

@melcyan

You are right but also wrong at the same time.

 

Because I have an ongoing immigration case, do I have to close my eyes, cover my ears and shut my mouth? I believe I have to do all that when the time comes to prove my case. And you know what, it will be a difficult thing to do for me not to complain about having a wife who can't even see the place where she is supposed to spend the rest of her life. Can I sue the government if my wife happens to be unable to get used to the cold weather or the Canadian culture? Can I sue them if she leaves me and goes back to China?  

 

If your hotel room hasn't been cleaned for days, you will complain. Why? To make the hotel's service better. Why is it that when it comes to Immigration and the Government, we act as if they were five-year-olds making a tantrum in a candy store? Why can't we say no to them? Where is the genuine feedback from their customers to improve their system? It's been thirteen years since they have abolished the fiancee visa for Canadians because there were too many people who took advantage of it. Instead of curing the problem, they killed the program. I'm glad the people who work for the immigration didn't pursue a career in healthcare.

 

Now, I return to be a model citizen and shut my mouth.          

#2018-11-06 18:09:58 by melcyan @melcyan

 @Imi5922

 

25 years ago, before my wife died, I applied for many promotion positions. I did not win any. I finished second 4 times. I was angry. Why couldn’t they see I was the best candidate for the job? The panels were biassed against a free thinker like me. I found all these reasons for being denied success. Now I know the real reason was that I did not fully sell my capabilities and I did not fully project myself into the position that I was seeking. I simply did not give the selection panel enough relevant information about me, completely matching my skillset with the skillset required.

 

Once I was given the feedback that my language was not tailored to the audience. Not everyone on the interviewing panel knew what the word “synergy” meant. My immediate reaction was what a dumb panel. However, I know now that my examples should have made the meaning so clear that even if they had never heard the word before they would still understand. It was my task to make my case idiot proof and 100% clear that I was the right person for the job. I failed.

 

All of my thoughts questioning the fairness of the process and the competence of the interviewing panels may have had some justification but they were also very counterproductive to my success.

 

Imi, it is not your task to pass judgement on Canadian immigration. You haven’t got time for that. Focus all your time and energy on doing the best that you can right now. I was going to suggest that once Janessa has become a permanent Canadian resident that you could finally waste your time passing that judgement but I realise that even then you will have better things to do. A quality life-long relationship with Janessa will require a full-time life-long total commitment.  

#2018-11-07 13:13:10 by WarmLifeGz7 @WarmLifeGz7

@Imi5922

Been there ... more than I care to recall ... Although we have never met I hope you will accept my thoughts as a friend.  You feel intense angst and extreme  frustration.  I can imagine that anything said with the typical "well intentioned" but at times trite ...  will have little effect upon your current mood and situation.   If I had your email then I would write much more but then again ... Who am I in consideration of our connection together?  Thus I will risk what I do not wish to share.  To share of many personal instances allows others to make commentary.  Of course, on the other side, if you and the others did not share personal stories then this arena would be impaired or delipildated, run down, certainly less valuable.  In fact, it would be much worse than a hotel that has decrepit service due to neglect.  Complain?  Complain?  Triple ... quadruple sheeeeeeeesh!  Complaints make the hotel's service better?  Only at times in the business world or the marketplace due to the economic clout of social media.  Five year olds?  I definitely resonate deeply with this query!  I will not mention a certain country leader due to the backlash it would probably cause and that would detract greatly from your inscrutable exasperating aggravating situation in life .  Where is the genuine feedback from people to improve their system? If I would laugh at this moment it would be akin to the Joker in Dark Knights ....  Arrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!  You want intensity ??? I could easily give you intense emotional RAGE!!!  After sending this post it will take me more than a hour to reduce the turmoil threatening to become a volanic eruption.  And these events that caused this to happen over decades including the utter frustration (not exhibited while in public or with another present  - speaking of the emotive volcanic eruptions at various times) observing those who were supposed to be helpful and supportive engaged in inscrutable behavior (both on the side of the person and with government staff ).  Emotive death via a thousand tiny knives.  Including the most earth-shattering social, psychological, economic disaster that transpired over several years.  I observed how other expats and other Chinese dealt with their quagmires of Life.  I observed the constant, endless, drip by drip acts of bickering, quarreling, arguing over everything. 

-----  For Chinese readers -- in English there is an idiom -- it takes two to tango --  There are expats who stubbornly believe that Chinese are inscrutable -- I disagree --  There are foreigners who get married to Chinese would think Chinese have "zero" logic --  Although I have said it myself to other foreigners  -- never to Chinese women -- the reaction would be tantamount to --- Well never mind for now....  ---  I still disagree ---  There are expats who definitely consider that most of their marital problems, troubles and hassles are from their spouses ---  I disagree ---    Both sides have the personal responsibility for the endless conflicts.   Lastly, grin grin --- do not ask Chinese women about the happiness of marital relationships that exist on the mainland or that rock.  I have ... recently, a single gal told me emphatically that 99% of the marriages that she knows have happiness... LOL   ---- There are lots of cultural ambiguities between Chinese and foreigners ...  i.e. What is a lie?  hahahahahaha   -- Who is right?  My ex-worker of years told me that his Taiwanese wife would tell him each and every day -- She is "always" right .. period.  end of page. end of story.  Thus he would mark his wall calendar with a tick each time she said it ...  hahahahahaha   )

Do I have to close my eyes?  cover my ears and shut my mouth?  Doing this during government process of many kinds is more easily done than within a marital relationship.  In the previous University that I was at for 15 years and 1 year in a College and 7 years in a public High School .   expats would easily have extreme frustrating situations that probably drove them crazy.   Often .. not sometimes ... even weekly...    Thankfully, I survived this mental anguish although due to being a hybrid between two cultural societies.  Of course, everyone regardless of nationality experiences conflict within schools, offices, businesses everywhere .   However, I did not have to close my eyes, cover my ears or shut my mouth to deal with most issues that arose within these academic environments .   Instead, I found solutions for most of my challenges and laughed out loud with the others that were potential sinkholes.  I made friends with the computer staff, I built computers myself, I sought assistance from them ... ate meals with them, had social times with them, volunteered to do many things around these institutions ... shared my annoyance with certain teachers (seldom ) and built up a lot of "guanxi" everywhere .  Except with expats .... they often were very annoyed with my "guanxi" and would insist that  -- I --- must --- help -- them and get them whatever they wanted simply due to -- I am a foreigner and "they" are Chinese .  Being friendly is much more than fake smiles and fake like insurance salespeople behavior ....  With government offices I would be very congenial, friendly, etc ... while expats would claim that I was simply an asshole kissing their butts, weak, naive, dimwitted sheeple ... Yeah ... dream on expats ... dream on ... I had lots of frustrations with government offices but over all instances ... my social behavior with Chinese offices went much better than anticipated ...  I could even ask favors for others ( not directly .. but rather in ... hi ... sorry to bother you but the person in charge of these documents has quarrels with the new foreigners and thus the visa process is stuck in a quagmire .. could you please look at these documents and help me to finish them so that I can return them to the school and let the visa process continue ?  )  Try this with North American Government!  I gave up when I saw the huge stack of documents stapled together and the payment of US$1000 just to "begin" the visa process while in the glorious paradise of ... All of my financial resources had already been swallowed by .... (calm down .... ) my relatives.  

Can you sue anyone IF your spouse leaves you due to this situation ?  I know this is a rhetorical question ... I deeply resonate as well...   

Can you sue the North American Gov't???  ( insane laughter from the Joker on this query)

Can you sue anyone IF your wife cannot get used to the freezing weather of parts of Canada?  especially east of B.C.       My question would be could any Chinese woman sue me IF I insisted on "not" living in 东北 .... shenyang? harbin?  even further north...   shanghai?  beijing? ( can people even breathe there ? )  oh... my ... and wunderful smog at times .. sandstorms ... I was invited several times to live in the "oil city" near harbin ...  grin grin

How about the Canadian culture?   No problem for me mate ... I would immediately jump at the chance to move north from where I'm from and I do happen to understand why my Canandian friends get extremely annoyed too ...  There is a difference from Cat 3 to Cat 6 (which doesn't exist yet )  AFAIK your relationship is healthy enough to deal with this issue. 

It's been three decades that events ( actually 4 additional years ) led me to my current life situation ...   I have survived more brown stuff hitting the fan than I care to recall ...   the land under you has killed more programs than carter has little liver pills and now is extremely polarized ... You are glad that those people did not pursue a career in healthcare ... ours  (never mind must be PC -- a joke my current Canadian really good friend and coworker tells me often ... grin grin grin ... also his famous words .... It is what it is .. at least we are not living in some twilight zone "alternate reality " that offers blue and red pills ...  in my estimation at least ...    At a time in my Life experience when I really needed my close close friend to send, give or share encouragment to me .... he sent an email and took a very long "dump" of brown stuff all over me .. enfolding me ... sending me deeper into the quagmire of despondency .... at another time after my extreme disaster back in glorious paradise ... where some political nitwit apparently can easily see Russia ... I returned to a stressful pressure cooker getting up 4:30 am to drive people to another location through a mega city ... worked for an insane american ... lived in very stressful circumstances .. including 7 day 24 hr buddhist? taoist? ear piercing funeral music and process while the deceased was merely meters away from me ...  plus many other tales ... eventually moving back to a sane area ... then having a nervous breakdown... due to the release of huge gigantic emotional rage deep inside ...   

Good news --- You will survive ... obviously very difficult ... 

Pro tip --- do not give up on your healthy relationship ... find creative ways and means to let your significant other know you deeply admire, appreciate, care and adore her ...    How ?   Google is your fiend ... oops ...

You are you .... I am not you and have no idea how to suggest anything that would be suitable or effective or efficient and I do not offer trite advice ... that sucks big time ...

I am sorry at this time I cannot share how I survived either ... do not need any critic spouting blue pills and red pills ... also I happen to live in an area that doesn't like or encourage various ideas to be written about ... LOL

 

Allow me to channel this query towards Marital relationships as well.  

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