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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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Our Inescapable Ultimate Destiny    

By Barry Pittman
6960 Views | 78 Comments | 3/23/2017 1:26:19 AM
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#2017-04-10 15:22:24 by melcyan @melcyan

@Barry1 We are on completely different wavelengths here. I was talking about the actions of everyday people like you and me trying to live better lives. We sometimes do things that help us and sometimes we do things that hinder us (and others). 

Google my sentence that you quoted if you want more detail about the consequences of trying to help others in a matyred way. Even Google could not make the links from my sentence that you made.

If you did use Google but limited yourself to the word "matyr"  you can learn a valuable lesson about using words out of context. (Like my lesson with "living dead" LOL)

 

 

#2017-04-11 11:58:15 by melcyan @melcyan

"My love was a much more profound type and subtle.  But in retrospect, maybe this was my undoing.  I should have been more openly demonstrative of my feelings.  More clear.  More romantic.

Oh well.  Lesson learned."

 

It is crystal clear that you have not learned much at all from your break up with Lily. You seem to be completely clueless about why the relationship ended and about the skills needed to build a strong relationship. 

 

Get a competent counselor now! At least one CLM member sees you as a role model. You would not only be helping yourself but him as well.

#2017-04-11 15:56:58 by Barry1 @Barry1


@melcyan

 

"It is crystal clear that you have not learned much at all from your break up with Lily."

 

You're a nice guy Melcyan, but in my view, sometimes you are overly pious and judgmental.  You speak just like a headmaster at school (your former job, in fact) so I guess you've had many years of talking down to youthful students.

 

Folks on this forum usually agree with the fundamental wisdom within your words  - I know that I do  - but object to the sanctimonious way that you frequently express yourself.

 

You're a smart man, Melcyan.  Just loosen up a bit, okay.  This isn't a school and you're no longer the reigning headmaster. 

 

Having said that, you generally speak a lot of sense and I value your thoughts. Keep them coming! (clap)

 

 

#2017-04-12 12:35:04 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@Barry1

'Martyred Help'. I see this as follows:

You are suggesting to Melcy that he gives up his time in order to do some 'community work' instead of 'wasting his time' learning Mandarin.

Just because YOU decided that attempting to learning Mandarin fell into your 'too-hard basket', doesn't mean that it's the same for everyone. It's not easy, but 1.4 billion people in China have managed to do it!

Secondly, how do YOU spend your time when you are not hiring out jukeboxes or doing DJ work?

What kind of 'community work' are YOU involved in?

Please tell us, I'm sure we'd all LOVE to know (rofl)

#2017-04-12 13:20:13 by Barry1 @Barry1


@paulfox1

 

"What kind of 'community work' are YOU involved in?

Please tell us, I'm sure we'd all LOVE to know"

 

Sorry Paul, I can't answer your question until you tell everyone here what sorely needed community work YOU'RE involved in.

 

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, my old friend.    :^)

#2017-04-12 17:37:53 by melcyan @melcyan

I guess you've had many years of talking down to youthful students."

 

"object to the sanctimonious way that you frequently express yourself."

 

 "This isn't a school and you're no longer the reigning headmaster." 

 

 

Barry, I am disappointed but not surprised to read these words from you. It is ironic that my learning difficulties made it impossible for me to function in a school in a way that matches your words.

 

I am very poor at rote learning, slightly dyslexic and left-handed. I think being left-handed and using a mirror image of the perfect right-hand writing style meant that my hand covered my words as I wrote them. Often, the words I thought I had put on paper and what was actually there did not match.

 

How did I ever become a teacher? I loved learning and I enjoyed sharing a love of learning with others. I treated mistakes made by me or my students as valuable learning opportunities. I worked as a co-learner with my students long before such a practice became widely accepted as valuable.  I had many more problems dealing with authoritarian teachers than I ever did with my students.

 

Canadians haven’t been mentioned for a while on CLM. Maybe it is time for one to be mentioned now. Frank Smith wrote a book criticising the model of education used in schools prior to 1980 called “Insult to Intelligence”. He criticised the model of learning that had the teacher at the front of the classroom holding the teacher edition of the textbook with the students sitting in fixed rows in front of him with their student edition textbooks open in front of them.

 

My favourite Simpsons’ episode sends this up brilliantly when Lisa steals all the teacher edition textbooks. Her school rapidly descended into chaos when the teachers could no longer refer to the answers found in the teacher edition. 

 

Smith proposed that the ideal classroom should function more like a club. If you have ever been part of a club that is functioning properly you know that it values all participants regardless of ability and skill level and sets up collaborative structures to develop new skills and make the best use of skills that members already have.

 

In some ways, CLM could be considered to be a club that tries to help all its members achieve a successful relationship.

 

CLM has had three detailed case studies of failed relationship attempts.

 

Zoe and Harry - I kept quiet on this one but some of Zoe’s basic relationship mistakes were never discussed and learning opportunities were missed.

 

Imi and Lily - I decided to speak up on this one. So did Barry. Maybe someone would like to reread this blog series and decide who did the better job of supporting a fellow CLM member and who was the most judgemental.

 

Barry and Tina – I genuinely tried to add in a positive way whenever I could. Failure to seek proper counselling was something I could not ignore. I was not being judgemental. I was being responsible. If no-one on CLM had recommended Barry seek counselling that would have reflected poorly on CLM as a group of people who aspire to help and support each other.

#2017-04-13 11:16:11 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@Barry1

Barry, unlike yourself, (and possibly Melcy), I neither work part-time, nor am I semi-retired.

If I were, then I am sure I WOULD involve myself in a certain amount of community work. However, right now there are not enough hours in the day, or enough days in the week, for me to complete what I should be completing.

Glass houses??????

#2017-04-13 11:54:28 by Nekko @Nekko

@Barry1

Hello Barry,

it is good to have you back from the abyss of rejection. 

I see you are back to your philosophical musings about the important matters in life.

Let me say this: First you have to Love and Forgive yourself and others before 

you can Love somebody else. Fortunalty there is an easy way to achieve this. 

Please listen to this FREE Cd from an acknoledged expert in the field of 

subliminal communication. Here is the website: http://www.eldontaylor.com/forgiveness.html

You read this and you decide if this is something you want to try. 

As to we are alone. Rubbish, we are never alone. We may feel alone, but 

since we all conected on a level that most people do not comprehend we cannot be alone. Impossible. 

When you die the soul goes home. The book is called : Home with God by Neale Donald Walsch. Beautifully explains the process of dying. 

Barry you wonder what some of us been up to. Still married to the same wonderful woman. Her son now has a girl friend. My daughter married. I am getting older. Still waiting for the arrival of my sexual prime. This is it in a nutshell.

This will interesting to read your blogs again. Thanks for coming back to us.

Cheers,

Nekko

#2017-04-13 23:08:16 by anonymous15972 @anonymous15972

@melcyan 

"I am very poor at rote learning, slightly dyslexic and left-handed. I think being left-handed and using a mirror image of the perfect right-hand writing style meant that my hand covered my words as I wrote them. Often, the words I thought I had put on paper and what was actually there did not match."

Seriously?  I find this excuse incredulous, my whole family is left handed including myself and none of us ever had that problem of smudging words as we wrote in a notebook or on a piece of paper, even when painting on a canvas while doing so as a leftie trying to mirror righties. Left handed people learn to adapt quickly when writing or printing, are you saying you weren't able to adapt at anytime during your childhood and adult learning life? 

You continue to harp on the wonders of councelling, have you stopped to think that not all people need councelling, maybe you were struggling internally and needed help sorting that internal struggle. Some people are mentally stronger and can sort their own thoughts, mistakes, results by themselves, because they do not seek council does not mean they are wrong...my opinion.

I agree with Barry that you come across as judgemental, condesending even though you think you are helping. Take a big step back and read your own words without mentally defending yourself as you read them, it is possible that you will see what others see when they read your words.

 Did she not tell you that you were not a good dancer, you had to prove her wrong?

Your own woman does not support your learning of Mandarin because of your age, she should support your learning even try to help you even if she feels it is a lost cause. After all is that not what men and women who love each other, are committed to one another do for each other? I feel bad for you because she looks down at your age as a detriment to learning, she is judging you by your age and tells you so. My own grandmother learnt to read, write and speak German at the age of 8o, I know it is not as difficult as Mandarin but the point is age is not a problem unless you let it be or allow someone to tell you it is. 

My own woman thinks I am a slow learner/bad student when we work on my Mandarin skills "but" she never gets down on me, criticizes my age, or tells me it is a lost cause, she just chuckles, kisses me and we continue onwards.

Do you support your woman in everything she tries to learn or do? Do you give her encouragment at all times? Do you ever tell her she is too old or does not have the ability to do or learn something?

I am sure Barry will have something to say in regards to your comments once again......

Good day....

 

#2017-04-14 07:55:17 by Barry1 @Barry1


@melcyan

 

"You seem to be completely clueless about why the relationship ended and about the skills needed to build a strong relationship."

 

Thanks for the interesting comment re your experiences in dealing with both students and teachers in your former life, Melcyan.  Plus also where you described your early learning difficulties.

 

Re my break up with Lily, I honestly don't think I need counselling, Melcyan.  I accept fuly that  fault lies on BOTH sides. I have learnt many lessons as I am sure Lily has also.  Both of us are good people with a lot to share with the right partner.  This is not the time nor the place to go into further details however.   This does not diminish however the thoughtfulness or ingenuousness of your words in recommending that I adopt this approach.

 

You're a good man, Melcyan.  Your wife is lucky to have you.  We here on the CLM forums are also fortunate that you spend some time here. Even though we criticise each other from time to time, the bottom line is that none of it is done maliciously.  We tend to spasmodically squabble just as members of any large and diverse family would though at the end of the day, all is largely forgiven.  None of us hold lasting grudges or carry burdensome chips on our shoulders.

 

Best wishes to you, Melcyan!  (beer)(clap)(beer)(clap)

 

 

 

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