Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Lily, originally from Sichuan province (home of spicy food), has lived in Zhejiang province since 2007. She has over 10 years of work experience in international companies in Shenzhen, using English daily; thus having a relatively good command of English. An honest, caring, communicative, appreciative and positive person, Lily enjoys reading, thinking, learning, listening music, nature & dogs. Continuous learning and self-improvement is her life-time goal. She will blog about: keeping a positive outlook on people, things and life; the importance of maintaining good-balance in all aspects of life; Know yourself and what you want before searching for and finding the one most suitable for you. Lily hopes to share her knowledge with others while also learning from them.
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Online Chinese Dating Success: How To Get Connected With “The True Of Us”    

By Lily
3499 Views | 9 Comments | 10/25/2014 1:10:18 PM

Connect with your "True of Us" and you'll then find success in finding, dating and marrying your true Chinese or Western love on CLM.

Are you not sure what kind of person is good and suitable for you?

Are you feeling confused if need to make a compromise with someone or something that you originally don’t intend to accept?

Have you ever been extremely confused, hesitated and self-blamed for some time?

Are you feeling inferiority and afraid to make choice or decision?

Are you feeling frustrated why you can’t attract the good or quality person?


If you do have such awareness as any of above, you need congratulate you already be on the road to the online Chinese dating success. Sometime it does take us long time to get aware of something or some point.

As mentioned in almost all the psychological books, there are two of us with our body. They are “the true of us” and “the false of us “. The true of us” is in our heart and “the false of us” is in our head. “The true of us” manage our feelings and emotions and thus mostly determine our destiny. “The false of us” create our feeling and emotional world which is made by all kinds of negative feeling, thinking, mindset & thoughts. When we have any of above mentioned feeling or confusion, two of us is fighting each other and “the false of us” will always win in the end. Then we will go through series of physical or mental pains like exhausted, sleepless, powerless, depression, frustration, self-blaming, regretful & etc… This obviously tell us “false of us” have been existing and always hold us back for a better, happier, more quiet and peaceful life. 

When “the false of us” is at the upper hand, we will fail to connect with “the true of us”. We are totally lost among all noises in our head caused by “the false of us”. We don’t know who we are, what we want, which one of us we should listen to, which one is true?? Under this kind of situation, we will be wrongly guided by “the false of us” to the wrong ways like wrongly feel, think, judge, say and behave. Basing on this, when we are under any of above mentioned situations, we had better not make any immediate or quick judgment, decision or take any action until we have figured out what’s going on and have right reasons on each step. At this moment, we need try to calm down, peace ourselves, talking to friends, reading related books, think and reflect...After all these trying, “the false of us” will be cooled down & become weaker and then we could be again re-connected with “the true of us”. We now could truly feel and clearly hear what our heart intend to tell us. With we repeat this process again and again, we will be more and more aware of “the false of us” from “the true of us” and easily separate them each other. 

Besides the mentioned two of us, there is also a small or big negative energy filed formed with time inside us which also hold us back for correct feeling, thinking, judging or behaving. This magnetic field is made of all kinds of negative feelings or emotions (like anger, resentment, complain, inferiority…) from our previous experience especial from the childhood. Only if it exists there, it will work together with “the false of us” and continuously disturbs our connection with “the true of us”. It will be comparatively harder job than get aware of “the false of us” to eradicate the negative magnetic field inside of us. It need some professional self-healing and releasing treatment or practice like read some related books like “You Can Heal Your Life” & “Power of the Presence”. If this magnetic field can’t be eradicated little by little and instead is accumulated bigger and bigger, we will be slowly magnetized to be a negative energy magnet and thus will be avoided by those positive/quality person as according to the principle of “Birds of a feather flock together”. This is why we can’t attract the good or quality person one after another since the negative power magnetic field inside have been expelling the good/positive person from closing us.

After above steps, we will be more and more often and easily connected with “the true of us” and know who we are and what we want.…Once “the true of us” was released from the suppression and disturbance of “the false of us” & the negative power magnetic field, it will empower and guide us to the right way including easily feel and recognize the right person for us. We tend to be more quiet, peaceful and happier than previous and all related relationships become better too.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-10-25 13:21:59 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Well done Lily, you've really gotten into a topic here that all people searching for their lifemate should give serious thought too.

You summed it up nicely with these words (that once we connect with out true inner self) "We tend to be more quiet, peaceful and happier than previous and all related relationships become better too."

Others have pointed this out in a different but similar way by suggesting that before you can truly love, and be loved by, someone else, first you have to learn to love yourself.

I hope members will read this blog, understand it and follow the advice it gives them - they will all be better and more contented persons if they do, and as you say, they will then easily find success in meeting their perfect lifemate.

#2014-10-30 19:09:56 by anonymous12385 @anonymous12385

This blog is awesome on so many levels, but I guess the words "The true of us” is in our heart and “the false of us” is in our head." is what made me stop and take notice

'Miss X' was quite nice. I met her a few times in China and we always stayed together in the hotel. She never removed her clothes and we never had sex. She had had a 'bad experience' with a previous western man who only wanted her body and she was not going down that same road with me!

We chatted everyday and 3 or 4 times a week we would use video chat. We became fond of each other. I returned home after one trip and that night she began to tell me how much she regretted not 'sleeping' with me - although we slept together...... physically
She then started giving me 'sexy-talk' on instant messanger and this continued for several weeks until I was able to return to China to meet her
It was a short trip, only 5 or 6 days, but the time we spent together was fantastic (if you know my meaning?)
After my return home, the sexy talk stopped. Even though we continued to chat everyday and video regularly, she would not have a bar of it.
Instead she began to start talking about 'responsibilities' and how we should marry as quickly as possible. I told her that there is more to a relationship than fantastic sex for a few days but I definitely got the feeling that if we married, the wonderful passionate evenings would quickly become a thing of the past

Although she never directly asked me for money, she always complained that she was broke. Poorly paid job, no savings, hard to make ends meet etc and one day I needed to change some dollars into Rinminbi. Her local bank was close so we went there together but they would not directly give me currency exchange. They allowed her to bank the dollars into her account and draw out the local currency. She did this for me and handed me the money along with the bank slip. Maybe she did not realise at the time but the bank slip showed her bank balance of RMB182,000, which was around $35,000 at the time
Skint? $35,000 was about 3 times as much as I had in my account at home!

#2014-10-31 14:08:25 by anonymous12392 @anonymous12392

I think the people who are closer to their 'true self' are supposed to
have self-actualization characteristics

“Concepts vs. self-actualization. — Instead of dedicating your life to actualize a concept of what you should be like, ACTUALIZE YOURSELF. The process of maturing does not mean to become a captive of conceptualization. It is to come to the realization of what lies in our innermost selves.”
―Bruce Lee


but Self-transcendence is another topic

#2014-10-31 19:59:18 by zqy2014 @zqy2014


Yes, the more we know and understand ourselves, the more we will be sure about many things.Most of our difficulties,problems and conflicts in the reality is originally from lack of our self-actualization.Basing on, under this cases, we always should look back to ourselves and try to learn more about ourselves.The more we understand us, the more we know we should first learn to respect, care for and love ourselves.

Thanks for sharing and I know who you are, hehe..

Thanks for you to sharing your personal dating experience.From your story, I feel the first part, the dating friend was behaving like "the true of her".She know well the bad feeling and the exprience with the previous western man is not what she want or intend to receive.However, in the later parts,she seems was behaving as according to some order from "the false of her" in the head.She has been completely lost or used to the old way and just can't resist to repeat the previous painful experience.Obviously she need some work on self-healing and releasment so that not repeat the same pains.On the other hand, when face such person, if we are same type person and we will be easily lured and immersed by their "tracks" since that type person reguarly works as a negative energy magnet so that you are hardly resist them. Basing on this,the best suggestion is first try to do more self-healing and releasement on our side so that we could be a totally positive person. If we are a positive person, we will easily feel unconfort when be near the negative person and naturally we will not cheated neither.

#2014-11-01 15:02:59 by sandy339 @sandy339

Hehe, I really don’t know what to say, it seems I have no such problems, in western culture, especially in Christian culture, they think there are an angel and a demon in a body at the same time, they do struggle a lot, maybe it has some similarity with your topic?

#2014-11-03 15:04:47 by zqy2014 @zqy2014


Hi Sandy, first thanks for your attention and sharing.Then I need congratulation you.Seems you are doing great on this aspect.Only if you are feeling quiet, peaceful and happy on each time, then you are doing great and make the correct decision. Hope you can find your right man in the next corner or you have already found?:D

#2014-11-12 04:37:37 by RobertB @RobertB

Thank you for the encouraging article, Lily.
The true of us I think now, is like our real ME, the one that decided to be born into this incarnation and has all the pure and good ideas about life.
As we live we may accept "reality" as it is thrown at us and assume it as something "good", that means "real", "original". In the meantime it is not. It is all fake.
As the life itself is kind of a fake, it is just a kind of a game, we are easy prey to suggestions, many of which are not very uplifting but the opposite.
One of the misconceptions common in the world is that we have to pay the price. Or nothing is for free. No pain, no gain.
If you look closely around you you will find that they are wrong.
People do nothing but constantly challenge this idea.
All the advertising that says that you can get this or better results with minimum or no effort, in minimum or no time, for faction of a price, tell you that world is constantly trying to make a fool of you.
Also you may realize that the most important in the world is you.
Not how much money you have or how dump or smart you are.
It is important what you accept and what you believe in.
Is this not related to false Me and true Me?
False me uses reason, True Me uses knowledge.
If you will follow reasoning then you may start with false assumptions and reason according to not valid rules, events and false interpretations giving you totally wrong results. Of'course we are all taught at school to use reason. Yet at the same time, most of us, are judged unfairly ( we are not adept yet at maths but are treated like professional mathematicians -- that is we need to produce high quality work)..
So, in the process of learning we infuse a lot of frustration and guilt, plenty of feelings of being inadequate. That makes us use reasoning not to find the truth but to please someone and in a situation where time seems to be more important than the correct conclusion.
Unfortunately this does not only mean that we get many mistakes on national and international level but also in our private lives.
So, I would like to add that to be connected to Our True Self, we need to allow ourselves to be wrong sometimes. (It means not to blame oneself).
If there is an action, there is a reaction, also in the opposite direction.
The best way is to ignore bad thoughts or better still redirect them towards positive endings. Like even this example:; "Here again I had a bad romantic experience".. --so you can add -- " It was actually very good experience because I met another person, I learned something about the other, the other version of life, view on life and so on, I have survived it and now I am free to get real wonderful loving experience in my life" It will be so good that I will stay in this experience throughout my life.
Every bad thought can be transformed into powerful, life changing energy.
What is good about this is that one can start practicing immediately.
If you have anything bad gong on, try to use it to your advantage.
Of'course there are horrible things happening to people and it is hard to fight with that.
The only worst case scenario it seems can be dealt with the conviction that all can end, all can be transformed into something else.
There reasoning can prove to be inappropriate tool for achieving goals.
In fact, reasoning is like tweaking device and only.
All main decisions should be done by spirit. That is with no limitation in mind.
It seems that truly impossible ideas will not enter the spirit only the ones that are possible, even if they are seemingly improbable.
If something is morally wrong, then it is another matter. Morality means, how much one part can benefit at the expense of another?
Of'course in time, the mistreated part will start to object and that can and most likely will put pressure on the culprit.
It is all about Who really am I?
Then being true to yourself. Thank you Lily.
I would like to share maybe one more thought.
If you feel uncomfortable or sad or anything like that, just think to yourself.
I am already here. It means I am alive. I will be fine. By default.
Just focus on your mind or spirit. Not on your situation.
You may feel then how the situation will start losing power over you.
It was after all only a suggestion.

#2014-11-12 21:09:49 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

Thanks for your reading and sharing.

"The true of us" is the "little child" inside us which is located in our heart, "the false of us" is the external us which is activated by our head/mind(mindsets,thoughts).When two oppositive ideas come to us at the same time,then we will easily understand the two of us and recognize which is "the true of us" and "false of us".Reguarly the one from our intiution is "the true of us". Related with the "little child" inside us, you could understand more from my another blog of "To Those Who Have Ever Suffered or Are Suffering Now"

When feel we are lost and can't distinguish the two of us, it often means we are mostly dominated by "the fale of us" and it is a urgent time for us to do the mind cleaning up,mental/spiritual self-healing and releasing work as mentioned in my latest blog of "Are you really ready for a new relationship?"

Life is a self-cultivation journey,it is made by good & bad, sweetness & bitterness, happiness & sadness.It is a process of pure-complicate-pure or empty-full-empty.We learn to be open,welcome and be grateful for all experiences and not stick to the destination.This way could make our life to be more meaningful and real.

We work hard for better thing and life.This is for sure.However, when we too much focus on destination or a quicker outputting, we may feel it is not like that and we seems have been fooled by the life. When we try to focus every current moment, we will feel we have been constantly learning and growing up each day...All happened are valuable and meaningful for us.

Since our birth until we come to be aware of it, "the true of us" have been day by day debilitating with more and more this or that kinds of external ideas,requirements coming to us from people around when we seems to be completely of "the fale of us". Then we times feel lost and confused on "who we are" and "what we want" since "the true of us" is too weak to tell or guide us on that.To set it free, we have to clean up our mind,do mental/spiritual self-healing & releasing(through readying professional books or contact a counsellor).Once "the true of us" was set free, he/she will enpower us much positive power & energy and guide us to the right way...As mentioned in my other blogs, I would suggest read the book of "You can heal your life", "Power of the Presence" or any other available self-healing & releasing books. These books are helpful for us to understand more about us and enjoy the life.

#2014-11-14 04:10:16 by RobertB @RobertB

The passage: "Life is a self-cultivation journey,it is made by good & bad, sweetness & bitterness, happiness & sadness.It is a process of pure-complicate-pure or empty-full-empty.We learn to be open,welcome and be grateful for all experiences and not stick to the destination.This way could make our life to be more meaningful and real."
seems to be the best and most accurate description of why we are here on Earth.
If one can meditate on this passage and understand it fully then I think can attain the true self. At least will set oneself on this path.
I think it is actually very good that we have to learn so much,
Learning is interesting,

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