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John Abbot is co-owner of Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
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Online Chinese Dating? Don’t Judge a Chinese Woman By Her Profile Photo Alone    

By John Abbot
6602 Views | 21 Comments | 10/23/2015 2:31:51 PM

These two Chinese women are actually the same Chinese woman. Get the picture?

Don’t judge a book by its cover.  This is one saying that should be taken to heart by any foreign man seriously looking for a Chinese wife through Chinese online dating.  More specifically, do not believe right away that a woman’s photo is an “accurate” representation of her real looks, especially when she is all made up in it and in all the other photos in her profile. 

But don’t misunderstand, not all Chinese women who are all made up in their photos and/or have their photos professionally taken intend to deceive (it’s like all mothers are women but not all women are mothers).  There is nothing wrong with wanting to look their best; even a little vanity is not bad.  In fact, one of the many reasons foreign men desire Chinese women is that they are very good at taking care of their looks. Let’s not forget that.

There are some, however, who post glamour photos of themselves that are at least 10 years old, either because they actually believe they still look the same, or they do intend to deceive.  And then there are also those who post current glamour photos that are so altered that they can have no other intention but to deceive.  They may be a small minority, especially when you’re on a reputable matchmaking site, but you still have to watch out for them.

It’s more than likely you have already seen a lot of before-and-after photographs of western actresses and models on the internet, on television, and/or in magazines.  There has been plenty of fuss made over actresses and models stepping out in public sans makeup.  In a lot of cases, the fuss is about how different some of the women look au naturel – so different that they don’t look at all like the personalities on screen. 

Well, it has become a fact of life that most women love their makeup.  Chinese women are no exception.  Sure, you may say that looks are not important to you; what matters more are her values, her inner beauty.  But even when going on a blind date, you trust that your friend will not set you up with someone he/she knows you will not find at least pleasant to look at.  And wouldn’t you be suspicious if a woman on a matchmaking website has no photos of herself posted on her profile? 

You should have the same healthy suspicion of certain photographs Chinese women use, particularly those that look like they were professionally taken and/or where they look like they were professionally made up, and especially when they don’t post any other photos besides these.    

Again, you can say that her looks don’t matter; but would you feel the same way when the woman who meets you at the airport, when you finally visit her in China, looks a decade older than she does in her photos?  Wouldn’t you feel deceived? 

For foreign men with nothing but honest intentions, it will not be about being disappointed when the woman they meet in person is not as beautiful as she was in her photos; the disappointment will be about being led on.  Some may even feel betrayed, and rightly so.  How can you hope to have a serious commitment with someone who has deceived you from the get-go?

So the prudent thing to do for any foreign man looking for a serious, long-term commitment founded on mutual trust, respect, and love is to request for other “proofs of identification.”  Of course, you should not state the request in this manner; you will have to be both prudent and creative. 

You can share with her photos of yourself over the last few years or so, maybe even spanning the last decade, after which you can ask her to do the same.  You can (and for security reasons alone you should) request a video chat after you have established some level of comfort with each other. 

Of course, there is no better way to really know her “true identity” than by meeting her face to face.  Again, she can still wear makeup when she picks you up at the airport or meets up with you at a restaurant or your hotel.  In a few days’ time, her “true self” will still reveal itself. 

If it doesn’t you can just take her swimming. 

In any case, you should always take a closer look at the photos that Chinese women use on their dating profiles.  If they only post photos of themselves all dolled up and/or photos that were professionally done, don’t be too quick to “judge” them.  After all, the aforementioned “don’t judge a book” saying is not one-sided.   You probably have not posted your worst selfies either.

As they also say, “to each his own”.  Some men don’t mind women wearing makeup; others don’t like it at all, and far prefer au natural.  I count myself firmly in the latter group. More than a tiny bit of makeup is a turn off for me. But regardless which group you are in, when there is an intention to deceive, it that is an entirely different matter. 


1. This blog is in honor of Paul Fox. It has been many months since Paul last wrote on this topic so I thought I’d beat him to the punch. Enjoy it Paul!

2. I am hoping that we’ll get lots of comments on this topic from the Chinese women. I’d like to get their side of the issue too. 

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2015-10-24 00:37:16 by QinQL @QinQL


I did not laugh when I saw the picture above. After having looked at it, I asked myself why you put the two women with very different styles together in one pic? this question motivated me to observe it again. After comparing the two women faces, I felt the both looked like the same one person, especially from their two front teeth. I have gotten my answer from an explaination of the pic after I moved mouse to.

I could not help to laugh.

What do you men think about it after seeing the pic? I 'd like to find further answers from this blog article and comments here...

#2015-10-24 02:32:40 by anonymous14133 @anonymous14133

actually, what you said is very correct and constructive, but the problem is most men, especially rich handsome men, attract them first is the beautiful and sexy pictures of woman, don't ask how I know it, due to some experiences recently, i did some experiments, and the rich and handsome men, they are real, I saw them on skype and chatted for some time
so to put some beautiful pictures may have much bigger chance to meet an ideal man, I am pretty in real, so I am confident about real meeting, but the truth i found not long ago, is beautiful pictures will make you have much more chances to meet some quality men.

#2015-10-24 12:57:30 by AussieBhoy74 @AussieBhoy74

The photos are not such a problem on this site. You can tell the women (mostly ) are much more natural.

It is the scam sites like Chnlove that are the biggest problem, men get sucked in by glossy photos of "glamourous" women on there. Even I got suckered in on there, not just by the pics, I really though it was a genuine site at first.

#2015-10-24 23:43:59 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Thanks for honouring me in the blog and for re-iterating what I have been saying for what seems decades now lol
However, it did seem to come at quite an 'odd time'
I have just arrived home from a night out with friends (birthday) and I took the recently-unusual step of taking a taxi at around 7pm, before I had even taken a single mouthful of alcoholic refreshment
I say 'unusual step' because I have recently bought an 'E-bike' (more on that in the next PoC blog), and since the purchase, me and my e-bike have been inseparable.
If I could get her up the stairs to my apartment, she would be my night-time companion lol
Sadly, I had to leave her at home tonight because I felt that copious amounts of alcohol would be drunk and I may hurt her on the way home. (As it is, the night was totally boring and I am stone-cold-sober whilst writing this)
Anyway, the taxi I took at 7pm was driven by a lady. She was in her 40's, wore no make-up and was kind-of naturally attractive
As I sat in the front passenger seat, I stared at her photo sitting on the dashboard with her name and taxi-number on it (security pic)
How can I put this.....?
Let's just say that it did her NO JUSTICE at all - in fact it was quite horrible.
Compared to the REAL woman in the drivers seat, well.......there was just NO 'comparison'

I asked if it was her and how old it was. She told me quite categorically that Yes it IS her and the photo was about 2 years old

This is completely the OPPOSITE to what I have been going on about for ever, and completely the opposite to what this blog is about

That said, if you ever want to see the 'real' woman, ask her to show you her I.D card

These things have the most UNFLATTERING pics you can ever imagine. No make-up is allowed and they are to be 100% natural

The taxi driver is certainly one person I would have liked to meet me at any airport in China, the sad thing is, if I only had her photo to go on, I would never have asked her in the first place.....Life can be strange sometimes (whew)

#2015-10-24 23:52:22 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


Scam sites such as ChnLove and AsianDate fill their pages full of 'plastic photos' of women who are about as real as the Easter Bunny !

I wrote a couple of articles ages ago called 'How to Scam a Scammer' which demonstrated two occasions where ChnLove got their 'just desserts'

@Johnabbot, do you still have them? You said you would publish them at a later date
If not, I am sure I can write them again, but now might be a good time to enlighten members how scam sites work and how we can 'get-our-own-back'
Especially with the photo topic......just a thought .....

#2015-10-25 09:44:33 by AussieBhoy74 @AussieBhoy74

Just one annoying thing about this topic is that is seems to be biased toward women. I am sure there are women who only look just at men's pictures and don't even read their profiles.

Or women who are only concerned about a man's earning capacity. How many times have you seen on dating sites, and I don't specifically mean this one, the words "looking for a wealthy and successful businessman". I wonder if women realize they have ruled out 85 per cent of the available men when they say this!

There are plenty of men in their 40's to 60's who are not "wealthy businessmen" but who are still financially secure and reliable and attractive. I want to say also, that there are women on here who say they earn less than 25,000 dollars a year, but state they are looking for someone with a 150, 000 + income. How unrealistic is that!

I mean, if you are a "wealthy Chinese businesswoman" I can understand looking for a man closer to your socio-economic level. An average woman though? She really can't expect to marry a man who earns seven, eight, or ten times more than she does!

Mature and wealthy Western men will often look for women who are well-educated and who have their own career. Unless they are those creepy "sugar daddy" types.

#2015-10-25 11:11:52 by Barry1 @Barry1


Your comments are quite accurate, John.

I have had the experience also (before I stumbled across CLM) of becoming involved for a short while communicating with a lady who showed an ENTIRELY FALSE photo of herself on her profile.

It took a few days for me to realise this though, because every time I requested that we have a webcam chat, she came up with an excuse that her camera wasn't working.

Your comments about women quite naturally wishing to look lovely remind me of the late Joan Rivers.

After multiple plastic surgery treatments on her face by the top surgeons in Hollywood, probably costing a small fortune, at age 80, she looked about 25 or 30.

When interviewed about why at her advanced age she bothered to undergo all of this burdensome surgery, her answer was revealing. To paraphrase her words,

"Men like to look at beautiful women. If I want to keep appearing on TV and remaining popular, it's in my interest to look young and beautiful. End of story."

Thus I find it entirely normal for ladies on dating sites to look as best that they can. As long as the photos however aren't TOO old, or the pictures TOO deceiving, it's something to be both expected and accepted. As you suggested,

"If they only post photos of themselves all dolled up and/or photos that were professionally done, don’t be too quick to “judge” them."

Because like it or not, MOST men are visual creatures. Many are quite superficial. Women inherently realise this. They know they can't change it.

So many ladies decide that if you can't beat 'em, you join 'em! Give the good proportion of shallow men out there what they want!(think)

#2015-10-25 15:18:44 by AussieBhoy74 @AussieBhoy74

Ok Paul, thanks for your info about scammers. I will try to find that.
I said before on here that I was on Chnlove in the past and I lost about 700 or 800 dollars.
Now that is not so much money for me, but still I was very pissed off!

I know a great deal of people have been scammed by that site. I imagine that thousands of blokes like me wasted hundreds of dollars, I know some guys have lost thousands.

Chinalove itself is based in Hong Kong, or was, and I don't know why the HK police have not closed these scumbags down..

Once I went looking for the owner of one of those scam agencies affiliated with Chnlove , it was in Nanning, but I was unable to find the office even though I had the street number address and I looked carefully.

I had e-mailed them twice previously and pretended I was new in town and wanted to meet a potential wife in China. I also called the office twice and a silly young giggling girl answered and told me "the boss is in a meeting" twice.

I would love to help cause trouble for those a..holes if I knew exactly where to look. Sorry to go off-topic a bit, but I really hope somehow those grubs will end up in prison. They have ripped of Chinese women also.

#2015-10-25 21:26:47 by anonymous14145 @anonymous14145

interesting article. I have to say that women are just as much visual creatures as men, we as a society believe they are not, we are quite wrong. I bring up anonymous14133's comments (rich, handsome men) she optimises money/looks seeker in one sentence. Not picking on her just making a point. Women are just as sexual creatures as men, they just can control the urge better than we can lol

I agree that is a Chinese woman here states she earns less than $20,000 per year which is the norm and requests a man who earns 3-7 times her income is just looking for a walking wallet to make her life easy.......sad but true.

I truly believe that woman in general don't really need makeup to look good, this is my opinion only.

good read...

#2015-10-25 22:52:42 by neoacevedo @neoacevedo

Personally I prefer a natural photo of herself or taken by friends/family with our without make ups that actually is the last one is what I watch. So I can to see, decide if I continue or I pass off but when I find a picture with professional making up I prefer pass off because I dint know if is the real girl or is a model just add in some other websites dates.

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