Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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Nobody Loves Us! The Sad Bastard – Type 1 – The UNDATEABLE    

By Paul Fox
2748 Views | 7 Comments | 2/28/2014 9:20:26 PM

Disclaimer - The author is totally unqualified to write on the subject of sad bastards, except for this one and only vital qualification,  ‘IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE!’

During my series of blogs on the various ‘Types’ of Chinese women, I encountered a whole host of varying comments from readers. Needless to say  I think that most of us expected someone to come back with a ‘flip-side’ and discuss the various ‘types’ of guys on dating sites such as CLM and others. Sadly, no-one has.

Having been called a ‘Sad Bastard’ by a good friend (when he found out that I was a member here – Refer to my blog ‘Are Dating Sites for Sad Bastards like Us’), I decided to write a series of articles on the ‘Types’ of ‘Sad Bastards’ that use forums like this in order to find a partner.

Firstly, I want to make it quite CLEAR that I personally do NOT consider you guys to be ‘Sad Bastards’, but it is a term I will use tongue-in-cheek throughout these forthcoming blogs.

We all know why we are here; we all have our reasons for joining a dating site, especially an INTERNATIONAL dating site such as this one and the ‘Sad Bastards’ that I am going to discuss are likely to found across the whole spectrum of dating sites – not just this one – and I will not be comparing the virtues of one site against any other. So to clarify, I am ONLY talking about ‘Sad Bastards’ who use dating sites!

OK, boring shite over…..let’s get down to business…….

If you have not yet read Peter Vernezze’s blog titled “The Elephants in the Room’, then I suggest you stop here right now and go read it before coming back to read my drivel.

Reason? Because in order to discuss the ‘Un-datable Sad Bastard’ I want to relate to e-harmony’s rather complex method of matching and Peter explains it well.

Recently, I bumped into an old friend of mine that I had not seen for about 8 years. Over a few drinks we spent a while catching up with the usual “How’s the family?” small talk and we were both surprised to discover that neither of us had partners anymore, so the conversation quickly turned to the more interesting topic of what we were both doing to rectify the situation.

We began discussing online dating sites and I brought up the subject of Chinese dating sites in particular and he, admitting to being a fellow sad bastard, told me he had tried e harmony,

Having navigated his way through the vortex of personal information required (that by his own admission, took him 3 hours), he finally got to the end and clicked on the last button.

All he needed to do now was to wait for the ‘Matches’ to come flooding in….

Now this guy works for himself and does not have a boot-load of free time. He told me that he had optimized his search to within a 50km radius of his home in order to minimize travelling

After completing the marathon questionnaire, he took a night cap and went to bed in the hope that EH would work its computer magic and he would wake up to find a whole host of ladies lining up to meet him when he opened his computer in the morning

The following morning my friend woke up extremely hopeful and couldn’t wait to see what lay in store for him


Hmmm, well I guess he had only just joined and of course these things take time to optimize, so maybe the results would prove a little better as the day progressed.

In the meantime, he decided to check out the ONE ‘match’ that had been found for him

Imagine his horror when he discovered that she lived 300km away!

A limit of 50km does not include ladies who live 300km away, but again, these things take time and maybe the system was looking outside his original parameters and then working its way closer to his home?

Or at least that is what he told himself…….

After a long day at work, my friend returned home, ate dinner and then poured himself a large glass of beer before returning to his computer to see his latest ‘matches’


‘Aha’, he thought, ‘Now we are getting somewhere!’

He quickly dis-counted #1 since she lived so far away, so he had 5 new ones to explore and he was quick to do so

In no particular order, he opened up the profile of the first one only to find that she lived in Sydney. As a ‘Perth-boy’ himself and still living here, Sydney is a 5-hour plane ride away!!!!

Maybe a blip in the system (so he thought), so on to the next one….


For those who are useless at geography, Australia’s gold coast is also on the eastern side of the country, just north of Brisbane – again some 5 hours by plane from Perth

Next one – BALLERAT (Victoria) – 3 hours by plane

4th one = San Francisco

Are you kidding me? – By now I am absolutely rolling with laughter! For someone who expressly said he was looking inside a 50km radius, he is getting ‘matches’ from San Francisco where most West Aussies would never even dream of going on HOLIDAY to, because it’s too far!

‘Come on’, I said – ‘There has to be a punch line here mate – where was the final one from?’

He looked at me with a huge grin on his face. It was one of those one-in-a-million moments and as I lifted my wine glass to take a drink, he said……… ‘TEXAS’!

I could not control my laughter as I immediately sprayed my friend with a mouthful of red wine before collapsing in a heap of uncontrolled laughter…..’Texas?, Texas? Texas?’ – The word kept repeating from my mouth in between fits of laughter – ‘F*ckin TEXAS?”

“What the HELL did you say in your questionnaire? – What kind of f*cked-up IN-HUMAN habits have you got that a dating site with millions of members cannot find you a match in your own COUNTRY?”

I was having an absolute BALL – I was taking the piss out of my mate so much and laughing so much that people around us were beginning to wonder what on earth could be so funny

I pointed at my friend and said in a rather loud voice -‘You are UNDATABLE!” before collapsing once again in fits of uncontrollable laughter

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-02-28 22:34:51 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Hmmm. I think I understand correctly that you intend that "Sad Bastards" are a very broad category of male online daters (perhaps all encompassing?) of which one type is the undateables. This makes sense to me and is quite reasonable.

However, if being a "Sad Bastard" means being undateable by definition then I want out of this category. I would never have admitted to being a Sad Bastard if I'd known that it meant I am undateable. If I wasn't married I would certainly qualify as "unworthy of dating", but I am sure I could trick a few poor Chinese women into dating me at least until they found out how poor a match I make for virtually everyone.

I thought that we Sad Bastards were simply "unmarriageable", which I would admit is true of me. Had I not managed to somehow trick my current wife into marrying me and was still available for dating, I have no doubt that the few ladies I might trick into dating me would all quickly decide that I am indeed unmarriageable.

At least, my current lovely Chinese wife assures me on a daily basis that is the case in her opinion. (doh)

Based on my first understanding above, perhaps I should anticipate us unmarriageable types to to be the subject of an upcoming blog in your series.

#2014-03-01 02:46:02 by JianadaYangGuizi @JianadaYangGuizi

Lol again (Last time I used "lol" was at the start of your "types of Chinese ladies" blog ... I don't think I like this ... no ... not one bit.

You see I probably fit into every category you come up with to some degree (except not the rip-off artist should you decide to cover that). I have been that nice guy, the over-sexed guy, the hunter-gatherer (self-explanatory), the true-love guy, the marriage minded guy, etc. etc. But really, I know I am mostly the nice guy who wants to treat a lady properly - I have references to that affect. However, now I will have to read your blogs and reflect personally on who I am ... nope I don't like that.

Anyhow, you probably got your wrath from some Chinese ladies from your previous thread, so now it time for the rest of us men to accept ours.

Btw, I will be in Shenzhen in mid-April for business and vacation and perhaps a beer would be in order. I am happy to share my thoughts and experiences without reservation. If I recall correctly, Shenzhen is your home base but I could be wrong.

#2014-03-01 09:05:41 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Haha, I don't think there are too many people who would fall into the 'Un-dateable' category in this way
The guy I was referring to has perhaps some strange characteristics in his personality. Given the fact that his chosen dating site was arguably the most comprehensive one as far as questionnaires go - and whatever 'answers' he gave could only match him with women so far away.....I just found it hilarious! However, I still don't think there are many that would fall into the same category as he - lol

#2014-03-01 10:34:59 by Barry1 @Barry1


Thanks for this, Paul - it was very amusing indeed. Great stuff.

On a more serious note however, it caused me to wonder about love and marriage. If you meet someone, how do you know whether or not they're truly marriage material?

Is it because they look good?

It it because you love them?

Is it because they have money and assets?

Well, the answers to the above are "yes and no".

Why I say this is because of the following.

1. Looks will fade over time

2. Love can be a bit flighty, that is, how do you know you'll still love the person in one year's time, let alone five or ten years?

3. Money is good, but what is it without happiness?

Perhaps one very simple answer as to whether someone is potential marriage material is simply that you feel much better when you're with them, than without. Thus being able to be best friends together is a great start to an enduring marriage. You may not even realise that you're in love; what you do realise however is that you just want to be with them all the time.

On this note, I spoke briefly about love and marriage in a recent blog article, "Points to Ponder". Point number 24 said,

"How can you love a person who only really wants you when you look your best, more than someone else who'll love you, regardless of what you look like or what your personal circumstances are?"

Then point number 29 said,

" If love is the greatest power - desired by all, transcending all boundaries and uplifting everyone who feels it, why is it so often in such critical short supply? And why do so many people say they love you, when if the truth be known, it's affection they feel, rather than love? Why in fact, is the word "love" bandied around so loosely, when it should be reserved for those very special moments when you're with that very special person?"

And point number 34 said,

"Why don’t more people realize that one of the important rules in life is to NEVER talk badly about your wife or husband to anyone, unless for a very significant or genuine reason? Words have power. Don't abuse them."

In any case, Paul, I very much look forward to read more of your upcoming articles. You're one of the truly more gifted and entertaining writers on this wonderful website.

#2014-03-03 11:45:41 by Grace172 @Grace172

hahah.... (rofl) Still, your story brings me lot of fun. I read your article three times, but I still not sure if I understand the meaning of the word 'UNDATABLE'. Does that mean someone who is not easy to find women to match him? Sorry, I am slow and my English is not good enough. (blush)

#2014-03-04 11:31:35 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

Great start to the series. Thanks for the shout out about the eHarmony article. My concern with the responses from eHarmony and similar sites is not so much the quality but the quantity. On the other hand, what Woody Allen said about the quality/quantity balance when it comes to sex applies here; if the quantity drops below a certain number, it's time to worry.

#2014-03-04 21:14:14 by sandy339 @sandy339

I am also curious about what kinds of western men might be interested in Chinese women, ok first catogary is "Sad Bastard" ,? haha, I am wondering what the other types,thanks for writing it.
I find you are so productive, if you were a younger woman, you might have a lot of kids? haha...have a nice day:-)

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