Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
John Abbot is co-owner of Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
Articles :
Views :
Comments :
Create Time :
This Blog's Articles
Index of Blogs
Index Blog Articles

My Take on New to Chinese Dating - Need Help Forum Thread    

By John Abbot
5480 Views | 37 Comments | 12/16/2016 3:46:35 AM

Chinese women would choose which guy? Is there any doubt?

Recently a new member posted a thread on the Forum in which he expressed concerns on a number of items, but specifically was concerned that he had messaged one member twice and so far not received a reply. He originally sent it as a letter to CLM, but we suggested he post a thread in order to get a broader range of responses. This blog is my in response to that thread, which you can find here:

I suggest you read that thread by right clicking and opening in a new tab, and then come back here to read this blog, because you'll get more out of it. But it isn't absolutely necessary to get most of what I am saying.

Here then is my response to the member's thread.

My Take on "New to Chinese Dating - Need Help"

In reading your thread I can't help feel you are unused to online dating, but perhaps I shoud say, you are unused to online dating on any site that is honest. It is unfortunately true that even the large, popular sites that used to be clean are now posting fake members by the thousands. It's not hard to do because you can purchase 1,000 fake profiles for about $20. Less if you wait for a sale.

As co-owner and managing director here I can assure you that there has never been planted on or one fake member by the website or by anyone else with our knowledge. While we go to extensive lengths to keep the scammers off, sometimes one sneaks by and he or she will obviously be a fake member. You will come to know and understand the lengths we go to on CLM and ALM to keep it real, and probably you will come to greatly appreciate it as most members do. We have become very well respected for serious, safe but fun online Chinese and Asian dating with real Chinese and Asian women.

There are no bots following you around on CLM and ALM. If there were no bots on the other sites, then you surely would have encountered many women who ignored your messages, assuming you presented yourself as you have here on CLM and ALM. I must say that you haven't done yourself any favours on your profile, neither with your photo nor with your self description.  I am not saying this to insult you in anyway, but to try to help you improve your chances of meeting a great Chinese or Asian match. 

1. Photo

You have posted one photo in which I see a 36 year old male who could be above average looking but appears to have gone out of his way not to be. This photo does nothing to show who you are, how you think, what you do. It could well have been taken during an arrest where you have just been picked up unexpectedly sleeping off a hangover and hustled down to the local precinct for processing.

If you don't care what the women think about you why should they care what you think about them? Why should they bother responding to your messages?

You can post 5 photos, so instead of posting 1 rather unnatural photo that makes you look bad, why not post 5 nice, natural photos that show you at your best. Make them want to respond to your messages, instead of thinking you can demand they respond without giving them any reason to do so.

2. Deep Thoughts

You wrote "Why am I here? What is my purpose in life? I hope to find an answer."

I actually quite like your deep thoughts. These are good questions and they make the person reading them want to know more about you. They suggest that you are serious about being here and your are seriously exploring both yourself and the thought of venturing into a cross cultural relationship. Good stuff.

But it goes way downhill from there.

3. About You

"I'm a smart, quick-witted man who is also very serious and takes life seriously. I'm not the kind to play games and I don't like being ignored. I like science, technology and good food and music. Please understand that I cannot reply to Standard users of this site as I have no means at all to pay for a Gold account. I will only answer you if you are a Gold member, unless you are prepared and willing to pay for a Gold account for me. Thank you for your consideration."

I am going to break this down and reply to the specific components with what I would be thinking if I was a Chinese or Asian woman reading them. The same applies to your Ideal Match section below.

"I'm a smart, quick-witted man who is also very serious and takes life seriously."  - Good stuff so far. I like this guy a little. He seems self confident, but not a braggart.

"I'm not the kind to play games" - ok, pretty vague because there are thousands of ways to play games, but it gives some suggestion that he is not a scammer. On the other hand almost every scammer says something like this. But the way he's said it seems genuine somehow.

"I don't like being ignored." - what? What did he say? Why would anyone write this unless he is accustomed to being ignored? Why do other people ignore him? Hmmm. I think this guy could be trouble. He's already starting an argument with people he hasn't even met. I don't even know him and I feel like we're having our first fight just while I'm reading his profile.

"Please understand that I cannot reply to Standard users of this site as I have no means at all to pay for a Gold account." - What? This guy can't even afford to upgrade. What is he doing here. I am in China (or Asia). If he can't upgrade how can he come and meet me. How can he even host me if I spend the money to come and meet him? Sounds a lot like he's just looking for a free ride.

"I will only answer you if you are a Gold member, unless you are prepared and willing to pay for a Gold account for me." Whoa! He demands that I respond to him in one breath, and in the next breath he says he won't answer me unless I have upgraded. And I should pay for him. Why, so he can talk to all the other women too?  I PASS!!!

"Thank you for your consideration." - this would have been a great thing to say if it was following on something that was actually worth considering. But he has already removed himself from my consideration by expecting me to pay for everything. What kind of a life partner is that.

4. Ideal Match

"First, my desired one absolutely must be willing to reply to my messages. She may NOT be elderly or a single mom! I may consider one who is divorced or widowed only if her history isn't bad and she is between 27 and 37 years old. She should be the kind that won't judge my character based on income, education or whether or not I have a job. I would like an attractive woman who is at least a little sexy, has some class and is financially secure so that money won't be an issue."

Let's break this down too.

"First, my desired one absolutely must be willing to reply to my messages." - Hey, I just barely got past that first fight he started about being ignored, and now he's starting it again. Who does this guy think he is? This guys is a fighter, not a lover.

"She may NOT be elderly or a single mom! I may consider one who is divorced or widowed only if her history isn't bad and she is between 27 and 37 years old." - Wow! This guy is going to judge my worthiness entirely on my age, my parental status and my past marital status. He couldn't care less who I am, what lessons I've learned from life, how good my heart is, what is my character.

"She should be the kind that won't judge my character based on income, education or whether or not I have a job." - and yet I am not supposed to judge him on whether or not he's financially responsible, or has any hope of ever being financially responsible. This guy has double standards.

"I would like an attractive woman who is at least a little sexy, has some class and is financially secure so that money won't be an issue." - Holy crap! He asks me to be financially secure so that money won't be an issue, after asking me to pay for an upgrade for him. If he can't pay for his own upgrade, money is already an issue. I'm not looking for someone to support all his life with my hard earned money. As it turns out I am attractive, I am sexy, I do have class, and I am financially secure, so why on earth would I be looking for him.


Suggestions for Improvement

1. You are on an online dating site. If you are really lucky 50% of the people you message may respond. At least half of those who do will do so only to politely decline your expression of interest. You need to get over your apparent adversity to being ignored. To be honest, you need to do some serious introspection on what appears to be a hangup you have. In almost 10 years of operating these websites this is the first time I have seen anyone express this concern about hating to be ignored.

I have had complaints about members not replying, but those tended towards concerns over the lack of politeness in not replying, not an expressed pain at being ignored. 

People tend to ignore other people, especially on dating sites. You can find other CLM blogs and other CLM forum threads on the topic of whether or not people should reply to every message if you do a serious search. I urge you to do that.

2. Everyone goes through periods of being financially strapped, unless they were fortunate enough to inherit so much money they couldn't spend it all. People can understand that. But the way you have expressed it is an incredible turnoff. Imagine someone stepping up to you on the street with their hand out asking you for money, and then after you give them a couple of bucks, they next suggest maybe you should take them out for a nice dinner and see what develops. Does that sound like marriage material to you?

How about "I've suffered a few economic setbacks lately so I am not in a position to upgrade at the moment, but when I meet someone who is of interest to me, I will make it a top priority. Meanwhile I am working hard to get myself back into a good financial state." You are not exactly golddigger material, but at least you sound like you are not looking for a free ride for life and you intend to improve your financial status through hard work.

Nobody with the slightest brain in their head is going to buy you a Gold membership, at least not until you have become friends and they are feeling sorry for you. Obviously you don't need a Gold membership to communicate with them, so the only reason you are asking for it is to communicate with other women. I can't imagine a faster way to ensure you are both instantly rejected and totally ignored. This request alone is likely the reason the member you messaged ignored you. She felt insulted by this request in your profile.

3. and are serious online dating sites for people seriously seeking a long term relationship with hopes it will become a life partnership or marriage. Rethink your approach to one that will attract the people you are hoping to meet for that purpose. You need to intrigue them and turn them on, as you did with your deep thoughts, and avoid insulting them and turning them off, as you did with the balance of your written profile.

Finally, before you head further down the path of seeking a relationship with a Chinese or Asian Woman, peruse the blogs, the forum and the Magazine (which is stagnant as of late but is full of good articles to read) and look for information that will help you decide if these women are for you. There are many real diamonds of information in these sources.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
(Showing 1 to 10 of 37) 1 2 3 4 More...
#2016-12-16 10:16:21 by cuby @cuby

@ John Abot 

Excelent advice, that why I like CLM.

#2016-12-16 12:44:57 by paulfox1 @paulfox1



Pretty much sums it up, I'd say!

#2016-12-18 07:11:09 by SCBeets2200 @SCBeets2200

@JohnAbbot Okay, fair enough. I understand that my profile information is not kosher, so to speak. That said, HOW DO I CONDENSE THE THINGS I SEEK INTO ONLY 500 CHARACTERS?! That's my first problem! I can't be entirely honest and my needs are far more complex and verbose than that! You don't really give me ANY chance to get into any real actual depth of what I really am about!! So, I have to cherry-pick what to say! As for my photograph, I'm no shutterbug, okay? I don't have five "good" photographs! I don't even have one "good" photograph!! I didn't "go out of my way" to look bad, ID CARD PHOTOS LOOK BAD ANYWAY!! Now, I have a smartphone, would you prefer a horribly grainy VGA resolution pic that's too dark and reveals the horrific mess that is my folks' house in it?! I cannot pay for professionally done-up portraits just for a dating site! And what do YOU suggest I put in my EXTREMELY LIMITED descriptions of both myself and my "ideal match"? I'm really at a loss here and ANY help at all would be appreciated. Otherwise, I'll cancel my accounts, give up on dating and love forever AND kill myself! Because I'm tired and ready to throw EVERYTHING away.

#2016-12-18 18:20:32 by YinTingYu @YinTingYu

@SCBeets2200   Hey there brother man. Ease UP !! Brakes please. I have a fairly long response that I'm typing to and for you as one Southern man to another. Might take a few days to complete so,...excercise some patience. It's a'commin'.

I do want to address your query concerning the 500 characters in the "About Me" and "Ideal Partner" sections of the profile. I faced the same challenge. Here's what has worked for me.

I left those areas BLANK !! Just like you, the way I have come to view myself is both simple and complex. 500 characters ?, "Pahshaw",... I couldn't do it. So, I wrote up some things I consider important about me that I would like a prospective contact to know. The basic information can be sent after initial communications (at least 3 times of messaging) have been established. You gotta be polite and cordial with these initial messages.

Look,...if you feel it necessary to have a few words in the "About Me" section, say something like, " I'm a nice, sincere fellow who is new to this format. I've got a lot to say and share. I'm open to Chinese culture though I don't know a lot about it yet. Let's try for some communication. Always ready for your response". Got it ?? OK.

This "Ideal Partner" section is set up for the general populace. Really, how can one know what their ideal partner will show up as (haha !!) ?? One might have a pipe dream of sleek and slender but, she may show up as short and stout with a super intelligence and super Big, accepting heart. You understand what I mean.

Now,... let me address " Otherwise, I'll cancel my accounts, give up on dating and love forever AND kill myself! Because I'm tired and ready to throw EVERYTHING away ".

No No brother man !! This is NOT the way for a Cajun Cowboy Fisherman. You gotta stand back and take all the things we brothers and sisters say as possible good information for you to apply. Not only to this dating/meeting stuff but to your life as well. Don't pull the trigger yet because,... you have NOT explored all the possibilities. Shucks,...I'll wager that you don't even know what your greatest good is. Life long process for all of us (hehe).

Again,...please excercise patientce. You have entered a realm where immediate gratification is minimal. "Dorothy, you're not in Kansas anymore" !! Look,...we all have certain day to day responsibilities we must engage with. Family members, estates, friends, etc. that are right in our face. We have to take care of that first!! Stay with CLM/ALM for now and give us and yourself a chance. You're just a startin' out.  As you do futher research here, you will find that there are a boatload of folks who really do care and will try to give you some help. It's Cool Bro.

Hey,...It's 4:00 am here in Texas now. I need to prepare for my day.

Peace and Blessings. Gongji, Y.T.Y.

#2016-12-19 01:05:34 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@SCBeets2200 - first, I am glad that you responded and reached out. @YinTingYu has given you some very good advice and I urge you to read it carefully.

Second, I am going to take your statement "Otherwise, I'll cancel my accounts, give up on dating and love forever AND kill myself! Because I'm tired and ready to throw EVERYTHING away." as hyperbole and assume you are not really almost at that sad point of no return. But in case you were serious I need to first express my thoughts on you considering killing yourself. That will take a little explanation, but I urge you to take the time to read it.

I consider myself to be spiritual but of no religion and agnostic as to the existence of God. However, within my belief system I strongly believe that we do have something akin to souls that are a form of eternal energy. That energy existed before it became attached to our human bodies, and will move onto a hopefully higher place after it leaves our bodies. That energy is on a very long journey of evolution towards ultimately joining and contributing to a greater universal energy. 

The greater universal energy is, I posit, what people of various religions mistake for their "God" (and maybe in some sense it is God) and it is also the place that people of various religions refer to as heaven, or whatever their version of heaven is called. I am not a Christian, but I grew up in the Christian world and those are the terms I am used to using. I might add that I believe the Golden Rule, "Do unto others that which you would have others do unto you", which was not invented by Jesus but was certainly most profoundly spread amongst mankind by him, is the universal guiding rule by which all of mankind should live.

Our bodies while we live here on Earth as human beings are serving one and only one long term evolutionary purpose, and that is the maintenance of our spiritual energy while we live and the successful delivery of our spiritual energy to the next step of its journey towards joining the greater universal energy.

I told you this would take a while, but I am getting to the point. Bear with me a tad longer.

People who study the paranormal are more and more reaching the conclusion, from what I read and see, that ghosts are spirits of humans that have failed to move on after death due to being victims of deaths that are unnatural. In simplistic terms, they die by violent causes that are sudden and inflicted upon them, either by others or by themselves. To be blunt, they are either murdered or they have committed suicide. The experts on paranormal who present these findings, may or may not be right, but it does fit in pretty well with my belief system, because it seems that the victim's energy was evicted from the body before it was ready to go. It is niether ready to move on to the next step, nor to go back and enter another human embryo being created, for further preparation for that next step forward.   

You are that energy, you are not merely that human body. If you mistakenly choose to kill the body, you may well tragically be destroying your chance to ultimately reach and join the universal energy. If the paranormalists are right, and coincidentally this same belief about suicide forms a major component of almost all human religions, then when you kill your body you are dooming your energy (your real self) to wander around endlessly in some state of limbo. This may well be where the concept of "hell" first arose.

I urge you and anyone else  who might be considering suicide not to do this to yourself.

Ok, on with the dating stuff. Here is what you wrote above in bold with my notes in between in italics.

Okay, fair enough. I understand that my profile information is not kosher, so to speak. That said, HOW DO I CONDENSE THE THINGS I SEEK INTO ONLY 500 CHARACTERS?! That's my first problem! I can't be entirely honest and my needs are far more complex and verbose than that! You don't really give me ANY chance to get into any real actual depth of what I really am about!! So, I have to cherry-pick what to say!

You are making a very common mistake of believing that you should lay out for everyone who visits your profile a breakdown of who you are in endless detail. Doing that is a HUGE MISTAKE on any dating site, but it is an instant deal breaker on a cross cultural dating site where language barriers exist.

1. When you meet someone socially who you find yourself a little attracted to because of something about their appearance, what happens to that attaraction when they open their mouth, start talking about themselves to the exclusion of all else, and just will not stop. YOU ARE SOON BORED TO TEARS AND TRYING TO GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HER PRESENCE.

Nobody wants to read a dry, boring, endless description of who someone else is. We don't actually form our opinions of someone based on what they say about themselves, we base our oponions of who someone is based on what we see them do and hear them say about things, events, other people and especially what they say about us and how they treat us.

When we started CLM we allowed 3,000 words for profiles, and the people who wrote more than 500 words inevitably were writing to service@CLM demanding to know why they got lots of visits but never any expressions of interest. Our answer inevitably was "because you are boring people to tears". We finally decided to save people from shooting themselves in their feet by allowing them only 500 in words in which to bore people.

2. Add to what I just said the fact that the women reading your profile generally, at best, have English as a second language, and more often than not are actually just starting to get a handle on it. They come to your profile with a translator and an English dictionary at hand. It would take them an entire evening to read your 3,000 word self description. And they would leave that experience thinking "What a boring guy. He spent 4 hours of my time just talking about himself."

3. Your written profile should be treated as you would treat the first words you get to say to that gilr across the room you've found yourself keenly interested in. 



A few pithy lines that tell them just enough about you to say, "Hey, I think I'm going to give this guy a look. He seems interesting. (Or he seems fun, or best of all, he seems interesting and fun.)"

In other words you are trying to start "online dating" with her in hopes the two of two of you might click if you get to know each other through chatting online, you are not trying get her to marry you tomorrow. Even if she reads the whole thing, and understands and believes it all, what will you have left to tell her about yourself during your future chats.

Spend the two days you would have spent writing that 3,000 word essay about yourself on writing instead 3 good lines that will pique her interest and make her want you to tell her more when you START DATING.

One of the three lines might be "I meant what I said inn my Deep Thoughts. This is an exploration for me."

Oops, my Chinese wife, who I refer to often as "she who must be obeyed", has just called me to go do some shopping. I will be back tomorrow regarding photos etc. Meanwhile, let's see some samples of those 3 pithy lines. Lots of people here will be happy to help you out genuinely with your best interests at heart.

#2016-12-19 11:10:20 by melcyan @melcyan


@JohnAbbot   I have a suggestion for you.


Let @SCBeets2200 write his profile the way he wants to, inside this blog.


Then challenge other CLM members to modify this information to fit within CLM's current limits.  It could be interesting, and even educational, to see how different CLM members approach this task.

#2016-12-19 20:23:24 by paulfox1 @paulfox1



You wrote some pretty strong stuff there, me old China...


Ying Ting Yu has offered some pretty sound advice, but believe me when I say that although he's an avid reader of these blogs, he doesn't always contribute unless he feels a genuine need to. Most of the time he's as baked-as-a-kipper or floating round on his own personal 'holodeck'. Likewise with John Abbot. He rarely has time to write such lengthy comments or replies so I believe that his long response here is 100% genuine.


So now it's time for my response.....

You sound somewhat angry - why? Who, or what, are you angry with?

Are you angry with 'the system'? Or perhaps you are angry because life dealt you lemons?

If it's the former, do you really think that the 'system' actually CARES? If it's the latter, then for f*cks sake go and make some lemonade!

Having read your comment three times, I say this:

The first time I read it I had an almost instinctive reaction of wanting to slap you round the face.

The second time I read it I thought that you wanted sympathy.

The third time I read it, I realised that you must be asking for help, or why would you bother writing it?


Anyone here on CLM will tell you that I have been an active blogger here for quite some time and that I respond to most blogs. I am also well-known for speaking my mind, not 'beating about the (proverbial) bush', and saying exactly what I mean.


Throwing yourself under a bus because you can't find a girlfriend is not just insane, it's actually quite pointless. You were put on this earth for a reason - we all were - and that is to LEARN.

It's a hard truth that we never stop learning. Academia may end in the classroom, but learning ends in the grave.

As long as we live and breathe, we LEARN. We don't just learn from our own mistakes, we learn from other people. God knows we could never live long enough to make all the mistakes by ourselves.....

Thomas Edison finally invented the lightbulb after failing more than 1000 times. Did he give up?

Instead of saying that he failed 1000 times, he said that he had found 1000 ways in which to fail. It's a question of attitude.

If you believe you can, or believe you can't, you're right!


So, what are you going to do about it?

Oh, poor me, I was born black, Chinese, ugly, into a poor family......

We have no control over what colour skin we were born into, nor whether or not we were born into a poor family.....It's OUR TURN TO LEARN....


Like John, I'm not in the least bit religious, but do believe that we are not here for the fun of it. We are here to make the BEST out of the 'hand' that we were 'dealt' with. That means sacrifice; it means accepting things we don't like; it means finding our own true path to happiness - no matter how long it takes.

If you want to be an unemployed drug-using low-life scumbag, then that's your choice, yet if you want to go out there and prove who you REALLY are (or, more importantly, who you COULD be if you were given the chance), then that's your choice too.

No-one forces you to choose to be something you can otherwise choose not to be.


If opportunity doesn't 'knock' - build a f*ckin DOOR !

Why are you in such a hurry to start a relationship?

We are born alone, we die alone (The title of one of 'Barry Pitbull's blogs).

Who says we need to find a partner? Why?

I've been here for 3 years, met countless women, yet I'm still single, living alone, and to be honest, the longer I live alone, the more I like it. No-one to answer to; no-one to ask permission from; I can do what I like, when I like......etc

For me, personally, I have now adopted the attitiude that if I meet someone, I meet someone. If not, who cares? I've essentially stopped looking.


If you get the chance, you should look through the blogs written by Barry (Pitbull) Pittman.


Let me briefly tell you HIS story.

Barry met a woman on CLM. They became friends and eventually lovers. This spanned a couple of years or so. Barry even quit his job in Australia, became a teacher, then took a job at a university in China just so he could be with her.

He then wrote a series of blogs about his relationship, and its subsequent demise.

Barry has been extremely quiet of late, but I feel now would be a good time to enlighten you as to why....


Barry went back to Australia after his teaching contract ended. He was extremely upset, angry, annoyed - even pretty 'pissed-off' that he had 'wasted' so much time and effort trying to build a relationship that was doomed to failure.


However, not long before he left China he met a lady by chance. They became friends, and though her English ability was non-existent, she later took the time and trouble to enrol on an English course in order to communicate with Barry without using a translation tool.

This was several months ago.

That same lady is currently visiting Barry in Australia. It's her first time to ever leave China. She has no 'hidden agenda' and there was no 'physical relationship' between them whilst Barry was living in China.

Barry has since been offered another teaching job in China, a post that he will take up in March 2017, and the lady will go to this city to be with him.


I'm sure that all the people on CLM that 'know' Barry will want to wish him all the best, but my reason for telling you this is simply because Barry had stopped looking!

They didn't meet on CLM or any other dating site, they met as a result of him coming to China to be with a lady he THOUGHT was his 'Miss Right'.

Fate? Destiny?


Failure is temporary, my friend. Quitting lasts forever!


Oh, and as for me, I can return to my old life in Australia anytime I want to. Right now I CHOOSE to teach English to (mostly) spoilt brats who are trying to create a better life for themselves.

These kids are learning from MY experiences. Why should I TAKE as much as I can from this planet without at least TRYING to give something back?

I see people every day who have essentially 'given up hope', and to those people I say this :

If you're not willing to try, no-one can help you. If you're determined to try, no-one can stop you'


Neil deGrasse Tyson famously said - 'When I die I want to be buried. That way all the flora and fauna, that I have lived off all my life, can live off me'


If you STILL want to throw yourself under a moving train, be my guest!

If you want help, we're here to help you....... every step of the way!


Now stop being a 'pussy' and do something positive!(rofl)



#2016-12-20 08:59:04 by SCBeets2200 @SCBeets2200

@YinTingYu @JohnAbbot Thank you for your well-worded responses. I'm pretty sure I haven't had any of this sort of kindness before in relation to things I say or do. Let me start by saying that your suggested lines warrant my using them in my own profile. Hopefully you don't mind that. If nothing else, they are a much better placeholder than the "Under construction" ones I put up. Now, you claimed that you left your description blank, as in nothing there at all? I'm not sure this site will allow that. I've always assumed that dating sites (and social networking sites generally) kind of want you to have something in your personal description, even if it's just a few words. But, maybe I'm completely wrong on that.

You are absolutely correct about me not knowing what my greatest good is to life. I don't know and it's hard for me to really get a handle on that. I have serious self-esteem issues. I used to be bullied all the time in school and I never had many friends. I was always a loner, THE loner that no one really liked much. It doesn't help that I'm naturally prickly and difficult. And it helps even less that I upset easily when things don't go my way. I am trying to be better, but I will always have my issues. I have never really been happy in my life. It's almost like happiness is one of those things that other people get to have but not me. And I've gone through the past five years or so under the assumption that "love" and "romance" don't happen except in books, movies and other works of fiction. That's pretty bad if you think about it. I've never been in love with anybody and I assume that nobody will love me. I'm so afraid of being alone, especially now that I'm 36. I'm not getting any younger and there will come a day when my parents will not be around to take care of me. I have a disability and I can't just go get a job (I'll elaborate more on the job subject later) like everyone else. And I have to live with my mom and dad because I cannot move away. I don't even have my own car and I don't know how to drive anyway.

I will give more conscious though to your suggestions. If I may ask, is the following short description okay or do I have to come up with something on my own, mental blocks bedamned?

"I'm a nice, sincere fellow who is new to this format. I've got a lot to say and share. I'm open to Chinese culture though I don't know a lot about it yet. Let's try for some communication. Always ready for your response.

I meant what I said in my Deep Thoughts. This is an exploration for me."

Thank you for listening to me. I have not had anyone actually listen to me in trying to get help with anything, so I find the active willingness to help very relieving, to say the least. I will be looking out for more of your suggestions as time progresses. It is nice to know that there are actually people who care and will actually genuinely help others in need and not simply try to fleece them of money they may or may not have.

#2016-12-21 11:47:28 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@melcyan - If SCBeets2200 wants to write his full profile, in the length he originally intended to write it, here in a comment so others can try editing it as they would write it under 500 words, I have no issue with that. It might, as you say, lead to some interesting and fun comparisons.

@PaulFox1 - you've added some very good words of wisdom here. Hopefully SCBeets2200 will glean gain some insight into his concerns through them.

@SCBeets2200 - you've mentioned a few things in your recent comment that cause me to wish to follow up for more details before offering anymore advice. I am particularly interested in knowing what the disability is you have that forces you to stay home, not work and live with your parents. Could you elaborate on that please? And can you indicate if the disability was something you were born with or something that developed after your birth?

In addition please respond to the following:

1. Why do you feel that you became someone who was "bullied all the time in school"?

2. Why did you become "THE loner that no one really liked much."

3. You wrote the following: "It doesn't help that I'm naturally prickly and difficult. And it helps even less that I upset easily when things don't go my way." Were those character traits causes of your being a bullied and disliked loner or were those character traits results of your being a bullied and disliked loner?

4. You say you can't just go get a job due to your disability. What exactly is preventing you from getting a job as a work at home employee or an online entrepreneur?

5. What steps have you taken to remedy the fact that you are unemployable?

6. What steps could you take to make yourself more employable?

I will await your response. Meanwhile I suggest that you could post the short profile description you've memntioned, but with the plan in mind that you will endeavour to improve on your profile descriptions as we proceed here.

#2016-12-21 11:47:36 by fj1383 @fj1383


Hey man, everyone has suffered one way or another in this life, this life isn't flowers and rainbows all the time for anyone. I was also bullied back in school but I learnt to overcome some of my fears and realized that I have much to offer as I'm sure you do too!. First I think you seriously have to deal with your own issues before you even consider dating, having a low self-esteem will most like endager your relationship with any woman. As we say where I come from: "LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, THEN YOU WILL KNOW HOW TO LOVE OTHERS". This is so damn true and I learnt it the hard way. Take it from me, you don't want to lose an amazing woman just because your moodiness and insecurity got the best off of you. Work on yourself first spiritually, emotionally and financially. Each one of us is unique and I'm sure you are too! So cheer up man and choose your own path!

(Showing 1 to 10 of 37) 1 2 3 4 More...
To respond to another member's comment type @ followed by their name before your comment, like this: @username Then leave a space. Ask John Abbot a Question : Click here...