Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
A native Texan, Gongji has traveled extensively in the US, living mostly in the South and Western states. Now he resides once again in Texas. Having keen senses and curiosity for all things “unusual” (beyond the surface) he searches for ways to communicate the beauty and wonder of creation to others. With substantial life experience in many fields, he joins CLM in hopes that through mutual sharing of experiences, insight into our individual lives may be gleaned, allowing greater growth. Come, let us share. Come, let us share.
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My Online Dating Site Experiences with the “Photo Profile”.    

By Gongji
5837 Views | 30 Comments | 12/31/2014 7:54:35 AM

In this “episode” I wish to explain further my reasons for having no photo on my Personal or Blog profile on this or any online dating site. It has to do with one of my means of income being in the capacity of “Concert Recitalist”. My instrument,...Classical Guitar. I build them as well.

Ever since my Grandmother gave me her ukulele I have been fascinated with the sound of a string going “bong”.

I was hooked.

As the illusion of time passed, I found this entity I call “myself” engaged in a particular recital setting...

Understand please the work that is involved to preform such a feat.

Aside from engaging the “four memories” (aural, tactile, visual, and mental) for a performance of “category”, one must also place themselves in the composer's shoes.

When was the selection written and what was going on in the composer's life at the time?

Can the original intent or, close to it, be found?


These percepts and research are vital.

Otherwise the selections will just come out sounding like a bunch of notes.

Then, with many hours of “correct” practice, assume a posture of “selfless intent” so that one is sort of a “conduit” for Universal Source to flow through in front of 150- 500 people,... making all appear effortless and natural.

Afterwards,...face the reception with the audiences' congratulations, comments, and possible criticisms.

Are you understanding now?

Good,...I thought so.

It was around the end of 2004 when this internet dating thing started for me.

A household computer was available when I was taking care of my elderly father (6 years).

I thought to try and see if there was a possible partner somewhere out in the ethers.

I joined (X) online dating website and posted a picture profile.

Having just completed a public performance (favorably), I was engaged with 3 influential ($$) audience members who were considering a future engagement.

So,...I'm standing there in formal dress (white tie and tuxedo tails), when all of a sudden an attractive woman approached.

I psychically perceived the possible “voluminous flow of feminine juices” (hehe) and,... braced myself.

Actually, I recall it was sort of a “claire-abdominal” (gut feeling) sensation.

Sure enough I was correct and then, came from her.

“Oh Sir,...I so much enjoyed your performance.

It truly moved me....

Thank you,... (gush).

Hey,...I think I have seen your profile before on (X) site.

(User name)??

Right ??

How is your search going “??

All chuckled.

Well,...I could see that this lady was nice and sincere but a little bit “tipsy”.

Maybe it was the performance or possibly,...she had something to drink before?

I didn't know, didn't ask, and didn't judge.

I excused myself from the group and led her to a chair, stopping by the reception table to pick up a few tapas (snacks) and some water.

We spoke for a few minutes. All was good,...I thought.

A day later I was informed that the “future engagement” was CANCELED.

You see,...many people of influence ($$) who are appreciative and can afford my services, have a certain “demeanor / profile” they choose to project and protect.

They are wary of this type of incident because it might be a reflection on them.

I know it sounds weird but,... I have to pay attention to it.

So, I thought this was just a “fluke”,... a one time occurrence.

My next performance (a few weeks later) was in another town.

I did not expect a similar situation and yet, happened again.

It was the same circumstance but a little more “intense”.

The young woman was of Asian descent (sweet) but had a detectable “sweating fever”.

She approached me very feint.

I excused myself from the affluent ($$) group but,... they followed.

I helped walk and guide her to a couch in a small office so she could recline and reach equilibrium.

She really was hot with fever and sweating profusely.

In a pseudo delirium she told me that she had “seen” me through (X)site and saved money for both her and her female friend to come and hear me.

I was deeply touched but,... there was that undercurrent chuckle behind me.

Becoming very angry inside, I still somehow managed to keep my “Recitalist” composure.

Once again the future performance / engagement was lost.

So,...I resigned from (X)site.

Removed all picture and profile.

Result??... Never happened again.

Like many of my brothers wishing to find a good partner, I was first induced by various websites to investigate.

But paying attention to the previous experiences, I decided to be a little more wise.

I would engage (to test out) but show no picture and give small, yet truthful detail about who I am.

I felt this was correct and that assessment proven to be valid.

I admit that I first tried AsianBeauties. but,... it only took me about $36.00 to sense a scam.

A letter to one lady and response did not seem to be congruent with written or posted information.


Letters from other ladies were incongruent as well.

“Oh,...I have seen your profile / picture.”

You capture my heart”.

Babe,...there is no picture there..... Ha!


I departed that site.

I really try NOT to psychologically project onto others but,... it isn't always easy.

All of the women's pictures on CLM are most appealing in various ways.

Some are “Beauty Queens”.

Others are “ Earth Muffins” (wholesome).

Most are a little of both.

All so elegant in their own ways but, I know,... it's only a picture.

Here's how it sometimes goes with me,......

Unconscious, unconscious, unconscious, unconscious, oh,...there's one that “looks” conscious!

Uh Oh,...I'm too old......

WOW !,..what stunning photography.

Oh wait,....”looks” like a “freight train to a migraine”.

Aye,........there's a “train wreck to a heart break”.

RUN NOW !!! etc....

When I find myself doing that ,...I know it is not in alignment with the integrity I ultimately choose.

I stop, reflect, and regroup (take a break) until some balance is restored.

I know that a picture is one of the most direct ways to establish contact and I use as well in private but,...I also have reticence to be assessed by a photo.

There is greater depth.

Even with shared private photos I have experienced the following....

Oh,...he looks like George Clooney with glasses and a beard.

Look at that cute smile behind his mustache and,... his deep eyes.

Barely a wrinkle for 57 years !

His hair is SILVER but,... his eyebrows are BLACK !

Hmm,...Give him a hair dye job,... contact lenses and,... a razor (ugh)!

Hey,...he plays music?

Takes a lot of time to make that good.

He must have some money to afford practice time.

Maybe he is rich ?

Then it's Hello Yogi Bear:

“Hey hey Boo Boo,...I think I smell another pic-a-nic basket”.

Ha !!!

Sadly,... I have encountered this but still,...keeps trying.

Now,… I must give some particular ladies mention as well.

There are two that I have met on CLM as “internet friends” who have non-photo profiles and are in certain circumstances as well.

Both have “public profile” jobs that they have worked very hard for and wish to maintain a certain “persona”.

Through their determination ,wisdom, and caution, each has achieved a relatively high level in their field.

I respect this and their choice of non-photo profile makes very good sense to me.

My intentions and personal hopes in discovering that special partner are Very Sincere yet,.... relaxed.

There is something deeper I search for in a possible partner.

I will certainly share decent (clothes on) photos with members of my choice in private, after some comments, 2 or 3 messages, a brief introductory letter, and a certain level of trust has been established.

Then if all seems well,... ask to move to webcam.

This is sort of “Old Fashioned” and slow but, for an endeavor like this, I am in No Hurry and, I really sense it is the best way for me.

Sometimes,... this process can move fairly quick.

Also,... I wish to mention that Harry's photo is my qq logo.

If you happen to be surfing qq and see Harry with “Yin Ting Yu,...Gongji” perhaps you may get some comfort knowing it is the same fellow.

I really think it best though to respect CLM and “Gold Up” for first private communication.

It doesn't cost much for 1 month.

This is no “sales pitch”,... just some “Rooster integrity”.

Perhaps I will do so after a little more reflection and writing.

Exchange some comments then move to private message / chat, know.

OK,...I have written enough for now and I really hope that you will begin to understand and accept my perspective a little better.

Oh,...just to remind,...Mr. Abbot (CLM) has allowed me this blog space for which I am Most Appreciative.

Should any questions or preferences for “fairness” regarding “Blog Space Photos” arise,...please re-read the “Terms of Agreement” for this website First,.... and THEN,... submit concerns to CLM.

So,...let us Please put this topic to rest with the sunset photo from my back porch and move on to the next points.

There are many to address and express.

Thanks for stopping by,

PEACE to ALL....


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-12-31 08:08:12 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I am not sure that Gongji's experiences are something that the majority of us have to worry about, although maybe it would be possible for a lawyer to lose clients, or a teacher to be ridiculed by his students, or countless other negative experiences to occur as a result of posting one's photo on a dating site profile. It seems much less likely on a Chinese dating site like ours, since Gongji would hardly be likely to encounter a fellow member at one of his recitals being as that would require about 95% of them to travel 10,000 miles or so in order to attend said recital.

Nonetheless, for some people, it is well worth thinking about. And for here and now, it is good to know Gongji's reasoning behind not posting his photo. Hopefully this will put some people at ease that were feeling a little cheated. It certainly is understandable to me. Nice blog Gongji, very enlightening.

#2014-12-31 12:11:32 by YinTingYu @YinTingYu

Hi John,
Thanks for understanding and posting.
I really wanted to explain my circumstances to the other members.
I sense it is more likely that I will be the one to fly 10,000 miles.
Still,... I think I will be in that 5%. :)
I just hope it will be somewhere between 95 and 100. (rofl)
More will follow....

#2014-12-31 12:35:10 by Barry1 @Barry1


"Should any questions or preferences for “fairness” regarding “Blog Space Photos” arise..."

I must admit that I burst out laughing when I read the above sentance, Gongji.

"What sort of dickhead would complain about "fairness" simply because there was no photo of a blogger posted?" I thought to myself.

But then to my horror and chagrin, I suddenly realised it may've been me who'd done this, in an earlier comment to you!

Sometimes I get on the grog, Gongji. I get a bit crocked, crapulous or cock-eyed. You know, blitzed, bombed, blotto or blinded. Three sheets to the wind, if you will.

So the next time I get plastered, pickled, pie-eyed or potted, I'll make sure to make no bleating mention of "fairness" to anyone. I'm sure it'll come back and bite me on the bum sometime in the future, dog gonnit! (beer)(d)(dance)

#2015-01-01 06:17:34 by bmccull @bmccull

In 2004 there was a certain stigma to online dating - others might assume you were desperate! I think all that has changed now that online dating has gone mainstream.

#2015-01-01 06:33:26 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot


You wrote "Sometimes I get on the grog, Gongji. I get a bit crocked, crapulous or cock-eyed. You know, blitzed, bombed, blotto or blinded. Three sheets to the wind, if you will."

And I am sooooo glad that you did. It has explained so much and answered so may questions that have popped into my head over the course of moderating your blogs, threads and comments of the past while. Thanks for clearing things up. Just saying...

Jokes aside, Happy New Year to you Mate.

#2015-01-01 11:28:06 by Barry1 @Barry1


"It has explained so much and answered so may questions that have popped into my head over the course of moderating your blogs, threads and comments of the past while"

Thanks for your wordss and good wishes, John.

Let me say that the past fifteen or so months that I've been associated with CLM have been quite interesting and in some respects, life altering. Really wonderful stuff, if you think about it.

I believe that in 2015, this evolutionary trend will continue. I look forward to another great year ahead and best wishes to all! (y)(beer)(sun)

#2015-01-01 13:50:54 by YinTingYu @YinTingYu

@ Barry1
B. bro,
I think most of us imbibe from time to time and possibly,... to the point at which you admit.
I just hope you do it in a safe place where you can't hurt anybody.
It's OK with me on this blog site as long as it's not too much schlobber*#@!!*#@!!
Always find your insights interesting.
Grad yew waz aber tew schtop by........ (d) (rofl)
Happy New Year,

#2015-01-02 21:06:04 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Apologies for not responding earlier but I'm in China right now with intermediate interweb access
Couple of points if I may?
Firstly welcome as a blogger. Your posts have been great so far - keep up the good work!
Salty? Me ? What on earth do you mean lol
also i notice that you often refer to being born in 57 THIS TIME
Could you elaborate on the THIS TIME?
I'm dying to hear your views on this
cheers and I'm glad i stopped by lol

#2015-01-04 00:21:58 by YinTingYu @YinTingYu

@paulfox 1
Hi Paul,
Do you believe in the Possibility (and I would underline that word if I knew how) of Reincarnation? Maybe?..... Oh,...nice to see you again!!. :D
This is one of my favorite "ice breakers" and it is especially effective when I go to visit and perform a little bit of music at the retirement centers. The elders seem to get it.
I will certainly elaborate on "THIS TIME" but, I won't go into great detail because it is a topic that will be used in further posts.

Now,...I ask that you Please "go with me" and allow yourself to step beyond the rational(?) logic of the physical plane.
I don't really think that reincarnation, as is commonly thought of, is possible but, it could be and I just don't know it. :D
I sense a sort of "essence", some call it a soul (not really comfortable with that word), that each of us possess and originates from a vast pool of "Universal Source"(?).
As "mental / visual" analogy please,..let us consider that one's essence is signified by a drop of liquid ink in an eye dropper and one holds that eye dropper above a large pool of water.
When the ink drop is released it travels toward the greater pool (by gravity on this plane).
During it's travel a large wind may come along and disperse that drop or, it may descend intact into the pool.
If that mysterious "Universal Source" had reason to collect that ink drop in a small cup or ladle, I see that it would be possible to reuse but still, there would probably be some disbursement of the original molecules.
I choose to live in a dimension where all things are possible.
This is just my particular and limited assessment.
You still "with me"? Good,...I thought so.

I sense that you are a man who is totally willing to explore the "occult".
I'm not talking about some sort of "Satanic incantation mumbo-jumbo" (No Offense to practitioners please) I mean "occult" in the sense of "hidden" or "unseen".
Please don't give me the old "seeing is believing" phrase (unless it is the only one you are comfortable with) because, you breathe air just as we all do but, we do not usually "see" the oxygen molecules we intake and still,...intake readily.
Now,...I am almost certain that you have experienced what is called "De ja vu".
Random House "big dic-tionary" 2. the illusion(?) of having previously experienced something...).
Say you're at the market and suddenly you have the sense that there is someone (hopefully female in our cases) in your sphere of perception that gives impetus to engage.
Perhaps you have the feeling you have met somewhere, sometime before?
Then a little message occurs in mind that it is a pleasurable reunion or "run like hell now"!!(rofl)
These incidents (and MANY others) direct me to the consideration of possible previous lifetimes.
I will go into it in greater detail at a later point but, I think you know what I'm talkin' 'bout.
Listen, ...I have to stop,... now that I've created a mini blog within a blog (sorry John).
Oh, "salty" humor? A little bit of salt can make a bland melon "POP" with sweetness.
Peace Brother and,..."Nice to see you again". (rofl)
You are always welcome on this blog space.

#2015-01-05 17:39:09 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Hi Gongli
Thanks for your explanation it's just what I expected.
Personally I don't believe in "human nature" I prefer to call it "learned behaviour"....allow me to elaborate a little
Generally speaking, we are all born the "same" insofar as 2 arms, 2 legs etc etc, so what makes us different from each other?
Fundamentally, there are 2 things that make us different from each other
1 Our upbringing (learned behaviour)
2 Our personality (soul if you like)

These are the 2 things that give us our "individuality"
So when we die, our body dies but what happens to the inner energy that is our "soul"?
Some believe it dies with us, others believe that it lives on.
Personally, many years ago I witnessed a friend undergo "regressive hypnotherapy" and I will never forget what I saw as long as I live.
In a "previous life" he was a Roman Centurion and was able to graphically describe things and places he had never been to "this time". He was also able to speak Latin fluently whilst under hypnosis.
This certainly gives credence to the born again theory, but it doesn't work for everyone

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