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Imi was born and raised in Europe, Hungary. After finishing his school years, he moved to Canada to search for a better life. He lived in Toronto for 13 years and currently resides in Vancouver. He is a romantic at heart with a strong desire to always do the right thing. He would like to give hope to the Chinese and Asian ladies with his story and send a message that love eventually finds everybody.
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My Love for Lily 我对百合的爱, Part 8 - My Nightmare's Come Alive 白日噩梦    

By Imi
12743 Views | 53 Comments | 4/21/2014 12:19:52 AM

How my expected coming life in heaven with my beloved Chinese woman became my worst nightmare!

I received the news, not about her American visa, but about somebody I trusted, had disappeared with $40000 that belonged to me. I am not a rich man, losing that kind of money at once made me sick. I felt that I was losing everything, my business, my life and my intended Chinese wife, my Lily.



I told her what happened.



“You will be alright, you still have your job, you can make more money.”She was positive about it. It gave me a little bit of hope. I had been depressed for a couple of days, but I didn't really want to show her my bad mood. When we talked I tried to talk to her in a good attitude. One day we were chatting on QQ and she asked me if I had my breakfast that morning, She always asked me this, every morning.



“No, I didn't have breakfast this morning because I don't have money.” I said, but it was only a joke on my part. The reaction that I received after this sentence made me realized that I had made a big mistake.



“Oh..Oh..Oh.”



“How dare you.....never mind... it's too late, I will go to bed, I need to think about us.”



“Bye”



She turned off QQ.



I knew I made a mistake. She was a woman with a child.... a Chinese woman with a child. I wanted her to come to Canada to live with me and basically I've just told her I had no money for food.



“Am I stupid?” I asked myself.



The next day I called my insurance broker. I had a life insurance with a little bit over $20,000 on it. I told her about losing a big amount recently and I needed that $20,000 that I had on my account.



She said, I couldn't get it unless I got paralysed or if I died than they could pay not $20,000 but $400,000 to the beneficiary that I named in the contract.



“So, you mean, I have put $20,000 into my life insurance and I can't get my own money.”



“Yes, that's what I mean.”



“Why didn't you tell me that I can't stop my contract anytime and get my money?



“I wasn't supposed to tell you about it, you should have read the contract carefully and then sign it.” she said.



“As an agent, aren't you supposed to tell your clients what the contract is all about? You told me a lot of things how good this contract would be for me, it was just like an investment. How come you forgot to tell me about this important part of the contract?”



“I am just an agent, I just did what I was told to do, if you want to sue the company you can.



“You are a fraud and so is the company that you work for!”



I hung up. I knew I couldn't sue them, I signed the contract. I was devastated. I went into a deep depression. 5 days later Lily had contacted me and said she didn't want to see me anymore and she wanted to forget me.



“Okay, if you want to break up with me, you have to tell me in person, I am coming to China” said to her.



“No, don't come here because I will not see you again. I am sorry what happened to you, but now I have to think about myself and my son. Take care of yourself!”



In a few days I lost $60,000 and her.



I sent an email to Sally and asked her to translate everything what I wrote in it to everyone.



It was my good bye letter to Mandy, Sally, Jeff and Lily. I wanted to say a proper good bye to them, I wasn't just able to disappear without saying anything.



Sally said in her reply that she did translate my message to everyone individually and Lily said this, “ I lost a good man!” She also mentioned that Lily was in very bad shape too.



My future was dead. So was I.



Some people have good dreams, some people have bad dreams and some of us have nightmares... AT NIGHT! My nightmares started when I opened my eyes in the morning, and every bad thing that happened to me rushed into my system. I had to push through myself every minute of everyday and I felt lucky when I was able to sleep a few hours at night. The only few minutes that made me happy were when I found a couple of Chinese songs on the internet that we listened together, when we were in her car going to different places. Before I went to bed at night, I turned the music on, switched off the lights, closed my eyes and for a few minutes I was in China again. I felt my lovely Chinese woman’s presence with me. I saw her smiling at me, holding my hand while she was driving. I heard Jeff, sitting at the back, talking to Mandy. I was happy back then. These few minutes were my lifelines to survive this terrible period of my life.



I was a mess mentally, physically and spiritually. I knew that I could save up my money again one day, it was only money. But losing a person, who made me a better man when she was in my life, devastated me to my core. She'd never come online anymore and it was killing me. I couldn't explain myself to her, she didn't give me the chance.



One day I woke up in the morning and I didn't want to go through with my day in pain again. I messaged her on her phone and asked her if she could give me 10 minutes and talk with me on QQ. After 5 minutes she came online.



“Hi Lily, how are you?”



“I am fine, thanks, and you?”



“I am good, thanks.” I lied.



“What do you want to talk about?”she asked



“Okay, here it is. Even though, I have lost a lot of money recently and I know you don't care about me anymore, I would like you to come and see me in Canada in September when you will be able to apply for Canadian visa again.”



“See you? Why?”



“I would like to show you my life, how I live, if even then, you say that, you don't want to see me anymore, I think I would be able to accept it. I will cover all of your expanses, you don't need to worry about it.”



“Thank you very much, but no, I will not see you again!”



“I think you are making a mistake by making a decision without seeing Canada and knowing my life fully. You think that I am starving here because I made a bad joke. I am a hardworking man. Do you think that I would be able to work without eating properly?”



“You need to save your money for yourself and get back onto your feet as soon as you can. If I was there with you, it would put you under a huge stress. I don't want to put that kind of pressure on your life. You need to go back to the dating site and find a suitable woman for yourself. I am not that good of a woman that you think I am.”



“I know you are a good woman, you are just saying you are not one because you want me to forget you.”



“No, go back to the site because you need to learn about Chinese women.”



“Please, Lily give me another chance, I make good money here and you know that I am a hardworking man. I can replace the money that I lost, but I don't think I can replace you.” I was begging her.



“No, I am sorry, I need to go to bed, it's too late here and I am tired. Take care of yourself and I wish you happiness!” She said



“Bye”she turned off her QQ.



I don't know for how long I sat there in front of my computer, but I knew that I had to give up on her.  At least I tried, but I failed. I was a loser and I really thought so.



我收到消息,不是关于Lily的美国签证,是我自己的,一条噩耗。一个我很信任的朋友带着属于我的$40,000失踪了。我本不是个有钱人,损失这笔钱让我如雷击顶,我正在失去所有,我的生意,我的生活,我的Lily。



我告诉了她所发生的事情。



“我相信你会好起来的,你还有工作,钱还可以再赚。”她的乐观也让我心存希望。很多天来我都很消沉,但在她面前我一直强装笑颜,不希望因为我的坏情绪而影响她。一我们又在QQ,她照例以问我吃没吃过早饭开场。



“我没吃早饭,因为我没钱了。”我开玩笑道。但随之她的反应让我意识到自己犯了一个很大的错误。



“哦。。。哦。。。哦。”



“你怎么能 。。。算了。。。太晚了,我得去睡觉了,我得想想我们之间的关系。”



“再见。”



她QQ下线了。



我知道我返了个错误,她是个带着孩子的妈妈。。。 一个带着孩子的中国女人。我想让她搬来跟我生活,但我现在却告诉她我没钱吃饭。



“我是个傻瓜吗?”我问自己。



第二天我给我的保险经纪人打电话,我还有大约$20,000的保险在,我告诉她我希望终止合同,我需要现金。



她告诉我,除非我生了大病,比如瘫痪或死亡,那么我的受益人可以得到$400,000,而非现在取出那$20,000现金。



“那么你的意思是,我存了$20,000到我的保险账户,现在却取不出来吗?”



“对,就是这样。”



“你当初为什么不告诉我,我不能随时中断合同,拿回属于我自己的钱?”



“我没有义务告诉你这些,你应该自己仔细阅读条款然后签合同的。”



“作为代理人,你难道不应该明确向你的客户解释合同条款吗?你当初跟我说了很多这个保险对我有多大的好处,说就是我的一项投资,却对这最重要的一条闭口不谈?”



“我只是一个代理人,我做了公司要求我做的事情,如果需要,你可以起诉我的公司。”



“你是个骗子,你们公司是个骗子!”



我挂断了电话,可我知道我没法起诉他们,合同上有我的亲笔签名。我崩溃了,我彻底绝望了。



5天后,Lily联系了我,告诉我她不想再见到我,她要忘记我。



“如果你想跟我分手,请当面告诉我,我去中国。”



“不,你不要来中国,你就是来了,我也不会见你的。你发生了这件事,我也很为你难过,但我得为自己和儿子的生活考虑。请你自己多保重吧!”



短短几天内,我失去了$60,000,失去了我的女人。



我发了邮件给Saly,请她把我写给每个人的话翻译给她们。那是我给每个人的道别信,Mandy, Jeff还有Lily。我希望用这种方式跟大家道别,不想那么悄无声息地就消失了。



Sally回复说她给每个人都单独翻译传达了我的话,Lily说了一句,“我失去了一个好男人!”还告诉我,Lily最近看起来也很糟糕。



我的未来死了,我也死了。



有些人会做到好梦,有些人会有不太好的梦,有人会做噩梦…当然是晚上睡觉时;而我的噩梦是在每天早上睁开眼睛的那一刻才开始,所有那些让我窒息的情景会一遍遍一条条向我袭来,我必须用强大的力气才能把自己朝前推动一步。如果哪个晚上我可以睡上个把个小时就已经是很幸运的了。也有某个晚上,我偶尔能在网上找到几首当初跟Lily一起听过的中文歌曲,这也会给我带来些安慰,晚上上床前,放上音乐,熄灭灯光,黑暗中闭上眼睛,自己仿佛又到了中国,我看到她在开车,转头朝我微笑,握着我的手,还听到Jeff在后座上跟Mandy说话。。。 我又感受到我的幸福了,在这段几乎灭顶的艰难日子里,这短短几分钟的美妙,可以支撑我继续走下去。



我身心俱惫,一团糟乱。我知道我还可以再赚钱,我的生活还可以回到原来的轨道,可是失去那个让我因她而热爱生活的人,会让我轰然倒下。这期间她从没有再上QQ,这让我度日如年,我本可以解释给她听,可是没有机会。



一天早上我醒来后,对自己说,不能再这样下去,我不能任由痛苦蔓延湮灭下去。我给Lily发了信息,请她上QQ,给我10分钟时间跟她谈。5分钟后她上线了。



“Hi, Lily,你还好吗?”



“我还好,谢谢。你呢?”



“还好,谢谢。”我在撒谎。



“你想跟我谈什么?”她问。



“是这样,虽说我丢了很多钱,我知道你也许根本不再在乎我了,可我仍然希望你九月份能到加拿大来看我,如果到时你能申请到签证的话。”



“去看你?为什么?”



“我希望让你看看我的生活,如果到那时你仍然说不想再见我了,我会接受的。我会承担你所有的费用,这个你不用担心。”



“谢谢你,但是没必要,我不会再见你的。”



“Lily, 你错了,在没有对加拿大和我的生活有个真正的认识前,就做出决定,你不能这样。因为我的一个蹩脚的笑话,你就误认为我在这边真的穷的饭都吃不上吗?我工作很卖力,请你相信我。”



“你得开始存钱,尽早摆脱困境。如果我去了,会给你压力的,我不希望那么做。你再回到那个网站,找一个适合你自己的女人吧,我没你想的那么好。”



“我知道你是个好女人,你这么说只是想让我忘了你。”



“不是的,你还是再回到那个网站吧,你需要真正了解中国女人。”



“求你,Lily, 请再给我一次机会,我在这边收入真的不错,而且你知道我平时工作也很卖力很用心。丢的钱我可以再赚回来,可失去你,就不可能有第二个你。”我在哀求她。



“真的不可能,对不起,我得睡觉了,太晚了,我累了。你多保重吧,祝你幸福!”她说。



“再见”,然后她的QQ下线了。



不知道在电脑前又坐了多久,但我知道我应该放弃她。我试过了,可我做不到。我是个失败的人,我真的是。


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 53) 1 2 3 4 5 6 More...
#2014-04-21 07:24:34 by hellenwei @hellenwei

It is really bad joking .............

#2014-04-21 07:48:06 by janethenderson @janethenderson

no,it is not true, the woman is imaginary. I cann't believe lily is that kind of woman. money is important ,it is so important for it can go and back.whatever it is ,the process to earn it is a necessary process in life. women should participate the process and do herself to promote it . money can always back, and life is the process to complete it. this is the life. why ,why ,why the lily don,t want to go through the process with Imi? what is her job in China? she has been relayed on her ex-husband?? ho, I cann't accept it. she is a parasite.

#2014-04-21 08:01:58 by anonymous9703 @anonymous9703

Obviously you should not told your trouble to her,but the true love should not be so fragile, when you are in trouble, she choose to give up you, this is not love,you should look forward with optimism.At least you do not choose wrong woman to be your wife again. Hope you can better soon, fighting!

#2014-04-21 09:35:27 by Xiao66 @Xiao66

你可以再开始的。

#2014-04-21 12:27:54 by Jaguarguy @Jaguarguy

Sadly interesting story. I will say given my experience here over the last 5 years that everything happens for a reason. I know right now it doesn't make sense but in the future it will.

Without stealing your post I will say I lost someone I thought would be my wife when the economy tanked in the US and postponed my trip to China to meet her. In the end she dumped me which was devastating. I did however find someone else on CLM about 18 months ago and she will be coming to the US on her K1 visa the 15th of May. So even though it wont change how you feel now it will get better and again, everything happens for a reason.

On another note I told my fiancé last week when I bought the tickets for me to go to China, get her and her daughter and fly us al back to the US that I used all my money and I was now broke. Without skipping a beat she says, its ok dear, I will bring money to US for us so we will have money. Little different reaction then your situation but thought I would mention it. Also, I have plenty of money but did use all in one account for the tickets and she probably knew that's what I meant.

#2014-04-21 12:42:37 by anonymous9707 @anonymous9707

You are a very nice guy,Imi.Cheer up! You will find a better one! i have met a canadian man,we liked each other so much after meeting.but ...he refused to come to visit me again because it costs too much and different cultures ...he said:i like you still,but its too far away...i am still sad even it pasted almost one year...

#2014-04-21 14:42:22 by Barry1 @Barry1

@Imi5922

"somebody I trusted had disappeared with $40,000 that belonged to me"

Well Imi, I'm very sorry to hear this. To be cheated out of so much money is bad. To have it done by a friend of yours makes a bad situation even worse.

“Am I stupid?” I asked myself."

You're not stupid, Imi. You made a simple, half joking comment that was taken too literally. But yes, given the still fragile state of your relationship, it wasn't the smartest thing to say. Like you though, I've learnt to my chagrin that what is a funny remark to a Westerner can be taken quite the other way by a Chinese, who seem to possess a different style of humour to that of the West.

"I have put $20,000 into my life insurance and I can't get my own money.”

Yes Imi, this is correct. If you insure your life, there's usually no way you can retrieve the premiums you've paid into it,unless you fall into one of the specified clauses within the contract, such as serious injury or death. There are also whole of life contracts whereby you can receive a set sum at an agreed time in the future, say when you reach 65 or whatever. But normally, they don't allow you to suddenly cancel a contract and return your premiums.

"I went into a deep depression. 5 days later Lily had contacted me and said she didn't want to see me anymore and she wanted to forget me."

There's nothing worse than being afflected by the "black dog" as Winston Churchill used to call it. Deep, dark depression. It happened to me once and I swallowed two bottles of sleeping pills and was lucky to wake up again, so I understand exactly what you went through.

The fact that Lily dumped you though after everything you'd been through is both surprising and disappointing. I thought she was smarter than this?

ALTHOUGH I note that your "My Love for Lily" series goes for TWENTY parts and this is only part eight of the series. So I assume that in due course, Lily WILL RETURN to you, otherwise what will you write about in the next twelve parts? This is the disadvantage by the way, of revealing to us early on how long your series will be. (giggle)

So given the above, I won't bother telling you to cheer up and be strong, given that almost certainly, I know both you and Lily will reunite.

But I will say once again though, that I'm sincerely sorry about the large amount of money you lost to your friend. Although even having said this, as we're only in part 8 of your series, maybe in one of the next twelve parts, you'll not only get Lily back - but your money as well?

I really hope so, Imi!

#2014-04-21 15:21:13 by Cicojuju @Cicojuju

生活是美好的。一切都会好起来。加油!!!

#2014-04-21 19:31:42 by anonymous9710 @anonymous9710

“一个我很信任的朋友带着属于我的$40,000失踪了。”这件事情没交待清楚。不晓得是不是真的。如果这件事情不真实,LILY没做错什么。不过LMI千辛万苦来了一趟中国这件事是真的。

所有篇幅没有关于LILY职业的描述,但衣食无忧,儿子还有英语家教,证明是有人供养的。LMI对中国女人很无知。

这个LILY我从一开始就怀疑她是个二奶,还跟前夫带孩子一起去澳洲玩。

#2014-04-21 19:45:11 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Imi
If I am honest with you I have considered some of your previous blogs in this series to be a little "fluffy" to say the least - however I have read this one with interest and it touched me
Having recently been ripped-off myself for $48,000 by an unscrupulous builder I am fully aware of how much it hurts
At the time of writing this response I can see that 3 members have already hit the LOL button but I see absolutely NOTHING funny about this blog - far from it

I know you have more to come, but right now Lily's response confuses me a little

Firstly I want to condemn her to my "Money-Woman type" - but I am not so sure
Perhaps she really WAS thinking of you and wanting to give you time to re-coup some financial losses before you gave more time to her - or maybe she was scared that you could not provide her with the life she had dreamed of in Canada

One thing I have learned about Chinese women is that no matter what happens between you on a personal level, they always seem to want to have 'financial security'
By that I mean that they either need their man to be financially secure to begin with, or at least have the earning potential to make them financially secure in the near future

For the first time in your series of blogs I am actually looking forward to the next instalment
Dont leave it so long next time :)

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