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Imi was born and raised in Europe, Hungary. After finishing his school years, he moved to Canada to search for a better life. He lived in Toronto for 13 years and currently resides in Vancouver. He is a romantic at heart with a strong desire to always do the right thing. He would like to give hope to the Chinese and Asian ladies with his story and send a message that love eventually finds everybody.
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My Love for Lily 我对百合的爱, Part 7 - Getting to Know Each Other 更加了解对方    

By Imi
7482 Views | 29 Comments | 3/23/2014 2:18:35 PM

The Chinese community in Canada, and especially Vancouver, is very large and signs of Chinese culture and presence are everywhere.

I didn't feel that I wanted to come back to Vancouver. I love this city, but I left a part of me in China. I wasn't a whole person. Five days after I got home, Lily, Mandy, Jeff and Lily's ex-husband left for Australia.



We talked before their departure and I wished them a great time. She sent me messages every time when she had the chance and said she missed me.



After the trip she sent me the photos and she was full of experiences. She loved the air, the blue skies, the sunsets and said she wished that I was there with her. I was very happy for her and I hoped that it might have opened her mind about moving to another country.



Since she got back from Australia we had been talking on QQ everyday in the morning for 2-3 hours, which was evening time for her. It became a routine for us. I woke up at 5:30 in the morning, ate my breakfast and she came online around 6. I didn't go to the gym in the morning anymore, I went in the afternoon, after my work. It was more important to me to talk to her and get to know her better.



We chatted about everything, Chinese culture, Canadian culture and we both agreed that the differences between the two cultures would make our relationship more colourful. Of course, we knew it would have been difficult at the beginning, but if we had taken out the best customs from each of them and blend it together, we would have gotten a pretty nice international family life together.



She asked me if I still wanted a child and if I did, a boy or a girl. I told her I had always wanted a girl because I wanted to spoil her like a princess. She said, she was afraid I would love our daughter more than her. I laughed at this thought and said,



“You are my first thought that comes into my mind in the morning when I wake up. Do you think a baby girl would change that? It would just make our relationship better and I would love you even more for giving me a smaller version of you. I could see you in her.”



Through our long talks we'd got more comfortable with each other and we talked about sex too. She said, if I was a Chinese man she wouldn't talk with me about this topic. It was very strange for me and I asked her,



“You never talked about sex with your ex-husband?”



“No.”



“Then how did he know what you liked to do in bed, and you as well, how did you know what he liked to do?”



“I don't know, we just did it.”she said.



“Don't you think a healthy sex life is important for a successful and balanced family life?” I asked her.



“I don't know.”



“Here, in the western world we like to talk about everything openly, including sex. Of course, I wouldn't talk about sex with a stranger, but I can't imagine not knowing what my woman likes to do in bed. For me, giving pleasure to my woman is more important than thinking about myself during sex. My satisfaction is coming from seeing her happy in my arms. A man can be satisfied easily, satisfying a woman takes time.”



“Then you are a woman, because women think this way.” she said.



“The last time I checked this morning, I was a boy.”



“Only a boy???” she teased me.



“Okay, I rephrase my sentence. The last time I checked I was a MAN.”



We were getting comfortable with each other day by day and I was falling for her deeper and deeper.



She already knew that I loved her because I told her. When I did tell her, she told me she liked me a lot, but never told me I love you too.



The end of March, we began talking about her coming to Canada to visit me. She collected the necessary documents and submitted her application for a Canadian visa. She didn't get it and because of that she wasn't able to apply for another Canadian visa for 6 months. 



I told her to try for American visa and if she got it we could meet in Hawaii which is halfway between the two countries or I could come again to visit her in Shenzhen. Just to make sure we were going to get at least one of the visas, I applied for a Chinese visa and so did she for the American. 



My visa arrived in a week. We were just waiting for the decision about her American visa because we really wanted to go to Hawaii.



我爱温哥华,可仍然很不情愿回到这个城市,因为现在的我不再是完整的,我的一部分已经留在了中国。五天后,Lily, Mandy, Jeff还有Lily的前夫一起动身去了澳大利亚。她出发前,我祝她旅途愉快。在她旅行期间,只要有机会,她都会发信息给我,说很想念我。

旅行结束回家后,她发了很多照片给我,照片里她看起来容光焕发,享受着蓝天白云落日,她说如果我当时跟她在一起该多好。我也为她高兴,希望这次旅行可以影响她的观念,不再反对到另一个国家生活。

从澳大利亚回来后,我们每天都在QQ上聊天,在我是早上,在她是晚上,每天我们都会聊2~3个小时。我会在每天早上5:30起床,吃完早饭后6点钟准时等着Lily的约会。我停止了早上去健身的习惯,改为晚上下班后再去,对我来说能够更多了解我女朋友才更重要。

我们的话题逐渐宽泛,中国文化,加拿大文化,两种文化各取其优而融汇,将是最美妙的结合吧,如果我们结合,会是怎样一个五彩缤纷的国际型家庭呢!

她问我想不想要孩子,想要男孩还是女孩。我说我总是幻想有个女孩,如果我们将来生个女儿,我一定会把她如公主一般来宠爱。她说,那不行,如果真有个女儿,我的爱会只给女儿,她自己在我心里恐怕就没有位置了。

我笑她的幼稚,告诉她,“将来的每天,我醒来后的第一个念头就只有你,你认为我会因为女儿而改变爱你的心意吗?女儿的到来将只会让我更爱你,因为你给了我一个小小的你,我会如爱你一般爱女儿,爱女儿一般爱你。”

我们的话题还谈到了性,她说如果换成一个中国男人,她是绝对不跟我聊这个的。我觉得很不理解,问她,

“跟你前夫,你们从来没有聊过性吗?”

“没有。”

“那你们怎么知道对方喜欢什么?”

“我不知道,我们就是从来不说的。”

“你觉得完美的性生活对于幸福的夫妻生活重要吗?”

“我不知道。”

“在西方我们可以谈论任何话题,包括性。当然我指的是亲密的恋人或夫妻之间,而非跟什么人都谈。对于我,我得知道我的女人喜欢什么,让她幸福比我自己更重要,看着她在我的怀里得到满足我自己也会很自豪和满足。男人很容易就得到了,但女人来的慢,需要过程。”

“那这样说来,你是个女人了,因为这也是女人的观点。”

“今天早上最后一次确认过,我还是个男孩。”

“还是个男孩吗???”她在那边逗我。

“好吧,纠正一下措辞,我检查过了,我是男人。”

我们之间越来越亲密,我也越来越爱她。

她知道我爱她,因为我告诉她我爱她。她回答说她很喜欢我,但从来没有说过“我也爱你。”



三月末,我们计划着她到加拿大来看看。她准备了所有材料申请加拿大签证,但没有拿到签证,也意味着最少六个月内都不能再申请。我让她试试美国签证,如果能得到美国签证,我们可以去夏威夷度假,或者我可以再去深圳。保险起见,我们两手准备,她申请美国签证的同时我也申请了中国签证,只要能再次跟她相聚。我的签证两周就下来了,她的美国签证还迟迟没有消息,即使我们真的很想去夏威夷。


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Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 29) 1 2 3 More...
#2014-03-23 14:25:18 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Oookaaay, here we go! Let's see how much controversy comes out of this article, Part 7 of the series. @Barry1 , care to get things started? (giggle)

#2014-03-23 15:35:33 by loveF @loveF

Your story paused here , this makes me stifled, oddly stifled .
Lmi you are a super author , you know the way to keep us --- your fans on tenterhooks . we can tell know how much you dearly love Lily and how attractive Lily is for you , but you still avoid telling your fans what will happened . it's a torture for your readers . you are good at creating a foreshadowing .
what a clever writer ! i will continue keeping my eyes on your story .

#2014-03-23 15:40:27 by chanmao @chanmao

你们的爱情,是如此的纯洁而美丽。
洗涤我们的心灵...
祝有情人终成眷属!(sun)

#2014-03-23 17:56:59 by springflower06 @springflower06

Hi, Imi

According to your words, in my opinion, Lily and you have deeper and deeper conversations and therefore both of you have got known more already. You love story definitely will be a happy result.

#2014-03-23 18:26:31 by Barry1 @Barry1

@Imi5922
@JohnAbbot

"Let's see how much controversy comes out of this article, Part 7 of the series. @Barry1 , care to get things started?"

Thanks for these amusing comments, John - I burst out laughing when I read them! (rofl)

I do have a few things to say to Imi, both good and bad. Maybe I should just shut up now and say nothing? This is what a smart person would probably do. But who ever said I was smart? :x

No - the truth must out, for only by the inaction or lassitude of good men that bad things can prosper. Not that I regard myself as a good man, as @Grace172 would suggest, I just have a big mouth and can be a bit "naughty" sometimes. (giggle)

Imi, your relationship seems to be progressing quite well at this time (part 7). The fact that you said,

"we had been talking on QQ everyday in the morning for 2-3 hours.... It became a routine for us...... We chatted about everything......"

I really like the sound of this. It shows that BOTH of you care deeply for each other now and are each making a determined effort in cementing what appears to be a wonderful relationship ahead.

I won't say any more than this, as I'm sure all the Chinese ladies here will effusively babble on and on about what a dreamy, idyllic, marvellous, passionate and wonderful romance this is turning out to be. Which of course, it is. I'm pleased for you, mate. (y)

Okay, let me get to the bad part. For those who prefer to dwell in la la land however, contemplating the love fairies dancing endlessly at the bottom of their gardens - and who don't like anything but unrealistic fairytales - please stop reading now.

Imi, you said,

"She asked me if I still wanted a child and if I did, a boy or a girl. I told her I had always wanted a girl because I wanted to spoil her like a princess."

Oh, my God. Please do NOT do this. I've just spoken on the subject of spoilt children to Panda on her latest blog.

http://blog.chinalovematch.net/blog/article/Grow-Up-Together-With-Kong

Some of what I said there is quite relevant here, viz.

"Please remember... it is EASY to spoil a child.... It is more difficult (and much more responsible) to NOT spoil a child. Because by spoiling him or her, the parent generally takes the easy way out. Continually saying "yes", "yes", when they should have better said "No", "no"........ my overall view is that..... you've let your child down badly by allowing him ... to grow up into a spoilt and rather selfish young person.... In the end, the parent reaps what they sow. You now have to ruefully experience the results of your parenting methods."

Imi, if you are intent on SPOILING your child, do you think this is good parenting? Do you think you'll be doing her a favour by moulding her into a selfish little princess? Do you think it'd be rather IRRESPONSIBLE for you to continually say "yes", "yes", "yes" to her, rather than "no"?

Or were you kidding here? Did you say to Lily that you wish to "spoil her (your daughter, if you have one) like a princess," simply because this sounded like an appropriate lovey dovey, maudlin, soppy bit of sugary syrup to suggest to her at that moment? Maybe you do in fact mean to rear a daughter (if you have one) into a well rounded, balanced and mature young person?

Though from what you said - who can be sure what you'll do?

I can foresee that some people reading this will be surprised at the strength of my convictions on this topic. Yes, I feel strongly about the subject. Why? Because a spoilt child was a major factor in wrecking an otherwise good marriage I had with a lovely Chinese lady, just a few short years ago.

Here's another excerpt from what I said to Panda:

"I was married to a Chinese lady with a 22 year old just like this (a spoilt child). When he lived with us, he was uncooperative, lazy, uncommunicative and often bad tempered. In many respects, your description of Kong sounds exactly like my exwife's spoilt son. The son actually formed a wedge in my marriage, eventually irreparably damaging it. Had he been a normal, happy and diligent lad as I'd initially expected, I sincerely believe the marriage wouldn't have broken up."

I'm not talking about you specifically, but too many parents have children BEFORE they're mature or responsible enough to do the job properly. To drive a car, for example, a person needs to be properly tested and licenced. To be a parent however, all you need is a night (or nights) of passion. To me, this is absurd. Deplorable.

The number of ROTTEN parents in this world who NEVER should've had children would be in the hundreds of millions. So many kids are neglected, abused or otherwise not brought up properly, it's a disgrace. For starters, kids need discipline, not to be spoilt like little kings or queens. I could go on from here, but I think the point's been made.

I never had any children. The main reason for this was that I never considered myself to be either mature or responsible enough to do the job properly. Plus I considered the world to already be overpopulated anyway.

I suggest Imi, that before you think about being a parent and "spoiling your little princess", you think carefully about what I've said.

#2014-03-23 20:46:35 by hellenwei @hellenwei

我现在象是追电视剧一样追着这个浪漫的故事,一见有新的出现,立即看了一遍又一遍,

#2014-03-24 01:03:08 by newbeginning @newbeginning

Just read your latest entry in "The Love for Lily" saga. Not surprised at the ensuing times after you left China. I agree Hawaii would be a good place for an in the middle meeting point, it is romantic, tropical and gives a feeling of happiness.

As in the movie I mentioned in my previous reply I will say now: the line has been straightened, spooled and fed out, will the fly land perfectly in the pool where the big trout is waiting?

#2014-03-24 17:36:58 by ferlo @ferlo

@ Imi I am by your side do not give a " " of what ever they say, Mexican soap operas have the best rating and are big success, the more suspense the more viewers get every day.
Keep on your Lily you are doing real good
Fernando

#2014-03-24 19:33:00 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

@Barry1

I completely agree with you! You've mentioned your failed marriage with a Chinese woman and her spoilt son. I've been there with a Spanish woman, but luckily for me we didn't get married because of her spoilt son.

What I meant by spoiling her like a princess was spoiling her with my full attention because for me parenting means teaching, it's a full time job. A child is an empty cup and we parents should fill up the cup not with sugary syrup, but with knowledge and get ready them for a succesful life not for a crippled one.

I want to see her as a succesful young woman who can stand on her own and be proud of herself and hopefully she would be proud of me too when I am old remembering "I am here and happy because of my Dad." But in my heart she would always be a princess (a good one) no matter what.

Thank you for your passionate comment Barry! It looks I've survived part 7 fairly easily. :)

#2014-03-24 19:42:05 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

@loveF

Thank you for your comment! Would you read the whole book where you knew in the first few pages who the killer was? :)

@newbeginning

I don't want to ruin your appetite. Let's just say at this time the fly is still in the air. The big trout still has to wait a little longer. :)

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