Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Imi was born and raised in Europe, Hungary. After finishing his school years, he moved to Canada to search for a better life. He lived in Toronto for 13 years and currently resides in Vancouver. He is a romantic at heart with a strong desire to always do the right thing. He would like to give hope to the Chinese and Asian ladies with his story and send a message that love eventually finds everybody.
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My Love for Lily 我对百合的爱, Part 18 - It's Raining in my Heart 心的雨季    

By Imi
7103 Views | 22 Comments | 7/22/2014 9:11:26 AM

Breaking up with someone you dearly love is one of life's most difficult moments.

The following few weeks had been like a roller coaster ride. One day she was sad and depressed, asking me to find another nice Chinese woman who wasn't sick in the head. The next day she was happy and asking me about our future and telling me. “I know for fact that you will be my future husband.”

I knew, she was depressed, I wanted to be strong for her and giving her positive thoughts all the time by telling her about Canada and our future together.

I even checked a private school online for Jeff and when I told her about it she said,

“When you talk about Jeff I feel something very good in my heart and feel happy.”

But the good days were less and less as the weeks went by. She lost weight. She wasn't able to eat. She started telling me negative things.

“I know, I am depressed. I know that also, one day, you , Jeff and all of my friends won't want to see me anymore.”

“Don't say that! I will never leave you! I want to help you! You just need to listen to me! You know that I was depressed when I lost my money, but I had to go on. I made myself busy by going to the

gym, working a lot, eating right, keeping myself healthy. You should do the same. You are just sitting at home doing nothing but let your past to control your life and thinking about yourself as a failed mother. You need to go for a walk in Lotus park, do some exercises, you need to go back to work and let your mind to think about something else other than how you ruined your life and Jeff's. I know you can do it. My mother always told me, “If there is a problem we need to find the way how to solve it.” Lily, you just need to think positive about yourself and your life.” I tried to put some enthusiasm into her.

“I'll try to do it, I promise! Imi, why are you always at my side when I have problems? Do you remember when we met and I had problems? Even then you were at my side.”

“hahaha...It's easy to answer. It's called love. Being there for each other in good times and bad.”I said

“Even now, when I make you sad with my mood changing day by day?”

“Yes. My heart is always with you. I can't change that! You need me more right now, than ever before and I want to be here for you!” I said to her.

“I have nothing to give you but head aches in the future because I have a son and you will be responsible for him and for me too. I have no money to help you with, if we got married.” she said.

“Don't talk like this Lily! I am a man! I know what I want and I know what I am capable of. You have everything what I want, you just have to be brave and let me have it. I know you don't have money. What you have though is my future!”I said

“Do you know why I keep telling you to find another woman for yourself?”she asked.


“Because I am afraid of if I fell in love with you, I wouldn't be able to see you everyday. I don't want to experience that kind of feeling. You live in Vancouver and you can't come to visit me because now you have to work hard to get your lost money back.”She said

“I see. You need to look at this like we need to work together from now on and sacrifice these couple of years for our future. After that we are going to be together everyday, for the rest of our lives. I think you are going to get bored of me after awhile and want to go back to your solitary life in Shenzhen.”

“hehehehe...NO!”she said.

She was very tired after 10 years of loneliness. I wanted to help her, but I still needed time to get back on my feet and I wasn't sure she would give me the time.

Then one day, she asked me again if I could give her time to think about us because she feels herself really down. I wrote a message to her and said,

“Hi Lily, of course I can give you time, you need to think about a lot of things. I want you to know that though, whatever your decision will be, I just want you to be happy either with me or with another good man. Imi “

I knew I was losing her again. The demons in her head were there for 24/7. The time we spent chatting was not enough to win the battle for my favour. I lost her two weeks later, on a rainy October day, when I was driving on the highway, going to work. She sent a message to my phone on QQ, it said,

“Imi, I really hope you will be happy in your life and please don't wait for me! My heart now is only Jeff and my work. I have no time and energy to look for my future. I am really sorry! I hope you will soon find the woman who can make you happy in your life! I didn't mean to hurt you!”

If we really love someone, sometimes we need to let them go. It's easy to say, not so easy to do.

I missed her very much, but I understood her. She was afraid of  giving me the chance to make her happy.

She had a son and as a mother, her priority was Jeff's well being and education. If we got married, Lily would have lost every kind of support from her ex husband. I wasn't in the kind of situation to take over this support financially. She needed a wealthier man, who would have been able to take over her ex husband's role, right away if they got married. Or she could have waited until Jeff's school years finished and then got married to a man, but this was out of the question. She had been living alone for 10 years at that moment. She really needed to feel herself safe and loved by a man. Unfortunately, it wasn't me.

I went back to the dating site to read the blogs and learn more about Chinese women. Lily had deleted her profile, I had never seen her there anymore. I tried to talk with a few ladies, but my head just wasn't there. I was just wasting their times. Mostly they told me about there experiences with other men and I tried to give them advices. I became a “soul doctor.” I was listening to them, but they wanted more and I wasn't fair with them. Then, I started compliment them in short messages and wished them good luck with their search. I wanted to give them some kind of hope for the future even though I had lost mine. After awhile I stopped and put my profile invisible. I just used the site for reading the blogs.

One day, I checked the first Chinese dating site, that I used when I met with Lily and saw a girl there. There was something very appealing about her in one of her photos. She was standing in front of some kind of white shelves in her living room, holding a big coffee mug that looked like wanted to break her wrist. Watching that photo made me calm and felt myself in peace and I didn't know why. From that day on, if I felt a little bit down I went on the site and looked at that photo. I never contacted her.

One morning, I tried to find new blogs on while I was eating my breakfast and saw the same photo of that girl that I liked to watch on the other site. She had her own blog here on CLM. It's called,

“ The End of Our Relationship”. I started reading it, after 3-4 parts I realized that this was what I needed. A real Chinese woman telling her own experiences and feelings in a relationship. Finally, I would be able to understand by her experience how Chinese women think. I was very happy.

The girl's name was Zoe.





















Lily,我当然可以给你时间考虑,你需要考虑很多事情,请你相信,无论你的决定是什么,无论你最后选择我还是别的男人,我只希望你快乐。 --- Imi。










Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-07-22 11:23:56 by prana @prana

Very grateful to you!
We are also very happy,
No longer worried, can not complete the arrangement of John "homework" was.

In the case of a person not understand,
Our comments are not correct.
You should be grateful to Lily,
She helps you found a a very good woman.
I guess,
You write this blog post,
It takes courage to.
But I did not think,
need to understand your people,
She is Zoe.
This is a very a good way.
Zoe, you and lmi two people, I can not guarantee that you can be together.
But I would understand,
You will know how to cherish each other.
Look forward to your good news.


#2014-07-22 12:21:28 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

Congratulation lmi! A unexpected sad ending, bring a brand new start for you.. It says " when one door is closed for you, the another door is open for you". Failure or making mistake is always can't be avoided but we can learn not repeat the same mistake in the future. You are at the bottom of a latter now but it is always much better than you are on the top of the latter you don't want.... See you have ever been trying your best on what you want and you could say to yourself that " I really have already given me a best shot" at the day when you leave the world....

I also read Zoe's series blogs and I think she is a girl who is keen on the true love that you two may be suitable from that point. Wish you two could cherish every moment time you are with each other and write the most beautiful love chapter in the end..

Strong faith on true love is very important for the relationship especial cross cultural one.You both seems to be with this quality. If you are without that in your mind, you will never reach the other side of the river....

Best wishes for you...


#2014-07-22 12:29:34 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

This blog make me to think if we should try to keep ourselves to far away from those people who have been divorced for a long period such as 10 years? Are they have been used to be alone by his/herself and not very much suitable to enter into a relationship or marriage?

Besides, unstable mood or emotion is so fatal to the relationship? I have to accept it is very difficult to keep a stable/quiet mood or emotion under different circumstances.... Maybe we can discuss more on these topic in later time.

#2014-07-22 12:32:20 by fj1383 @fj1383

@Imi I'm glad to read that you're finally trying to move on. I know it's a hard and painful process but as I told you before, you'll be so damn happy Lily is gone from your life once you find yourself laying down in the arms of your true love. Certainly you need the passionate type, someone similar to you with a strong belief in love and family. I hope by now you realized that practical women can't learn about how to love, you can NOT ask a woman to believe in you or to feel a specific way about you as you did with Lily. In the end all her love to you, her belief in you and her confidence in you must originate from her, from her heart, from her soul. Don't settle down for any less Imi, I think most of us following your story believe that you surely deserve much better. There's definitely an amazing woman waiting for you and only you just around the corner, so don't lose faith either. Good luck man!

#2014-07-22 13:52:05 by whui @whui

My love for Lily, also love letter for Joe. Imi, you did good. Good luck.

#2014-07-22 15:39:08 by weiming @weiming

啊,看了My Love for Lily的第一篇,我翻阅了Zoe的所有文章,因为我看到翻译作者是Zoe,然后我感到你们两个的文风如此相近,都是一样真性情,总是跳跃又诗意地描述着自己内心的欣喜和哀伤,虽然有些做法旁人无法理解,但是你们都一样的真实和纯粹。我希望你们都有好的结果,包括莉莉,包括H,他们跟你们一样真实,都在努力寻找自己想要的生活。
突然想到《海上钢琴师》的一句台词Fuck the regulations,人生么,该绽放的时候就烟花般灿烂,该落幕的时候就完美谢幕,无怨无悔。

Ah, looked My Love for Lily's first chapter, I read all the articles of Zoe, because I saw the translation was Zoe, and then I felt the articles style is so similar of you, is the same true nature, always jumping and poetic description of your own inner joy and sadness, although some action others can’t understand, but you are the same as true and pure. I hope you have good results, including Lily, including H, as real as they are with you, are struggling to find the life you want.
Suddenly remembered a line of "The Legend Of 1900", fuck the regulations, what life is, as brilliant as fireworks bloomed, ending as the perfect curtain call, without complain and regret

#2014-07-22 15:49:08 by daydream @daydream

Hello lmi ,

It's sounds sad, but please don't feel broken heart ,she is not the woman who love you,but she used a seemingly noble an excuse to reject you, once I had the same experience, that time I just thought that I was still not perfect, but a few years later I was stupid that found that is not I was not good enough for the woman, just he used a perfect excuse to end our "love"...Yes, I'm not good enough, I'was just stupid! ,,,so, keep the heart of sunshine with smiling , Move On!!!

#2014-07-22 18:58:27 by anonymous11141 @anonymous11141


#2014-07-22 19:32:01 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Sometimes we just HAVE to move on - no matter how much it hurts

There are some people who fervently believe in 'Fate and Destiny' and there are those of us who are scared to admit we believe in it (myself included)

However. I heard on the news the other day that a stewardess on the Malaysian plane that was tragically shot-down (MH17) SHOULD have been on MH370 but she changed her shift

If that's not FATE then I don't know what is !

#2014-07-22 21:15:43 by panda2009 @panda2009

Imi + Zoe = Good match

I absolutely understand your stories and your feelings. And only you two can understand with each other fine.

Perfect interpretation!

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