Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Beautiful
Chinese
Women
of
CLM
Beautiful
Asian
Women
of
ALM
Imi was born and raised in Europe, Hungary. After finishing his school years, he moved to Canada to search for a better life. He lived in Toronto for 13 years and currently resides in Vancouver. He is a romantic at heart with a strong desire to always do the right thing. He would like to give hope to the Chinese and Asian ladies with his story and send a message that love eventually finds everybody.
Articles :
67
Views :
327927
Comments :
1529
Create Time :
2013-12-02
This Blog's Articles
Index of Blogs
Index Blog Articles

My Love for Lily 我对百合的爱, Part 17 - Finally, She Is Opening Up For Me 终于,她对我敞开了心扉    

By Imi
4864 Views | 14 Comments | 7/13/2014 2:17:53 PM

Even Chinese women open up sometimes!

I checked the CLM blogs and forum threads one morning while I was eating my breakfast, but there were no new ones there. I started checking the photos and suddenly saw Lily's profile there as a new member. My heart sank, my stomach was in a knot. I wanted to forget her, but seeing the Chinese woman I loved looking for another man made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't stop myself and sent her a message. She replied with offering her friendship and wished me good luck with my search. I didn't bother her anymore, but I saw her on the site everyday for hours and hours. She seemed really determined to find a man.



Two weeks went by, a Sunday morning I heard my phone indicating that I got a message on QQ. It was from Lily.



“Hi, How are you? I just wanted to see if you are fine.”



I logged in and she was still there. We started to chat and she told me a lot of things, she had begun to open up for me, finally.



She had a friend of 16 years and now she had to help this friend because her husband cheated on her.  As she was trying to help her friend through this difficult period of times, she began to relive her own past when her husband cheated on her.



“I thought, I had been already over this long time ago, but now, seeing my friend depressed, it brought back a lot of memories.”she said., and continued. “I feel that I am a failed mother because I wasn't able to give to my son what I wanted to. I wanted for him a warm and complete family and I failed.”



“Lily, the person who failed here is not you but your ex husband. Don't blame yourself! He failed you and failed his son. He left you alone to deal with your own life while you were trying to raise Jeff. You are a good mother he is the failed man!” I said to her.



“Sometimes, I feel that I want to sleep forever and not to deal with my problems, everyday alone. My thoughts are not clear about what to do about my future and Jeff's future.”



“Why don't you let me help you? You know my feelings for you!”



“I want a man who can love me and give me a safe family, where I don't need to worry about what's going to happen tomorrow. I have been living in Shenzhen for 16 years now and I moved 14 times. I just want to feel safe and being loved. If a man can't give me 100% safety I can't be with him because I have lived all my life in fear of tomorrow. I wouldn't feel myself 100% safe with you, especially in a foreign country. I know you are a good man and if I lose you now, I may not find another man like you in the future. But now, I really don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt you because of my own confusion. It wouldn't be fair to you. You deserve a good woman because you are a good man.”



“Lily, you are a good woman! You just need to be brave and give me a chance! I know, I would be able to make you happy. I just need to get back onto my feet.”



“Don't you think that I am a bad woman? Don't you think that I am just a woman who loves money?”



“No and no. I know you are everything but these things. I love you Lily and I always will if you let me.”



“I want to be loved, but I am afraid of love. I want to fall in love, but I am scared if I fell in love I would get hurt again. I want to be out of this struggle. May I ask you something?”



“Yes.” I said



“What did you feel when you saw my profile on this new Chinese dating site?”



“I know, you know what I felt. I felt very sad.”I said



“Tell you the truth, I don't know what I am doing there. I think I just wanted to have other man's attention to feel better about myself. I am sorry for making you feel sad!”



“Can you give me another chance?” I asked.



“You know my current situation, my head can't forget my past and I am afraid of loving someone again.”



“I can help you to forget your past. Not every man is like your ex husband.” said to her.



“No, you can't help me! I need to get rid of my past and my fears on my own. I need to ask you something though, it's very important.”



“Okay, you can ask anything.”I said.



“If I am not in love with you, can you get married with me?”



“Are you serious?.... No, I can't get married with a woman who doesn't love me. In western world, we fall in love first and then get married.” I said.



“You are a good man and I really wanted to fall in love with you, but I was afraid of getting hurt again.



You asked me to give you another chance with me. Can YOU give me a chance and let me fall in love with you after we got married?” she asked me.



“Are you not going to be afraid of falling in love with me after we got married? Do you think that you can let your feelings go and love me?



“Yes”she answered.



“Why?” I asked.



“Because I would feel safer to fall in love with you and let my feelings go.”



“You know what Lily! I will give you and myself a chance because I am sure you will fall in love with me.” I said.



“hehehehe.... How do you know I will fall in love with you?”



“hahaha...Because I am a good man and I would do anything to make you happy and live a long happy life with you.” I said



“So, are you willing to get married with me even you know that I am not in love with you at the moment? She asked.



“Yes, if you promise me not to leave me for another man.”



“If we got married, I would not pay attention to other men.” she promised and said,



“Then you come here tomorrow and we'll get married.”



“I can't and you know why.” I replied



“Yes, I know.”



“How long time do you still need to get your money back?” she asked me.



“Can you give me another year? Then we get married, after that we have to do your immigration papers for you and Jeff. That takes at least another 6 months. At that time I think I would be ready.”



“That long?” she asked.



“Yes.”



We said good bye to each other because it was a long talk and was too late for her, but I felt that she was having problem with the long processing time. I was happy though because she opened up for me and I began to understand what held her back from me when I was in China. It wasn't just her beliefs. It was mostly her demons from her past.



一个早上,我边吃早餐,边在CLM网站上看博客和论坛,但跟先一天一样没有更新,于是开始浏览里面的女会员,突然,我看到Lily的照片在新会员名单里。我的心顿时感觉很沉,肠子像打了结。我想忘掉她,可看到她在寻找别的男人,我还是很难过。我忍不住给她发了个信息,她也回复我了,祝我好运。后来我没再打扰她,但我知道她每天都会在线好几个小时,她好像铁了心要找到一个男人。



两个星期后的一个周日的早上,我的手机QQ提示我有新信息,是Lily的头像在闪。



“嗨,你好吗?只是想跟你问个好。”



我登录QQ,她还在线,然后我们开始说话,她讲了很多,在我看来,她终于把自己的心思向我袒露了。



有一个交往了近十六年的好朋友发现老公有了外遇,那段时间她一直陪在这个朋友身边,开导她安慰她。和朋友一起经历这段痛苦的同时,也把她带回了自己婚姻失败的回忆,



“经过这么长时间,我以为自己已经淡忘了那些痛苦的回忆,可看着朋友情绪低落,我又感受到了那种蚀骨的绝望。我觉得自己是个失败的人,是个失败的母亲,不能给儿子一个温暖健全的家庭。”



“Lily,那个失败的人,是你的前夫,你不能责怪自己。他负了你,也负了儿子,他丢下你一个人去抚养Jeff,你是个了不起的妈妈,而他不是个真正的男人。”



“很多时候,我希望自己永远睡过去不再醒来,这样就不用自己再把问题扛下去。我的心很乱,我不知道怎么对待我和儿子的未来。”



“你为什么不让我来帮你,你知道我对你的感情!”



“我需要一个男人爱我并给我一个安定的家,不需要我再为明天担忧。我在深圳生活了十六年搬了十四次家,我需要爱和稳定,如果一个男人不能给我百分百的安全感,我就不能跟他在一起,我过够了那种为明天的生计担忧的日子。跟你在一起,我感觉不到安全,特别是还要生活在另一个陌生的国家。我知道你是个好男人,错过了你,我不会再遇到另一个像你这样对我好的人。但我现在真的很迷惑,不知道自己下一步该怎么走。我不希望自己的犹豫不定伤害你,那样对你不公平。你这样的好男人应该找到一个纯粹的女人,一个没有这么多顾虑的女人。



“Lily,你是个好女人,只要你勇敢一些,给我一个机会,我一定会让你快乐。我现在只是需要一点时间来缓冲一下自己的经济情况。”



“你不认为我是个坏女人,是个只认钱的女人吗?”



“不是,当然不是。我爱你Lily,如果你允许,我会一直爱你。”



“我想要被爱,我也想爱,可我害怕,我害怕一旦自己投入感情又会被伤害,我也不想再继续这种矛盾的生活。我想问你个问题。”



“好的。”



“你看到我在那个新的网站时,什么感觉?”



“我肯定你明白我的感受,我很伤心。”



“坦白说,我也不知道自己在干什么,我想也许我希望受到男人的关注,这样我似乎会对自己感觉好些。我想说对不起,如果我让你难过了。”



“那么你愿意再给我一次机会吗?”



“你知道我现在的状况,我的脑子里总也挥不去过去的记忆,我很害怕再爱上一个人。”



“我会帮助你忘掉过去,不是每个男人都像你前夫那样。”



“你帮不了我!我需要自己摆脱过去的阴影。有件事我想问你,这对我很重要。”



“你可以问我任何事情。”



“如果我没有爱上你,你会跟我结婚吗?”



“你说什么?…… 不会,我不能跟一个不爱我的人结婚。在西方,我们先互相爱上对方,然后结婚。”



“你是个好男人,我希望自己能够爱上你,但我害怕当我爱上你的时候又会受到伤害,你要我给你一次机会,难道你不能给我一个先结婚后恋爱的机会吗?”



“难道我们结婚后你就不害怕爱上我吗?你认为只有结婚你的感情才会安全吗?”



“是的。”



“为什么?”



“因为有了婚姻,我的心才会打开,才会踏实。”



“Lily,我决定给你也给自己一个机会,因为我确定你会爱上我。”



“呵呵,你怎么确认我一定会爱上你?”



“哈哈哈,因为我是个好男人,我会让你幸福,我们会很快乐地生活在一起。”



“那么你会跟我结婚?即使我现在还没有爱上你?”



“如果你答应我不会为别的男人离开我,我们就结婚。”



“如果我们结婚,我当然不会多看别的男人一眼。”



“那么你来吧,咱们结婚。”她又说。



“我现在去不了,你知道的。”



“我明白。”



“你需要多长时间赚回你失去的那笔钱?”她又问。



“你能给我一年时间吗?一年后,我们结婚,然后我们就开始为你和Jeff办理移民手续,这大概再要半年的时间。那时,想来我的经济状况已经不错了。”



“要那么长时间吗?”



“是的,的确需要这么长时间。”



我们说了再见,结束了这天的聊天,当时她那边已经很晚了,我隐约感觉她有疑虑,对于所需的等待时间也许没有信心。但同时我又有些许欣慰,因为她终于跟我说出了心里话,向我打开了她的心窗,我在深圳时她对我刻意的冷淡并非是因为她的信仰,而是对于过去的恐惧。


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 14) 1 2 More...
#2014-07-13 14:27:55 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I have to say Imi, I was a bit jolted to read that you were actually given a third kick at the cat! This relationship is starting to make my head spin. However, having been there myself, I understand how when you love someone you can't let them go.

I know this was all in the past, long since over, but we're reading it now, and it's hard not to feel sad for you for the ups and downs your heart went through.

For those of you who are now scrambling to think of which CLM Lily this could be, frankly, so am I - but I have to tell you that "Lily" is one of the 2 most common English names that Chinese women give themselves. Without actually checking I would bet that there have easily been more than 1,000 members with "Lily" in their username, possibly over 2,000. So forget trying, those of you who can't let go of the detective inside you ;)

#2014-07-13 17:08:53 by Belle77 @Belle77

It is an interest story, thank you Imi
I think Lily is a street smart person, so do you
Good luck to both of you.

#2014-07-13 18:15:51 by aussieghump @aussieghump

CLM Human Flesh Search Engine...great!

#2014-07-13 19:04:16 by weiming @weiming

I didn't think lily is a bad woman, she likes music, often with the music to treat the injured heart, emotional person vulnerable to injury, she was afraid of unrest and a no results of waiting. I wish you have a good future.

#2014-07-13 19:30:09 by prana @prana

I hope I can do this,
And the people I love,
Jointly operated a family.
Rather than waiting
Own one to enjoy harvesting.

  Imi,

In case,

That one day

It taken place once, the same economic crises,

Lily time will choose to, and you continue to together?

Every one of us,

Each of day's work, income,

Impossible to, are like this,

Will always successfully and stable.

Since you are chose to Lily,

So, we to bless you!
我希望我可以这样做,
和我爱的人,
共同经营一个家庭。
而不是等待,
自己一个人享受收获。

Imi,

如果,

有一天,

又发生了一次,同样的经济危机,

莉莉还会选择,和你继续在一起吗?

我们每一个人,

每一天的工作、收入,

不可能,都是这样的,

永远都是顺利、稳定。

既然你选择了莉莉,

那么,我们祝福你!

Yes it is,

As long as you insist,

Will be successful.

There is a beautiful legend,
Beautifully stones will sing.
It can give a brave man of wisdom
Can also give industrious people a harvesting
As long as you understand precious it
Irrespective of how high the mountain
How far the road,
You are able to get those precious baby.

是的,

只要你坚持,

一定会成功的。

有一个美丽的传说
精美的石头会唱歌
它能给勇敢者以智慧
也能给勤奋者以收获
只要你懂得它的珍贵呀啊
山高那个路远也能获得
嗨~~~~~~

有一个美丽的传说
精美的石头会唱歌
它能给懦弱者以坚强
也能给善良者以欢乐
只要你把它埋在心中啊
天长那个地久不会失落
嗨~~~~~~

#2014-07-14 01:34:59 by daydream @daydream

Hello lim: I also with you, I was very pure loved a person once, but he wasted me more than 4 years, I had been foolish believe he loved me as too much as I love him! Finally I found him in a couple of websites, I deep remorse I was stupid woman, even just only think of his name will let me heartache……… now I think maybe just because God forgotten me !!!

#2014-07-14 13:47:17 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

Hi lmi:

Your story with the Lily, the processing and the end of your searching have been connecting with all of our readers’ hearts. We absolutely hope you could finally find the most suitable one here or somewhere there.

Thanks for your sharing on your latest status with the Lily and it seems you two bring us just bring us an affecting love story movie… Once again, you have so wonderful writing and expression ability to bring all to the site with you two. So fresh!

First of first, I am happy to see you already have received an explanation on your confusion and that should have reduced half of your pains suffered previously. Yes, you are an honest and sincere person who is absolutely deserved an explanation. Congratulations! You have done.

I did not read all of your blogs and I don’t know how you began to love the Lily, what is the reason for twice visits to China for Lily but I am sure you should have your right reasons to make all these decision and action. My general impression from your story is you two seems have different purpose or intention on your searching. You pay more on true love and the Lily pay more on her thought of safety(materials and money).

Talking to the safety, seems the Lily rely more on money and most important is she rely the safety more on other person & more is that person’s money instead of herself or her own money or her own efforts? Basing on that attitude, she probably will never receive her thought safety since she can’t change or control any others to do anything except herself. I think she must first to be aware of this and do something on her side first. When we want something in our life, we must try to do all things that we need/should do at our side and can’t be just sitting there, waiting, expecting or passively received. Yes, we are getting better and better from the materialistic conditions but we intend to be more and more confused what we want to have in the next and when we need control our desire to a reasonable level. I often have the same confusion and lost as the Lily has been with. It is some kind of very hopeless and painful feelings…She does be under a great help situation but she must take some time to think over and get off by herself… She need to figure out where her thought of safety need to be from, who should be counted on and what is she looking for rest of life? Money or love? her own money or others’ money? I read from your blog her ex-husband seems very rich and bring her and Jeff for an oversea vocation like in Australia or Japan every year. I guess she may have been used to that kind of life? This is where his reaction was from when first heard you lost the money? I don’t think you could be a person who can endure to be living with someone who doesn’t love you since the beginning for a long term? When you are in the bad times especial a possible bad financial or career condition, you will not feel disappointed on her reaction or attitude to you? You are for same type person? I have ever encountered some man from Canada and now he is still in his cocoon as per his word due to his failed relationship with some Gangzhou woman(several years and ended last year). He absolutely suffered a great hurt from that failure and he agreed that he has been blind to thought that woman love him but finally found that woman doesn’t love him at all and actually is not his expected type person. Now he feel very disappointed/confused with woman and he would like to regard all the women in the world to be same type as the Guangzhou woman and behave very passively. He would not like to initiatively to do anything except to be confused, passively waiting or choose to be alone for the rest of the life…It is obvious, he originally have very strong faith on love and encountered a wrong woman and thus lost almost all of his faith on love. It is very terrible & pity to hear of his conclusion…I feel so sad about him to put his destiny & happiness to some other person’s hand, why? We absolutely can find some of our problem or responsibility from all of our failures…We can’t intend to cover our responsibility through blaming any others. Before we are aware of enough or skilled, we can’t avoid we make this or that mistake. We need forgive ourselves, learn from the bad experience and mistake and keep going on… Here we say: fall over 100 times, stand up 101 times. Means we need keep our faith no matter how many times of failure we have gone through, learn from the past and go on.

I hope all of my words above will not offend you or the Lily in any way and I just speak all these from my heart. Hope they could be helpful for you and wish you are successful on your searching.

Have a nice day.

Lily

#2014-07-14 19:33:30 by anonymous10987 @anonymous10987

women are into financial security, it is in their genes

http://www.kellyseal.com/do-women-want-financial-security-most-of-all/
http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/understanding-the-emotional-needs-of-your-female-partner/index.aspx

#2014-07-14 20:00:01 by QinQL @QinQL

我的姐妹,请看原文中Lily和lim的对话:

Lily回应lim,“如果我们结婚,我当然不会多看别的男人一眼。”


“那么你来吧,咱们结婚。”她又说。


“我现在去不了,你知道的。”


“我明白。”


从这段描述中,我没能看到Lily因为钱的事要离开他。


但是她这样和lim的交流的确让lim困惑。
也怪不得lim认为她的心结太多,像戴了手铐脚镣般------大家看这里的附图。


在这一部分里,我很欣赏Lily姑娘能坚持中国传统,和异性交往懂得保护自己。
我更敬佩lim,为了自己心上人,以自己最大的努力去理解和尊重对方。


我也很好奇,之后还会有什么样的致命变化来结束这段感情呢?


My sisters, please look at a part of the dialogue bewteen Lily and lim:


“If we got married, I would not pay attention to other men.” she promised and said,


Then you come here tomorrow and we'll get married.”



“I can't and you know why.” I replied



“Yes, I know.”


So, we can not find any clues that Lily had to leave lim for the money that he lost from here as well.

But I think it would let lim confuse that she took the way to communicate with him.
The way that she communicat with him had let him think she seemed had locked her hands and feet with iron chain as the same as her heart did ----- please look at the pic beside upper right of the blog.


In this part, I appreciate Lily could always insist our chinese traditional morality line and knew how to protect herself when she contacted with man even western man. And I do more appareciate lim always try his best to understand and respect his woman that he was prusueing.


I’m also very curious what would be happpened to end the story finally.

#2014-07-14 23:15:52 by anonymous10993 @anonymous10993

Imi, I understand the wants and needs of a heart that is so blindly in love. We cling to every word, every hope that she will change her mind and love us and be with us....but this is where the fairy-tale ends.

Unless I have totally misread everything...she Lily is still an evil woman, she knows she has you in the palm of her hand.....now she has set you up to where she wants you, I truly hope you are not so foolish to fall for this game of hers...seriously man you deserve a real woman whose heart is true and loves "you" for "who" you are!!! It sounds like in an answer of yours that you have found that woman!! I am happy if you have!!

Lily is evil, she is a manipulator, a user, cold, calculating person, more than likely you are not the first and most definitely not the last victim of this smooth operator!!!


You are well to be rid of this emotional vampire!

Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 14) 1 2 More...
Comment
To respond to another member's comment type @ followed by their name before your comment, like this: @username Then leave a space. Ask Imi a Question : Click here...