Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Imi was born and raised in Europe, Hungary. After finishing his school years, he moved to Canada to search for a better life. He lived in Toronto for 13 years and currently resides in Vancouver. He is a romantic at heart with a strong desire to always do the right thing. He would like to give hope to the Chinese and Asian ladies with his story and send a message that love eventually finds everybody.
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My Love for Lily 我对百合的爱, Part 16 - Leaving China with a Bitter Aftertaste 中国,心碎的地方    

By Imi
12860 Views | 56 Comments | 7/2/2014 2:54:41 PM

Travel to China is one thing, it's quite another when your heart is on the line!

Monday morning Sally went back to work, but she returned always at the evening time and did her duties as a “chaperone”. Lily was very cold with me after that drunk evening. She might have felt ashamed of herself because of what happened between us or what she said or all of the above. I tried to catch her eyes, but she looked away all the time. She made herself busy cleaning and cooking, I felt that she didn't want me there anymore.

The last day, she invited me for lunch in a Japanese restaurant. The food was good and at the end she wanted to pay for it. I didn't agree with her until she promised me I would be able to buy a nice dress for her if she payed for lunch.

“You are not my husband to buy me a dress.” she said.

“And I am not a man who let a woman to pay for his lunch. You could if you were my wife.” I replied

Finally, we agreed and went to buy a dress for her. She had her favourite store near by where she usually bought her clothes from. She tried a lot of clothes on, dresses, shorts, skirts. I enjoyed myself watching her and so did she, showing them to me. Eventually, she just wanted me to buy a blouse for her.

“That's it Lily?” I asked her.

“Yes, I don't want to spend your money.”

“Are you sure?


“Are you not a bad Chinese woman anymore?” I asked her.

She just smiled at me shyly.

In the afternoon we picked up Mandy and Jeff from the bus station. They came back from Yangjiang. This was my last day in China and they wanted to say good bye.

Sally asked me the previous day to prepare a Hungarian dish for her that she liked, we ate that for dinner and Mandy brought something as well from her hometown. The entire evening Lily made herself busy in the kitchen or in her bedroom and left the others talking to me. Sally, seeing that, came to me and said.

“Forget about her, you can find a nice woman for yourself.”

“I can't. I love her.”I said.

One thing I wasn't able to understand while I had been in China was that they talked about marriage like a business contract between two people. I had this feeling like Chinese women were looking for good men of course, but they didn't want to let their feelings go and fall in love until they got married or at least know that the man can support them.

My heart brought me to China, not my desire to have a wife who cooks for me and cleans the house. I can do that for myself. I wanted a wife who I loved deeply and I would be able to accept her with all of her flaws. If we had a bad day or argument, I would still able to tell her at the end of the day, “I love you!

When Sally said, “Forget about her, you can find a nice woman for yourself” I realized that they may not really know what love is. Love is a feeling, not a peace of paper that I can tear apart when I get a better contract.

I fell in love with this woman. I can't just turn my feelings off from one second to the other like a switch and find another woman. Even if that is what I have to do in the future, it will take time to forget her. I hoped deep inside this was only a bad observation on my part.

I was confused. I knew she liked me to a certain point, but when she let her feelings go for a minute, something had always stopped her and she hid behind her beliefs and traditions. She stepped one step forward and two steps back. She was confused too.

I said good bye to everyone before I went to bed. Lily gave me a small screen as a good bye gift. I wanted to give her a hug for it, she stepped back and didn't let me. Mandy looked at us with an indescribable expression on her face. My last night was not a good one in China.

The next morning Lily and I woke up and went to the airport. I wanted to check in, but they told me that my flight was cancelled, but they had an earlier flight that was scheduled to leave in 15 minutes. There was no time to check my bag in either, “just go” they said.

I had to go right away to the customs and we were not even able to say good bye to each other. She waited until they checked my passport , I looked back at her, we waved to each other, then she turned and walked away. It was a different good bye than the last time. She wanted to make sure I got the message. I had watched  her back for a minute as she was walking away and felt that I was kicked out from this country, from this city, from her life.

When I got to my boarding gate it was already closed and even the door of the air plane was locked. I missed the flight. The guy at the gate helped me to go back to the check ins and we found another later flight for me. Finally, I could relax, I didn't want to miss the starting date of the big job.

When I got to Vancouver, I called my contractor from the cab, to let him know I was back. He told me that, they had to start the job earlier and he gave it to someone else. The guy just started it 3 days ago, but if I wanted to help him I could go right away to make some money.

I needed the money. I went home, took a shower and went to work after 18 hours in the air without any sleep. This was the price that I had to pay for traveling to China, losing the big job. But I was happy, at least I saw her one more time. She had been cold to me in the last 2 days and I knew I would be able to forget her sooner or later. It was good to see her “ugly” side.

She called me one more time on QQ ,just to make sure I got home safely and said I could go back to the dating site to find a nice Chinese woman for myself.

“You deserve a nice lady, I am not good for you, I am a bad woman.”

So, that's what I did. I went back to the dating site and I was looking for her in everybody. I missed her, it wasn't easy to forget her.

One day, I found another Chinese dating site, it's called or CLM. I discovered that they had these blogs and forum threads where members could express their experiences and feelings about international dating.

“This is what I need, I want to know more about Chinese women, about their culture and their way of thinking.” I thought to myself.

I was full of enthusiasm and registered to the site.































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#2014-07-02 15:28:35 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Imi, this is a great, great blog. You have really painted a wonderfully clear picture of the big difference between an average Western man and an average Chinese woman. And it isn't what everyone might think.

Because I want to be sure that all the Chinese women come and read Imi's article, I posted my comments as a forum thread to hopefully get all the Chinese women back to read Imi's terrific series and commenting on it. We all have much to learn from the comments they make after each article.

You can read that Forum thread here...

#2014-07-02 16:06:52 by Barry1 @Barry1


Let me say Imi that I've enjoyed reading your last few articles. As I read each one however, I became more and more convinced that Lily was not for you. For some reason, she seemed increasingly cold and detached. Her behaviour was certainly not what I would've expected from someone in her situation.

In fact, I believe I was the very first person on this website who had the audacity and cheekiness to say that you should dump her, many weeks ago now. Though it gives me no particular joy to say I was right.

CLM is full of wonderful ladies, most of whom would treat you with far more affection than how Lily acted. You deserve better than her. And with your romantic, generous and kind soul, I'm sure you'll find a special person here very quickly who'll treat you as you so amply deserve to be treated.

Although I think John may have let the cat out of the bag when he said in Part 14,

"depending on whether or not the rumors of you having found someone of interest on CLM are true."

Well done, Imi - let me be the first to congratulate you on finally finding your perfect match, who is definitely NOT Lily. (clap)

#2014-07-02 18:27:23 by 1992fiona @1992fiona

i read your story many times, so pity, your china love trip cant work, i think your story not about the culture, is about personals character and choose the lover values standard.

#2014-07-02 19:29:57 by panda2009 @panda2009

I can judge Lily who is really set marriage as a big business! You are very innocent...

#2014-07-02 21:05:15 by zhshwu @zhshwu

Bloggers sanity finally return, which is gratifying.

#2014-07-02 21:09:19 by fj1383 @fj1383

Bro, what can I say to you? There's plenty of fish in the sea. There will always be the "one" that got away but trust me when I say you'll be extremely happy that Lily is gone from your life when you finally meet your true love. You must believe in this with all your heart. It really sucks to be in a one-sided relationship, I can tell you this because I've been there, either I was the one fully committed or the girl(s) were. My point is that you shouldn't settle for less at all, I get the sense by reading your story that you're a nice and romantic guy whose main priority in life is love, happiness and then money. So you should try to find a woman with the same set of priorities in her life, otherwise it's almost impossible to work things out with a woman whose priorities don't match yours. Now living in China 5 years myself I can advice you to be more careful with single moms because some of them (not all) have a different set of priorities in life and it's mainly their children's happiness and better future. For such ladies "love" is overrated and it's a luxury they can't afford to put on top of their list. So please Imi, next time you meet such lady, don't try to change her or make her believe in's a dead end. I think the best you can do whenever you chat with a new lady on CLM is to start off with "Do you believe in love?"'s a direct question that can save you lots of time. Then instead of talking about senseless things like weather, work, relatives, you both should talk about your inner selves, so you can see if she's on your same level. That's the key Imi, she must be on your same level emotionally, otherwise it's useless to pursue it any further. Her heart, her priorities, her moral values must match yours. Well bro, I guess that's all I can tell you for now, please only take my words as advice. At the end it's entirely up to you "how" to choose your future wife. Good luck bro!

P.S. Ladies on CLM, Imi is a true gentleman who wants to offer his unconditional love to a lucky lady. All he needs is that you, too, offer him your unconditional love forever.

#2014-07-02 22:31:29 by yeranyi @yeranyi

sigh ...

but i am sure you will find a gentle and pretty chinese wife .

#2014-07-02 22:44:44 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

My old blog has now come to the fore !!!

There is just SO MUCH to say on this subject that people like Barry, Imi, John and even myself haven't even scratched the surface yet!

#2014-07-02 22:57:55 by Marrisa @Marrisa

Imi, is that all? Is that the whole story? Then why should they ask you back to China? You don't say it is you who wants to go back to China. If Lily didn't show up, if she didn't invite you to Mandy's hometown, if she didn't agree, how would you be back again?

What do they want? I don't believe that. They know you are broken. If Lily never changed her mind, why should her let you back? It is ridiculous. (headbang)

#2014-07-02 23:13:55 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Sorry to 'flog' this again, but I told you months ago what to expect !

Imi is a victim of mis-understanding - simple!

Once you have a woman in your heart, you can try allsorts of things to try and find a 'replacement' - but it aint gonna happen !

I remember about a year or so ago when I was chatting with a girl from CLM -. NIce girl, and seemed to tick MOST of the 'boxes' when she sent me a photo of her and 2 of her friends

One of the friends in the picture was stunning!

I quickly pretended that my friend had seen the photo and was incredibly interested in her

Sadly, I was told that she did not speak English - she was happily married with 2 kids and was not interested in foreigners!

BUT...... it could quite easily have been different and I reckon it is POSSIBLE to meet a girl on CLM and end up 'falling' for her friend ?

My opinion is simple. Coming here means we are all LOOKING for that special 'someone' - and if we meet them HERE, then we are nothing short of LUCKY!

But in reality, we are essentially trying to FORCE ourselves to fall 'in-love'

REAL love comes naturally - we are looking for someone to fill a 'hole' in our lives and by using dating sites we are trying to find someone that fits the 'She-will-do' kind of 'box'

When in reality it's a case of 'She-will-do-until-I-meet-someone-better'

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