Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Beautiful
Chinese
Women
of
CLM
Beautiful
Asian
Women
of
ALM
Imi was born and raised in Europe, Hungary. After finishing his school years, he moved to Canada to search for a better life. He lived in Toronto for 13 years and currently resides in Vancouver. He is a romantic at heart with a strong desire to always do the right thing. He would like to give hope to the Chinese and Asian ladies with his story and send a message that love eventually finds everybody.
Articles :
67
Views :
327928
Comments :
1529
Create Time :
2013-12-02
This Blog's Articles
Index of Blogs
Index Blog Articles

My Love for Lily 我对百合的爱, Part 16 - Leaving China with a Bitter Aftertaste 中国,心碎的地方    

By Imi
12860 Views | 56 Comments | 7/2/2014 2:54:41 PM

Travel to China is one thing, it's quite another when your heart is on the line!

Monday morning Sally went back to work, but she returned always at the evening time and did her duties as a “chaperone”. Lily was very cold with me after that drunk evening. She might have felt ashamed of herself because of what happened between us or what she said or all of the above. I tried to catch her eyes, but she looked away all the time. She made herself busy cleaning and cooking, I felt that she didn't want me there anymore.



The last day, she invited me for lunch in a Japanese restaurant. The food was good and at the end she wanted to pay for it. I didn't agree with her until she promised me I would be able to buy a nice dress for her if she payed for lunch.



“You are not my husband to buy me a dress.” she said.



“And I am not a man who let a woman to pay for his lunch. You could if you were my wife.” I replied



Finally, we agreed and went to buy a dress for her. She had her favourite store near by where she usually bought her clothes from. She tried a lot of clothes on, dresses, shorts, skirts. I enjoyed myself watching her and so did she, showing them to me. Eventually, she just wanted me to buy a blouse for her.



“That's it Lily?” I asked her.



“Yes, I don't want to spend your money.”



“Are you sure?



“Yes.”



“Are you not a bad Chinese woman anymore?” I asked her.



She just smiled at me shyly.



In the afternoon we picked up Mandy and Jeff from the bus station. They came back from Yangjiang. This was my last day in China and they wanted to say good bye.



Sally asked me the previous day to prepare a Hungarian dish for her that she liked, we ate that for dinner and Mandy brought something as well from her hometown. The entire evening Lily made herself busy in the kitchen or in her bedroom and left the others talking to me. Sally, seeing that, came to me and said.



“Forget about her, you can find a nice woman for yourself.”



“I can't. I love her.”I said.



One thing I wasn't able to understand while I had been in China was that they talked about marriage like a business contract between two people. I had this feeling like Chinese women were looking for good men of course, but they didn't want to let their feelings go and fall in love until they got married or at least know that the man can support them.



My heart brought me to China, not my desire to have a wife who cooks for me and cleans the house. I can do that for myself. I wanted a wife who I loved deeply and I would be able to accept her with all of her flaws. If we had a bad day or argument, I would still able to tell her at the end of the day, “I love you!



When Sally said, “Forget about her, you can find a nice woman for yourself” I realized that they may not really know what love is. Love is a feeling, not a peace of paper that I can tear apart when I get a better contract.



I fell in love with this woman. I can't just turn my feelings off from one second to the other like a switch and find another woman. Even if that is what I have to do in the future, it will take time to forget her. I hoped deep inside this was only a bad observation on my part.



I was confused. I knew she liked me to a certain point, but when she let her feelings go for a minute, something had always stopped her and she hid behind her beliefs and traditions. She stepped one step forward and two steps back. She was confused too.



I said good bye to everyone before I went to bed. Lily gave me a small screen as a good bye gift. I wanted to give her a hug for it, she stepped back and didn't let me. Mandy looked at us with an indescribable expression on her face. My last night was not a good one in China.



The next morning Lily and I woke up and went to the airport. I wanted to check in, but they told me that my flight was cancelled, but they had an earlier flight that was scheduled to leave in 15 minutes. There was no time to check my bag in either, “just go” they said.



I had to go right away to the customs and we were not even able to say good bye to each other. She waited until they checked my passport , I looked back at her, we waved to each other, then she turned and walked away. It was a different good bye than the last time. She wanted to make sure I got the message. I had watched  her back for a minute as she was walking away and felt that I was kicked out from this country, from this city, from her life.



When I got to my boarding gate it was already closed and even the door of the air plane was locked. I missed the flight. The guy at the gate helped me to go back to the check ins and we found another later flight for me. Finally, I could relax, I didn't want to miss the starting date of the big job.



When I got to Vancouver, I called my contractor from the cab, to let him know I was back. He told me that, they had to start the job earlier and he gave it to someone else. The guy just started it 3 days ago, but if I wanted to help him I could go right away to make some money.



I needed the money. I went home, took a shower and went to work after 18 hours in the air without any sleep. This was the price that I had to pay for traveling to China, losing the big job. But I was happy, at least I saw her one more time. She had been cold to me in the last 2 days and I knew I would be able to forget her sooner or later. It was good to see her “ugly” side.



She called me one more time on QQ ,just to make sure I got home safely and said I could go back to the dating site to find a nice Chinese woman for myself.



“You deserve a nice lady, I am not good for you, I am a bad woman.”



So, that's what I did. I went back to the dating site and I was looking for her in everybody. I missed her, it wasn't easy to forget her.



One day, I found another Chinese dating site, it's called ChinaLoveMatch.net or CLM. I discovered that they had these blogs and forum threads where members could express their experiences and feelings about international dating.



“This is what I need, I want to know more about Chinese women, about their culture and their way of thinking.” I thought to myself.



I was full of enthusiasm and registered to the site.



Sally在周一早上上班去了,但晚上会回来坚守岗位。从那个醉酒的晚上后,Lily对我的态度一直很冷淡。她也许因为那天的事情感觉不好意思,我尝试从她的眼神里读出她的心思,可她从来不正面看我,要不打扫,要不在厨房做饭,我觉得她不希望继续看到我。最后一天,她请我吃日本料理,最后结账时她要买单,我不同意,直到她答应我给她买衣服。



“你又不是我老公,为什么要给我买衣服。”



“任何一个男人都不会同意女人买单,除非你是我老婆。”



最后,我们一起去逛街给她买衣服,她有自己经常买衣服的店铺,在那里她试了很多,长裙,短裙,衬衣。我喜欢看她试来试去,展示给我看,她也喜欢看镜子里的自己,可最后,她只同意买一件上衣。



“只要一件,Lily?”



“恩,只要一件,我不想花你的钱?”



“你确定只要一件吗?”



“确定。”



“那你现在不是个坏女人了吗?”



她不好意思地笑了笑。



下午,我们去车站接Mandy和Jeff,他们从阳江回来,这是我在中国的最后一天,他们要回来跟我道别。



Sally要我做匈牙利菜,Mandy也从阳江带了家乡特产,但整个晚上Lily要不就在厨房忙乎,要不就在卧室待着,只留下其他人跟我坐着说话。Sally看到这样的情景,就对我说,“忘了她吧,你会遇到更好的人的。”



“我做不到,我爱她。”



有一点我不理解,在中国的这些日子,她们对待婚姻就像是两个人的一桩生意。我明白女人都想找到一个好男人,但在她还没有确定要嫁给这个男人,或者这个男人有经济能力之前,女人不会流露自己的感情或爱上这个男人。我的心带我来到了中国,可我不是要找一个能给我做饭干家务的中国老婆,这些事情我自己也能做,我希望我结婚的人是我深爱的那个人,她的优点缺点我都爱的人,哪怕我们哪天不愉快甚至吵架,我也会在那天结束前对她说“我爱你”。



当Sally说“忘了她吧,你会遇到更好的女人的”,我想她们不懂什么是爱。爱是一种感觉,不是一张纸,当我有了更诱人的生意合同后,就可以把这张纸撕掉销毁。



我爱上了这个女人,我不可能在前一分钟还爱一个人,后一分钟就能把感情投给另一个女人,即使将来我必须忘了她,这也需要时间。



我希望我的判断是错误的,我希望她们知道什么是爱。



我很迷惑不解,视乎她有时候会把自己对我的感觉流露出一些,但一分钟后她又会把自己藏回到信仰与传统中去,如果说她向前迈了一步,马上就会后退两步。我猜她也被自己迷惑了吧。



回屋睡觉前,我跟所有人说再见,Lily送给我一个小礼物,我想给她一个拥抱,可她向后退了一步,不让我抱她。Mandy带着不解的表情看着我们。



这就是我在中国的最后一晚。



第二天早上Lily跟我一起去了机场,托运行李领登机牌时,他们告诉我我的航班取消了,但有一班比较早的航班十五分钟内起飞,根本没有时间检查我的行李,他们只说了句“快进去”。



我们马上向安检跑去,根本没有时间给对方一个正式的道别,检查我的护照时,我回头看看她,我们互相挥了挥手,她转头离开了,这跟第一次我离开时的场面很不一样。我看着她远去的背影,感觉自己被一脚踢出了中国,踢出了深圳,踢出了她的生活。我跑到登机口时,舱门已经关闭,飞机已经待飞,我还是错过了航班。这边的负责人带我到登记处,那边的人又给我安排了下一班飞机,我才松了口气,这样我就能赶上家里那项工程的开工日了。



到达温哥华后,一上出租车,就给我的合同商打电话,告诉他我回来了,可以马上开工。但我被告知,项目已经开始了,因为我不在国内,三天前他们把项目给了另一个人,不过我可以过去给他们帮忙,挣些钱。



我很需要这笔钱,虽然18个小时没有睡觉,回家冲过澡还是出发工作了。丢掉这个项目是我为这次中国行付出的代价,在我还是觉得很值得,毕竟我最后见了Lily一面。最后两天她对我的冷淡会帮我尽快忘掉她,如此说来,看到她“丑”的一面倒是件好事了。



她在QQ上跟我见了一次,想确定我安全到家了,并且告诉我,我可以再回到那个网站,去找一个更适合我的女人。



“你值得拥有一个好女人,我不适合你,我是个坏女人。”



于是,我也那么做了,我又回到了那个网站,试图在每个女人的脸上找到她的影子。我想念她,想忘记她很不容易。



有一天,我无意中碰到另一个网站,叫CLM,我发现这个网站上有论坛和博客板块,这是别的网站所见不到的,在这两个板块会员们讲述自己的经历和感受。



“这不正是我需要的吗?我需要了解跟过中国女人的思维和她们的文化。”我对自己说。



于是,我满怀热情地注册了这个网站。


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 56) 1 2 3 4 5 6 More...
#2014-07-02 15:28:35 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Imi, this is a great, great blog. You have really painted a wonderfully clear picture of the big difference between an average Western man and an average Chinese woman. And it isn't what everyone might think.

Because I want to be sure that all the Chinese women come and read Imi's article, I posted my comments as a forum thread to hopefully get all the Chinese women back to read Imi's terrific series and commenting on it. We all have much to learn from the comments they make after each article.

You can read that Forum thread here...

http://blog.chinalovematch.net/blog/article/My-Love-for-Lily-%E6%88%91%E5%AF%B9%E7%99%BE%E5%90%88%E7%9A%84%E7%88%B1-Part-15-Leaving-China-with-a-Bitter-Aftertaste-%E4%B8%AD%E5%9B%BD%E5%BF%83%E7%A2%8E%E7%9A%84%E5%9C%B0%E6%96%B9

#2014-07-02 16:06:52 by Barry1 @Barry1

@Imi5922

Let me say Imi that I've enjoyed reading your last few articles. As I read each one however, I became more and more convinced that Lily was not for you. For some reason, she seemed increasingly cold and detached. Her behaviour was certainly not what I would've expected from someone in her situation.

In fact, I believe I was the very first person on this website who had the audacity and cheekiness to say that you should dump her, many weeks ago now. Though it gives me no particular joy to say I was right.

CLM is full of wonderful ladies, most of whom would treat you with far more affection than how Lily acted. You deserve better than her. And with your romantic, generous and kind soul, I'm sure you'll find a special person here very quickly who'll treat you as you so amply deserve to be treated.

Although I think John may have let the cat out of the bag when he said in Part 14,

"depending on whether or not the rumors of you having found someone of interest on CLM are true."

Well done, Imi - let me be the first to congratulate you on finally finding your perfect match, who is definitely NOT Lily. (clap)

#2014-07-02 18:27:23 by 1992fiona @1992fiona

i read your story many times, so pity, your china love trip cant work, i think your story not about the culture, is about personals character and choose the lover values standard.

#2014-07-02 19:29:57 by panda2009 @panda2009

@Imi
I can judge Lily who is really set marriage as a big business! You are very innocent...

#2014-07-02 21:05:15 by zhshwu @zhshwu

Bloggers sanity finally return, which is gratifying.

#2014-07-02 21:09:19 by fj1383 @fj1383

Bro, what can I say to you? There's plenty of fish in the sea. There will always be the "one" that got away but trust me when I say you'll be extremely happy that Lily is gone from your life when you finally meet your true love. You must believe in this with all your heart. It really sucks to be in a one-sided relationship, I can tell you this because I've been there, either I was the one fully committed or the girl(s) were. My point is that you shouldn't settle for less at all, I get the sense by reading your story that you're a nice and romantic guy whose main priority in life is love, happiness and then money. So you should try to find a woman with the same set of priorities in her life, otherwise it's almost impossible to work things out with a woman whose priorities don't match yours. Now living in China 5 years myself I can advice you to be more careful with single moms because some of them (not all) have a different set of priorities in life and it's mainly their children's happiness and better future. For such ladies "love" is overrated and it's a luxury they can't afford to put on top of their list. So please Imi, next time you meet such lady, don't try to change her or make her believe in love....it's a dead end. I think the best you can do whenever you chat with a new lady on CLM is to start off with "Do you believe in love?"....it's a direct question that can save you lots of time. Then instead of talking about senseless things like weather, work, relatives, you both should talk about your inner selves, so you can see if she's on your same level. That's the key Imi, she must be on your same level emotionally, otherwise it's useless to pursue it any further. Her heart, her priorities, her moral values must match yours. Well bro, I guess that's all I can tell you for now, please only take my words as advice. At the end it's entirely up to you "how" to choose your future wife. Good luck bro!

P.S. Ladies on CLM, Imi is a true gentleman who wants to offer his unconditional love to a lucky lady. All he needs is that you, too, offer him your unconditional love forever.

#2014-07-02 22:31:29 by yeranyi @yeranyi

sigh ...

but i am sure you will find a gentle and pretty chinese wife .

#2014-07-02 22:44:44 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

My old blog has now come to the fore !!!

http://blog.chinalovematch.net/blog/article/Is-She-My-Type-Part-7-The-one-you-have-all-been-waiting-for-The-Perfect-Woman-RMB100

There is just SO MUCH to say on this subject that people like Barry, Imi, John and even myself haven't even scratched the surface yet!

#2014-07-02 22:57:55 by Marrisa @Marrisa

Imi, is that all? Is that the whole story? Then why should they ask you back to China? You don't say it is you who wants to go back to China. If Lily didn't show up, if she didn't invite you to Mandy's hometown, if she didn't agree, how would you be back again?

What do they want? I don't believe that. They know you are broken. If Lily never changed her mind, why should her let you back? It is ridiculous. (headbang)

#2014-07-02 23:13:55 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

http://blog.chinalovematch.net/blog/article/Is-She-My-Type-Part-7-The-one-you-have-all-been-waiting-for-The-Perfect-Woman-RMB100

Sorry to 'flog' this again, but I told you months ago what to expect !

Imi is a victim of mis-understanding - simple!

Once you have a woman in your heart, you can try allsorts of things to try and find a 'replacement' - but it aint gonna happen !

I remember about a year or so ago when I was chatting with a girl from CLM -. NIce girl, and seemed to tick MOST of the 'boxes' when she sent me a photo of her and 2 of her friends

One of the friends in the picture was stunning!

I quickly pretended that my friend had seen the photo and was incredibly interested in her

Sadly, I was told that she did not speak English - she was happily married with 2 kids and was not interested in foreigners!

BUT...... it could quite easily have been different and I reckon it is POSSIBLE to meet a girl on CLM and end up 'falling' for her friend ?

My opinion is simple. Coming here means we are all LOOKING for that special 'someone' - and if we meet them HERE, then we are nothing short of LUCKY!

But in reality, we are essentially trying to FORCE ourselves to fall 'in-love'

REAL love comes naturally - we are looking for someone to fill a 'hole' in our lives and by using dating sites we are trying to find someone that fits the 'She-will-do' kind of 'box'

When in reality it's a case of 'She-will-do-until-I-meet-someone-better'

Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 56) 1 2 3 4 5 6 More...
Comment
To respond to another member's comment type @ followed by their name before your comment, like this: @username Then leave a space. Ask Imi a Question : Click here...