Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Imi was born and raised in Europe, Hungary. After finishing his school years, he moved to Canada to search for a better life. He lived in Toronto for 13 years and currently resides in Vancouver. He is a romantic at heart with a strong desire to always do the right thing. He would like to give hope to the Chinese and Asian ladies with his story and send a message that love eventually finds everybody.
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My Love for Lily 我对百合的爱, Conclusion - Square One 结语 - 心殇    

By Imi
16808 Views | 72 Comments | 9/12/2014 4:47:43 PM

It's over. A Chinese love gone wrong.

I am emptied from all human emotions, there's nothing left inside me only the rubble of my collapsed hopes and dreams. I try to numb this dismal feeling with a cold shower in a desperate attempt to wash off my own disdain. I can see, I can hear, I can feel as the cold water hits my skin; all of my senses work perfectly, and yet, I'm still in the dark trying to find my own shadow.

I am back at square one which I prefer to call 'square nothing'. There are no hopes, no dreams, no feelings there, only a stream of disappointments try to pull me under forever.

I'm getting to realize that being alone is what life imposed on me. It seems, I don't really fit in anywhere. I was born in Hungary, but I live in Canada. I got an accent  when I speak in English and even my mother tells me that after so many years being away from home I got an accent when I speak in my mother tongue as well that I don't really detect when I talk to her.

I love my country, but I know I couldn't live there. Canada is the country that gave me every opportunity to set my life in motion and because of that I felt myself being welcomed. However, my mind is never going to think the same way like a true-born Canadian's mind does. My brain function is a mixture of Canadian and European thoughts and it mirrors through my conversations with others.   

I've got the same problems in the 'love business' too. Somewhere in time I've lost my interest in western women and started to be attracted to Chinese and Asian women, but it seems I approach the fundamental meaning of love from a different angle than Chinese women do.

After Lily and I broke up, I'd talked with many Chinese women and realized how different they were from each other. I was under the impression that Chinese traditional upbringing meant no sex until marriage; as I was told by Lily's friend Sally who was by the way a virgin at age 24 and still wanted to wait another 4-5 years before she would allow herself to be consumed with desire for the other gender.

So to my surprise the first Chinese woman I started to talk to, after Lily and Sally blinded my eyes with their puritanical beliefs in sex and marriage, was a piano teacher from Beijing who happened to be totally the opposite in temperament of Lily and Sally. Mostly we talked about music and showed to each other's original songs on Skype with audio on, but after we'd talked for a few days like this, suddenly she asked me if I had a photo of myself where she could see my hairy chest because she'd never seen a white man's hairy chest before. My jaw dropped in surprise.

I built up an image about traditional Chinese women in my head and her request completely demolished this picture in a blink of an eye.

I was curious about where she wanted to go with this and complied with her request. I sent her the same photo what you can see in part 13 of the 'My Love for Lily' series that I had taken when I turned 43.

I don't want to get into details, the only thing I want to and probably I am allowed to say is that I heard some sweet, barely audible moaning from the other side of the line and I had to admit to myself that even sounded better to my ears than her singing voice. Having said that, I was shocked and needed to ask myself, “Is this the same China where I met with Lily who barely let me touch her hand and kiss her?”

This incident with the piano teacher who played her “instrument” to amuse me after just a few days of knowing each other had really opened my eyes. If I was able to find two women from the same country who were completely the opposites in temperament, I might be able to find both temperaments in one woman who would represent her femininity in a graceful way at daytime, but would become a black-haired feline at night time only for me.

Leaving my conservative looking but hot blooded piano teacher behind in Beijing with my half naked photo in her computer, I continued my campaign in China to find the perfect Chinese woman for myself. After a few weeks of search I had found myself with one click of the mouse in Nanning, where I started to talk to a business woman who was a co-owner of two hotels.

To make a long story short we liked each other, but I told her I wasn't a rich man, actually, I was just a simple working man. She told me she really didn't care about how much money I had, she knew I was a good man and that was the only thing she cared about. She would make good many with her business for both of us and I didn't even have to work, I just needed to move to China and be with her.

I thanked her for telling me that I was a good man, but she forgot one thing. She forgot that I was an idiot as well who was about to decline this golden opportunity to have a carefree life. I am a man and I feel myself being a  real man when I can provide for my family. Doing nothing all day long would have led to problems between us in the future and eventually, we would have been separated. So it's not just men but even women with money think that they can buy everything, even love.

It seems the quantity of people we are able to contact with due to smarter and smaller electronic devices in our everyday lives don't necessary bring quality of people into our lives. Too many choices mean no choice at all. Finding love became incredibly hard  which brings me to my recent try to fall in love with a Chinese woman.

I've met her here on CLM a few months back this year. She liked the 'My Love for Lily' series and wanted me to give her a chance to get to know me. My only concern was that she was almost 12 years of my junior and that seemed to me a big age difference. Having said that we started off fairly well and after two months we were at a good place in our relationship. However, after two months it seemed she was having difficulties to find the time to chat with me. We reached the point where we  had talked only half an hour per/week. Our relationship started to cool off and eventually, we went separate ways. She was a nice woman and I know she will be happy with the right person, but it just wasn't me. I need a little bit of more time other than 30 minutes per/week to spend with my woman and build a relationship. She is an intelligent and sexy woman so any guy would be happy to have her.

So all of this happened with me after Lily's told me that she had a boyfriend, which I didn't really believe at that time and thought she lied about having a boyfriend. Interestingly, there was a comment from a lady who came to the same conclusion.

Anyway, I'd like to tell you what happened with Lily after we broke up.

After the break up I deleted her from my QQ list and was trying to move on with my life. But she contacted me on my phone and asked why I deleted her from my QQ list. “Do you hate me?”

“No, I don't hate you, but you've found the man you wanted to be with and I am also trying to move on with my life.” I replied.

“Actually, it doesn't really matter because I've just contacted you again to warn you about Mandy. She became a bad woman and stole 500.000 yuan from my ex-husband and if she ever wants to contact with you in anyway, you need to be careful with her. I am not friend with her any longer and she disappeared from our lives, no one can find her.”

 “Thank you for your concern, but there is no way she would be able to contact me since I've deleted her from my QQ list as well. Thanks for warning me anyway! Lily, I need to tell you something though that I didn't really want to tell you... I wrote a story about us.”

“What do you mean you wrote a story about us?”

“I wrote a story about our relationship and it looks it will be published.”

“Really? Can I read it?”

I sent the entire story to her the next day, but before we said good bye to each other she also told me that she lived in Los Angeles now and went to English school diligently, and after that she was planning to get the realtor licence. I was happy for her, she finally had found the family life that she had always wanted for Jeff and herself.

After a few days when she'd finished reading the story she contacted me one more time and gave me her own evaluation of the story.

She told me that she didn't like it, she actually loved it. She really loved the Chinese translation. I will never be able to read the Chinese translation, but I have to say Zoe must have done magic with a simple love story.

Lily had only one complain about the story. She didn't like my misunderstanding about her feelings toward me. She told me that I was the only man she had a real connection with, and she was not afraid to admit that she still wasn't able to meet with a better man. Breaking up with me was the hardest thing that she had to do in her life, but she had no choice, she had to do it.

Somehow I felt that it was nothing more than a pity talk on her part because when I asked her why she had no choice, she didn't give me any answer. She also asked me if we could still be  friends, but I refused it.

She has a family now, and I don't understand what she wants from me as a friend. She couldn't fight for me when there was an opportunity to have me in her life so I asked her not to contact with me in the future.

Jeff had still called me sometimes on QQ even after I stopped talking to his mother. He was a good guy, I liked him, but gradually we started to talk less and less, and one day I deleted him as well from my QQ list.

I am single again. I'm spending too much time on my own, and sometimes it seems I lost my direction. Is this how I want to spend my days hide at my place and walk the streets with a borrowed smile on my face? No, I don't want that because every desire, every dawn collapses back into itself if I can't let my fears fade away in the dark. I believe there is still a future out there waiting for me that represents itself in a pair of beautiful, dark eyes that will give me the hope for a new beginning and free me from my loneliness.  



I would like to have the opportunity to thank all CLM members who followed my story, and also a big THANKS particularly to the members who had taken their times and commented on it!

JOHN- Thank you for letting my story being published on your site! It was a long 9 months labour. I believe I gained many things from this experience as a person and a beginner writer.

Thank you again for the opportunity!













我感谢她说我是个好男人,但她不知道,我还是个挺傻的男人,我会拒绝她这个金矿以及她提供给我的不劳而获 的生活。我是个男人,而只有我在用自己的双手来为我的家庭带来物质保证的时候我才觉得自己是个男人。每天无所事事只会为两个人的感情带来无名的矛盾和麻烦,必然导致两个人分手。由此看来,希望用钱来买到一切甚至爱情的不光有男人,还有女人。




















John, 更感谢您在伊甸园网站发表我的故事,这九个月的经历让我个人成长,也给我带来初试写作的非凡经历!


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-09-12 16:54:30 by purplesea1970 @purplesea1970

keep moving,Imi

#2014-09-12 17:02:18 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

First Imi, you hardly have to thank CLM for publishing your series. You provided a really emotional but pleasurable roller coaster ride for our members, and it is we who must thank you.

I am sure I speak for everyone that we hope you'll keep blogging now!. And I know I can say on behalf of the Chinese ladies that they all hope you will keep searching for your match among them. Your lifemate is here Imi, you just have to be patient and you will find her.

Thanks for bringing us all along on your quest for true love. We're so sorry you didn't achieve success with Lily, but we know you will succeed with some fortunate Chinese woman and we hope to get to read about that journey as well.

#2014-09-12 18:38:04 by JulyChen @JulyChen


#2014-09-12 18:40:12 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Imi, you and I have different styles of writing here and our paths have crossed a few times but in the main, I have enjoyed the journey you have shared with us
I share Johns opinions and would love to see more blogs from you as your quest continues for the elusive Ms Right
Good Luck Mate

#2014-09-12 19:03:09 by Barry1 @Barry1


Let me say that of all your blog articles, I feel this was the one that has been the best written. The use of metaphors, similes and other writing techniques to both convey your story and colourfully enhance its meaning to readers was impressive.

Just take your first paragraph, for example:

"I am emptied from all human emotions, there's nothing left inside me only the rubble of my collapsed hopes and dreams. I try to numb this dismal feeling with a cold shower in a desperate attempt to wash off my own disdain. I can see, I can hear, I can feel as the cold water hits my skin; all of my senses work perfectly, and yet, I'm still in the dark trying to find my own shadow."

I think if I had really tried, I'd be hard pressed to come up with a description anywhere near as good of how you feel than this. I admire fine writing and this paragraph is is a wonderful example of this. I hope that I can emulate it sometime. Well done, Imi.

But back to your story at hand. A few passing comments I have are as follows.

"I'm getting to realize that being alone is what life imposed on me."

In reality Imi, this is the life you have imposed upon yourself. I'm definitely not saying this is a bad thing, just that it was a personal choice, one that was necessary for this time in your spiritual evolution.

"I heard some sweet, barely audible moaning from the other side of the line and I had to admit to myself that even sounded better to my ears than her singing voice"

I agree that a lady that did this after knowing you just for a few days was probably a person not worth pursuing for someone like you. A nice bit of humour here though.

"Doing nothing all day long would have led to problems between us in the future "

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree here. Living with a well off Chinese lady would have been fine for the short term, but after a few months, boredom and monotony would set in. A healthy, vital person really needs to be doing something positive with his or her life.

"after two months it seemed she was having difficulties to find the time to chat with me."

This is a sure sign that something is amiss. Something's wrong. You were right to move on from this lady, who as you say, will provide a great partner for someone other than you.

"she also told me that she lived in Los Angeles now and went to English school diligently, and after that she was planning to get the realtor licence."

I lived in the USA for two years and also at one stage contemplated getting a realtor job. I was advised off it though, saying that one needed years of experience in an area to really get to know it. I could tell you more, but suffice to say that the odds of an immigrant like Lily who's still learning English, to become a successful realtor are unfortunately slim, in my view. She'll be competing with folks in her region who possess a far more comprehensive knowledge of houses and the housing market there.

"I believe there is still a future out there waiting for me that represents itself in a pair of beautiful, dark eyes that will give me the hope for a new beginning and free me from my loneliness."

Yes, I believe an intelligent, romantic soul like you has a bright future ahead. You simply need to ride out this current sterile period in your life, that could go on for longer that you hope for. But eventually, change will come. Change for the better. Please keep yourself busy. Please keep planning and working towards realistic and achievable goals in your life. Most important of all, please don't stop dreaming.

All of us here are on your side. With the cumulative power of all our good wishes towards you, how can your future be anything but happy and fulfilled? But give it time, Imi. Don't become impatient. You're destined to succeed - and succeed well. Blessing to you, Imi. (handshake)

#2014-09-12 20:33:06 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

Imi, you are more aware on what have happened and going on with you, this is a good beginning on your next experience and I am sure it will guide you find the right person for you. All your experience and situation is not strange and special for all serious members here. We have the very similar or close experience as you and thus you are not alone here. It says:100 times fall,stand up 101 times.All failure & hardship is gifts given by god which will help us to get to know more about ourselves and others.

There are both positive and negative energy magnet around us and the thus please open your eyes to choose those positive ones to be be with.One big negative magnet could be fatal for us and absorb all positive energy we have inside so that we will feel very depression, frustration, confusion and exhausted after being with it.Be awake of these type persons.

There is some person who intends to show you their sincerity but they have been wandering on what they are wanting there.When you give chance to them, they show less response and act passively. I think we should keep away from this kind of person to avoid time wasting and bad mood only if you want to play game with them.

I hope you could step out the emotional troughs and gain energy soon for normal life. As you said, you are a real man and you still can live well even if there is no woman in your life...If you can't live well by yourself, you can't expect built a happy and harmony family with your longed woman in the future either.

#2014-09-12 21:35:03 by lansemengxiang @lansemengxiang


#2014-09-12 23:21:43 by Jennifercc42 @Jennifercc42


#2014-09-13 00:24:45 by anonymous11772 @anonymous11772

HI Imi, thanks for this episode! You must have 100's of chinese women here after you now, I know the woman I am involved with called me "inferior" and "I was not a great man like Imi" needless to say that hurt and it has been hard to forgive her. So you have had a profound affect on the woman here.

Chinese women can be very sexually aggressive in just a short time of knowing a person...this is a fact not a misnomer.

Be careful of women from Nanning, they can be tricky and sly.......just like your piano playing contact...

The only comment I have about Lily is she is not a good human being and is a predator.....

good luck hope you find an "honest" loving woman here....

#2014-09-13 02:05:48 by Belle77 @Belle77

Imi, I really enjoys reading your story, thank you
You will find someone who really loves you soon, good luck to you!

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