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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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My First Date After Lily (Part 6)    

By Barry Pittman
5519 Views | 65 Comments | 9/10/2017 1:43:20 PM
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#2017-11-24 14:46:29 by melcyan @melcyan

Ever since Paul started blogging on CLM he has shown a clear propensity for throwing sh#t at the fan. There have been a few times where you have been prepared to do that as well. You definitely enjoy stirring the pot. Why wait until now to challenge Paul's rudeness?

 

You have written the following words in this blog -

 

"I struggled valiantly with these annoying truisms, vowing to be a better person, a more noble character, so that no lady in future would feel in any way compelled to again compulsively kick me to the kerb, a distressing experience I kept repeating again and again. There was obviously something intrinsically wrong with me, but what? If any readers of my past seventy-two blogs have any insights what my inherent and possibly cleverly camouflaged personality problems are, constructive observations would be much appreciated. Sometimes one is too deep within the forest to see any trees, too close to the action to make clear-headed judgements. Either that or sometimes one's just too damn stupid, ignorant or pig-headed."

 

I have frequently commented on your "problems". Sometimes I have made comments inside of your blogs. Sometimes I have created a separate forum thread to make comment without mentioning your name.

 

I will now risk making another suggestion. Forget about being a "craftsman of words" on CLM and write as if your future life-long partner will read every word that you write from now on. Many women would want to kick you to the curb after reading the quote above.

 

It is time for you stop acting like a victim. You are now disconsolately reaping what you have sown. It is now time for you to fully live your life one day at a time. You owe that change not just to yourself but also to your future wife.

#2017-11-24 15:20:11 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Barry, to the best of my knowledge, you and Paul are friends. If that has changed I was never alerted to the change by either of you. Throughout your time together as blogers on the blogs, Paul has made countless comments like the one you complain of now, both to you and to many other bloggers.

In the past you have not complained about his rudeness, and, in fact, it seemed apparent that this was often somewhat "friendly banter". I frankly assumed that was the case once again.

Add to that, when Paul has been similarly rude to others, you have sometimes joined him in his attack, as opposed to criticising him for being rude rude and offensive.  

You're a big boy, Barry. You don't need me to protect you from your good friend Paul's rude words. And you sure don't have a right to expect me to somehow know that on this one occasion you are insulted by those words, when so often you are not. 

And the blogs have always had exciting busy periods followed by slow lethargic periods, and I suspect they always will. However, if we weren't suffering a bug in the uploading of the blogs right now, I suspect that we'd be heading into a new exciting period, sparked partially at least by the two fresh, new bloggers that have joined us. Hopefully the bug will be corrected by tomorrow and we'll enter into a renaissance of blogging.

And hopefully you will heed Roger's advice and choose to be happy, and thereby help lead us into that renaissance, as you have sometimes in the past. With luck that might lead you into a renaissance in your own life, including a new and better relationship with a new lifemate.

#2017-11-28 07:00:36 by Barry1 @Barry1


@melcyan

 

I value your well meaning comments, Melcyan.   Though in this instance, I feel you missed the main point of my previous comment.



Let me repeat.

 

If you spent a lost of time writing articles here, delving sometimes quite painfully into past recollections and experiences, and a supposed "friend" was permitted to have published highly acerbic, offensive comments such as those below, would you you pleased?

 

Moreover, would you continue to spend further hours penning your thoughts, knowing that this inconsiderate antagonist would in all likelihood be permitted to continue to fire caustic barbs at you?

 


"this is getting excruiciating now"

 

" We're just speaking the TRUTH - but you don't like the TRUTH, do you? You can't handle the truth !"

 

"..quite frankly this is getting f*cking boring now...." 

 

"we're all bored shitless"

 

So Melcyan  -  how do you think our new bloggers @jellyfish or @RWByrum  would feel if some unenlightened bully started haranguing them about how "f*cking boring" or "bored shitless" their hard-fought for articles were?  Forget about using the word "friend"  as anyone who throws insults like these doesn't know the meaning of true friendship.   :^)



 

#2017-11-29 13:39:37 by melcyan @melcyan

Barry, I fully understood your words the first time that I read them. Maybe the question that you should have asked me is why didn't I defend you in this blog.

 

I think I have previously challenged Paul whenever he has unfairly criticized a blogger. Sometimes I have made that criticism anonymously. I haven't even defended you anonymously in this blog. Why?

 

Who is closer to the truth in this blog, you or Paul? It hurts me to say this but the answer is  - Paul.

 

Your words in this blog serve very little cathartic purpose. Rather than being cathartic they simply serve to further entrench your status as a "victim".  That is the last place I want you to be. How many more times are you going to be a "victim" in a relationship?  

 

If you are repeatedly the victim in your relationships, then there is something very wrong with the relationship that you have with yourself. Get that right. If that means some of your existing friendships have to end, so be it.

#2017-11-29 13:43:40 by Barry1 @Barry1


@JohnAbbot

"when Paul has been similarly rude to others, you have sometimes joined him in his attack..."


Yes, it's true that I have been critical from time to time in the past about other bloggers.  Yet I have NEVER used such offensive, quite obviously objectionable terms such as ""f*cking boring" or "bored shitless" to describe someone else's blog.

 

Being critical is one thing, but spewing forth obnoxious abuse such as you've permitted is quite another thing.  

 

For your information, just to set the record straight.   |(

 

#2017-11-30 08:54:16 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@Barry1  Personally, I would be rather pissed off about it.  Just like you are, Barry.  Then I would think it over and wonder why the person was reading it.  I would reflect on the fact that the person's comments were making them look really stupid, more than anything else.  Finally, I would move on and return to my feeling of serenity.  The one thing I would not do, however, would be to reply to the comment.  The last thing I would want would be for the attacker to know that he had pissed me off.

#2017-11-30 13:15:21 by Barry1 @Barry1


@RWByrum

 

" The last thing I would want would be for the attacker to know that he had pissed me off."

 

Thanks for your considered, wise advice, Roger.

 

I thought about ignoring the uncalled for rudeness in the comments directed toward me, but finally decided to say something about them.  You see, unless an insolent tormenter is called out, he's likely to repeat his venom on other people, again and again. 

 

So whilst it's great to be able to turn the other cheek and maintain one's equanimity, at least now everyone has been alerted to the fact that there is a rude bully here amongst us and his belligerant actions won't always be overlooked or  ignored.



We also of course, all know the old saying, that it's only by the apathy or inaction of good people, that will allow evil to reign supreme. 

 

Thanks again mate for your comments.  (y)

 

#2017-11-30 13:38:22 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Barry1

Here are a couple of things you wrote either in blogs forming part of this series, or in comments about the series:

"I'm cognisant also that some may find my recollections a bit boring, which is a real possibility as it's written primarily for my own benefit"

"As I've mentioned, to many my verbose meanderings would seem a bit boring, but I can only say again and again, the blogs are written for my benefit, so if I repeat myself a few times from article to article, the reason is that I'm gradually expunging all of my inner anguish out onto paper.  This necessarily is a slow, rather tortuous process."

And I believe you were accurate that you expressed these thoughts "again and again".

Now I grant you that you did say that if people found them boring they needn't read them but should just move on to other blogs, BUT I ask you this...

1. How, exactly, would a person go about knowing that a blog is boring without first reading it?

2. If a person who has read your many blogs and enjoyed them, is finding a couple of them now to be boring, isn't he or she likely to keep reading your newly published blogs in the hope that this would be the one in which you returned to your former interesting self? 

3. Do you not think that a blogger who generally writes for the purpose of enlightening, educating and entertaining his readers, and has built up a group of loyal readers who read his every blog, has somewhat of a duty to those readers to make an effort to enlighten, educate and entertain them?

4. Is it really fair to those same readers that you suddenly start to write your blogs strictly for your own benefit, without regard to their  interests or concerns. 

Now, I'll move on specifically to Paul's admittedly fairly crude and unquestionably blunt criticisms that you have found so personally insulting. The two that seem to have most affected you seem to have been:

"..quite frankly this is getting f*cking boring now...." 

and
 
"we're all bored shitless".

If I had the time, energy and inclination, I could take us all back through the blogs and point out instances where both you and Paul were extremely critical of another blogger or two. In Paul's case, not so much your own, the criticism certainly would have, more often than not, contained a few choice expletives.

Likewise there have been times when other bloggers have been insultingly critical, and times when member/readers were sometimes very insulting, or even downright nasty. Generally I have not censored the criticism unless it was written anonymously.  This is because I believe that each of the bloggers are more than capable of fending for themselves and they have a right to know what a reader thought of something they wrote.

You've always been able to easily put a critic in their place, and I assumed you would be up to it this time too.

I would add that I really don't see this as anything more than Paul being Paul. He is not one to hold back, and if he has a filter, I've rarely seen him put it to any use.  

Having said that, it is true that you were expressing very serious and heartfelt feelings of agony and angst, and maybe we all could have been a little more sensitive to your feelings.

But, given Paul's penchant in recent times to tell us all that we are imbeciles, idiots, fools, wankers and morons for simply failing to grasp and accept the supposedly scientifically immutable fact that the world is flat , I think you got off lightly.  Whereas he attacked our personal intelligence, our ability to think, in a very insulting way, in your case he simply attacked the content of your blog, as opposed to attacking you personally.

Perhaps you should be greatful for small mercies. 

Finally, as to your concerns as to how the new bloggers will feel if they receive such damning criticism, I am not sure. But I suspect that if they ever write something that leaves Paul feeling  "f*cking bored" or "bored shitless", we are going to find out. 

#2017-11-30 16:59:11 by Barry1 @Barry1


@JohnAbbot

 

Thanks for your considered response, John.  In answer to your questions, may I make the following response.

 

1.  "How, exactly, would a person go about knowing that a blog is boring without first reading it?"

 

The answer to this is simple.  As soon as a reader becomes overly bored with what he's reading, he can simply stop.  Dead easy.  One doesn't need to be a brain surgeon to comprehend this.

 

2. "If a person who has read your many blogs and enjoyed them, is finding a couple of them now to be boring, isn't he or she likely to keep reading your newly published blogs in the hope that this would be the one in which you returned to your former interesting self?"



Maybe.  But if this is so, then he only has himself to blame, IF he became bored with what I've written.  Most certainly, he doesn't have the right to submit rude insults about it, when he made his own mind up to keep reading.

 

Are you saying by the way, that you also found my last blog or two to be boring?

 

3.  "Do you not think that a blogger who generally writes for the purpose of enlightening, educating and entertaining his readers, and has built up a group of loyal readers who read his every blog, has somewhat of a duty to those readers to make an effort to enlighten, educate and entertain them?"
 

In my view, I did entertain them, at least some of the time. Of course, some of it was also mundane.  But I'm doing this for free!  I'm not a professional, high quality writer and have never claimed to be.  Some of my stuff is dead set uninteresting... agreed.... but not ALL of it.   If you can do any better though, please write some blogs yourself, sir.

 

4.  "Is it really fair to those same readers that you suddenly start to write your blogs strictly for your own benefit, without regard to their  interests or concerns"

 


It is eminently fair!  Once again, are you suggesting that what I've written recently has been disturbingly boring?  If so, once again, why don't you write some articles yourself and let us see how exciting they are? 

 

It's a difficult job, being a blogger.  It's made doubly difficult when people snipe from the sidelines about how boring they are!   :@

 

5.  "maybe we all could have been a little more sensitive to your feelings."

 

Thank you, John.

 

6.  "given Paul's penchant in recent times to tell us all that we are imbeciles, idiots, fools, wankers and morons for simply failing to grasp and accept the supposedly scientifically immutable fact that the world is flat , I think you got off lightly.  Whereas he attacked our personal intelligence, our ability to think, in a very insulting way,...."

Yes, Paul has morphed into a person I don't really know, who is extraordinarily accusatory and condemnatory of others. I want the old Paul back!

 

7.  "as to your concerns as to how the new bloggers will feel if they receive such damning criticism, I am not sure. But I suspect that if they ever write something that leaves Paul feeling  "f*cking bored" or "bored shitless", we are going to find out."


Maybe not, John.  I'm hoping that by calling Paul out now for being an unnecessarily rude person, that he may look at himself in the mirror and think twice next time he's in a bad mood, about repeating his gratuitous, puerile and rather immature insults.  :^)


By the way, blessings to everyone. What I've said above is meant to be taken in good faith, with some humour thrown in for good measure.  I'm not particularly annoyed nor overly serious about any of it.  Life's too short to bear grudges.

 

I would like Paul however, to act like a thinking person next time he becomes irritated for whatever reason  -   especially when he puts pen to paper.  Words can hurt and once spoken, reflect more on the person who wrote them, rather than the hapless recipient.   (wasntme)

 

 

 

 

#2017-12-01 09:24:20 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@Barry1  You're welcome, Barry.  I hope that you find the catharsis you seek.

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