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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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My China Trip - Day 23, Part 1    

By Barry Pittman
3030 Views | 18 Comments | 6/29/2015 12:41:29 PM
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(Showing 11 to 18 of 18) Previous 1 2
#2015-07-11 00:42:56 by anonymous13578 @anonymous13578

Hi Barry, it seems to me than many Asian cultures have a belief that it is "other people's business and it does not concern me" almost verbatim. I understand Tina's thoughts on the matter of who's responsibility it is to get WeiWei's teeth fixed, I also totally agree with your actions in the matter. Most likely Grandfather would spend the money and not get child to dentist, the draw of teahouse camaraderie is strong in China.

I have noticed that Chinese women have a hard time understanding the difference between being ordered/told what to do and someone voicing their own opinion strongly. Tina is also an independent woman who takes care of herself and Wendy, she is her own boss.

Could a possibility be that most "married" woman in China are so used to getting their own way and bossing their men around they can't take it when a western man stands up to them? It is very likely that the Chinese man lets the woman boss them around so he can go off and do what he wants to do. Just a thought.

I totally agree with you in regards to Mao's era of starvation and famine where millions died. Interesting that he was fat while his people were starving to death. North Korea's leader seems to be of similar mold.

I cannot fathom the numbers of old folks in China who are living a meagre existence, 100yuan is not enough to cover the costs of most anything like you say. I fear as China becomes more westernized it will forget their old people totally, I hope I am wrong on this.

I also worry that China will have a Starbucks(Charbucks), McDonalds, KFC, Wendy's, Pizza Hit and Burger King on every single street corner and the younger people will become victims of the waistline, obesity and ill health just like Western society is. I hope not as it is a vicious circle to get caught up in.

Long live Broccoli!!(d)

Looking forward to the continuing adventures of Barry & Tina!

Cheers..

#2015-07-12 12:47:02 by Barry1 @Barry1

@anonymous13578

My views with respect to Weiwei's teeth unfortunately did annoy Tina. As you've suggested, it appears almost a Chinese cultural tradition, where a person should not interfere with another person, even in scenarios where to me it is bleeding obvious that prompt action needs to be taken.

The bottom line is I still cannot be one hundred per cent sure whether Tina and I are compatible over the long term. This is one reason I'm returning to China in a few weeks, so we can spend more time together. She's very independent in her own way, that vaguely troubles me.

As for many ladies who are accustomed to getting their own way, this is potentially quite true in those situations where they've been brought up as a spoilt little princess. But it's not only females who are guilty of this selfishness, but males as well.

In Tina's case, her upbringing was tough. I think her independence has developed more as simply an innate part of her character, regardless of her previous marital status or upbringing.

Millions of less wealthy old folk in China face many hardships, unless they've been able to acquire reasonable retirement savings. But even then you're not safe.

For example, one of my favorite people on this website was Annie. A truly genuine person, real salt of the Earth. She's unfortunately gone quiet over the past few months. But if you read the following article, she describes how to her shock, her boss at work had been cheating as far as her retirement benefits go and sadly she now faces a tough retirement, due to having much less benefits available to her than she had been banking on.

http://blog.chinalovematch.net/blog/article/Green-Flows-%E5%8D%83%E5%B1%B1%E5%A4%96-%E6%B0%B4%E9%95%BF%E6%B5%81

As for Chinese starting to become more obese than hitherto due to negative Western influences such as KFC or McDonalds, this has started already. Take a saunter through most of the large cities in China and you'll see what I mean. :S

#2015-07-13 15:49:48 by melcyan @melcyan

@Barry1

You have spent a lot of one on one time in person and a lot of talking time over the internet with Tina. You know that the two of you are at least reasonably compatible.

You have said previously that the CLM audience knows much more about your weaknesses than she does. That is so not right! Furthermore do you really know what your weaknesses are? The stories that we tell ourselves over the years are not necessarily the truth. An open, honest, trusting and loving relationship opens doorways that we never knew existed.

Having a partner who knows what makes you tick and still wants you is amazing and allows for huge growth in you as a person. It makes it easier for you to improve yourself, your life and all of your relationships. Tina is a survivor. She will always hold her head up. If you want a “yes” woman you need to look elsewhere.

My partner is a survivor and knows how to protect herself. She is very clear about my role. My role is to be always “right”, especially on those rare occasions when she is wrong. I only ever go against her when I am 100% certain I am right and I know that she will be worse off if I do not act.

How much do you want a high-quality relationship with Tina? Now is the time for you to lay the foundation for a high-quality relationship. Don't waste a minute. Great relationships are built, they don't just happen.

#2015-07-14 12:05:42 by Barry1 @Barry1

@melcyan

"An open, honest, trusting and loving relationship opens doorways that we never knew existed."

Well spoken, Melcyan.

Of course, you're exactly correct.

A partner who can still see substantial good in us despite all of our flaws, is someone to cherish. I hope to mutually confirm these feelings with Tina when I see her again in a few weeks time. It's a two way street for each of us here.

I agree wholeheartedly also that good relationships need a lot of work to foster and maintain. They take a lot of giving, not just receiving. Complacency can be a killer. Apathy is even worse.

You most certainly know what you're talking about Mecyan. Well done and thanks for your comments. (y)

#2015-07-14 21:00:20 by Nekko @Nekko

@Barry1

Hello to you Barry,

you write ..............She's very independent in her own way, that vaguely troubles me.

What is so troubling about this?

I can only speak for myself Barry. I prefer an independent woman.

The way I think about this is as follows: If an independent woman choses to be with me, marry me, not because of need, then this is truly the most wonderful gift this person can give me.

As to my wife, she is independent and I like this. She is in my life now, because she so
choses, not because of some need. I know that after the divorce from her husband in China, she supported herself and her son, without any financial assistance from the former husband. In fact she earned more money from investing in the stock market than her husband.

At present I am working towards the goal of establishing a bank account in her name only. Deposit a large sum of money for her. This will make her financially independent of me.

I know she will give me the gift of her presence in my life the rest of our days together. This is 50 years BTW.

I trust her. I love her. I trust that she loves me.

These are my thoughts tonight.

Cheers,

#2015-07-16 08:35:05 by YinTingYu @YinTingYu

@Barry1
Hi B.
I think I read in one of your responses about being "appreciated for your comment / blogs" ?
Listen man,... I sense you write about your experiences for both relief and joy.
I personally dig 98% of what you write.
Shucks bro,...you have made a GREAT journey to find Tina and a GREAT contribution to CLM.
I only have 2% questions but,...you explain good on technical matters when I ask.
It's just the wording sometimes.
Thanks Barry.

Although I don't always comment regularly,...I still read what you have to say.
I hope you don't quit CLM completely.
Really man,... You would be missed !!
Suggestion please; just post when you feel the need, or want to.
Something like, "My Trip To China II" (??),....or any comment.

I know how difficult it seems at times to post a blog article.
Eight hours, Three days, Months,...What-ever.
I struggle as well.
So many nice people here and we want to make our words correct.
Understandable.
I just want You to know that what you have expressed about You and Tina is very valid in my mind.
I am happy for this. Really !!
Oh,...include Wendy and Family as well.
All the walking hikes burn into my mind.

Hey man,...I want to send you and All who can get a Youtube that I found.

This is “Playing For Change” with composite "global" musicians.
All over the world the musicians agree on a time, rehearse, and then,... preform.
I think it's very cool !!
Perhaps the CLM community will appreciate ??
I offer now.

My contribution is a Marvin Gaye tune.
“What's Going On “ ??

Here is the Youtube address to listen and see,...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEp7QrOBxyQ

What's Going On, Playing For Change, Song Around The World


Lyrics:

Mother, mother,.... there's too many of you crying,...
Brother, brother, brother,...there's far too many of you dying.
You know we've got to find a way,...
To bring some lovin' here today!!
Oh,...

Father, Father,... we don't need to,... “Escalate”,...
War is not the answer !!...
For only Love can conquer Hate (oh yeah).
You know we've got to find a way.
To bring some lovin' here today.
Oh,...

Picket lines,... and picket signs,
Don't punish me, with brutality.
Talk to me, so you (we) can see,...

Oh,....What's going on. What's going on?
What's going on? What's going on.?

("Novi Sad String Quartet", Serbia and; Cecile Girard, Paris,...dig that !!)
( Sara Bareilles, N.Y C. as well ). :)

Father, Father, Father,...
Everybody thinks we're wrong.
Oh,...But, who are they to judge us ?
Just because our hair is long ??
You know we've got to find a way,...
To bring some understanding here today!!
Oh,....

Picket lines,... and picket signs,
Don't punish me with brutality...
Talk to me,... so that you (we) can see,...
Oh,...

What's going on, Oh,...what's going on....
(You tell me) What's going on ???.......................


OK,...You (Ya'll) get it ??
Remember please.
Groove on and reach out !!
Peace and Blessings,

Gongji
Y.T.Y.

#2015-07-16 09:00:18 by Barry1 @Barry1

@Nekko

"I prefer an independent woman"

Well spoken, Nekko. You've nicely summed up a very valid viewpoint that you possess.

I was more concerned that if a partner is TOO independent, then he or she may more easily decide to break the bonds and go off on their own.

Yet your argument that " If an independent woman chooses to be with me, marry me, not because of need, then this is truly the most wonderful gift this person can give me." is quite conceivable and valid also.

Talking about your wife's share trading activities, I hope she hasn't been too badly burnt on the Chinese share market that has dropped around 30 per cent in the last few months. Prior to that, it had been rising solidly for quite a long time, creating much wealth amongst many investors. Possibly creating the false expectation amongst some that markets only ever rise and never fall.

You mentioned also that you were going to deposit a large sum of money into a bank account for your wife. This is great stuff. It reminds me of a friend of mine here who transferred into his Chinese spouse's name an investment apartment that he owned. This is true love, similar to your feelings.

I've said this before but feel compelled to say it again.

You're a true salt of the earth type, Nekko. A very honest, genuine and all round decent and good person. Admirable stuff indeed. (y)(beer)

#2015-07-17 11:38:26 by Barry1 @Barry1

@YinTingYu

"you have made a GREAT journey to find Tina and a GREAT contribution to CLM"

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Gongji. Let me say that in turn I find your comments and articles invariably interesting if not downright highly entertaining, doggonnit.

Shucks, if ever you left CLM, the place would be so much the worse for it.

As for the two per cent questionable material that occasionally you stumble across in my articles, I take this as a compliment because the last thing I want to be in my writing is entirely boring and predictable. I was hoping you'd have said twenty per cent, not just two per cent, in fact. (giggle)

You mentioned also, "I know how difficult it seems at times to post a blog article........
I struggle as well"

I've found that it's easy to write a bad article but quite the opposite to write something worthwhile. I've sometimes spent up to eight or ten hours writing a single piece, mulling over every turn of phrase.

I think some people here have no idea of the amount of work that many bloggers - not just me - occasionally pore into their pieces. They speed read through them without truly breathing in, comprehending and contemplating what they've read. I suspect they think they know what's been said, but in reality, they've absorbed largely the superficial message only, not the deeper layers of the written onion.

Hey, I really enjoyed that YouTube song you referred to us. What a great concept this "global music" is, with musicians integrating together as a cohesive unit and playing in many different countries all around the globe.

Good on you, Gongji! (y)(beer)

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