Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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My China Trip - Day 21, Part 6 我的中国之行-第21天,第6部分    

By Barry Pittman
5317 Views | 23 Comments | 1/5/2015 2:08:04 PM

It was getting quite late.  Tina and I had been trekking cautiously through the dark in the far hills surrounding Shawan, her beloved home town.  We’d miscalculated and found ourselves in this unnerving predicament, after spending too long visiting a half completed Buddhist monastery hidden on the top of one of the distant hills.  The caretaker monk there was astonished to see a Westerner visiting the place, as even most Chinese in the area hardly knew about it, let alone went to the trouble of traipsing to it.  He thus gave us a comprehensive tour of the temple, proudly showing off its major highlights.

As a long term bush walker, I was really enjoying this trip.  One strategy I’d learnt long ago to help pass the tedium on long treks was to mentally retreat into a world of my own, reflecting upon any one of a myriad of issues that ordinarily wouldn’t ever cross my mind in normal day to day life.  In doing this, hours of walking sometimes would pass by almost unnoticed, given that in such situations, I’d imperceptively fall into an almost hypnotic or meditative state where time became meaningless.  Albert Einstein in developing his famed theories about relativity could perhaps have learnt more about the highly mysterious time/space continuum had he spoken to long distance walkers and our arcane strategies for the passing of time.

On our long walks together, Tina and I didn’t often speak to each other, except for a word here or there.  Yet we always felt close, as we often glanced at each other to monitor and see how the other person was traveling. We also often exchanged smiles in our glances, without feeling the need to say much if anything at all. 

A warm smile was indeed a universal language, that spoke nothing directly yet simultaneously possessed a mountain of meaning.  Every time Tina smiled at me, I could see through this amiable gesture a warm heart gently beckoning to me.  If one’s eyes were the windows into our souls, then our smiles were the welcoming curtains decorating these windows, making them even more beautiful and endearing than before.

This lack of talk was an area of important compatibility shared between us. The power of silence should never be deprecated or diminished;  through it, I often felt my spirit becoming nourished and replenished as I traversed along and gradually became completely immersed within the natural environment that surrounded me.  Some say that only through silence can one finally discern the subtle breath of God or the gentle brushing of angels’ wings upon our souls.  Or in my case, through our habit of silence, I imperceptively drew increasingly closer to Tina as each day passed.  I came to realise that paradoxically it wasn’t what she said to me that impressed me so much, as what she didn’t say.

Thus through this Chinese online dating experience, I happily learnt great rewards were possible. Tina and I fitted in very well together on many different levels.  Inherently I was a rather quiet person, disliking inane banter or idle chatter. Most certainly, I wasn't the “party animal” type and nor was she.  Tina was indeed unusually quiet as far as Chinese ladies go, who bless them, often were somewhat loud and outspoken, unconscious habits developed from birth through the oft pressing necessities and vicissitudes of frenetic life here.

As Tina and I walked, my musings turned toward China in general.  It really was a magnificent country, full of charm, character, great food and marvelous, intelligent people.  If only it could somehow become rid of its deteriorating pollution problem and the awful blight of poverty from within its poorer rural sectors.  It then would morph into one of the best places on Earth to live, with a wonderfully rich and proud history and fascinating, diverse culture.  The fact that most people here were quite friendly, diligent and loved to dance in the streets, only added to its unique charm.

Interrupting my wide ranging reverie, I suddenly heard a rustle in the grass near us.  “Are there any snakes around here, Tina?” I enquired as we walked cautiously between two dark, overgrown paddocks full of tall weeds and grass.

No Barry – I think they’ve all been eaten!”

The lack of wildlife in the Shawan hills reminded me of my Jiuzhaigou trip the previous week, where for the entire three days we were there, I couldn’t remember seeing a single bird or any other form of furry creature scurrying around.   Maybe they’d been hunted and eaten also? If so, what a shame. 

But then again, who was I to judge?  If I was the head of a family that was short on food, I’d probably also do what I had to do, in order to help feed my children.  Sometimes it takes more strength to act upon something you hate to do or must do, rather than do nothing at all.  How easy or convenient it was for pretentious people like me from my relatively privileged background to gratuitously appraise or negatively assess others who’d been raised in entirely different circumstances from my own.

I think it was Buddha who said that the ability to observe without judgement was the highest intelligence of all.  From this, I guessed that the power to love without condition, qualification or reservation was a precious achievement we should all strive for.  In these profound teachings, I was an abject failure.  Constantly on this trip, I’d been looking at those around me, subconsciously and sometimes quite consciously, judging them against my own flawed standards.  What reprehensible hypocrisy this was.  “Walk a mile in my shoes brother, before you judge me” were the prophetic words that continually returned to haunt me, whenever I was able to summon the wisdom to reflect upon my actions.

I inherently knew that criticism or judgment of others was not only wrong, but often in fact reflected an oblique if not rather abject form of self praise, particularly by those with deep rooted inferiority complexes or other character flaws.  This was me to a tee.   For by looking down one's nose upon others, one thus indirectly was often subconsciously commending oneself. Give me a break!  I happened to be born in a developed country purely by fortuitous accident – who gave me the right to adjudicate or assess others born in entirely different and often much more impoverished and dire circumstances?

The only  - and I mean only  -  way to judge others is through a loving heart utterly devoid of ulterior motives or hidden agendas. This is where Westerners traveling to China often failed.  To be more accurate, this sadly is where I failed.

Things are different in China. People are different.  Circumstances are different.  I was quickly learning that life I’d taken for granted back home was clearly not the norm here.   This especially related to suffering and humanitarian issues.  Over the course of my past three trips to China, my heart had been broken on more than one occasion, witnessing the plight of some of the wretched souls I saw, where sometimes I shamefully felt compelled to turn away at the sight and the plight and the desperation of what was glaringly in front of my nose.  This especially applied to a proportion of the pitiful beggars in the streets, some with terrible disfigurements, no legs, no arms – or both.  Whoever said life was fair was a damn liar!

Some people either arrogantly or ignorantly extol conventional wisdom, blurting out convenient platitudes such as "people are the architects of their own fortune" or that "life is what you make of it" or words along these lines.  But as I ruefully discovered, this is so much bullshit.  Take a walk around some of the poorer areas in China and you’ll see sights that’ll make any fat and haughty Westerner cringe.  Sayings such as these are applicable only to certain segments of society or certain countries, they can’t universally be extended to all.

Thank heaven, the burgeoning middle class in China is now so much wealthier than it used to be, but there’s still an enormous dark underbelly of barrenness and beggary out there.  A lot of impoverished folk struggle every day just to put bread on the table or find a bed to sleep in.  Many narcissistic Westerners should throw themselves down on their knees, supplicating themselves on the altar of all that is good and right and just, thanking whatever God they happen to believe in or whatever life force that motivates them, for being born where they were, a developed country with all its marvelous advantages and opportunities.

This long hike home with Tina was certainly providing plenty of fertile fodder for some deep, introspective if not downright disturbing reflection on my part.  But finally relief was at hand.  After struggling along the winding hilly tracks for nearly three hours in the dark, Tina and I at last glimpsed the beckoning lights of Shawan in the distance.  I normally enjoyed walking, but this trip in particular had proven quite taxing.  I felt mentally quite depleted and drained, even more so than my weary legs.

At last, I thought the day was over.  Thank heaven.  But as it turned out, not yet.  More memorable activity and interaction was to follow, on this exceedingly long and somewhat bizarre day. 

To be continued – Day 21, Part 7









 “不,巴里 - 我想他们都被吃掉了!”




我本来就知道批评判断他人不仅是错误的,往往实际反映此人要么自命不凡,要么是有根深蒂固的自卑感或其他性格缺陷。这就是这幅嘴脸。说别人其实往往在说自己。得了吧!我只不过纯属偶然出生在一个发达的国家 - 谁给我权利去裁定或评论与我背景迥异、甚或更穷困凄苦之人?

评判他人的唯一 - 我的意思是唯一 - 方式是通过一颗不含半点动机或隐秘企图而充满爱的心。这是游走于中国的西方人做不到的。更准确的说,悲哀地我也做不到。

中国的情况不同,人如是,环境亦然。我很快就认识到家乡理所当然的一切,显然不是这里的常态。这尤其涉及到苦难和人道主义问题。在过往的三次中国之旅,我的心不止一次的碎了,当你目睹那凄惨模样,那赤裸裸的绝望,你会不忍直视而惭愧地不得不调开视线。这尤其适用于可怜的部分街头乞丐,一些特别畸形,没有腿,没有双臂 - 或手脚都没有。谁说生活是公平的,该死的骗子!






Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2015-01-20 22:53:14 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


This is an awesome blog on so many levels. I really don't know where to start mate.
The poverty you describe is not good, but is also evident in many other Asian countries including Thailand and Indonesia for example - I have seen it there too.
But not all poor people are unhappy with what they have got. The little old lady (above) selling her veggies is probably very proud of them - and rightly so.... Her daily income probably covers the cost of a candle for light and heat and a bowl of steamed rice - but after 50 years of it she is happy, contented and would never change if you gave her a million RMB!

What is REALLY sad (if it's indeed true) is that some of the disfigured people were not actually BORN that way, they were disfigured by family at a very early age so that they could make a living begging rather than working in later life

That said, many Chinese people are hard working and studious - they need to be in order to have a chance of survival in the working world. - Simply due to the sheer number of people!

One thing that I DO notice is the respect they generally have for each other - in many places

Example - Why is there no 'road-rage'? FFS, have you SEEN how they drive? Imagine driving like that in a western country without someone knocking your block off - lol

Ferrari's, Bentley's etc parked on the street and no-one scratches them with their key - instead they admire the owner for doing 'so well' - Isn't that a nice thing ? - I love it!

In my current series of blogs I will be talking about going to a Chinese working farm on New Years Day
Poor people - yes - but food and beer-a-plenty and everyone from miles around was welcome
Just as I remember England in the 60's when you could leave your door open all night with a huge wad of cash on the dining table and no-one would touch it - Oh, those were wonderful days !

The so-called 'Political correctness' of the western world has not (in my opinion) been conducive to a better way of life

In a market in Shenzhen recently, I was admiring the 'fresh' fruit, veg and meat that was displayed for all to see (Ill do a blog on this in more detail)

Western butcher's shops display fresh meat in a cold cabinet - in China it's on a wooden table
The guy behind the counter had a cigarette in his mouth with 2 inches of burnt ash hanging on for dear life while he was chopping up a lump of pork!

This was the UK in the 60's too - but we all got stupidly politically correct and banned smoking outside in the street, let alone in a closed market building!

What makes me laugh out loud though is the so-called 'cleanliness' - especially with Chinese women......

"Don't touch me until you have washed your hands!" Even though you took a shower at 8pm before dinner, you must take another at 9.30pm before you go to bed - because you went OUTSIDE!

"Hang on honey.....your chopsticks were in YOUR mouth before you used them to put food in MY bowl, and that total stranger over there was sucking HIS chopsticks before putting food into YOUR bowl"

But I cannot hold your hand until I wash mine.....................? OK, you win.......

#2015-01-21 10:23:34 by anonymous12805 @anonymous12805

Barry, when Tina made the comment about the snakes being eaten, do you feel she was saying this in a joking manner?

#2015-01-21 13:53:37 by YinTingYu @YinTingYu

Hi B,
This is one of your best writings "Dog Gonnit" !!
I know that hypnotic / meditative space where time becomes meaningless very well,... whether walking, sitting, or horizontal. I am one who maintains that learning how to stop the internal dialog and achieving that inner silence is the key to realms greater than the personal mind can ever reveal. It seems more and more that I stay in a space that is similar most of the time.

Albert Einstein was a meditator for sure but what many don't know is that he was also a fair amateur violinist and good friend of Yehudi Menuhin (concert violinist). They would often get together with two other friends and play string quartets for fun. Well, on one occasion they were trying to get through a piece and Albert was never on time for his entrance at a certain measure. Try as they might it just wasn't happening. Yehudi finally got so frustrated he turned to Albert and said, "Albert, what is the matter? Can't you count?" (rofl)

The way this series is unfolding is interesting to me. A guy with some particular western mindsets tries to get along in that world but eventually gets fed up and decides to try another culture. Through much experimentation, trial and error, he finally finds a lady (on the internet !) he feels is worthy of his consideration. After many hours of webcam / chat he takes an educated gamble and goes to meet her, all the while being concerned about language challenges, cultural customs, and the age difference. The meeting is fortuitous because after some weeks of interaction, and the lady's help, he finds those previous concerns diminishing. The language challenge is of less importance because the invisible(?) bond based on acceptance, appreciation, and love has developed. Age means little as well. He begins to realize that this lady's way of life in a small town has helped him to reach an inner place whereby he can begin to experience and enjoy his latent version of "Coolsville" with her.
Now the question arises,...will he allow himself to find a way to continue to do it? I would wager heavy on YES because, as you have stated before (except for the pollution), "Shawan shits all over Brisbane" !! :D

Is this Abstract assessment correct? Well,...even if not, it is the sort of thing I see beginning to develop for myself in the not too distant future. There will be some minor changes in the story though based on slightly different mental perceptions, physical location and estate considerations. Ah,...the physical attachments thing. (think)

The idea that we create (to some degree) our own lives / futures does have some validity in my mind but the catch is that we can each only work with what we've got. This comes from a fair amount of experience with Handicapped people and Down Syndrome people. Many Handicappers (who can) learn to accept their condition and don't let it stop 'em. The Down Syndrome folks are so full of love that they don't even care about all the rest of the crap we regulars(?) have to deal with.

This thing about practicing gratitude and love with Universal Source ? YEAH BUDDY !! I find myself doing it At Least three times a day. However, I choose to go from the inner silence first and then the outer(?) part just seems to follow.

Now,... this "miserable failure" mess. If you happen to believe in true justice, please remember, you only have to pay for your conceived mistake one time In Earnest. You don't have to keep punishing yourself over and over. Just realize what you think you have done that may be in error and,... don't do it again. Simple. Ooops,...I think I'm preachin' to the choir. (giggle)

I need to stop but, I really liked what you wrote this time and truly resonate with it.

#2015-01-21 15:08:21 by Barry1 @Barry1


"when Tina made the comment about the snakes being eaten"

Yes, I asked Tina about this later on. She said that she had in fact seen some snakes up in the hills and was always a little watchful for them. So she had been kidding me.

But given the enormous amount of walking that I'd done so far around the Chinese countryside - and the fact that so far, I'd not seen any snakes - my guess is they weren't particularly common.

Especially compared to back home in Australia, where if I'd done an equivalent amount of walking in the bush around here as I had done there, by now I would've ended up in hospital with multiple severe snakebites! :S

#2015-01-21 15:52:23 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Barry, I need to express my complete agreement that this post was, as Paul said. "awesome on so many levels". In my opinion it's the best in the series and perhaps the best you've posted. You have made an incredible number of beautifully refined brushstrokes across such a wide swath of canvas that it is almost impossible to react with any comments that add anything to what you have said so well.

In fact, and I apologize for this, when I approved the blog last night I was so overwhelmed by the content, and at the same time pretty fatigued since it was the wee hours of the morning here, that I did not feel capable of sensibly saying anything of merit. Others have now beaten me to it.

So I'll try to be succinct and just mention 2 of the myriad of topics you threw some light upon:

1. As you so eloquently describe while discussing your hikes with Tina, Silence truly is Golden. In my experience of time spent with the one I love, the more words that are spoken the less that is said. And the longer lingers the comfortable silence, the stronger the bond becomes.

2. As you discussed and others confirmed, all of our first world comforts, our benefits and our luxuries have not brought us a single step closer to happiness, and indeed have seemed to detract from our joy in life. In fact, when you visit the much poorer regions you begin to notice that the only truly unhappy people there are the ones who wish they were us. The majority, who look (or perhaps I should say "see") right through us, seem far more content than we do.

Barry, you've done yourself proud with this blog. I can't imagine how you're going to outdo yourself now.

#2015-01-21 15:52:39 by Barry1 @Barry1


"This is an awesome blog on so many levels"

Thanks heaps to you Paul, for your interesting and comprehensive reply to my article.

I'm cognisant that not everyone necessarily likes or fully understands what I write, but both you and Gongji (YinTingYu) (and others) do and this says much that is good and uplifting about you, at least from my viewpoint.

Talking about traveling in China can't all be mushy stuff full of fluffy duck stories and fairies at the bottom of the garden type material. The country is so vast; the society is so complex; and the people are so varied that entire volumes could be written about it all.

I should mention also that some of the points you raised in your comments to me have in fact already been more fully described in future articles that are pending publication on this website. For example, the plight of beggars here is elaborated on in my article entitled "Day 22, Part 6" if you can hold on for that long.

Once again Paul, I value very highly and found very interesting, the comments you made to me.

Cheers mate. (clap)

#2015-01-21 16:21:08 by Barry1 @Barry1


"This is one of your best writings"

Thanks for being so kind, Gongji.

Just as I said to Paul, not everyone necessarily appreciates or comprehends what I'm sometimes on about in my writing. I'm really gratified however, that some good people such as you and Paul (and others) do.

Your information about the the genius Albert Einstein was amusing indeed.

I hear also what you're saying about the pending decision you may make in due course, to follow in others' footsteps and travel around China yourself, hopefully in the company of a lovely, intelligent and compatible lady.

It does take courage to break free from conventional Western society in order to do this. I've been obliquely derided by "friends" here who can't understand why I'd leave Australia in order to do such a thing.

Hopefully when you read articles from people who've taken the leap of faith and followed their hearts to make such a journey, this in turn will give you moral support and encouragement to do likewise.

You also mentioned,

"Now the question arises,...will he allow himself to find a way to continue to do it? I would wager heavy on YES because, as you have stated before (except for the pollution), "Shawan shits all over Brisbane" !! Is this Abstract assessment correct?"

I'm sorry Gongji, you'll have to keep reading this long and convoluted series in order to find out what happens at the end. There are still a few plot twists and turns to occur before it all finishes.

Just as I said to Paul, I could write heaps more about what you've written. But some of this is already covered in future articles that I've written, that are pending publication here. At the time of writing this, these articles extend up to "Day 22, Part 8".

Thanks again for your comments, Gongji and sincere best wishes to you. :)

#2015-01-22 10:03:44 by Barry1 @Barry1


"Barry, you've done yourself proud with this blog. I can't imagine how you're going to outdo yourself now."

Thanks for your kind words and comments, John.

I agree with you. The next lot of articles sitting in my blog in tray aren't as good as this one.

I feel akin to a mountain climber, who has just ascended Mt Everest. Where do I go to next?

This is the problem with writing multiple articles in a blog series. Some are good; others aren't quite so good. Some articles well and truly resonate with people; other ones written may prove to be a bit boring to the same people.

Let me thus apologise in advance for any forthcoming articles in this series that may prove to be a bit ordinary. Such is life. Such is the nature of writing. If anyone feels bored, they can always simply look at the pictures, I guess!

Cheers to all. (y)

#2015-01-22 15:36:47 by eternalvenus @eternalvenus

读了这段“旅游观后感” 我也感受到了 版主对“poor people”别致的同情怜惜和对自己微小的力量而不忍直视......我想说,好好珍惜身边的每个人,至少我们能作这些!

#2015-01-22 23:22:18 by sharonshi @sharonshi


It's Amazing! The reflection part is Veeeeery impressed! You are a brave man!

You Do Visit China and getting to know her. Many foreigners come to enjoy Chinese food and view. And you come to understand China with days along with Tina.

Ugly Chinese, a book written by Taiwanese Bo Yang. In this book, he criticizes the negative character of Chinese people, but also wake up people.

Thank you for sharing great mind!

Looking forward to the next reading!

Good luck!

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