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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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My China Trip - Day 20, Part 2 我的中国之行—第20天,第2部分    

By Barry Pittman
4507 Views | 18 Comments | 8/6/2014 12:12:56 PM

Following on from my last article, I'm going to provide a few more tips for travellers undertaking a long bus journey in China.  Forewarned is forearmed. Because let's face it, unless you're cruising four and five star everywhere, travelling in a strange place is never as comfortable as sitting in the lounge chair back home.
继我上篇文章谈到的,我会继续给几个更多的建议,给那些在中国有一长时间巴士行程的旅行者。有备无患啊。我们要面对的事实是,出门在一个陌生的地方旅行远没有在家里坐在大沙发椅里舒服啊,除非你去哪都是住在四星或是五星的宾馆里。
The seventh traveller’s tip in my list of ten is to carry a small set of headphones that plug into your smart phone.  Then listen to some relaxing or otherwise enjoyable music of your choice that you’ve already downloaded onto the phone, to help while away the miles.  Or if you enjoy reading, take a book with you.  These can be either hard copy or electronically down loaded onto your big screen smart phone.
在我的10个建议列表里,第7个建议是,带一个小耳机,可以插到你的手机上的小耳机。在你的手机中下载一些音乐,旅程中听一些放松的音乐或是你喜欢的音乐。这样很有帮助。如果你喜欢读书的话,你可以带一本书。可以是纸质书也可以是下载到你的大屏幕智能手机中的电子书。
The eighth tip is if you have the capability, take a portable DVD player with you with a couple of good movies.  This’ll keep you entertained whilst at the same time, make the person sitting beside you a little envious.  Because all they have to gaze at is the often monotonous scenery, whilst you can be entertained by any number of action packed block busters that interest you.
第八个建议是,如果你有能力的话,带一个手提DVD播放机和一些好电影。这样做的好处是,不仅你可以享受娱乐,同时,可以让你旁边的人羡慕嫉妒你。因为他们只能很无聊的盯着单调的景色看,而你却可以有好多你感兴趣的电影可以享受。
If you like, you can also carry a learning Chinese language DVD with you, that requires you to say aloud certain Chinese words and phrases, repeating them again and again.  Doing this for a couple of hours will annoy the hell out of the Chinese person sitting next to you.  This is assuming you don’t like him or her, of course.  Don't do this if you're with someone you wish to remain friends with!
如果你喜欢的话,你还可以带一个中文学习的DVD,要求你大声的读一些中文单词和成语的DVD。不停的重复念。这样念几个小时之后,可以让坐在你旁边的中国人厌烦到极点。当然,这样做的话,你得先确认你不喜欢旁边的这个人。如果你希望和旁边的人交朋友的话,可不要这么做了。
The ninth tip is if possible, board the coach with the right attitude.  Be aware that over the next few hours, you may not be able to use the toilets that are presented to you unless you're skilled in various yoga positions.  Or  you may be seated next to someone who acts like a garrulous parrot;  or you may end the journey with a stay in hospital, rather than at your home, when the bus careers into an oncoming vehicle, as no doubt it will, sooner or later.  Yet despite all of these cheery thoughts, if you can maintain an optimistic and upbeat frame of mind, then everything will seem so much better.  Keep humming that song, "Don't worry, be happy".
第九个建议是,如果可能的话,坐车的时候要有正确的态度。要有心理准备,在几个小时的旅程中,你有可能会没办法使用你遇到的厕所除非你的瑜伽体式练得很娴熟;或者你也许会坐在一个唠叨的鹦鹉的旁边;或是你的旅程可能会结束在躺在医院里,而不是结束在家里当公车撞上迎面而来的汽车时,这种情况迟早会发生的。然而,尽管所有的这些,如果你能够保持乐观和开心的心态,那么所有的事情都会显得更好。记得不停的哼唱那首歌“不要担心,永保开心”。
The final traveller’s tip  -  and I use the word “final” advisedly  -  is before embarking on a long bus trip in China, say a quick prayer to yourself but more importantly, ensure that you’ve written out a valid Will.  Be aware that an alarming albeit small possibility exists that your journey will end up in the morgue, with a tag hanging off your big toe, rather than your suitcase. 
最后一个旅行建议是—我使用的词是“最后的”建议—在中国开始一趟长途巴士旅行之前,跟你自己快速的做一个祷告,但是更重要的是,确认你已经写好的有效的遗嘱。要意识到这个警告的可能性是存在的,你的旅程可能会结束在一个太平间里,一个吊牌会挂你的大脚趾上,而不是挂在你的西装上。
If the worst does in fact eventuate, you need to make sure that your loved ones back home will be taken care of.  If for some reason, you’ve forgotten to make out a Will, or would like to amend the one that maybe you created many years ago when you were still on speaking terms to your exwife -  there’s no problem.  Simply grab a pen and a piece of paper and write on it in big, clear lettering, words to the effect of, “My last Will and Testiment have been spoken into the voice recorder of my smart phone”.  If possible, also write these words in Chinese.  Ask someone to help you if necessary.  They may look at you very strangely but so what.  They'll be quick to assist, if only to get away from you as soon as possible.
如果最糟糕的状况发生的话,你得要确认家里你所爱的人可以被很好的照顾好。如果出于某些原因,你不记得写遗嘱了,或是你想要更改那个可能是你在多年前给你的前妻写下的那个遗嘱。那也没有问题。只要简简单单的拿过一支笔和一张纸,用很大的很清楚的字在上面写道“我最后的遗嘱已经用说的方式录在我的我智能手机里”。如果可能的话,也要用中文把这些字写下来。如果需要的话,让某人帮助你。他们可能会很奇怪的看着你,但那又有什么关系呢?他们会很快的帮的你的,以便可以尽可能快一点摆脱你。
Every modern phone these days has the capability to record messages. If you don’t know how to access this feature, then ask someone, preferably a young person around you who most likely, secretly values his smart phone more than he does his own mother.  Sorry about that, mom - it's nothing personal, this is just a factual sign of the times that we live in, where access to social media and the internet generally is second only in importance to breathing!
现在每个智能手机都可以录音。如果你不知道如何使用这个功能,问一下人,最好是你身边的一个年轻人,有可能暗地里他把手机看得比他母亲还珍贵。妈妈们,这个事情非常让人抱歉—这不是很个人的事情,这只是我们所生活的这个年代的一个事实,在这个社会里,可以接近社会媒体或是可以上网可是仅仅次于呼吸的第二重要的事情。
So when the inevitable road accident does occur, when your body and clothing is searched back in the morgue, you can rest even more peacefully than normal knowing that your dear loved ones will be well taken care of.  They'll find the note and then access the voice recorded Will.   This is assuming of course, that the smart phone is not also crushed in the accident.  Hopefully this grisly situation won’t eventuate, but it's not such an outrageous idea if you think about it.  Better to be proactive rather than reactive, as when you’re dead, you’re not able to be active in any way at all!
因此,当不可避免的道路事故真的发生的时候,当你的身体和衣服在太平间被人检查的时候,你就可以放心的休息了,因为知道你心爱的人们会被照顾好的。他们会找到你的纸条,然后可以找到你的录音遗嘱。当然,这得假设你的智能手机没有在事故中被压碎。当然,希望这种可怕的情景最后不会发生,但是,如果你们考虑这个情况的话,也不会太疯狂。主动可要比被动好。因为当你死了的时候,无论在什么方面,你都不可能再有办法主动了。
In any case, having stowed our backpacks in the lower baggage compartments of the coach, Tina and I set sail.  As usual, the bus driver began blasting his horn frequently.  Even before we had left town, the driver began a wild overtaking manoeuvre, overtaking another bus with his horn blasting  -  the problem being that this was near a blind corner!  Unless the driver was a gifted clairvoyent, he had no real idea what may have been hurtling toward him around that bend.  Oh joy! I knew then that this was going to be yet another long, terrifying journey back to Chengdu. 
无论如何,将我们的背包放在客车的行李厢的低层之后,TINA和我开始启航了。跟往常一样,司机非常频繁的狂按喇叭。甚至在我们离开小镇之前,司机就开始疯狂的超车行为,一路按着嗽一路超前面一辆客车。问题是车正在一个盲角处。除非司机有千里眼,要不的话他根本不可能知道弯角后面会有什么朝我们狂奔而来。天啊,真是太让人欢喜了!我知道回成都又会是一场漫长而可怕的旅程。
Soon after this we came across an accident where a bus had run into the back of a car.  No surprises here, the way some of these urban cowboys drove.  To my relief, the passengers on the coach we were in were all rather subdued, unlike the trip up here where a bunch of middle aged ladies kept chattering in raised voices to each other.  Maybe the passengers had learnt their lesson from the journey coming here, and all had wisely taken plenty of sedatives for the return leg, knowing what unnerving experiences were likely to be in store for them?
这之后很快我们就经过了一场事故现场,一辆公车追尾一辆小车。这一点也不会让人觉得惊讶,因为在这些地方的一些牛仔风格的司机的驾驶行为。让我觉得松了一口气的是,我们客车里的乘客们非常的安静,不象来的时候,那群中年妇女不停的大声互相喧闹。也许这些乘客们从来时的旅程中学到了教训,都很明智的服用了足够多的镇静剂,知道很可能会经历令人不安的经历?
Interestingly from time to time, I saw cardboard cutouts of a policeman stuck up by the road’s edge.  I guess this helped remind drivers to please obey the road rules.  If so, they were a complete failure as self evidently, no drivers here ever did!
很有意思的是,时不时我就会看到在路边站着穿制服的警察。我猜这可能是提醒司机们要遵守交通法规。如果真的是这样的话,这些警察可是彻头彻尾的失败了,很显然,没有司机守法。
Within the first hour I broke into a belly laugh, so loud that the bus driver turned around to see what was happening.  The reason for my mirth was the sight of two normal sedans trying to overtake our bus right in front of a totally blind corner.  One had the choice to either laugh or cry.  I chose to laugh. Basically though, I couldn't believe it!  Suddenly another bus came around the corner and trapped the two cars in the middle of the road, sandwich style.  No one was hurt as the vehicles missed each other by inches.  The whole episode was so outrageously dangerous that it was funny.  What's wrong with some of the drivers in China?  Are they all mad?  Or just extremely impatient?
在第一个小时的旅程中,我禁不住暴笑,笑得如此大声,以至于司机都转过头来看到底发生了什么时候事。让我觉得这么好笑的原因是,有两辆厢式轿车竟然在一个死角试图超过我们这辆客车。看到这,你只能笑或是哭。我选择了笑。基本上,我根本不相信这样的事情会发生。突然,另一辆客车从转弯角处开出来,将这两辆轿车塞在了路中央,就跟三文治一样。没有人受伤,这几辆车之间仅仅擦身而过。整个情节是如此的让人震惊的危险,以至于变得如何的可笑。在中国,这些司机们到底是怎么啦?他们都疯了吗?或仅仅是根本没有耐心?
I noticed also that every two or three minutes a beeping sound emanated from the front of the bus.  I asked Tina to please ask the driver what this was.  “It’s a GPS device that continuously transmits our location along the route back to the head office.   And the beeping sound also helps keep us alert!”.  A comforting thought!
我还注意到每两或三分钟,客车的前方就会发出嘟嘟的声响。我让TINA去问司机这到底是怎么回事。“这是一种GPS设备,它不停地把我们现在的位置发回到总部去。而嘟嘟的响声也有助于我们保持警醒!”一个令人舒服的想法。
As the bus proceeded, we passed a wonderful assortment of mountainous terrain with fault lines running almost vertically in some places.  Obviously this was an active earthquake zone, as confirmed by large amounts of rubble and evidence of frequent avalanche activity in the region.  A fast running freshwater stream ran along the highway, making the journey an interesting one indeed.  Many little one person fruit stalls were located along the route, selling mostly watermelons and bananas.  It must be a tough life, sitting for hours under a big umbrella, waiting for vehicles to stop so you can sell them a few yuan’s worth of fruit.
随着客车的前进,我们经过了一片让人惊叹的山区地势,在某些地方几乎是垂直延伸的。很显然,这是一个活动的地震区域,在这个区域,经常会有大型的雪崩的迹象,证明它的活动性。顺着高速公路,是一条快速流动的溪流,使得这次的旅程非常的有趣。一路上有很多一人水果货摊,大多数卖西瓜和香蕉。这样的日子肯定很辛苦,在一个大雨伞下坐好几个小时,等待汽车经过,以便可以卖出几块钱人民币的东西。
We stopped at the same place where I’d let out the enormous series of rolling farts on the way up here, sounding back then like Louis Armstrong enthusiastically practising on his trumpet.  I paid my one yuan entry fee to the toilet and when I squatted down, another enormous fart emanated from my backside.  I burst out laughing feeling like a mischievous school boy  -   what else could one do in such a situation but to have a big guffaw?  It must be the vibration from the bus seats that causes one’s stomach to produce extra amounts of gas  -  I don’t normally go off like a bass trombone every time I  use the toilet! 
我们的车在相同的地方停车,来的时候在这个地方,我曾放了好多连环屁,非常的大声就象是路易斯•阿姆斯特朗在热情的进行他的小号练习。我付了一元进了厕所,当我蹲下的时候,另外一串屁又从我后面发了出来。我不禁又大笑起来,就象是一个调皮的学校男孩——在这种情况下,除了大笑之外,你还能做什么呢?肯定是车的摇晃,使得胃里充满了气体。一般我在用厕所的时候是不会有这样的长号的声音的。
I know that describing such "toilet humour" incidents such as these in my articles probably alienates me from many delicate Chinese ladies, but what the hell.  The truth must out. So what if I fart a lot  - it only happens when I'm on a long bus trip, it doesn't happen all the time!  And dear Tina never hears me, she still thinks I'm a respectable and polite gentleman, God bless her.  And even better, Tina never bothers to read any of my blog articles either, so I can get away with murder!
我知道象我的这些文章里的这样的“厕所幽默”描述很可能会让很多精致的中国女人逃得远远的,但是这又如何呢。事实必须要说明。所以,如果我放屁很多的话— 这仅仅发生在当我在做一段长途汽车旅行的时候,这样的情况不会总是发生。而且,我亲爱的TINA并没有听到,她仍然觉得我是个令人尊敬的,有礼貌的绅士。上帝保佑她。而且更好的是,TINA更不会费事的去读任何我写的东西,因此我可以逃脱。

To be continued – Day 20, Part 3

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 18) 1 2 More...
#2014-08-25 16:54:02 by Belle77 @Belle77


Hi Barry, thank you for your useful advice
Frankly speaking, I am very interested in your love story with Tina, and your thoughts about relationship, so I can learn something from it

#2014-08-25 22:01:13 by tfe @tfe

Your "toilet humour" really does make one just cracked corners of the mouth.

There is a very famous Chinese writer Qian Zhongshu, his novel 《fortress besieged》 always make people laugh.:D:D

#2014-08-26 06:09:51 by anonymous11544 @anonymous11544

Barry, I see someone hit the boring tab on the share your thoughts buttons! Me thinks you are pissing off the local ladies here...(rofl)(y)

I agree your loud rolling farts are most likely a side effect of the terrifying bus ride! On the subject of farting, more than one woman I have chatted on cam with here has farted and belched out loud on cam and thought nothing of it lol

I will never belch or fart in front of a woman as I was raised to have manners. One woman I chatted with is adamant that all westerners smell bad as we wear cologne and deodorant lololol Personally I would rather smell like "Axe" or any other men's cologne than stinky sweat smell.

I am hoping to travel to China in the next 4-5 months even if I do not meet a woman on this site. Many things I want to see there.

Keep up the blog entries mate!

#2014-08-26 10:18:52 by yiyun2519 @yiyun2519

Hey,naughty guy............(beer)

#2014-08-26 12:49:52 by aussieghump @aussieghump

You should also take out the 'travel insurance', an extra 3 RMB when you buy the ticket.

This means if you die on the trip, they will bring your body back! Otherwise you just get left where you are!

#2014-08-26 15:58:46 by Barry1 @Barry1

@Belle77

"thank you for your useful advice"

Thank you for your politeness, Belle77.

I hope my unfolding story regarding Tina and I continues to hold some interest for you. (f)

#2014-08-26 16:01:03 by Barry1 @Barry1

@tfe

"There is a very famous Chinese writer Qian Zhongshu, his novel 《fortress besieged》 always make people laugh"

Thanks for your comments,tfe. I do agree that a little bit of light hearted comedy is always a good thing. The problem is though, that some people take what I write very seriously and are not at all amused. (giggle)

#2014-08-26 16:07:41 by Barry1 @Barry1

@anonymous11544

"I see someone hit the boring tab on the share your thoughts buttons"

Well, since you last submitted your comment, a person has now pressed the "I hate this" button. Very amusing to see! (giggle)

"I will never belch or fart in front of a woman as I was raised to have manners"

Well, obviously you've never suffered from an acute bout of projectile diarrhoea, where self control like this is almost impossible!

"I am hoping to travel to China in the next 4-5 months even if I do not meet a woman on this site."

There are so many adorable women on this site, it's hard to see that you could not meet a compatible partner in due course, my friend. Just keep trying - God rewards those who help themselves, as I'm sure you'll be rewarded with a lovely lady, soon enough. :)

#2014-08-26 16:08:58 by Barry1 @Barry1

@yiyun2519

"Hey, naughty guy"

Thanks for presenting me with the cold beer, Yiyun2519 - I enjoyed it! (dance)

#2014-08-26 16:11:09 by Barry1 @Barry1

@aussieghump

"You should also take out 'travel insurance"

Thanks for the tip, Gareth.

Though in all honesty, if I died, I don't think anyone would want my ageing, worn out body! (giggle)

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