Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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My China Trip - Day 20, Part 2 我的中国之行—第20天,第2部分    

By Barry Pittman
4507 Views | 18 Comments | 8/6/2014 12:12:56 PM

Following on from my last article, I'm going to provide a few more tips for travellers undertaking a long bus journey in China.  Forewarned is forearmed. Because let's face it, unless you're cruising four and five star everywhere, travelling in a strange place is never as comfortable as sitting in the lounge chair back home.
The seventh traveller’s tip in my list of ten is to carry a small set of headphones that plug into your smart phone.  Then listen to some relaxing or otherwise enjoyable music of your choice that you’ve already downloaded onto the phone, to help while away the miles.  Or if you enjoy reading, take a book with you.  These can be either hard copy or electronically down loaded onto your big screen smart phone.
The eighth tip is if you have the capability, take a portable DVD player with you with a couple of good movies.  This’ll keep you entertained whilst at the same time, make the person sitting beside you a little envious.  Because all they have to gaze at is the often monotonous scenery, whilst you can be entertained by any number of action packed block busters that interest you.
If you like, you can also carry a learning Chinese language DVD with you, that requires you to say aloud certain Chinese words and phrases, repeating them again and again.  Doing this for a couple of hours will annoy the hell out of the Chinese person sitting next to you.  This is assuming you don’t like him or her, of course.  Don't do this if you're with someone you wish to remain friends with!
The ninth tip is if possible, board the coach with the right attitude.  Be aware that over the next few hours, you may not be able to use the toilets that are presented to you unless you're skilled in various yoga positions.  Or  you may be seated next to someone who acts like a garrulous parrot;  or you may end the journey with a stay in hospital, rather than at your home, when the bus careers into an oncoming vehicle, as no doubt it will, sooner or later.  Yet despite all of these cheery thoughts, if you can maintain an optimistic and upbeat frame of mind, then everything will seem so much better.  Keep humming that song, "Don't worry, be happy".
The final traveller’s tip  -  and I use the word “final” advisedly  -  is before embarking on a long bus trip in China, say a quick prayer to yourself but more importantly, ensure that you’ve written out a valid Will.  Be aware that an alarming albeit small possibility exists that your journey will end up in the morgue, with a tag hanging off your big toe, rather than your suitcase. 
If the worst does in fact eventuate, you need to make sure that your loved ones back home will be taken care of.  If for some reason, you’ve forgotten to make out a Will, or would like to amend the one that maybe you created many years ago when you were still on speaking terms to your exwife -  there’s no problem.  Simply grab a pen and a piece of paper and write on it in big, clear lettering, words to the effect of, “My last Will and Testiment have been spoken into the voice recorder of my smart phone”.  If possible, also write these words in Chinese.  Ask someone to help you if necessary.  They may look at you very strangely but so what.  They'll be quick to assist, if only to get away from you as soon as possible.
Every modern phone these days has the capability to record messages. If you don’t know how to access this feature, then ask someone, preferably a young person around you who most likely, secretly values his smart phone more than he does his own mother.  Sorry about that, mom - it's nothing personal, this is just a factual sign of the times that we live in, where access to social media and the internet generally is second only in importance to breathing!
So when the inevitable road accident does occur, when your body and clothing is searched back in the morgue, you can rest even more peacefully than normal knowing that your dear loved ones will be well taken care of.  They'll find the note and then access the voice recorded Will.   This is assuming of course, that the smart phone is not also crushed in the accident.  Hopefully this grisly situation won’t eventuate, but it's not such an outrageous idea if you think about it.  Better to be proactive rather than reactive, as when you’re dead, you’re not able to be active in any way at all!
In any case, having stowed our backpacks in the lower baggage compartments of the coach, Tina and I set sail.  As usual, the bus driver began blasting his horn frequently.  Even before we had left town, the driver began a wild overtaking manoeuvre, overtaking another bus with his horn blasting  -  the problem being that this was near a blind corner!  Unless the driver was a gifted clairvoyent, he had no real idea what may have been hurtling toward him around that bend.  Oh joy! I knew then that this was going to be yet another long, terrifying journey back to Chengdu. 
Soon after this we came across an accident where a bus had run into the back of a car.  No surprises here, the way some of these urban cowboys drove.  To my relief, the passengers on the coach we were in were all rather subdued, unlike the trip up here where a bunch of middle aged ladies kept chattering in raised voices to each other.  Maybe the passengers had learnt their lesson from the journey coming here, and all had wisely taken plenty of sedatives for the return leg, knowing what unnerving experiences were likely to be in store for them?
Interestingly from time to time, I saw cardboard cutouts of a policeman stuck up by the road’s edge.  I guess this helped remind drivers to please obey the road rules.  If so, they were a complete failure as self evidently, no drivers here ever did!
Within the first hour I broke into a belly laugh, so loud that the bus driver turned around to see what was happening.  The reason for my mirth was the sight of two normal sedans trying to overtake our bus right in front of a totally blind corner.  One had the choice to either laugh or cry.  I chose to laugh. Basically though, I couldn't believe it!  Suddenly another bus came around the corner and trapped the two cars in the middle of the road, sandwich style.  No one was hurt as the vehicles missed each other by inches.  The whole episode was so outrageously dangerous that it was funny.  What's wrong with some of the drivers in China?  Are they all mad?  Or just extremely impatient?
I noticed also that every two or three minutes a beeping sound emanated from the front of the bus.  I asked Tina to please ask the driver what this was.  “It’s a GPS device that continuously transmits our location along the route back to the head office.   And the beeping sound also helps keep us alert!”.  A comforting thought!
As the bus proceeded, we passed a wonderful assortment of mountainous terrain with fault lines running almost vertically in some places.  Obviously this was an active earthquake zone, as confirmed by large amounts of rubble and evidence of frequent avalanche activity in the region.  A fast running freshwater stream ran along the highway, making the journey an interesting one indeed.  Many little one person fruit stalls were located along the route, selling mostly watermelons and bananas.  It must be a tough life, sitting for hours under a big umbrella, waiting for vehicles to stop so you can sell them a few yuan’s worth of fruit.
We stopped at the same place where I’d let out the enormous series of rolling farts on the way up here, sounding back then like Louis Armstrong enthusiastically practising on his trumpet.  I paid my one yuan entry fee to the toilet and when I squatted down, another enormous fart emanated from my backside.  I burst out laughing feeling like a mischievous school boy  -   what else could one do in such a situation but to have a big guffaw?  It must be the vibration from the bus seats that causes one’s stomach to produce extra amounts of gas  -  I don’t normally go off like a bass trombone every time I  use the toilet! 
I know that describing such "toilet humour" incidents such as these in my articles probably alienates me from many delicate Chinese ladies, but what the hell.  The truth must out. So what if I fart a lot  - it only happens when I'm on a long bus trip, it doesn't happen all the time!  And dear Tina never hears me, she still thinks I'm a respectable and polite gentleman, God bless her.  And even better, Tina never bothers to read any of my blog articles either, so I can get away with murder!
我知道象我的这些文章里的这样的“厕所幽默”描述很可能会让很多精致的中国女人逃得远远的,但是这又如何呢。事实必须要说明。所以,如果我放屁很多的话— 这仅仅发生在当我在做一段长途汽车旅行的时候,这样的情况不会总是发生。而且,我亲爱的TINA并没有听到,她仍然觉得我是个令人尊敬的,有礼貌的绅士。上帝保佑她。而且更好的是,TINA更不会费事的去读任何我写的东西,因此我可以逃脱。

To be continued – Day 20, Part 3

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
(Showing 1 to 10 of 18) 1 2 More...
#2014-08-25 16:54:02 by Belle77 @Belle77

Hi Barry, thank you for your useful advice
Frankly speaking, I am very interested in your love story with Tina, and your thoughts about relationship, so I can learn something from it

#2014-08-25 22:01:13 by tfe @tfe

Your "toilet humour" really does make one just cracked corners of the mouth.

There is a very famous Chinese writer Qian Zhongshu, his novel 《fortress besieged》 always make people laugh.:D:D

#2014-08-26 06:09:51 by anonymous11544 @anonymous11544

Barry, I see someone hit the boring tab on the share your thoughts buttons! Me thinks you are pissing off the local ladies here...(rofl)(y)

I agree your loud rolling farts are most likely a side effect of the terrifying bus ride! On the subject of farting, more than one woman I have chatted on cam with here has farted and belched out loud on cam and thought nothing of it lol

I will never belch or fart in front of a woman as I was raised to have manners. One woman I chatted with is adamant that all westerners smell bad as we wear cologne and deodorant lololol Personally I would rather smell like "Axe" or any other men's cologne than stinky sweat smell.

I am hoping to travel to China in the next 4-5 months even if I do not meet a woman on this site. Many things I want to see there.

Keep up the blog entries mate!

#2014-08-26 10:18:52 by yiyun2519 @yiyun2519

Hey,naughty guy............(beer)

#2014-08-26 12:49:52 by aussieghump @aussieghump

You should also take out the 'travel insurance', an extra 3 RMB when you buy the ticket.

This means if you die on the trip, they will bring your body back! Otherwise you just get left where you are!

#2014-08-26 15:58:46 by Barry1 @Barry1


"thank you for your useful advice"

Thank you for your politeness, Belle77.

I hope my unfolding story regarding Tina and I continues to hold some interest for you. (f)

#2014-08-26 16:01:03 by Barry1 @Barry1


"There is a very famous Chinese writer Qian Zhongshu, his novel 《fortress besieged》 always make people laugh"

Thanks for your comments,tfe. I do agree that a little bit of light hearted comedy is always a good thing. The problem is though, that some people take what I write very seriously and are not at all amused. (giggle)

#2014-08-26 16:07:41 by Barry1 @Barry1


"I see someone hit the boring tab on the share your thoughts buttons"

Well, since you last submitted your comment, a person has now pressed the "I hate this" button. Very amusing to see! (giggle)

"I will never belch or fart in front of a woman as I was raised to have manners"

Well, obviously you've never suffered from an acute bout of projectile diarrhoea, where self control like this is almost impossible!

"I am hoping to travel to China in the next 4-5 months even if I do not meet a woman on this site."

There are so many adorable women on this site, it's hard to see that you could not meet a compatible partner in due course, my friend. Just keep trying - God rewards those who help themselves, as I'm sure you'll be rewarded with a lovely lady, soon enough. :)

#2014-08-26 16:08:58 by Barry1 @Barry1


"Hey, naughty guy"

Thanks for presenting me with the cold beer, Yiyun2519 - I enjoyed it! (dance)

#2014-08-26 16:11:09 by Barry1 @Barry1


"You should also take out 'travel insurance"

Thanks for the tip, Gareth.

Though in all honesty, if I died, I don't think anyone would want my ageing, worn out body! (giggle)

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