Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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My China Trip - Day 19 - Part 2 我的中国之行---第19天第1部分    

By Barry Pittman
6058 Views | 22 Comments | 7/19/2014 1:44:39 PM

One disadvantage of a tour group was that at times, they moved a touch too quickly.  As I was accompanying my small group, I often felt like stopping for a while, breathing in the magnificence of the area, absorbing more of its revitalizing atmosphere – yet because it was continually moving,  I had to keep pace with them.  A couple of times I slowed down to admire something, becoming completely left behind - but then I'd be shouted at in Chinese, something along the lines of  "Hey, Mr Round Eyes - please keep up!"
After an interesting couple of hours admiring the very beautiful turquoise ponds at Lake Goddest, we all jumped aboard the minibus for the trip down.  To my chagrin, the driver was rougher and faster than before.  I spoke to Tina, “Someone should tell this guy to slow down a little!” She nodded at me but said nothing.  I could see all the passengers in the bus hanging on grimly as we careered down the winding, steep descent with its many blind corners.
It’s my belief that the driver of a tour bus should apart from driving safely, also be smooth.  Give the passengers a relaxing ride.  Yet this driver was impatient.  Words that best described his technique were risky and rough.  I felt badly for the young tour lady who had to travel every day with him.  Sooner or later, I believed the odds were that an accident would occur.  I just hoped she wouldn’t be injured too severely if my pessimistic prediction came true, heaven forbid.
Half way down the mountain, the bus suddenly stopped at an eating area managed by Tibetans.  I was a little surprised at what was going on, but I simply followed the group.  The folk here had slightly darker skin than normal Chinese and their faces weren’t quite so oval shaped, plus they had their own language.
Everyone sat down for lunch, Tina included.  I wasn’t hungry though, so I went for a walk around the area by myself.   Soon I came across a toilet down a grassy slope away from everyone else that to my surprise, had a lock on its door.
“Why the hell do they put locks on the toilets here!”, I complained to myself .  “No worries  - no lock’s gonna stop me!”  So I proceeded to have a pee au naturel amongst the trees behind the building. 
Sauntering around the area proved to be an interesting exercise.  I saw very tall trees of a type I’d never seen before, plus a strange monument with some sort of dragon’s head on top of it.
“What that? “, I wondered to myself. It had a furnace within it yet was too small for a crematorium.  I later learnt it was a religious statue where people danced around it three times, whilst chanting “Take me back home”.  Some of our group (myself included) actually did this later on in the day.  Hmm, some of these religious practices seemed very fickle and somewhat strange.
“那是什么啊?”,我自己寻思道。它里面有一个火炉,便是太小了不可能是个火葬场。后来,我了解到它是一种宗教塑像,人们会转着它跳舞跳三圈,同里唱诵“把我带回家”。 后来,我们团的一些团员(包括我自己)后来真的围着它象这样跳舞和唱诵。嗯,一些这样的宗教活动看起来很变幻莫测,有些奇怪。
I noticed also many flags were in the area, tied to trees and poles.  They were of five differing colours, each one representing different qualities.  I speculated they were associated with the multicoloured Buddhist flag, where white represented purity; blue was kindness; yellow was taking the middle path, avoiding extremes; red referred to the blessings of practice such as achievement, virtue and dignity; and orange represented the Buddha’s teachings, wisdom.
After lunch, our group was given a chance to link hands and closely hug a tree together.  We were told this would bring us all good luck.  I think we’d need it, given the risky behaviour that our bus driver indulged in!
Soon we were all ushered back onto the bus but only travelled for five minutes before stopping at a nearby village called Da Lu Gu Zhang Zhai.  This was set high up on a hill beside the main highway.  I clambered out of the bus, wondering what were we to see here?  Half the time I didn’t really know what was going on because the tour guide only spoke in Mandarin.
很快,我们就被引回到了公车上,可是,只仅仅开了五分钟,就在旁边一个名叫“Da Lu Gu Zhang Zhai”的村庄停了下来。位于主要道路旁边的山上。我摇摇晃晃的下车,想着我们会看到些什么呢?在一半的时间里,我根本不知道正在发生什么时候事情,因为导游只讲中文。
Soon enough, the answers came.  We were shown around some of the houses in this village.  Very old, traditional dwellings.  One belonged to an elderly doctor, who allowed us all into his home.  We saw medical diplomas and other certificates, hanging from the walls.  The doctor himself appeared to be quite old and frail, a small man in his eighties.  “Ahh, the cruel ravages of time”, I inwardly reflected as I viewed photos of him on the shelf in his room taken many years ago as a young man.  Why do people have to grow old?
很快,谜底揭晓。我们在参观村庄里的一些房子。很古老很传统的住所。它属于一个老医生,这个老医生允许我们每一个人进到他家里来。我们看到了药物证书和其他的证书,挂在墙上。医生自己呢看起来很老很虚弱,一个个子很小的男人,有80多岁了。 “啊,时间真是一把杀猪刀啊”,当我在他的房间里看到他架子上多年以前的相片的时候,我心里想到的就是这句话。为什么人一定得变老呢?
We were then ushered into an adjoining house.  This one belonged to a Chinese traditional medicine specialist.  He smiled and greeted us as we walked through.  It was interesting to see the interior of these quite old and well used dwellings.  Though I saw no money change hands, I can only assume the tourist company must pay the owners of these houses something  -  why else would a bus load of strangers be allowed to invade their privacy like this?
We then entered a third dwelling, that looked like a small domestic monastery.  A hospitable gentleman there had a big pot of unpasteurized cow’s milk on the stove.  He quickly passed around cups of warm milk to us.  It was delicious.  He was kind enough to allow us to take some photos of himself with us, as can be seen below.
Finally we were taken to an adjoining temple that was located about two hundred metres up the road.
“Do not say anything when you are there and have your phones turned off.  As part of their religious training, the monks are spending this day without talk of any sort.”
As we approached the monastery, we saw about twenty-five monks, all walking in a big circle around one of their buildings, spinning some circular things as they proceeded.  Not a word was being spoken.  Our group was allowed to join in with them, walking around the building silently.  It was a curious experience.  I whipped out my video camera and took action clips of this occurring.  Sometimes a still camera just doesn’t tell the whole story.
A forty-five minute trip back to our hotel then followed.  Once again, the driver was rough, swerving around corners unnecessarily fast.  “If the owner of this tour company knew how dangerous this driver was, I’m sure he’d be sacked!” were my wry thoughts on the trip down.  I tried to nap but it was impossible, giving the bouncing around we were all subjected to, on top of the constant horn blasting.  Finally we arrived back at our hotel safe and sound.  “Thank God!”, I mumbled to myself.  China does indeed have some very questionable drivers who simply wouldn’t be allowed on the road in most Western countries as the traffic police would give them so many tickets their driving licences’ would soon be lost.
Tomorrow Tina and I were to do the eight hour bus journey back to Chengdu.  “Oh no!”, I thought, “Another harrowing day on the roads!”.  I was sorry to leave.  Most certainly, I’d liked to have spent a few more days exploring the region.   I felt privileged though to have seen some of the most pristine and beautiful areas in China.
That night we ate a lovely fish dinner, cooked on an open flame on our table.  As we ate, I reflected a little on things. Tina and I were similar in many respects.  Neither of us were talkative, yet we felt comfortable in each other’s presence.  I disliked chatterboxes who spoke idle rubbish, I’m sure she felt the same way.  Oftentimes the most powerful communications between people are never heard with our ears.
As darkness fell, so did the temperatures, back to around three or four degrees.  Yet this was summer.  I could certainly see why this Jiuzhaigou area more or less shut down during winter  - the snow drifts then would be impressive to see, with the highways here  shutting down.  Tourists had no option but to fly in to the local airport.
Later that night, I kept thinking about Tina and I.  This Chinese online dating process had proven to be an intriguing one for me.  We’d experienced a myriad of emotions together.  Yet despite everything, neither of us had said the magic words, “I love you” to each other.
Some would say this was a bad thing.  I view things differently however.  To me, the “love” word is the most overused and abused one in the English language.  People are forever saying “I love this”, “I love that” or “I love you” when all they really mean is that “I like this a lot” or “I like you a lot!”
So if Tina and I ever say these three words to each other, it’ll be a significant event.  It’ll stem from genuine feelings, not superficial ones.  If nothing else, we weren’t hypocrites.  We weren’t mouthing to each other sugary platitudes about how undying our feelings were for each other.  I’m not suggesting this is necessarily wrong in all cases, but just with us.  I respected Tina too much to tell her something that I didn’t honestly as yet feel.  I’m sure she felt the same about me.
It’s said that love isn’t finding the perfect person.  It’s the ability to see an imperfect person perfectly.
“Will Tina ever be able to see me like this, when I’m so full of faults?”, I wondered rhetorically, before drifting off to a deep night’s sleep.  I was acutely cognizant also that sometimes the trickiest task is not in fact to love someone else, but to develop the ability to love oneself, or at the very least, fully accept oneself.  This was a continuing struggle for me, a battle I’d not yet won.  Of course, Tina knew nothing of this, nor would I tell her.  At least, not yet.


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-08-10 13:22:47 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Barry, after all these blogs I a still trying to get a clear idea on your thoughts on one topic. So please tell us clearly. So far, what is your general impression of Chinese tour bus drivers? (wasntme)

I don't take exception with your (and Tina's) reluctance to mutter the words "I love you" lightly, but at the same time, I am left with the impression that maybe neither of you are muttering any words of affection at all.

I mean, have either of you said to the other "I really like you a lot"? Or, perhaps, "I am unspeakably fond of you"? Or the infamous lead up to "I love you", being "I think I may be falling in love with you"?


After all, you mentioned recently in a response to a direct question by @yiyun2519, that you and Tina have engaged in coitus (Sheldon of The Big Bang Theory's words, not yours or mine). Surely during that process you have each uttered some form of endearment, I mean other than the lovely, and heartwarming, reference to penis size by Tina during one breakfast. (Heartwarming to us Western guys at least, not so much to Chinese gentlemen.)

So cough it up my friend! Maybe neither of you have said "I love you" to the other, but what is the closest you have come to doing so?

And don't bother waffling or responding to my question with another question. If you fail to answer me I'll just ask yiyun2519 to ask you, since you seem incapable of your usual subterfuge when dealing with her. ;)

#2014-08-10 14:41:24 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

Hi Barry:

I enjoy much on reading this blog. Again, when reading your simple sentence, it can't help making me to think what will be the exact scene at that time... Very funny!

Besides, I especially enjoy the last several paragraphs you reflect by yourself.Those are most important parts for this blog, I think. Now I realize the Swedish male friend mentioned in my blog is not talkative and dislike chatterbox like me. Yes, it is true that “before we can be successful on relationship with others, we need to first be successful on relationship with ourselves". Self-blaming, self denial and self-criticism is very commonly existed with those perfectionists. Those feeling and emotion is very harmful for them.

Thanks for sharing.

#2014-08-10 16:53:53 by saisharon @saisharon

Though I never been there before, my mother traveled there about twenty-five years ago, I heard from my mum that at that time, it was very dangerous, but the scenery is really absolutely beautiful. Thanks for your nice sharing, anyway.

#2014-08-10 19:47:56 by Barry1 @Barry1


"what is your general impression of Chinese tour bus drivers?"

You gave me a good laugh when I read this, John.

Let me say that I know there must be many very skilful, smooth and safe tour bus drivers in China. At the time of writing however, I've yet to meet one. I live in hope however.

You also mentioned,

"I am left with the impression that maybe neither of you are muttering any words of affection at all."

Well John, let me request that you look carefully at the body language shown between Tina and I in the photo at the top of this page, where we're holding each other.

I suggest that actions don't lie. Nor does body language. We're as close to being in love as it is possible to be, without actually saying the words. In fact, we did say these words to each other very recently, following my article, the "Sad Story of Yan Zi", that was written after the writing of this article, even though Yan Zi's article was published before this one, due to its urgent nature.

If you go back to the "Sad Story of Yan Zi" piece, one of the paragraphs there indirectly alludes to this when I said,

"Her passing also drew Tina and I closer together, for reasons as explained below." I didn't want to sound soppy or maudlin, hence I didn't say what had actually been said or shared between us.

We've not yet said the "I love you" words to each other face to face however. This will be the acid test. I hope and pray that it'll happen in its own good time, just as it's meant to.

In the meantime, both Tina and I are still in mourning over the premature passing of Yan Zi. This will take some time to get over. I feel though that the best is yet to come between Tina and I.

#2014-08-10 22:15:40 by Nekko @Nekko

You say you do not like chatterboxes. Remember when the hearts talk each other the lips do not need to move. When you know, you just know. Nobody knows when love begins, but you know when you have it and when you lose it.

You say:"It’s said that love isn’t finding the perfect person." Let me say this to you and Tina. I am sure you are not perfect, Tina is not perfect, the question is are you perfect for each other? That is the question. Barry, are you perfect for each other?

It is with amusement that I read that some member place bets with friends as to the status of the coitus of the relationship. Maybe they are also bets being placed whether or not Tina is pregnant? single or twins? boy or girls? What is the current situation in regards to this?

Some people make or lose money on you and Tina, depending on what you write.

You write about the appalling ability of the bus driver. What are the official statistics in China? Number of cars registered? Number of death on the road in China? Are there any statistics? Any idea Barry. Do some research and let us know.

As to the photos. "Absolute Beauty" You see now that the wall is giving the picture perspective. You bent the knees? You could even have the start of the wall blurry and then come into focus and disappear into the distance. That means lying on the ground for the shot.

The tree trunk is a great shot. By the way, the subject does not have to be in the centre of the shot.

The landscape photographer Ken Duncan is my personal favourite. Have a look at some of this shots to get some idea. He started with a Widelux F7 but now uses a German camera. They are wide angle cameras, like 180 degrees with no distortion.

The sign with the chinglish is priceless. I have a shot from a restaurant with the translation saying: "Decontamination Room". I opened the door and found it to the cleaners room. I felt relieved.

Barry thank you for the enjoyable truthful story. I always look forward to reading the continuation. I will miss the story when the holidays are finished and you return home.
Barry can you extend the holidays and stay longer? so I can keep reading the reports?
Please advise.

#2014-08-11 03:24:02 by ferlo @ferlo

I being following you from trip one and eager always to see the next one.
I envied you for having such wonderful time in China and sharing your self with a lovely lady who is Tina.
I am Mexican and I think the way I see you (from my Mexican point of view) is like a cold blooded Anglo Saxon. who analysis your feelings as if you were making a commercial transaction. You have spend more than a month besides such a beautiful Chinese girl and you are not able to express your feelings coming out your heart, because your analytical mind wants to dissect every moment spent besides such a lovely female with a gorgeous figure.
Come on, act be spontaneous and say to her what you feel, women specially in Asian countries that I see are close to the Latin countries in conservatory traditions women do not so open to say the first word, is the male who needs to take the lead.
I am old and have the experience to know what relation is between you two, certainly you are a discrete gentleman but a Phlegmatic one like a good Briton descendant, Please put a little touch of fire tell her your inner feelings coming out of your heart be spontaneous, and not from your calculating mind.
I wish the best to you and Tina. Fernando

#2014-08-11 14:33:05 by whui @whui

I like Barry’s articles, they are very interesting. I am also interested to this series but not enough time to read them. This evening, my friend and I am going to leave to Tibet by 44-hour train. It is so good for me to reading, so I downloaded the blog from beginning. It has been over 180 pages, most of them in English. Fabulous work Barry work. I cannot know how about your relationship with beautiful Tina, but I do believe you are a good writer here.

My trip is coming. Hope to see the good end when I come back. God bless you.

#2014-08-11 19:37:06 by Barry1 @Barry1


"my friend and I am going to leave to Tibet by 44-hour train"

Thanks for your comments, Whui. Let me say that I wish I was going on this train trip to Tibet also, I think it'd be a real adventure. Although the Dalai Lama is not in favour of China annexing this region, so my thoughts and best wishes for the security and happiness of the Tibetan people would be foremost in my mind also.

Gosh, if I was on the train with you, I bet several blog articles would come out of it, describing everything that was happening. It would be wonderful if you could consider sharing your experiences of the journey with us here, if ever you have the time and inclination.

Please travel safely, Whui and have a wonderful time. :)

#2014-08-11 19:44:14 by Barry1 @Barry1


"the way I see you (from my Mexican point of view) is like a cold blooded Anglo Saxon. who analysis your feelings as if you were making a commercial transaction."

You are exactly correct, Fernando. I am a somewhat aloof character who generally operates from my brain rather than my heart. Some would say this is a failing. I wouldn't argue with anyone who believes this. I guess Imi and are are total opposites in this area. This is one reason why it's been interesting comparing his blog series to mine.

You also said,

"Please put a little touch of fire tell her your inner feelings coming out of your heart be spontaneous, and not from your calculating mind"

Thank you for your advice, Fernando. I know it is well meaning. I shall consider carefully what you've said and keep you all posted as to what happens. Hopefully a good outcome! (sun)

#2014-08-11 19:47:53 by Barry1 @Barry1


"I heard from my mum that at that time, it was very dangerous, but the scenery is really absolutely beautiful"

Yes, this sums up the Jiuzhaigou trip in a nutshell, thank you Saisharon. Rather dangerous on the bus trip, but once you're there, it's outstanding. A wonderful place to visit for those who appreciate nature.

One answer of course, is to fly there. Take a plane. Certainly this is recommended for those folk with a weak heart. :D

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