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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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My China Trip - Day 17 我的中国之行—第17天    

By Barry Pittman
8661 Views | 41 Comments | 6/24/2014 3:10:05 PM

Western men have bigger penises than Chinese men” giggled Tina. Why Tina would blurt out such a statement is beyond me.  We were having an early meal at a sidewalk café near the bus transit centre in Chengdu, ready to catch the tourist coach to Jiuzhaigou Valley, one of China’s most beautifully scenic areas.

“That’s a funny thing to say whilst we’re having breakfast, Tina.... it must be that big salami over there that made you think of such a thing!”

We both laughed out loud and continued eating our egg and tomato omelettes, finished with a few prunes.

On a more serious note, today was going to be a big one.  We had an eight hour bus journey in front of us.  I’d never done such a long bus trip before and wondered how it’d go. Knowing how dangerous the roads were in China, I felt nervous, certainly not particularly relaxed and happy. The coach was scheduled to leave Chengdu at 8.00am and arrive at its destination around 4.15pm.

7.45 arrived, so we made our way to the transit centre.  There lay our coach, with plenty of activity around it.  It was quite a large vehicle, taller than most normal buses, allowing plenty of luggage carrying capacity in the lower level beneath where all the passengers sat.  Because of its super size, I felt a little better.  If we were going to have an accident in it, there’d be a reasonable chance of survival.  Or so I hoped.

You’re joking!” I exclaimed to Tina.

We were on board the coach and unbelievably the numbered coach tickets supplied to us the previous day had Tina and I sitting in different areas of the bus – and neither of us had window seats.  Tina’s bus driver in Shawan had purchased the tickets on our behalf the previous day and obviously hadn’t given two hoots as to where in the bus we were to sit  -  nor even if we were to sit together.  We attempted to change seats so that we could sit beside each other, but no one wanted to give up their positions.

“Thoughtless bastard!” I mumbled to myself.  “How could a bus driver supply two tickets for a pair of good friends undertaking an all day journey where they’re not even sitting together!”

Unfortunately the bad situation became even worse.  Because as it turned out, I ended up sitting next to a middle aged Chinese lady who was traveling in a group with other ladies who were seated nearby, all of whom were jabbering and nattering to themselves in loud voices.  Several times during the trip, I managed to doze off, only to then be awakened by this garrulous cow sitting next to me, talking in a raised voice to her bored friends who were sitting in other seats.

To say I was not amused nor pleased with this situation was to put it mildly.  For the first time on this China trip, I was genuinely annoyed.  I became a little short tempered with Tina, whinging to her about the situation.  In response to my grumbles, during one of the rest stops, Tina approached the coach driver, complaining to him about the loud chatter amongst some of the passengers.

“Okay, I will remind everyone over the intercom to respect people’s sleep and stop making so much noise”.

 But he never did.  Why was I not surprised?

“Barry, why are you annoyed over a little thing like this?”, Tina asked me.

“Well, not only do I not have a window seat on the bus that you know I prefer, but for most of today I have to sit beside a loudly talking blabbermouth talking to her other blabbering friends who are even more of a blowhard than what she is!”

Tina was disappointed in my demeanour’s turn for the worse.  For most of that bus journey, I was in a rather foul mood.  Even during the rest stops, I didn’t feel communicative and went off by myself, standing alone somewhere, away from Tina.  I just didn’t feel either happy nor sociable.

This situation beautifully illustrated the differences between Tina and I.  On many levels, we were quite compatible.  But when push came to shove, on some aspects, we weren’t.  I was a more proactive, outspoken, upfront sort of person.  Not so patient.  Tina had a more laid back, reactive, “she’ll be right” personality.

As I sat for eight long hours in the bus beside this annoying, middle aged Chinese chatterbox, I couldn’t help but to reflect again, “Maybe I’m too rough and tumble for Tina, too assertive?”  These feelings had been plaguing me almost since day one.  Tina was like a gentle and delicate flower, I was more akin to a rolling, desiccated tumbleweed!

But it’s an ill wind indeed that blows no good. Two incidents during this tortuous bus trip did really brighten up my day, to the point where I almost died laughing.  Oh, the joy of it all!  Even thinking about them now puts a smile to my face.

The first incident occurred about half way through the trip.  Tina had brought along a couple of plastic containers of yoghurt, purchased the previous day.  Because they hadn’t been refrigerated however, the yoghurt had begun fermenting, akin to a pressure cooker building up steam inside the plastic tub.  Feeling hungry though, I decided to try one out.  Whilst sitting in the bus as it rolled down the highway with its horn constantly blasting at everything that moved, I held the yoghurt up high in front of me and carefully began to unpeel its seal at the top.  Suddenly whammo!   The tub of fermenting yoghurt exploded, covering my face in it as well as the middle aged, chattering Chinese parrot lady sitting beside me!

I couldn’t help myself  - I exploded in loud guffaws of laughter, so noticeable that the passengers sitting around me all turned to look at me – even the bus driver turned around to see what had happened!

Tina came running down the aisle to see what had happened.

“Barry! Barry!  Are you okay?” she quizzed concernedly as she looked at my face covered in yoghurt.  I couldn’t answer her however, I was beside myself with laughter!

I was laughing not just for myself, but the fact that I’d covered the annoying woman beside me in yoghurt also.  Oh, there is such a thing as karma, after all  - in one fell swoop, this prattling pest had received her come uppence!

As I kept on cackling, Tina soon said, “Barry, please stop laughing.  You should say sorry to the lady” as she was handing tissues to the both of us.

But I couldn’t utter a word.  I was in an uncontrollable fit of convulsive laughter, like endless waves upon a sandy shoreline.  It was the funniest thing that had happened to me in years!

“Barry! Barry!  Please say sorry to the lady!”

Tina could see the lady wiping the blobs of yoghurt from her face, whilst all I could do was to continue chortling and guffawing.  Finally however, I was able to control myself and with Tina’s help, managed to say an insincere  “Sorry!” to the lady, who mumbled something indecipherable to me.  Within  seconds though, I was back to laughing uncontrollably, with Tina telling me to please stop it as she could see the lady was getting increasingly agitated with my unbridled snickering and sniggering about what had occurred!

The second incident of high merriment occurred a couple of hours after this.  The coach stopped for a toilet break for everyone.  We ran to the toilet block where an aged man was collecting one yuan from everyone for the privilege of using his toilets.   Tina shoved two yuan into his hands to cover us both.

When I went to the male section of the toilets, I was slightly disgusted.  In it lay a row of squat toilets, with a eighty centimeter high partition separating each one.  So you could basically see the top of each person’s head as they squatted.  And the smell and fumes within the room were quite offensive.

“This is ridiculous, not acceptable!”

I turned to walk out but only made it to the entry door, before turning around again and hesitatingly heading back to one of the vacant toilets.  I was busting to go, due to the prunes I’d ingested for breakfast that morning, in combination with the curdled yoghurt I’d eaten on the bus, that had continued fermenting in my stomach, that was now feeling rather bloated.

“I have no choice, dammit – I have to go!”

 As I pulled down my pants and squatted, to my shock and horror, the loudest and longest series of involuntary rolling farts erupted from my heaving backside that you’ve ever heard!  It sounded like Louis Armstrong, playing a long low, bass melody on his vibrating trumpet that reverberated around the entire room.   I ducked my head in shame, attempting to hide.  The loud farting went on and on, potently fuelled by prunes and fermenting yoghurt!  Yet at the same time, the absolutely priceless, gut busting hilarity of the situation made me want to burst into guffaws of laughter. I had to bite my lip, to stop doing this.

If you can imagine the situation,  pants down in a room full of squatting men, letting out the longest series of deep, rumbling farts that you’ve ever heard - the scene was hysterical, like something out of Monty Python! 

I wondered later what the Chinese men must have thought about Westerners and their outrageous bowel habits, after this appalling yet hilarious episode!

Two fits of almost uncontrollable mirth in one day  -  totally unrelated  -  I couldn’t remember when this had last happened to me.  Maybe when I was a pimply teenager, forty years ago now!   Was all this Chinese online dating making me go mad? 

In any case, having finished my business, I furtively scuttled out of the public toilet back to the bus, hoping no one knew it was me that’d let out the enormous rolling farts, yet being inwardly aware that every Chinese man in that toilet block must have known who it was that had been so rude!

On a more serious note, the journey itself to Jiuzhaigou Valley was downright dangerous.  My fears felt earlier that morning were comprehensively validated.  At one stage I remember crying out to myself, “No! No! No!” as the bus attempted to overtake a slower moving truck close to a blind corner.  Just as we passed the point of no return, sure enough, another bus came round the curve with horn blaring, missing us by inches. 

Various other driving incidents like this occurred.  We had several near head-on crashes due to maniacal overtaking manouevres by either our driver – or the driver of an oncoming bus or truck that almost ran us off the road.

Thus one has a choice to make when traveling in China.  Do it the safe and efficient way and catch either planes or fast trains that run on their high speed rail network, that cruise along comfortably and smoothly at around 300 km/hour.

Or else take your life into your own hands and catch a bus or drive a car on the roads.  This has the advantage that you can see a lot more, experience a lot more along the route -  yet the decided disadvantage that you may end up in either hospital or the morgue!

As a foreigner, I wanted to see as much as I could of the real China.  You can’t really do that on an aircraft or very fast train.  Too sterile. Remember that often it’s not the destination that’s most interesting, but the journey to get there.  So what does one do?  Accept the risk of a serious road accident on a car or bus, in order to maximize one’s experiences  -  or have a safe albeit boring journey on a train or plane?   It’s a tough call actually.  A hard decision for someone like me, who really does appreciate seeing the real China that many fearful foreigners must miss out on.

Another funny incident occurred on the bus at a rest stop when it left without several passengers, who were still using the toilets.  Once some passengers cried out, “You’ve left some people behind!”, the coach stopped about half a kilometre up the road, waiting for the missing people who soon were dropped off by another bus.  These people looked pretty sheepish when they reboarded our bus, knowing they'd held everyone up.

About 4.20pm the coach finally reached the small township where we were to stay at Jiuzhaigou Valley. I was so glad to get away from the annoying lady next to me.  My foul mood soon dissipated as Tina and I checked into the hotel.  In one way, I was glad she’d seen me like this, acting like an immature fool.  She realized I wasn’t always the charming chap that hitherto I’d tried to portray.  She’d now seen both sides of my checkered personality. 

Were the cracks that were finally beginning to appear in this relationship an ominous sign of things to come?  Was my sometimes temperamental demeanour the worrying trumpeting elephant in the room that I’d been vaguely sensing for so long now, yet not quite been able to put a finger on?

This Jiuzhaigou getaway had started badly.  I can’t blame my surliness on the irritating woman I’d been forced to sit with for the past eight hours.  The buck stopped with me.  I can be a moody bad ass sometimes and at last Tina had witnessed this.  “You are very trouble!” she’d said to me in exasperation at one stage during the trip, referring to my bad mood.  “Why let small things bother you?”   

I somehow sensed that despite everything that’d already passed between us, this trip was a make or break one for us.  So far, it was unerringly tending towards the break side.  My dreams that night in the hotel were the most vivid and disturbing ones I’d so far experienced in China.  I felt the trumpeting elephant was about to make his grand and mostly likely, highly unwelcome appearance.   Get behind me, Satan!

The sound of menacing, distant thunder rolling down the mountains in the mysterious Jiuzhaigou Valley provided the perfect backdrop for my plummeting mood, that was now at its nadir, its lowest ebb so far on this trip.   My left eyebrow started twitching, a sure sign that something sinister was afoot.

Oh joy!”, I mused sarcastically to myself.  “What next!”

I lapsed into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning continually.  Tina lay beside me, as usual in a deep slumber, completely and happily oblivious to the world. Yet I felt the forces of evil around me were raising their shields, ready to do battle.  The growling dogs of war were restless and straining, frightfully baying for blood. 

Was it just the fact that the moon was full on this night, that caused such consternation within my soul?  Or were my foreboding premonitions of impending trouble soon to be confirmed correct?

“西方男人的鸡巴比中国男人的大” TINA咯咯的笑。
我根本没想到TINA会突然说出这样的话。我们正在成都汽车中转中心附近的一个人行道边的咖啡馆里吃早餐,准备坐旅游巴士去九寨沟,中国最美的自然风景区之一。
“TINA,吃早餐的时候说这个真的很好笑,可能是那个意大利香肠让你想起这样的事情吧!”
我们都大声的笑了,继续吃我们的鸡蛋和西红柿煎蛋卷。
更严肃一点的说,今天可是个大日子。我们接下来要坐8个小时的车。我之前还从来没有过么长时间的汽车旅程,非常想知道会如何。知道中国的道路是如何的危险,让我觉得紧张,当然不会很放松和开心。汽车计划早上8点离开成都,大约下午4点15分到达目的地。
7点45分,我们去中转中心,我们的大巴已经在那里了,旁边有很多活动。这是一辆非常大的车,比大多数的汽车都要高,这样旅客座位的底下就有很多位置可以放行李。因为它很大,我感觉好了一些。如果有什么事故的话,也比较有合理的机会可以存活。或是我希望会如此。
“你在开开玩笑吧!”我对TINA大声的说。
我们上车了,但是让人不相信的话,前一天提供给我们的车票让我和TINA坐在车子的不同位置,而且我俩谁都没有车窗的位置。我们试图和其他人交换位置,但是,没人愿意。
“粗心的混蛋”我自言自语,“一个司机怎么能够给一对好朋友一整天的旅程两张不坐在一起的车票呢!”
不幸的是,这个不好的处境变得越来越坏。最后,我得坐在一个中年中国妇女的旁边,她显然是和旁边一些女人一起参团旅行的。他们一起不停的闲聊,说得又急又快又大声。旅程中好几次,我都试图打个瞌睡,却总是被身边这个喋喋不休的牛吵醒,她总是提高声音和坐在其他座位上的人说话。
说这个境况让我不开心或不快乐就是太客气了。在这趟旅程中,第一次,我真的觉得很恼恨。对TINA我也开始变得有点不耐烦,跟她不停的抱怨这种状况。为了回应我的抱怨,在一次停车休息时,TINA走向司机,跟他投诉这种状况,有些乘客说话太大声了。
“好的,我会提醒每个人的,让他们尊重每个人的睡眠,停止吵闹”
但是,他什么也没说。
“BARRY,你为什么会有这么小的事情烦恼呢?”TINA问我。
“好吧,不仅仅是我没有在车上得到一个靠窗的座位,你知道我很想坐在窗边的,而且,一整天我还得坐在一个大声讲话的鹦鹉的旁边!”
TINA对我转为恶劣的行为很失望。大半的汽车旅程中,我的心情都非常的差。甚至在各个休息站,我都不愿意交流,而是自己走开,站在某个地方,远离TINA。我就是觉得不开心也不想社交。
这种状况非常完美地诠释了我和TINA之间的不同之处。在很多方面,我俩非常合拍。但是某些方面,我们却不合拍。我相对更主动,多话,直率。TINA相对更温和,被动的个性。当我在汽车上坐在一个吵闹的中年中国话匣子的旁边的八个小时中,我禁不住又想”也许我对TINA太粗暴了,太强势了”,这种感觉几乎从第一天开始就烦扰着我。TINA就象是一朵温柔脆弱的花朵,而我更象风干的风滚草。
然而,这确实是不好的状况,没有任何好处。而在这段折磨人的旅程中两个小事件却确实让我的一天好过好多,从某一程度来说,我几乎笑死。天啊,实在是太好笑了。甚至是现在想起来时,我也忍不住微笑。
第一个事件发生在一半旅程的时候。TINA带着前一天买的两塑料瓶酸奶。因为没有放冰箱,酸奶已经开始发酵了。就象是在塑料管里充满了压力。然而,觉得很饿,我决定喝一瓶。当汽车在高速路上对着所有移动的事物鸣着嗽前行时,我拿着酸级,小心的刮开封口。突然,哇,那瓶发酵的酸奶突然喷开了,喷到了我的脸上和坐在我身边正在和其他人聊天的中国妇女的脸上。我忍不住放声大笑,我笑得很大声,坐在我附近的人全部转来看着我,就算是那个司机也转动了一下,看看到底发生了什么。我笑不仅仅是因为我将酸奶喷到了我的脸上,而是我将酸奶也喷到了旁边那位让人烦心的女人的脸上。
TINA从走道跑了过来,看看发生了什么事
“BARRY,BARRY,你还好吧”她看到我的脸上的酸奶,关心的问我,然而,我却没办法回答她,我只顾着笑。这事简单就象是因果报应啊。
当我继续笑的时候,TINA马上说“BARRY,你为什么笑啊?你应该给这位女士说对不起”她边说边给我俩递纸巾。
但是我一句话也说不出来,我完全不受控制的一阵阵的大笑。
“BARRY!BARRY!请跟这位女士说对不起!”
Tina看到当那个女人擦去脸上的酸奶是时候,我还在继续咯咯的笑。最后,我终于能够控制了自己,在TINA的帮助下,跟那个女人说了“对不起”。那个女人对我咕哝了一通我不知道什么的话。又想了一下,我又忍不住笑了起来,TINA告诉我快点停下来,因为她可以看得出来,我对所发生的事情放纵的窃笑,那位女人变得越来越恼恨了。
第二件非常好笑的事情发生在这之后的两个小时里。大巴停下来让大家上洗手间。我们跑去厕所区域,一个老人家在收钱,上洗手间的每人一元。TINA付了我们两人的,给他两元。
当我走入男洗手间时,我觉得有些恶心。地上有一排蹲厕,每间之间只有80CM高的墙隔断。所以,可以看到蹲着的人的头顶。气味也非常难闻。
“这实在太荒唐了!”
我转头准备离开,但是只走到门口的地方就掉头回来了,犹豫着走向一间空着的,我知道我忍不住了,早上吃的早餐,还有在大巴车上喝的酸奶已经在我的胃里开始发酵了,感觉很胀。
“我别无选择,可恶的-- 我得上洗手间。”
当我脱下裤子蹲下去的时候,让我惊恐的是,我开始不受控制的放屁,你最没听过的最么大声的,这么久的一长串的屁。听起来就象路易斯•阿姆斯特朗,用他的喇叭在演奏一长曲低沉的曲子,这曲子在整个房间里不停的回响。
我羞极了,尽量的把头往下理,希望能藏起来。那梅干子和发酵的酸奶的作用,让我一直不停的打屁。然而,同时,绝对是无价的,这种状况让我觉得好搞笑,我差不多忍不住要大笑出来了。
如果你能够想象这个场景的话,在满是脱着裤子蹲着的男人的一屋子里,不停的放屁,你从未听过的又大声,又长的响屁—这场景简单就是英国六人喜剧团体的一部剧作啊。所以,我深深地埋着头,努力地紧闭着我的嘴巴,拼命的不让自己对这可笑的情景大声笑起来。
后来我在想,经过这可怕又可笑的一暮,那些中国男人对西方男人和他们的可怕的肠胃有会有些什么想法呢。
一天里发生了两件完全无法控制却又很好笑的事情,而且完全没关的事情, 我想不起这之前在什么时候曾在我身上发生过这样的事情了。难道是所有这些中国网上交友的事情让我发疯了吗?
无论如何,办完我的事后,我偷偷的逃离的公用厕所回到了车上,希望没人知道是我放了那些又大声又久的屁屁,但是,我内心深处却明白,每个在那里解手的中国男人都清楚的知道那是我干的。
再严肃的一点说,这趟去九寨沟的旅程本身就完完全全是非常危险的。我今天早些时候的害怕一点也不为过。我记得在一个时候,我不停的大叫“不!不!不!”当我们的大巴车试图在一个死角超过一辆慢吞吞的卡国的时候。就在我们刚刚经过的时候,另一辆公车响着喇叭从转变那里过来,和我们的大巴擦身而过,只有一寸的距离就撞上了。
象这里的各种各样的其他行驶事故不停的发生。好几次我们都差不多就撞上了,因为我们自己的司机是是其他想超车的可怕的司机,或是一辆公车的司车,或是一车卡车的司机,总是差不多把我们的车挤出路面。所以,当一个人在中国旅行的时候,他得选择。选择一个安全高速的方式,坐飞机或是坐高速列车,又舒适又快速,时速约300公里每小时。
或是选择自己掌握自己的命运,坐一辆汽车或是自己开车。这样的好处是一路上你可以看得更多,经历更多,而最大的坏处是,有可能最后你不是在医院里就是在太平间里。
做为一个外国人,我希望可以尽可能多的看到最真实的中国。乘坐飞机或是非常快的火车的时候你没办法做得到。要记得经常不是目仅是的地是最有趣的,而是达到目的的旅途最有趣。所以一个人要怎么做呢?是接受坐小车或是汽车的严重车祸危险而最大限度的加多经历呢还是接受一个枯燥的火车或飞机旅程?这真的是比较困难的选择。
另外一个有趣的事情是,在一个休息站的时候,开车的时候还有几个人上洗手间没回来。当有人喊起来“你拉下了几个乘客!”大巴停在了路上约半公里的地方等那几个人,他们很快就被另一辆车载了过来。
下午4点20分左右,大巴终于到达九寨沟,我非常高兴可以摆脱坐在身边的那个让人烦恼的女人了。我的坏情绪随着我和TINA入住宾馆马上烟消云散。一方面,我很高兴她有机会见识我这个样子。她意识到了我到目前为止,不是一直努力的表现的兴高采烈的。现在她看到我性格中的两面。
终于开始在我们的关系中出现的裂缝是即将发生的事情的不详的预兆吗?我有时情绪化的行为就是那只我一直隐隐约约感觉到却还没有办法找到的吹着喇叭的大象吗?
九寨沟之旅的开始非常的糟糕。我不能责备自己对这个令人厌烦的女人的乖戾态度,在过去的8个小时中我被迫坐在她旁边。有时候我会是个脾气非常差的坏家伙,最终TINA也亲眼目睹了。“你很麻烦!”在旅程中的某个时候针对我的坏情绪,她恼怒的对我说“为什么要为这小的事情烦恼呢?”
在某种程度上,我感觉到尽管我俩之间经过了这么多事情,这次的旅程对于我们来说非常重要,不是在一起就是分手。到目前为止,这明确无误的倾向于走向分手的一面。那晚我在宾馆中的梦是我在这次旅程以来最生动和最令人不安的。我感觉到房间中吹喇叭的大象就要出现了。
“噢,太欢喜了!”我讽刺的对自己喃喃自语,“接下来会是什么呢?”

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#2014-07-17 11:29:24 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Barry1 - As amusing as this leg of the journey is in your well painted word picture, and as revealing as is the opening dialogue between you and Tina, it is the pictures that have really grabbed my attention. In every picture of you and Tina together it is abundantly clear that you are a couple, and a very close and happy couple at that. So happy in fact, that I'm surprised you are still trying make us believe there is any doubt at all about your success in reeling Tina in to your net.

Having said that, having read your fart story, I am uncertain whether the poor girl should suffer such a fate as spending an entire life with one such as yourself. It isn't that the event happened that raises these doubts, it's the joy you have taken in describing it to the world at large with such aplomb! (rofl)

I'm kidding, of course. I am a huge fan of Monty Python, and your little farting adventure does indeed have true Monty Pythonesque characteristics. In fact I am sometimes reading your blogs and picturing you as a member of that truly bizarre and whacky bunch.

Back to the original thought in my comment, I feel somehow that congratulations are in order, but I guess I should play along with your game, just on the chance in a thousand that somehow, after the taking of these pictures, you did manage to somehow blow it with Tina.

But I truly hope not, because you seem like a very vibrant and well matched couple, the kind we take pride on bringing together here on CLM!

#2014-07-17 12:40:12 by yiyun2519 @yiyun2519

IHey,Barry, like yogurt that part............(rofl)
.....you look like a very naughty big boy ..............:)
Soooooooooooooooooo funny...........:D

#2014-07-17 13:08:47 by anonymous11040 @anonymous11040

Is it true that "Western men have bigger penises than Chinese men"?

#2014-07-17 13:37:57 by Barry1 @Barry1

@JohnAbbot

"In every picture of you and Tina together it is abundantly clear that you are a couple"

Thank you for this John, but in all reality, if I had a photo of Tina and I at loggerheads with each other, do you think I would show it? It's human nature that we all wish to show only our BEST sides, not the DARK side of ourselves.

So maybe, just maybe, this tale between Tina and I has a ways to go yet before it finally unravels.

You also said,

"Reading the fart story....It isn't that the event happened that raises these doubts, it's the joy you have taken in describing it to the world at large"

Everyone LOVES a good fart story, John. So I'm very pleased to oblige everyone's wishes here, if if some people will vehemently deny this! (rofl)

You said,

"just on the chance in a thousand that somehow, after the taking of these pictures, you did manage to somehow blow it with Tina"

Yes John, despite my apparently nice pictures, anything could - and probably WILL - happen!

"you seem like a very vibrant and well matched couple"

John, you'll have to keep reading my series to find out if your good thoughts and wishes ultimately will be confirmed.... or not. I can say nothing more at this point, sorry about that. :x



#2014-07-17 13:39:16 by Barry1 @Barry1

@anonymous11040

"Is it true that "Western men have bigger penises than Chinese men"? "

On average, I believe the answer is YES. (y)

#2014-07-17 13:41:31 by Barry1 @Barry1

@yiyun2519

"you look like a very naughty big boy"

Thank you, Yiyun. This youthful and somewhat cheeky attitude of mine illustrates perhaps why nobody in China believed I was 60 years old! :)

#2014-07-17 13:50:46 by Nekko @Nekko

@Berry1
Nothing grabs the reader like an opening line in this chapter. I thought I could ask how Tina would know this, but the answer is kind of obvious. I said this before that the picture do tell the story, of perfect sync between you two.

You have heard that opposites attract. You write " Tina had a more laid back, reactive, “she’ll be right” personality."

Tina is laid back. You are the opposite.
Tina is pretty. You are, well you are you.

Opposites do attract sometimes.
Remember that the laid back personality is fitting perfectly
into the Australian landscape.

Does Tina read the story you write and the comments?

Cheers,
Nekko

#2014-07-17 14:00:57 by Nekko @Nekko

@anonymous11040
Yes this is true. When I was in Inner Mongolia last year we, my wife and I, went to the bathhouse every week at least once.
I was the envy of many Chinese man in the sausage department.

#2014-07-17 16:06:51 by Belle77 @Belle77

Hi Barry, very interesting story, thank you!
When i was much younger, i also traveled a lot, i can understand your scaring feeling in the flying bus hahah
I was several times in the bus which were flying around the mountains, very crazy indeed, and also I was climbing the mountains in those stone ladders, which is very narrow and steep, with loads of people, that is dangerous too as my friend reminded me later, if someone on the top of ladder fell down, all of us may fell down into the mountains

I wasn't realize these things are pretty dangerous at that time, but now i decide i won't take this kind of risk anymore, don't want to lose my life in this way

#2014-07-17 23:10:08 by Barry1 @Barry1

At the time of writing this, I noted that in the "Our Readers Say" voting boxes above, there was only one vote. It said, "I HATED THIS!"

Let me sincerely thank the person who voted this way. Because as soon as I saw it, I burst into laughter. What a hoot! Better to be despised than ignored or thought boring, I reckon!

Thank you so much, my hateful friend - you brightened up my day! (rofl)(y)(clap)

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