Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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My China Trip - Day 12 我的中国之行—第12天    

By Barry Pittman
9761 Views | 54 Comments | 6/6/2014 6:21:01 PM

I awoke earlier than usual in my hotel room this morning.  "What's that!", I wondered to myself.  There was an unusually large amount of car horn tooting and blaring going on, yet the time was only just after 6.00am.  I soon realised what had happened.  My ear plugs had fallen out!

I had learnt from experience that the only chance to get half a decent night's sleep in China was to religiously use ear plugs.  The baseline noise here is significantly greater than the West, mainly due to both incessant car horns and also men clearing their throats in as loud and uncouth a fashion as possible, then enthusiastically spitting as large a piece of evil looking phlegm onto the sidewalk as they can muster! 

I’m sure they take great pride in the process – the more offensive the noise they can create in doing this and the larger the blob of slimy sputum that they happily eject, the better.  Something akin to penis envy, I suspect.

“Mine is bigger than yours!

In Queensland, Australia, where I live, police issue tickets to drivers who toot their car horn without a valid reason.  Imagine what a field day these police would have in China  -  the national debt of the country would be able to be paid off in double quick time, just from the proceeds of these fines, were this able to be done!

As for raucously spitting out great blobs of slobber every few minutes onto the sidewalk, carefully aiming at where most people would walk and immediately notice it, this wouldn’t be tolerated either!

In any case, back in my hotel room I jammed the earplugs back into place and wafted off to sleep for another hour or so.

Tina on this day had to visit Chengdu in the company bus with a bunch of other government employees to attend their annual physical check up.  In principle, this sounded like a good idea, monitoring employees' health in order to hopefully detect the possible early onset of any disease.

For Tina, this involved everything from a pap smear through to a mammogram and blood tests.  This was one Chinese woman who seemed to be in peak physical condition so I wasn't worried about her.

The day was raining anyway, so I spent a leisurely few hours inside, catching up with work emails and sundry other things.  Tina and I would meet again in the late afternoon or early evening, depending on how quickly or slowly things went in Chengdu.

During a slow period in my China travel such as this, maybe now is the time to say that this series of articles isn't meant to be particularly exciting or spectacular.  It’s not even supposed to be especially entertaining, though if it achieves this in some modicum, this is a fortunate byproduct and not a specific aim.

These articles are simply a relatively brief description of one person's journey into unfamiliar surroundings.  A life without risk is one without reward. Everything that's written is based on actual events. This isn't a work of fiction but of FACT.

Some days however will be rather mundane.  Some in turn will be interesting.  This means certain articles will necessarily be a little lacklustre or boring, but unfortunately I can't help this. For those readers who find this to be the case, please skip to somewhere else that may hold more interest to you.  

I won’t be making things up in my articles, simply to make them more exciting.  Entertainment and excitement is NOT my primary goal. I say this good humouredly and apologise in advance for those times when reading my sometimes weary words will be akin to watching the tide slowly roll in.

Let me give a sincere commendation also to Marissa, who's undertaken the rather thankless job of interpreting my mumblings and mutterings into Chinese.  This I reckon would be a tedious task and is mightily appreciated.  The Aussie slang I could use here is, "I dips me lid to you", which means, "I take my hat off to you".  

People should be cognisant also that it takes YEARS of study -  plus have a sharp and intelligent mind  -  to reach a high level of language competence where accurate translation can be performed.   Thank you, Marrissa.  You’re a kind hearted and very fine person.

Putting pen to paper in a timely manner as events unfold will help me in years to come, remember more clearly what exactly happened in my “China trip of 2014”.  If I didn’t write things down, then most assuredly, within a couple of years, so many interesting incidents, occurrences and interactions with people that are fresh in my mind now would increasingly become blurred within the inevitable, inexorable swirling mists of time.

But there’s more.  By forcing myself to reflect upon the day’s activities each evening, this enables me to focus more clearly on the real issues happening at any given time, not the side ones.  Sometimes one becomes too close to the situation  -  one cannot see the wood for the trees, cannot properly recognise the meat from the bones.  But by writing about everything, priorities can more easily be recognized, trends can be discerned and deficiencies in responses or behaviour can be noted.

But back to the story at hand.

Wendy had spent most of the afternoon at home whilst I was on the computer.  I was surprised how quickly this Chinese girl and I had become friends.  She seemed to genuinely like me.  Of course, I liked her also.  I didn’t take this too significantly though, as I’m sure Wendy would’ve liked any Western man who’d been here, providing he was polite and friendly.  Her English was pretty good, at around the seven out of ten level – compared to Tina who was around five out of ten  - so most things I said were able to be understood by her.  If not, I simply needed to repeat things slowly to her two or three times – she generally caught the gist of what I was saying.

Wendy told me about her grueling school work.  She needed to leave for school each week day around 7.00am and she didn’t return till 9.20pm each evening.  Unbelievably tough.  She was an A grade student, generally in the top five per cent of her class.  But the amazing thing is that she was NOT spoilt. This was a solid testament to Tina’s abilities as a loving yet disciplined parent.  Spoiling a child in China is easy to do and is in fact almost the norm.  NOT doing this is so much more difficult a task.

One of my regrets is that I’d been unsuccessfully married previously to a Chinese lady who had a son in his early twenties.  The son  - like so many others here - had been spoilt by a doting mother.  Some refer to this as the “little prince” or the “little princess” syndrome, as these spoilt kids during their upbringing often are treated like junior aristocrats.

Once living with us in Australia, the 22 year old son in my case refused to do any study or training, in order to help himself find a decent job.  Sometimes he’d lock himself in his room for days at a time, only venturing out to go to the toilet or grab a quick bite to eat.  He was embarrassed by his lack of English ability and he lacked self confidence generally, because unfortunately his spoilt upbringing hadn’t properly prepared him to cope well in an environment where suddenly he no longer was treated like a little blue-blooded lord.

To cut a long story short, this pampered young man was a major reason why the marriage failed.  The son avoided me;  he didn’t like to discuss issues or problems with me;  nor did he like to socialize or go out with his mother or I, because he kept saying we were “old people”.  It was like living with a stranger under your roof.  The more I urged him to go out and find a job or do some study, the more he resented me.  Sometimes he and his mother would have screaming matches at each other about his poor attitude, eventually dragging me into them.  This was a bad error as it turned out on my part.  I should’ve remained neutral.  Because once I started siding with his mother, the kid’s resentment of me increased.  What a blissful Chinese/Western marriage this had turned out to be! 

In the above account, I'd badly miscalculated the negative effects that an uncooperative child or young adult could have on a mixed culture marriage.  Online Chinese dating is regrettably full of traps like this.  Caveat emptor  (let the buyer beware).

This is the reason why this time around, I was being much more careful in the decisions I make;  the actions that I take.  Never again do I want to be part of a terrible, downward spiraling family triangle like this again.

It gives me no particular pleasure in recounting my past marital failure.  I feel somewhat like a failure myself, because of it.  But through recounting this unpleasant experience, if I can potentially save just one Western man from perhaps jumping in a tad too quickly into an online dating relationship with a Chinese or Asian lady who has a spoilt and resentful or recalcitrant child, then my job will have been done here.















让我也给MARRISA一个真诚的表杨,她正在做一份吃力不讨好的工作,将我这些喃喃自语唠唠叨叨的话翻译成中文。我认为这是一个非常沉闷乏味的任务,非常的感谢她。在这里我所能用的澳大利亚的俚语是"I dips me lid to you", 意思是“我脱帽向你致敬”。

人们也应该意识到,需要长年的学习 – 外加敏锐聪明的思想 – 才能达到可以进行准确翻译的高水平语言能力。谢谢你,MARRISA。你是一个善良美好的人。












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#2014-06-17 12:01:57 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

First a quick note just to say that Barry has asked us to post his blogs only every third day or so because he wants to spend more time with Tina and less time with us. Given the rash of comments advising him to do just that I guess we can't complain. Just the same it seems pretty selfish of him to put his future lifetime's happiness ahead of our momentary enjoyment. But some people are just like that. (Ladies, that was sarcasm.)

This blog is a step away from Barry and Tina's developing relationship and a closer look at a well raised Chinese girl and a Chinese/Western marriage gone bad. Both of these topics are well worth everyone on CLM giving careful consideration to, so thanks to Barry for another valuable read.

#2014-06-17 12:46:13 by Jennifercc42 @Jennifercc42

It should be said that Barry is a luck man.
Tina seems to be a good woman, also very beautiful!
Good luck!

#2014-06-17 13:03:49 by Grace172 @Grace172

Look at the last photo of Barry,(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)
After the brown bear, the koala is the second man who shows his chest. I wonder who will be the third? The kangaroo or the grizzly bear? (giggle)
While the female members are busing in building their "tall buildings" in forum, Men are having a bodybuilidng competition in blog. Seems the men think that their chest is much more interesting then their articles. lol (clap)

#2014-06-17 13:45:04 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Grace172 - based on your many recent comments I think it is very clear that your new position in the Learning Class should be the Class Zookeeper because of your obvious fascination with the animals of CLM. (rofl)

#2014-06-17 15:24:09 by Grace172 @Grace172

Please stop changing the topic, John, please answer my question above as you are a gentlement. My question again, Who will be the third to show us his chest? I hope you turn. All women would like to see. (giggle)
Ok, as you appointed me to be the Class Zookeeper, I would like to take this position. But since there are so many animals in the CLM, I dare to suggest you to change the name of CLM to B&B (Beauties and the Beasts) (giggle)

#2014-06-17 17:25:13 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@Grace172 and @Johnabbot

Maybe I should submit a photo of my half-naked hairy body? Might shut Grace up for a while - haha(rofl)

#2014-06-17 17:37:16 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@Barry1. Since you are so fond of 'Aussie Slang' - have you got your rocks off yet me old China?
If not then I reckon it's time to move on to the foothills and leave the mountains to the monkeys and the Buddhists! The 'zoo-keeper' has obviously got the hots for you as she continues to stare at your hairless chest and your knobbly knees - lol
Imi is probably proud of you and John's probably jealous lol

But enough frivolity..... we are all dying to know if you heeded the advice in your blog from Day number whateveritwas when we all told you to pay Tina back, buy her a gift, take Wendy shopping and cook them a lovely meal ?
Did you, did you, did you ??????

Come on man.... spit it out..... eat some humble pie (will make a change from fish-head soup lol)

#2014-06-17 19:12:27 by violaine @violaine


#2014-06-17 21:43:14 by Barry1 @Barry1


"thanks to Barry for another valuable read".

Thanks for this, John.

Reading about the experiences of others - both good and bad - can be a valuable tool in helping us learn about potential problems or situations that we ourselves may find ourselves in.

Hence the importance of these blog and forum articles, for those who take the time to peruse them.

#2014-06-17 21:46:11 by Barry1 @Barry1


"Good luck! "

Thanks for your good wishes, Jennifer.

I also wish you the very best of luck in your forthcoming relationship. I know you have been very patient in selecting the right man and because of this, the chances of success are very high that the relationship will be a happy and successful one. (f)

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