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Marry with a foreigner, will you?    

By Sarah Wang
8292 Views | 15 Comments | 5/21/2010 6:17:13 PM

In China, the word “Foreigner (Lao wai in pinyin)” perhaps makes more sense than in North America. In Canada or United States, the dweller of your neighbourhood are possibly from Asia and Africa and Europe. Even some of them are not American nationality, but you seldom use the word “Foreigner” when you mention them to others, just state “He is Sweden” or “She is Singaporean”.

To Chinese, we were curious about foreigners in the past. The reason is obviously, we haven’t have the alien as neighbours as well as we have got rarely chances to go abroad. But nowadays, foreigners are not so fresh to us as before. They visit our motherland, we travel their countries.

Only in one case, Chinese still make a big distinction with the foreigners, that is, if a Chinese girl selects a foreigner as the husband. When the girl announces to her family and relatives and friends, she will get marry with a foreign man. Most of them will have the following reactions:

a. “What? a foreigner???”

b. “Foreigners are not reliable, because they are foreigners, different way think, different custom…”

c. “Oh, a foreigner? That’s decent, so you could immigrate overseas, is he rich? He owns a house? How much is his income…”

Now the girl is feeling both funny and annoying. Why does everybody focus on — he is a foreigner instead of he is her Mr. right? To her, initially he is a considerate and kindly MAN. What’s more, he cares her. After falling love with him, it took some time for them to understand and adapted to each other due to different culture and background. Though, it has more risk to marry with a foreigner compared marry with a domestic guy. But if he is the one, why not take the adventure? Love can conquer everything, doesn’t it?!

Also it’s uncontradictable that there are some ladies to seek a foreigner as the spouse with the certain intentions, such as seek for material wealth, settle down abroad and etc. We don’t advocate these kinds of behavior. It refers to the personal’s characters and qualities and thoughts. Just like one night stand, someone is indulged in it, someone doesn’t allow self to do it. But the phenomenon couldn’t be ceased.

To the western guys, it should be less or none stress if they get married with a foreigner. As known, 65% Chinese’ s marriage will be interfered by their parents. It is a thing involved in two families. But in the west, it is just concerned about two individuals. But why do they choose Chinese as the bride? Do they have any purposes to Chinese ladies? Or because the western women are arrogant? Because the western women have highly requirements to their men? Because the western women aren’t meek and submissive as Chinese women? Because the western women have many dudes?

Who could give the answers to Chinese female??

All in all, if we just treat our emotion seriously and sincerely and loyally, and if the foreigner is the one you love and you want, why not marry with him/her?! Certainly, marrying is for enjoying the happiness together, here is a formula as a reference: a beloved MAN + a beloved WOMAN + mutually chemistry + good communication and understanding = Happy life :)

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2010-05-21 19:17:28 by kahnsfury @kahnsfury

I agree with you Sarah, I do believe there is too much focus on the idea of foreigner or not a foreigner instead of the two real questions. Do you love him, and does he love you? Love, in my opinion can conquer all, but true love is such a rare case today that I think that there are many men and I am included in that equation that are searching beyond the borders of our own country for that elusive love.

#2010-05-22 01:35:30 by livingeorgia @livingeorgia

To many in America, it seems a majority have moved from love of the other to love of what the other offers. This can be from money, to possessions, to career money opportunities.

To me, the reason I seek a lady from China is because they are what we use to be. More about the family, the love and the honor and respect to each other.

I prefer to marry because of love and respect than to marry because of what or what not my financial opportunity is to her. To me - it is like a cake. Pretty frosting on the outside does not guarantee the taste of the cake is good. If the frosting fails and melts, then the cake is all that remains and then you no longer want the cake.

I cannot speak for all western men, but for me I will be honored to fall in love with a Chinese lady.

#2010-05-22 15:38:57 by ajlujan @ajlujan

I agree with your formula. I am Latino American and in love with a Chinese lady. I have lived in China for almost one year. I love the country, the culture and the language. It sounds like music to my ears. reminds me of spoken spanish. I have always liked asian women. I dated a Filipina for several years as a young man. Still talk to her. Why Chinese ladies...Because they are beautiful, they touch you when they talk to you, they are not arrogant like western women. I personally am not attracted to blonde.
I agree on reactions from family to western man. I made a copy of my resume and copy of pay stub for my finace. At first I was not happy but with time I understand the difference in culture.
Well, my luck, she doesn't want to move to US. She is Doctor here. That's ok

#2010-05-22 16:18:31 by cheynee54 @cheynee54

could not have said it any better.

#2010-05-22 22:28:40 by happyatlast @happyatlast

I also must agree with you guys.
one of the reasons I married my Chinese wife, they have more traditional
views on marriage than many western women.
something we we once had,long ago.
I could not agree more with what livingeorgia wrote, they are very familiy focused.
we both married for the right reasons, not money or possessions.
but as I often try to tell my wife, darling, I want a wife ,not a slave.
she often wants to wash my feet,or give me a massage, to please me.
I am one of the lucky ones, my wife is happy to continue living in China.
the only problem is still the language barrier, but in all sincerity, I can say without doubt, I am happy that I married my beautiful Chinese wife.
as we all know, there are good and bad men and women, everywhere in the world.

#2010-05-22 22:28:51 by wiyam @wiyam

cheynee54, i admire your heart because that is just how i feel. and to ajlujan, livingeorgia, and kahnsfury, thank you very much for speaking for us; you spoke from our hearts

#2010-05-23 01:28:54 by northernlights @northernlights

Hi guys, thanks all for your great comments. Your perspectives have been bordened my horizons.

To kahnsfury and livingeorgia:Love exists, as long as u believe it, you'll find it.Good luck!

To ajlujan and happyatlast: Wish you enjoy the time in China. God bless you and your beautiful Chinese wife.

#2010-05-30 01:05:08 by h08serch @h08serch

Thanks again for the wonderful review. It looks like you've answered my question in "Understanding the Clash Between International Couples" topic much broader here. Well, anyway, being the marital anthropologist and couselor for some period (my second profession and hobby) I'm interested in current changes that occur in family relations, and I see, that Family matters (I mean parents-in-law). Men coming to China rarely understand all the aspects of Chinese traditional culture, thus making problems for their spouses. Sometimes problems occur even among the couples, who share similar values (devoted Christians, for example), and I know what I say (I had to deal with such lads). So, love is great, but it is long-running when both sides understand the matter of culture.

#2010-12-20 00:53:57 by arthurxiong @arthurxiong

A view from Europe:
- reaction of parents in Europe:
1. "You wish to marry a woman from China?? Are you mad??"
2. "You can not trust her, she thinks asian"
3. "Does she need money?"
The reason is very simple: family ties in most central and southern European countries are as tight as in China, also the proudness of own old culture with "thousands years of history", especially in Greece or in Italy.
The good side of this: a traditional man from Europe makes a perfect match for a woman from China - they have the same troubles with family, they have similar family values, and the so called 3000 years of culture created very comparable philosophical background. In most countries in Europe the structure of communication is even similar to the chinese one: starting with politness, circling around the issue, finishing with the real intention. In fact, a man from Europe has absolutely no need to search for a wife in China. Why? Exotic and materialistic ladies can be found easily within Europe, so an old guy hunting for a devote young lady has huge choices in Bulgaria, Romania, Hungary,... The type "cleaning wife" is also easily to find. Exotic imigrants from post-Portugese and post-Spanish colonies in Africa and South America are also not rare. There is one common reason again: christian chinese look for christian partner abroad, more men in Europe take up some asian lifestyle and look for a woman who can understand his way of living. It is usually about the way of living. The couples are becoming more global.

#2011-02-10 21:37:27 by sailorcanada @sailorcanada

To answear why foreigner want to marry Chinese woman. I would say thre are 2 categories of foreigners here in China
Young fellows without a job back home.. and here in China they can teach English so Chinese woman smile to theme and saying hello , plus the chinese woman know that the foreigner makes more money .this makes the foreigner fall in love with the country.but they forget that back home the furthest they go away the less chance of a job back home.
the second category is the retired man, divorced maybe with a penssion maybe not. They feel that chinese woman can accept theme fat, bold.. because they can help theme financially.Plus the chinese woman are afraid of not finding a husband after divorce..
One last thing.. i think man back home put theme selfs on internet lookinmg for a woman home.. then they get approched by chinese woman taking beuatifull trick picture that does't show thetre real face nor body.. and the worst is the chinese ladies that don't speak Englsih and apy a translator to email back the man.
I think finally, it is not the foreign man that initiate the marriage, but the chinese woman. and you as a chinese woman i hope you can educate your ladies here to be honest from the start.

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