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Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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Marry Me!    

By Paul Fox
754 Views | 11 Comments | 6/1/2019 12:11:30 PM

"Wow, I haven't heard from you in a while", was my first reply to a Wechat message that popped up from my old boss. She's a Chinese lady with excellent English, but she was fired from our school for getting herself involved in a rather stupid scam that had been organised by rich parents with no brains, but that's another story. Apparently she now owns and operates a Training School. We always got on well.

I forget how the conversation ensued up to the point when I said 'Marry me', but it was what came afterwards that blew me away.

Somehow it didn't seem like her. The chat didn't seem to be along our usual 'lines', and, to cut a long story short, it wasn't. It was one of her employees using my ex-boss's Wechat.

She was also an English teacher, and, to be honest, her knowledge, and ability, with respect to the English language was quite impressive.

'Haha, why would I want to marry you?" she asked, 'In fact, why would I want to marry anyone?"

"That's not very 'Chinese'", I said, "It's my understanding that all Chinese women put marriage at the top of their 'list' of priorities."

"Of course they do - well, at least the women with no backbone do. They marry someone they don't love in order to have a kid they don't want", she replied.

"Have you been reading my old blogs on CLM?", I laughed as I typed. I knew she probably had no idea what I was talking about, but the words she had just sent me were a perfect echo of my own words from a few years ago here on CLM.

"Screw this typing", she said, 'Do you mind if I video-call you?"

It was fairly late in the evening, and very warm. I was sitting at home wearing very little, and I wasn't about to put a shirt on in order to look 'decent' during a video-call, so I told her as such.

"I don't care", she said. Seconds later my phone rang.

"Ooh, you look hot", she said with a smile. "Yes, it's quite warm here", I replied with a smirk.

I wouldn't say she looked 'hot', but she certainly wasn't unattractive.

We got into a bit of 'small talk' with respect to where I'm from, how long I've lived in China, etc, and then I steered the conversation back to her remark about marriage.

"Oh believe me," she said, "I'm 32 years old and have endured years of 'when are you going to find a husband' crap. I've told all my family and friends that I have no intention of ever marrying, and if I do ever 'fall in love' then I'll happily adopt the Western way and just live together.."

I was shocked. I had never heard a Chinese girl speak like this, certainly not in China. She continued....

"For women, marriage is not a joining of two people, it's a swap. Women give up their own female sovereignty in exchange for the male's. Exclusive sex is simply an acknowledgement of a marriage contract" (Now can you see why I chose the title for this blog?)

"So what are you saying?", I asked. "Is it OK to be in a relationship and not have exclusive sex?"

"Of course not", she replied, "but if I'm in a relationship, then exclusive sex is my choice. It's not dictated to me by a worthless piece of paper. If I wake up one day and decide I don't love him anymore, then I can simply walk away - and I won't need to drag a kid along with me"

"WOW!" I thought, wow, wow, wow, wow, WOW!!!!!!!!!!

Here was a woman who not only knew her own mind, but was also not going to allow herself to be dictated-to, or bullied, by society. What a 'catch' she's going to be for someone!

I found myself somewhat lost for words. As the conversation came to a close I had forgotten that she was using my ex-boss's Wechat and so I never asked her for hers. Maybe we'll never have chance to speak to each other again - who knows?

Oh well, she knows how to contact me if she ever wants to. In the meantime I'm still relishing in the fact that women like this actually exist in China, even though they may be very few-and-far-between.

 

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
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#2019-06-01 12:11:16 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

So, Paul, I guess my question to you is, if you think that this is the ideal woman for you as far as her attitude goes and if you think that such women are extremely rare in China, why are you searching for your future mate among Chinese women?

I'm sure there must be countless women in Australia who think like this and I am sure that it includes the majority of American women, so why aren't you hanigng out back home or in another Western Country such as the US, Canada or your prior homeland, the UK and searching for your potential mate there?

I am not questioning your right or even your reasoning in searching for a mate with such an approach to a relationship. In many ways it is quite appealing, especially at our age. But it seems, based on your own picture of the contrast between Chinese women and what you're looking for, that you're "looking for love in all the wrong places" to quote the famous country/western song.

 

#2019-06-01 12:24:57 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@JohnAbbot

May I ask you a serious question? Your answer should, in fact, answer the question you have posed to me.

Before I pose the question, allow me to say this;

To many of us long-standing CLM members, CLM is almost like an 'online family'.

Take our mutual friend Melcyan as an example, or even Barry. Melcy has been in a relationship for several years, yet is still an active member her on CLM. Barry has been 'teasing' us with details of his new relationship with Jenny, so clearly here are two well-known, active CLM members that are NOT looking for a relationship.

What makes you think I am 'looking' for one?

#2019-06-01 12:42:40 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@PaulFox1 - in response to your question there are 2 reasons that, in combination, lead me to believe you are seeking a long term relationship:

1. You are not in one now.

2. Buried in the following words in your blog there seems to be a pretty strong implication that you are keenly interested in a relationship with thie specific woman your were writing about, or, failing that, with someone like her.

"WOW!" I thought, wow, wow, wow, wow, WOW!!!!!!!!!!

Here was a woman who not only knew her own mind, but was also not going to allow herself to be dictated-to, or bullied, by society. What a 'catch' she's going to be for someone!

I found myself somewhat lost for words. As the conversation came to a close I had forgotten that she was using my ex-boss's Wechat and so I never asked her for hers. Maybe we'll never have chance to speak to each other again - who knows?

Oh well, she knows how to contact me if she ever wants to. In the meantime I'm still relishing in the fact that women like this actually exist in China, even though they may be very few-and-far-between."

Perhaps it was the multiple and twice capitalized "WOW's"

#2019-06-01 12:50:43 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@JohnAbbot

Haha, point taken. Let me put it more succinctly then.

I'm not 'looking', but I'm open to being 'found' (rofl)

#2019-06-01 16:28:20 by Barry1 @Barry1

 

@paulfox1


An interesting and well written story, Paul. Though remember, we all will eventually end up with the person we were supposed to be with. Plus quite arguably, people we were NOT supposed to be with!



To add both confusion and complication to the mix, some of us will NEVER end up with anyone, because that's how it was ever meant to be.  The problem being, that most hapless people in this category don't know it.


So relax, mate. The harder you try, maybe the further away from your goal you will find yourself. Two steps forward, two and a half steps backward. Make the most of what you have right now, right here.   


Note to John:  By the way, John, I've noticed that since upgrading from Windows 7 to Windows 10, the selection of "smiley" or emotive faces has become problemmatical. That is, with the later version of Windows, when I select a smiley icon, frequently a different one will end up appearing in the posting.  For the information of your website developer, if he ever has time.


For example, here I will choose a beer icon:  (beer)

Here I will choose a ROFL icon:  (rofl)

Here I will choose a clapping hands icon:  (clap)


Out of curiosity, let's see what icons actually end up appearing on the website.


 

#2019-06-02 13:04:00 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Barry1 - thanks for the info on the Emoticons. As soon as the developer has finished his current task I will ask him to look at the emoticon issue. Even before looking at the movement of comments.

#2019-06-02 14:31:04 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@Barry1

To add both confusion and complication to the mix, some of us will NEVER end up with anyone, because that's how it was ever meant to be.  The problem being, that most hapless people in this category don't know it.

 

It seems you learn well, Pitbull. (rofl)

#2019-06-03 13:31:35 by Barry1 @Barry1

 


@paulfox1

"It seems you learn well, Pitbull"



My name is Pittman, Paul... at the very least, you could spell it correctly.

Or is this some attempt at trying to be smart?     

 

#2019-06-04 14:01:39 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@Barry1

I am fully aware as to your name, Mr Pitbull, I just think 'pitbull' has more of a ring to it. (rofl)

#2019-06-05 14:45:27 by Barry1 @Barry1

 

@paulfox1

​Just as John Abbot requested that you refrain from calling him "Miss Trabbot", I also request that you grow up, show some respect and call me by my proper name, thank you in advance.


 

 

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