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Cheng, a divorced single mother, forty years old, loves to smile, was born in a small village in Huangshan. She's been working in Changzhou, Jiangsu, so far as a sales manager in a local company. A quiet woman who enjoys a simple life, Cheng has experienced pain but now confidently optimistic and cheerful. She hopes to share her feelings and some ideas with you here . 程,生于徽州的一个小村庄,并在那里成长。一个四十岁的单身母亲,一个爱笑的女人。定居江苏常州,并任职于一家当地公司的销售经理至今。在经历痛苦和岁月的沉淀后,她现在是乐观的愉快的。非常乐意与您在这里分享她对人生的看法,对爱情和婚姻的期待。
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Love and marriage 爱情和婚姻    

By Chengs
7467 Views | 14 Comments | 5/10/2012 12:52:45 AM

Marriage in not only a great system ,but also a relationship between man and woman .

Today, on the one hand ,the rate of divorce is on the increase in a scary fast speed .On the other hand for most people ,the marriage is still the most common end-result.

Chinese great writer MR Qian Zhongshu wrote in his book “ A Surrounded City”, Marriage is a surrounded city: people inside the city who want dash out of the city ; people ourside the city who want rush in the city .
George Bernard Shaw said , If you want get marriage ,get married ;If you want want being single ,be single .Well ,in the end you will be sorry for your decision at that time .

Probally man always is hesitant and indecisive in getting married or being single . Woman might think about marriage in a different way . What does marriage mean? A long-term meal ticket? Necessary and exclusive end-result of true love? Or both ?
Eileen jeered at marriage in her book, “Marriage is long term free charge prostitution for a woman” . but , this is precisely the same Eileen ,when she met a guy she got marriage immediately in spite of the mockery of all friends.And she said to this guy ,“Love a man would be humble to the dust inside ,and then so happy like flower blooming in bottom of heart .” That probally expained marrage always means a lot to a woman even sometimes woman jeer at marriage .
For most of history, the main impetus for marriage was getting in-laws and managing property, not love or sex.At the same time, changing social mores and expectations have placed stresses on long-term relationships.
. In the eighteenth century western people began to advocate love marriage.. In china ,love should be basic reason of marriage , this idea was advocated by China's new cultural movement.of 1919. That means And the idea that love be reason of marriage , is only a hundred years history .

Today , love marriage is accepted by a majority of people , we all believe that marriage without love is immoral. However, people don’t have enough experience in combining love and marriage . 

A marriage without conflict is almost as inconceivable as a nation without crisis. When a man and woman enter into Matrimony , there will be both periods of excitement and dullness. It's perhaps inevitable that some of the romance will go out of a relationship as time passes.And for some husbands and wives that spontaneity is replaced by a steady and deepening affection. But ,in fact ,many people are unhappy in their wedlock,they will feel Matrimony get vapid and boring as time passes.Some people lament , “Marriage is the tomb of love”. A continuance of love in marriage that become a big challenge more and more today .

Don’t try find heaven in marriage ,cause marriage is not something that happens in heaven.Only we can say ,the frontal lobes are really doing their mature job when we realize how a good marriage depends on kindness.

So,what do you think about love and marriage ?

婚姻不仅仅是一项制度,也是男人和女人之间的关系。
今时今日,一方面离婚率以惊人的速度在上升;另一方面,婚姻对人们来说仍然是最普遍的情感必然归宿。
文学家钱钟书说,婚姻是一座围城,在里面的人想冲出来,外面的人想冲进去。
萧伯纳说,想结婚的人就结婚吧 ,想单身的人就单身吧,反正到后你总会后悔的。也许男人总是在结婚和单身中摇摆不定。女人对婚姻也许有不同看法。一张长期饭票?还是爱情的必然归宿?或许两者兼而有之?

张爱玲在她的书中嘲笑婚姻是长期的免费卖淫。可是同是这个爱玲,遇到一个男人就昏了头立刻与他结婚。还对那个男人说,喜欢一个人,会卑微到尘埃里,然后开出花来。或许这说明婚姻对一个女人来说很重要,即使她有时可能嘲笑婚姻。
历史上,婚姻的动力主要是过继和财产,而不是爱情或者性。也就是说,在人类历史上,几千年的婚姻不是以爱情为依据的。
与此同时,变化的社会习俗和人们对婚姻的期望值也在使人们开始重视长期的婚姻关系。

以爱情作为婚姻的根本理由,则起于西方的18世纪,在中国,这种思想,从新文化运动开始。

尽管,以爱情为理由的结婚已经成为当代相当大多数人的普遍理念,没有爱情的婚姻是不道德的。然而,人们其实并没有足够的经验,把爱情和婚姻完好的结合在一起。所以有人悲叹,爱情是婚姻的坟墓。

没有冲突的婚姻,几乎同没有危机的国家一样难以想像。当一个男人与一个女人进入婚姻,婚姻会同时经历兴奋期和乏味期。两个人在一起时间久了,感情不可避免地会趋于平淡。对于有些夫妻而言,最初的那种激情逐渐变成稳定、深厚的感情。但是,也有许多人在婚姻中并不快乐,时间久了,他们会觉得婚姻生活变得平淡无味。如何让爱情在婚姻中持续,成为一个越来越大的挑战。
不要试图在婚姻中寻找天堂,因为婚姻不在天堂里。只能说,当我们认识到美好的婚姻关系是多么依赖于善意的对待时,可以说我们的心智已经相当成熟了。
你是怎么看待爱情和婚姻的呢?

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Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 14) 1 2 More...
#2012-05-10 13:49:32 by sky810 @sky810

或已被定位在”尘埃“里了,总觉得卑微是开不出花的,让花开花落在心中吧。

#2012-05-10 18:27:28 by panda2009 @panda2009

Love and Marriage? as well as Sex! See also [a href=http://www.asiandating.com.co/blog/article/Yuan-Fen-Equation-to-Find-Life-Mate/]Yuan Fen + Equation to Find Life Mate?[/a] - Cao Hui's Blog - CCeMagazine Blogs - CCeMagazine

Marriage is a gift which a man gives a woman, and Sex is a gift which a woman gives a man. A man is willing to marry you means that he is willing to bear legal liability of you and your kids. Love is just one of all strategies between men and women.

#2012-05-11 11:42:22 by smile01 @smile01

Hi,sky810, 我理解你的悲哀,也理解你的自尊。有时候的确只有女人更能理解女人。
I understand you feel sorrow,and understand your self-esteem as well.Sometimes woman better understand woman.

#2012-05-11 12:16:33 by smile01 @smile01

Hi, panda2009,autually I read almost your articles. Your views is very interesting .
love and marriage is always a hot topic of conversation.
As personal , Marriage not only means a gift ,a security ,or sex ,for me ,marriage must be Necessary and exclusive end-result of true love.I still believe love to an incurable degree even though after so many times disappointing . Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit. My sister always criticize me kind of stupid , too naive in the attitude towards love.

#2012-05-11 15:53:17 by pourquoipasamour @pourquoipasamour

To paraphrase Aristotle and Metaphysics Philosophy, "True love is one soul living in two bodies"

#2012-05-20 20:54:19 by xin73 @xin73

Love is a candle, give you light, the wind blows out; love is flower, beautiful, the season is over just wither; love is the rainbow, colorful, the sun evaporates; love is a bird, decorating scenery, the weather changed on the fly ... ...
Marriage is the tomb of love, For men, marriage means that you can not wake up shock!
Marriage is a passive, is forced to bear only those men who are willing to withstand the endless pain.
Marriage is cruel, in essence, not happiness, to give the marriage a little forgiveness, only suffering and pain points. If you want happiness, we must abandon the marriage.

#2012-05-21 21:58:17 by smile01 @smile01

xin73 ,thanks for you comment .A broken marriage is indeed the tomb of love .However ,there is still happy marriage in the world .This is why we come here .

#2012-05-22 06:28:06 by alven @alven

In my country I have the honour and legal right to marry people. I always ask the couple why they want to marry and what will be teir theme in the marriage. The answers are common for most couples; they will bring a higher spiritual dimension to withness their love and the theme will be how important it is to keep their individuality in a community like a marriage is. If you loose your individuality, your marriage will be painful and your love will surely be killed.

#2012-05-23 10:44:55 by smile01 @smile01

Alven ,I agree the individuality is important .

And I think understanding and compromising are also very important and necessary in a marriage .

#2012-05-23 17:16:52 by luck6210 @luck6210

There is a old saying in China,'Marriage is the most respect to a woman.'Many women look forward to get married,I think they just want to know whether or not the man who she is dating is sincere and truly love her,not all the Chinese women marry for living,but most of them marry for love and respect.Who can live without love and respect?None!Two people warm each other in a good marriage,it is all the people's desire!

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