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Richard James Blogs on Cross Cultural & Long Distance Relationships, Chinese Women & Chinese Culture. Richard is new to blogging, new to cross cultural and long distance relationships, new to Chinese culture and a newlywed to a Chinese woman. His blog is about learning and growth for Richard, and offers a unique opportunity for you to learn and grow too.
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LONG, REALLY, REALLY LONG LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS PART 1    

By Richard James'
6652 Views | 14 Comments | 5/14/2010 1:10:38 PM
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Long distance relationships painting, Photo courtesy of ryozuki.blog113.fc2.com

Okay you've found your special lady on this website and you've been chatting on the site for weeks maybe months and maybe you have even fallen in love with each other, now what?

Well my friend that is entirely up to you and how willing you are to continue a long distance relationship.

Believe me, your friends and family will think you've gone off the deep end! And you can bet that your Chinese counterpart`s friends and family are telling her the same thing, but if you really love each other you will find a way to connect despite the comments from the peanut gallery. Besides, what do they know anyway?

“Though a thousand miles apart, two lovers destined to meet are joined by a common thread.”
Ancient Chinese Proverb

I feel there is a lot of truth in that proverb because if you are destined to be together you will find a way to be together and plan your life together.

Now, will this be easy? No it will be a road traveled with bumps and potholes and stretches of smooth sailing. But a good way to start your courtship is try to maintain some daily contact.

Whether through the CLM website or if you have exchanged email addresses, you can email each other! Tell your partner about your day, and how much you miss each other! And depending on what part of the world you live in you can talk on the phone.

What`s that you say? International rates are like a $1.99 a minute. I`ll be in the poorhouse before too long. Well I will let you in on a secret, an excellent program you can download called SKYPE which will enable you to talk to each other for free through your computers.

Once a week my girlfriend and I talk on the computer for hours on end and let me tell you hearing my girlfriend’s voice through my Sennheiser headphones brings a smile to my face every time we talk.

You can also video chat if you both have web cams or if you are not sure about each other yet, you can video chat on the CLM site if at least one of you is a Gold Member.

Another excellent way to maintain closeness is mail things to each other, a letter hand written by each of you is very personal. Let`s be honest; how many people do you know who actually hand write a letter to someone they know in this age of Blackberries/ My Space/ Facebook and Twitter! The list just goes on and on.

The important thing to remember here is that you really are creating something special between the two of you! Something that neither one of you are probably going to do with someone in your own country, and without even a doubt in my mind I am the happiest I have been in a very, very long time and I know that I have met my match, my future wife, my soul mate.

Next in Part 2

Where we`ll really get down to the nitty gritty of
LONG REALLY, REALLY LONG LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 14) 1 2 More...
#2010-04-29 14:33:42 by zerocomic @zerocomic

Love is easy to say hard to do hard to keep.But we still have to believe it.

#2010-04-29 17:49:53 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

To me long distance relationships are bittersweet, and they cannot be maintained long term. While they last you live a life of balancing the freezing agony of loneliness when apart and the fiery joy of passion when together. If in partnership you can clear the hurdles and overcome all obstacles to come together full time then you will have a relationship all the more likely to last, and be passionate, forever. Like all things in life, the more difficult the test the greater the reward for success.

#2010-04-29 21:39:46 by goldsilhair99 @goldsilhair99

For those that live in the USA, there are calling cards too. The card enables you to call at about 2 cents a minute. You want the card that has no expiration date and doesn't charge a fee for non-useage; in other words does not eat up your minutes (money) when you are not using it. If you do not know which ones to buy talk to Chinese people living in the US. Ask even if you do not know them. They will be happy to tell you. When you buy a card I suggest negotiating the price charged. If it is too steep find someone else that is selling the cards. Or get your new Chinese friend to help you buy the card. Sometime they will buy it for you because they can get a better price on the card. Make sure to thank them profusely and give a small gift in appreciation. You may have a friend for life.

#2010-04-30 09:12:54 by rich777 @rich777

I love what zerocomic said and I do feel that what she said is accurate it is easy to say
but hard to do and hard to keep but we still have to believe it.

And what John said is right on the money once you are finally together you will have both gone through a lot just to be together and if you you can make it through that
you will definitely have a stronger and more rewarding life together.

Thank you both for the wonderful comments.

#2010-04-30 14:44:14 by beauty433 @beauty433

Oh.....

#2010-05-01 02:18:39 by masterinoc @masterinoc

Calling cards: Warning! some cards charge you a connect fee $5-$15 to connect your call then 2 cents per minute. Best cards have no expire and no fees. There are also services that offer no fees and only cents per minute. With these you call their service, it knows you by your caller ID, you enter a password, then you make you call or use one of your speed dial numbers like 2#. Like goldsilhair99 says get a Chinese friend to buy your card or setup your account because they can get you the best deal (and don't forget to gift your friends).

#2010-05-01 10:06:38 by ayach @ayach

Hahah............ I dont think long distance can keep both of them well. The long distance just appear beautiful illusion and a bit curious. People has different background and culture their thinking are also various. If you want to find some one who you love. you must take good communication well with each other. It is the best way.

#2010-05-01 16:18:05 by jenny2010 @jenny2010

Rich777's story strongly convinced us oncemore one sentence:Those for successful people are in charge of their life with positive,optimistic attitude.on the contrary,those for failure are always misleading by past,by frustration,doubt...on the otherhand,he has made list for us a few commuincation way;e-mail easy mail,fast,convenient;phone,cheap,popular,emotional;on-line phone.can also video chat if both have web cams or if both are not sure about each other.such good example!
Thanks!

#2010-05-02 05:56:55 by rich777 @rich777

Some excellent comments from everyone but I would like to respond to ayach's comment
There is some truth in what you say about the beautiful illusion and being curious part
sometimes maybe that is all it is,but if you are serious about each other you definitely have to meet to determine if you are right for each other.
and if there is open communication between the two of you, you will be fine and you do have to have a long term plan,It is not like you are going to have a long distance relationship forever,you will be together at some point,it just takes time because of Bureaucracy in regards to visa's etc, and yes different back ground and culture but you can have two Americans in the same city or town with the same set of circumstances,different background/different cultures.

#2010-05-03 01:55:49 by newlydream @newlydream

I think long distance is hard to keep even the people still love each other.I was a failed example
I was love a man on CLM, , I met him in clm the end of 2008, we started from the initial correspondence and telephone and video, but until now we still no meet ,While we still loved each other, at least I still can not forget him, but I chose to give up, because I can not accept a man love me only in the network, I need to love a real person.

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