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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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Jenny, a New Relationship? (Part 2)    

By Barry Pittman
1278 Views | 25 Comments | 5/13/2019 1:17:37 PM
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(Showing 11 to 20 of 25) Previous 1 2 3 More...
#2019-07-23 18:21:01 by Barry1 @Barry1


@JohnAbbot



Just to be clear, the reason I have abandoned finishing this blog series is because of a personal protest at your extremely poor moderating abilities.



Low quality people such as @roughdiamond  - who hasn't written a single blog in his life - are allowed to proffer gratuitous rudeness to bloggers. Yet, as happened in my case (on another blog), when I protested against this, unbelievably you acted defensively, attempting to excuse grubby remarks such as those issued by this low quality person as some sort of "joke".

 

Let me advise I'm the administrator/moderator of a successful Facebook group with hundreds of members. I'm aware that in any group of people, one or two rude troublemakers exist. These types must be weeded out, not excused or defended! I know how a competent moderator should act.

 

It thus doesn't surprise me in the least, these blogs are a very pale reflection of what they used to be. Your appalling moderation where bloggers can be riduculed is certainly one of many reasons for this.



You John Abbot, need to dunk your head in a bucket of cold water and wake up to yourself, in my view. Directly as a result of your senseless ineptitude, readers here will never know what eventuated in the relationship between Jenny and I. 




 

#2019-07-25 05:10:16 by JoeM65 @JoeM65

@Barry1

Ugh...

First, RHendry leaves me hanging, " That is when I set my sights on the Philippines. But that's another story yet to be told."  

Now, you leave me hanging? " readers here will never know what eventuated in the relationship between Jenny and I."

My son would say. "See, this is why we cannot have nice things."

I understand and respect your decision. I was 'late to the table' and missed the 'golden age' of these blogs, a time when they talked about and focused on the challenges and rewards of real relationships.

#2019-07-26 12:00:00 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Barry1 - I'm sorry Barry, but I am struggling to find the instance on this particular blog post in which "Low quality people such as @roughdiamond  - who hasn't written a single blog in his life - are allowed to proffer gratuitous rudeness to bloggers." Not only can I not find any gratuitous rudeness in any comment on this posting by RoughDiamond, but I can't find any proffered gratuitous rudeness by anyone at all.

That makes it a tad hard to defend myself against your tirade above. Maybe, in fairness, you could point out what exactly set you off because it doesn't seem to be anything here.

However, I will add this one point in my defence, in response to this paragraph from your comment above:

"It thus doesn't surprise me in the least, these blogs are a very pale reflection of what they used to be. Your appalling moderation where bloggers can be riduculed is certainly one of many reasons for this."

These blogs were created by me and have been moderated by me since the first word was published. So it is a little hard to understand how my moderation alone can have caused the difference you complain of.

But again, in fairness, please point out the specific instance or instances of a "blogger being ridiculed" that has caused you to get your shit in such a knot? Then I will do my best to counter your brilliant attack.

#2019-07-26 14:09:03 by Barry1 @Barry1

 

@JohnAbbot


"Yet, as happened in my case (on another blog),..."


Read again what I wrote above.

 

I said  "...ON ANOTHER BLOG"

 

Why you keep referring to not being able to find anything "on this posting" is puzzling to me.  When clearly I had stated @roughdiamond exhibited his low quality character on another blog. What is difficult to comprehend here? Do you know what "on another blog" means?

 

In any case, let me explain.

 

I refer to the following page:



https://blog.chinalovematch.net/blog/article/Little-China/5

 

@roughdiamond said, completely without apparent reason or provocation:



"you realy are a flacid left wing peter with a snowflake mentality"

 

I COULD GIVE YOU MANY OTHER EXAMPLES OF THIS MAN'S RUDENESS BUT I FEEL THEY WOULD BE WASTED ON YOU, SUCH ARE YOUR LIMITED LEVELS OF EMPATHY OR UNDERSTANDING.

 

So this rude man's gratuitous insult above was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I had tolerated his rudeness for a long time, but now have decided enough is enough.  Unbelievably, even though this low quality person has not penned a single blog, you tolerate his frequent rudeness. Trying to twist his ill will into some form of "joke".  Hence my claim you are not worthy to be moderator of this forum, despite the fact you started it.



In any case, at the time, I complained about this rude man to you, saying:


"John, since you mentioned maintaining the integrity and/or relevance of comments upon blogs, can I ask why you approve disingenous, nasty comments such as the above one, written for no postive purpose nor giving any useful  information?

 

Why would you as moderator not feel the slightest indication to block or withdraw such irrelevant, grubby comments? 


Clearly, they're penned by someone without manners nor respect, their purpose being solely to be smart-arse and vindictive.


All of us have been guilty in the past of acting like a grub, but for most of us, this infantile phase has thankfully passed. I had hoped the tone of CLM also was no longer reflective of a cesspit.


I will be interested to hear your justification or motivation for allowing malicious, irrelevent sentiments like these demonstrably are on your website.


Furthermore, do you think permitting publication of insulting comments such as these directed to a blogger, encourages him to continue blogging?


Once again, I await your explanation. Given that for a long time now, I've done my best to refrain from acting like a bad-mannered bully."



In response to my complaint about the rude man, you replied:


"I think you need to consider the source. If RoughDiamond takes the time to admonish you in his uniquely harsh and insulting way it is a sure sign that he deeply cares for you and wishes to help you cure some minor flaw in your character:...."


This was a typical SMART ARSE response from a SMART ARSE man who thought he was being very clever. It was a rubbish reply and you know it. Because of this arrogance, you have lost me as a blogger in favour of this low quality bully who has never written a blog!  


The question must be asked WHY you treat your bloggers with such cavalier contempt?  When I first came here years ago, bloggers were shown some respect. Now you allow them to be pissed upon and ridiculed by bullies too lazy, too stupid or too fearful, to pen something for themselves!  Much easier to simply throw insults from the sidelines, after all, especially when the "moderator" is asleep at the wheel!


My theory is that you're past it. You need to pass the moderation baton to someone who cares, someone with more understanding of human nature and less arrogance.  Better yet, don't bother having a moderator on this forum at all, as clearly the job is not being done properly and hasn't been done properly in my view, for a long time now.

 

#2019-07-26 14:18:20 by Barry1 @Barry1


@JoeM65

" I was 'late to the table' and missed the 'golden age' of these blogs, a time when they talked about and focused on the challenges and rewards of real relationships."


Hi Joe.


Yes, about five years ago, was the "golden age" of these blogs, in my view. I've been here since around 2013, or even earlier, since that was my second stint here, the first being in 2012 as I recall.


The blogs are now a pale, sad shadow of what they used to be in the halcyon days of yesteryear. 


In particular, over the past couple of years, they've really gone downhill in my view unfortunately.  No doubt for many reasons, not just poor moderation, where bloggers are allowed to suffer from insults from the sidelines.


They have become stale. They need fresh blood. They need a change in direction.


Best of luck to you, Joe. I hope you meet a truly nice lady here.




 

#2019-07-27 14:15:45 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Barry1 - Yes Barry, I did get it that you mentioned "on another blog", but of course there are now 1607 blog postings so it's a little hard for me to know which "other blog" you were referring to. Granted @RoughDiamond has probably only commented on a couple of hundred of them so that would have narrowed it down somewhat.

Thanks for now steering me to the specific blog that had caused you to get your shit in such a knot.

In response to some of your above comments, first let me clarify for you that I am not in the position of dealing strictly with members of a Facebook Group when I moderate these blogs, because all of the people who come to read these blogs are doing so as members of one or both or our dating sites.  Most of the people who hang out on the blogs have at some point been a paying member of the websites. RoughDiamond and yourself are both such members.

That adds a layer of complication that I doubt exists on your Facebook Group. Because of that layer I am compelled to refrain from saying some things I would like to say to people who are making rude or even obnoxious comments here on the blogs. It also makes it impossible for me to let someone else assume moderation of the blogs because they would not feel the debt I feel I owe to members, especially paying members, of CLM or ALM.

BUT, when I wrote to you in response to your complaint about RoughDiamond's rude remark to you, the following:

"I think you need to consider the source. If RoughDiamond takes the time to admonish you in his uniquely harsh and insulting way it is a sure sign that he deeply cares for you and wishes to help you cure some minor flaw in your character:...."

I was by no means writing it as a SMART ARSE remark at all. And frankly, if you had been honest enough to include the balance of that comment, readers would have wondered how you could possibly interpret it as SMART ARSE. Here is the entire comment:

@Barry1 - I think you need to consider the source. If RoughDiamond takes the time to admonish you in his uniquely harsh and insulting way it is a sure sign that he deeply cares for you and wishes to help you cure some minor flaw in your character. I sincerely doubt there is a single reader of the blogs that has not experienced one of RoughDiamond's soul piercing arrows at some time, but most of us are the better for it. I have certainly not escaped RoughDiamond's ire, and I didn't refuse to publish his public humiliation of me.

Where should I start?

Where should I draw the line? 

I don't see anyway for you to suggest the comment was meant as anything but a serious attempt to get you to look at RoughDiamond's comment as being well intended, but to do so you would have to consider the source. I was not trying to be funny and I was not being disengenuous. I meant exactly what I said.

Barry, he gave himself the username of RoughDiamond. That's a pretty good clue that he knows he speaks roughly but wants you to take his apparent rudeness with a grain of salt, not be offended by it and look deeper for a grain of wisdom.

Many other members, as well as myself, have received a sharp response from RoughDiamond and, knowing him as we do, have shaken it off like water off a duck's back.

Back then I was trying to say that RoughDiamond makes a crude remark but means well. Others would look for a less blunt way to try to make you see that you were off the mark with your comments that he was responding to.

RoughDiamond said to you "you realy are a flacid left wing peter with a snowflake mentality".

@PaulFox1, who can also be pretty rude, might have said something like "Barry, stop being such a sanctimonious twat!".

Contrary to what you think, I said what I said out of respect for you as a CLM member rather than saying what I was really thinking, which was "Barry, get over yourself!"

So, honestly, at that time I was not being SMART ARSE and not looking to find humor in the situation.

This following is different. Feel free to consider this to be my SMART ARSE response to your current remarks.

Barry, get over yourself, stop being such a sanctimonious twat! You really are a flacid left wing peter with a snowflake mentality!

Message received?

#2019-08-28 11:05:32 by Barry1 @Barry1


@JohnAbbot

"Barry, get over yourself, stop being such a sanctimonious twat! You really are a flacid left wing peter with a snowflake mentality!"


Upon reflection, I must apologise for my intemperate words towards you, @JohnAbbot. As the moderator of these forums, it's your right to permit within reason, whatever comments you want to be published.

 

In return, people such as me then have the choice whether to continue an association with this website, particularly as a blogger. Perhaps in part, this may explain the high turnover of bloggers over the years here? Though I'm sure many other reasons would be involved also.

 

I recognise now that not everyone has been reared in the same way, some have been brought up in a "rough" type of environment compared to my own rather sheltered existence. These people thus have their own standards, their own criteria to live by. What's normal to them, their mode or manner of speech, for example, may be entirely appropriate to their lifestyle. Who am I to suggest that they're not decent, quality people? Walk a mile in their shoes before casting aspersions.



I mentioned that I'm the moderator of a 500+ member Facebook group. I understand fully that in every large group of people, some folks inherently don't seem to be as nice as others. Their comments tend to be sharper, more picky than the majority. As the administrator of the group, it would be easy for me to simply remove and block them from the group. But in doing this, one enters upon a slippery slope. Block one person and then a handful of others possibly should be removed also.

 

And so, to date I've blocked no one, although I have removed some rude or questionable comments. Simply put, it's not as easy as it sounds, being in charge of a large, disparate collection of people. A fairly wide tolerance and mental flexibility needs to be adopted.

Enough waffle. To conclude - if I offended you in any way, once again, my apologies, @JohnAbbot. You have the inalienable right to run these forums as you see fit.  Readers - or bloggers - can then simply vote with their feet, whether to stay here or not.





 

#2019-08-28 14:23:03 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Barry1 - Your last comment above is much appreciated. 

I do realize that you have possibly been subtly saying good bye to CLM and the blogs and I most certainly hope that is not so. You would be sorely missed.

However, we've had many great bloggers, and eventually they cease to blog. Generally that happens when they have found someone and moved on into a new life in which CLM does not fit. Others just run out of things to say. 

So if you have chosen to leave us now I will be sorry, but I would also say that you found a very generous and kind way to do so and that is truly much appreciated.

I think you have really found a good way to describe the real problems that arise for a moderator in trying to determine when someone, who has a right to their opinion and is a member of the group in which they have expressed that opinion, has seemed to overstep the bounds of common decency and fairness that is expected of them. That is the most onerous part of the job.

I am sure I make mistakes, and this may well have been one such time.

Just so you'll know, I have sometimes deleted rude or nasty comments, where I felt that they were truly meant to be nothing more than an outright insult with no other intention than to injure the person they were aimed at.

If, for example, some reader/member whom had never been heard from before on the blogs, had said to you "You really are a flacid left wing peter with a snowflake mentality!" I assure you I would have disapproved the comment and would have assumed the person commenting should not be surprised.

If someone we all know well because of other comments previously made had said those words, but they were completely out of character for him/her, I would not have approved them and would have written to them and explained why and asked if they really felt it was appropriate.

But honestly, RoughDiamond is a rough diamond. When I read those words I laughed, because I could almost picture RoughDiamond laughing as he wrote them. Honestly, if he had written those words to me, I still would have laughed. Not of Melcyan had written them to me. Not if you had written them to me. Not if Peter had written them to me and not if Imi had written them to me. But maybe if Paul had written them to me and definitely if RoughDiamond had written them to me.

And I honestly thought you would find it funny too. But only because of the source. RoughDiamond is RoughDiamond.

I am not sure if you noticed the exchange between RoughDiamond and Melcyan over at this blog:

https://blog.chinalovematch.net/blog/article/Decluttering-is-all-about-love-Part-4-doubts

but if you have then you can see RoughDiamond declare his love for his wife in a way, and in words, that no one else would have expressed such love. But because it is RoughDiamond it is extremely touching and quite beautiful.

Anyway, perhaps I underreacted to the words of RoughDiamond or perhaps you overreacted to them or perhaps both. But your words here are a noble way to end the discussion and I thank you for doing that.

Cheers Mate(beer)(beer)(beer)(beer)(beer)

 

 

 

#2019-08-28 18:10:26 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@Barry1

To understand someone you must first walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you are a mile away and they have no shoes!

Words on a screen often carry no 'feeling' - they are just words. I'm sure if RD had sent you those words via a spoken WeChat message, you would have heard the 'smile' in his voice.

Likewise, over the years, you and I have had some 'cross-words', mostly due to you being a snowflake, lol.

My Dad raised me to understand that, 'It's not what you SAY, but the WAY that you say it' - and he's right, yet this cliche cannot apply to the written word, right?

Now stop being a f*cking pussy-faggot and finish your 'Jenny' blog! (rofl)

#2019-08-28 19:20:32 by newbeginning @newbeginning

To all the dudes on this site who read the blogs on a regular basis. I have read the blogs here on a regular basis for many years now. I have learned more than I could imagine. About life and Chinese/western relationships in general. There has been a very noticiable drop in female participation in these blogs in the last couple of years, It is always the same few men bantering back and forth but few if any female blogs or replies. We as a whole need female participation in these blogs to keep it fresh from both points of view. There is a reason or two as to why the drop from women participating. I am sure we can figure out those reasons quite quickly.

Barry I have always enjoyed your articles and I think you are the best blogger here. I would hate to lose your words......Achelle is another blogger whose words were of paramount to all here yet she went silent. Dont know why but would love to see her words here again.

Even the long lasting (1500 replies or more) forum article that was penned by a chinese woman who was talking about her life with a western man has gone silent. I think with the Chinese goverments recent change of heart towards the west has alot to do with it. Fear of big brother is real.

I too would love to read more from Rough Diamond in regards to his Western/chinese marriage as I am sure his words could help alot of people here.

Barry I want to read more about your relationship with "Jenny". At the end of the day who gives a crap about peoples sharp words, at least they are reading and learning. So don't leave here.

 

NB

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