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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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Jenny, a New Relationship? (Part 2)    

By Barry Pittman
1207 Views | 25 Comments | 5/13/2019 1:17:37 PM

Jenny and I sat at the lunch table in the refectory area of the university in China where I worked as an English teacher. Our conversation together was rather stilted, as neither of us understood the other person’s language. But we did a lot of grinning and gesticulating, that seemed to have the desired effect. Two pairs of impassioned eyes meeting, staring poignantly into eachother's soul, are arguably all that's needed for the most indepth conversation of all time. I sensed there was something special about this enigmatic lady. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, even as the hairs on my arms bristled.  Where would it lead?

 

We knew we liked each other, but would the communication problem ultimately be our downfall? Suddenly though, as I sat there, astonishingly my eyes involuntarily began welling up with tears. Oh, God!  I tried to disguise this by smiling, but when the tears slowly began running down my cheeks, it became quite obvious something was wrong. Jenny looked at me with great concern, no doubt wondering why on Earth was this odd man welling up on this, our very first date?

 

The reason was because the extremely recent bust-up with Lily was still very raw. My thoughts, my feelings, still harboured great pain from it all. Of course, I couldn’t tell Jenny this. After a few minutes, the tears dried up, as I constantly tried to ignore them, acting as if everything was fine and normal. Jenny kept peering at me very concernedly, like a mother hen checking on her little hatchlings.

 

At that time, though surrounded by students and teachers on all sides, I felt the most profound internal loneliness. I was tired of being emotionally fatigued. I was sick of feeling constantly drained. I was slowly dying inside, degree by degree, yet felt powerless to tell a soul. Unexpressed emotions were the worst ones of all, cutting your psyche like a knife, causing scabs and scar tissue in places I dared not think about. Such caustic wounds that didn’t bleed of course, were the worst ones of all. Have you ever felt as if you wanted to totally disappear, yet at the same time, felt an overpowering urge to be found? Have you ever wanted to scream, yet your throat felt so dry and contorted you couldn't utter a sound?

 

After this very strange lunch, Jenny and I sauntered outside for a walk, looking a little anomalous, as I was quite tall and at 158 cms, Jenny was attractively well-proportioned yet petite. She was in fact, the smallest lady I'd ever dated. My height didn't concern her and given that, it didn't concern me either.

 

Our conversation once again consisted primarily of gesticulations, smiles and finger pointing. The universal language. I call it human speak. It could equally be called monkey speak, as these movements seem also to form a large part of primate communication.

 

My invitation to Jenny to come visit me again the following Monday was finally understood. She nodded, at once appearing quite enticing yet apprehensive. I could sense this in her eyes. At 189 cms, I was the tallest guy in her town, a strange teacher at the university and a somewhat oddball foreigner at that. These characteristics were no doubt more than a little unsettling to a demure Chinese girl, bless her.

 

Monday arrived and to her credit, Jenny appeared again. We shared another meal together, followed by a nice walk. This time, everything went smoothly. I then invited her back to my dorm room, that by all measures, was quite small and bedraggled. But she didn’t seem to mind, or if she did, covered it up well.

 

Inwardly I hoped she wouldn’t use the toilet that barely worked most of the time. The squat type had been replaced by a normal pedestal toilet some weeks earlier, yet the plumbers who had installed it seemed to have no idea what they were doing. For all I knew, they had connected it to the university drinking water supply. Nothing that occurred in China surprised me any more. A country that I both loved and hated, often at the same time. A land of immense contrasts, full of ever suffering souls who nevertheless often smiled while they worked, appearing not to know how tough by comparison their lives really were. 

 

So within a week of being ruthlessly dumped by Lily, the beginnings of a new relationship were stirring. Would it prove to be something solid and sincere?  Or fleeting and ultimately meaningless, as so often had been the case in my checkered, unsettled past?

 

I truly hoped substantial good would come out of it. Most of my adult life I’d been effectively alone. The novelty of this had long ago worn off. Hence my presence here on this lonely hearts website. This arguably dysfunctional doyen of desperation. Despite the friends made on Chinalovematch.net over time, I wished I’d never felt the need to venture here in the first place.

 

As far as Jenny was concerned, I suspected the worst, but hoped for the best. Once again, Gilbert O'Sullivan's wretched song played over and over in my head. Alone again, naturally.

Ahh, the rush and richness of life. The  calamity and catastrophe of love. How many times in the dim, dark past had this haunting tune disturbingly played in my mind, like an itch you can't scratch, an irritating monkey on your back that you can't reach nor remove?


When you’ve been hurt so many times
And it happens yet again to you
The two options you have are to either
Sit down and cry
Or stand up like a man
But sometimes in a state of utter numbness
You don’t have the strength for either
As staring in disbelief you
Utter a silent scream
Hoping against hope
'Twas all just a dream

 

Amor in maledictionem, et libera me



(to be continued)

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(Showing 1 to 10 of 25) 1 2 3 More...
#2019-05-13 13:17:22 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Barry, I am reminded of the shock I experienced (but did not express) in Part 1 of this series by the following admissions:



"Suddenly though, as I sat there, astonishingly my eyes involuntarily began welling up with tears. Oh, God!  I tried to disguise this by smiling, but when the tears slowly began running down my cheeks, it became quite obvious something was wrong. Jenny looked at me with great concern, no doubt wondering why on Earth was this odd man welling up on this, our very first date?



The reason was because the extremely recent bust-up with Lily was still very raw."



"So within a week of being ruthlessly dumped by Lily, the beginnings of a new relationship were stirring. Would it prove to be something solid and sincere?  Or fleeting and ultimately meaningless..."



You did mention how recently your breakup with Lily had occurred when you met Jenny, but the above really brings it home.



Talk about being on the rebound. I remember your lengthy blog series dealing with your lengthy and seemingly excruciating recovery from Lily's sudden termination of your long term relationship with her. Reading about it left me with the impression of someone suffering from severe, near suicidal depression for some time. If not years, certainly for many months.



Now you're telling us about a brand new, romantic and enjoyable relationship that you were developing during that exact same period of time.  I can't imagine how you did it.



Of course, we don't know if Jenny lasted for a few weeks with you or is still with you now. If it was but for a few weeks, no one would question why it didn't last longer.



But if, and note the bolding of "if", Jenny is still with you now I can only say that you are both a very lucky and extremely capable man to have gone through the torture you described to us over the pain caused by Lily all while nurturing a growing and successful romantic relationship with Jenny. Personally, during my times of recovery from a love gone bad I tended to develop a loving relationship with bourbon and wanted only short term flings with women whose faces I can barely remember and who for certain can barely remember mine. I admire your ability to balance your emotions and succeed with a new love while recovering from the pain of a love so recently lost.



But while I admire you for achieving such a near impossible feat, if, and I again stress the word "if", Jenny is still with you, then I hereby award her a medal of valor for getting through what must have been extremely trying and tumultuous times.



Of course, if you are not still together, then the relationship ended as might well be expected, because most of us mere human beings, be we male or female, are incapable of maintaining a new relationship without at least a year of recovering from an old one.



Either way, I am curious to find out which it is so you've succeeded in keeping my interest. Cheers to you. Have a few more beers.(beer)(beer)(beer)(beer) On your tab of course.;)


#2019-05-13 14:37:14 by Barry1 @Barry1


@JohnAbbot

"But if, and note the bolding of "if", Jenny is still with you now I can only say that you are both a very lucky and extremely capable man to have gone through the torture you described to us over the pain caused by Lily all while nurturing a growing and successful romantic relationship with Jenny"


Thanks for your thoughts, John. I've experienced some strange periods in my life. The weeks and months following the bust-up with Lily whilst still teaching in China were indeed, both the best of times and the worst of times.    :^)


 

 

#2019-05-13 23:01:36 by newbeginning @newbeginning

@Barry, love the tattoo she has, I know many men aren't attracted to women with that type of tattoo but I think it looks great. You keep mentioning your height of 189cms 6'2", well I was shocked at how many young chinese males are easily your height or taller, many females being 170cms or taller. Must be the penchion for western food. I have noticed that many Asian females have really long feet for their height, years of adaptaion I would guess.

Based on what I can see of her personality via the pictures and your description of her, I tend to think she's quite the firecracker and is exactly the outgoing personality that you need to compliment your more quiter nature. I myself am attracted to women who have a more athletic body so I believe Jenny is more your type of woman as well. I hope things go well in upcoming episodes and that you are still together and that you did indeed develop a good relationship. Based on some of the pictures they are taken in Aussieland, so she has obviously been to your home.

 

Cheers mate!

 

NB

#2019-05-14 19:50:08 by Barry1 @Barry1


@newbeginning

"love the tattoo she has, I know many men aren't attracted to women with that type of tattoo but I think it looks great"


Though I had to laugh when you mentioned the tattoo.  It's a stick on one, removed by soap and water!   lol

I appreciate your continuing interest in my widely disparate tales, a veritable rollercoaster of ups and downs. Who knows where this particular story will end??  

Cheers mate.     (y)

 

#2019-05-16 08:34:34 by oldghost @oldghost

@barry Being the obsessive nerd, I downloaded the photo, inverted it and magnified the tattoo trying to work out what three Chinese characters are written there - failed dismally! :(

老鬼

#2019-05-16 11:20:01 by Barry1 @Barry1


@oldghost

" I downloaded the photo, inverted it and magnified the tattoo trying to work out what three Chinese characters are written there - failed dismally!"


Haha.... I thought Melcyan was the chief comic on this site Oldghost, but after reading the above comment, I think YOU now wear this presigious crown!    lol




 

 

#2019-05-17 13:03:49 by anonymous20509 @anonymous20509

@Barry1 Laughing fits and "presigious"???(beer) Ease up on the drinking!

#2019-05-18 20:39:40 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@Barry1

No matter what you felt for Lily, she was 'not for you'!

She used you; she abused you; she constantly reminded you of what a 'tight-wad' you are, and I personally believe she used you for whatever she could drain you of, including your affections.

I don't mean to offend, but that's how I see it from my perspective.

Jenny. on the other hand, is a sweet girl, and if you don't 'push her' then I think she'll put as much into your relationship as she takes out of it.

I see you having to make big compromises on this one though. She probably relishes the thought of living in Australia about as much as you relish the thought of moving to China. I can see this becoming 3-months here, and a 3-months there - at least in the beginning. Petite women may lack stature, but they don't lack fervour, IMHO.

I wish you both every success for the future.

#2019-05-20 17:28:16 by Barry1 @Barry1

 

@paulfox1

"I can see this becoming 3-months here, and a 3-months there - at least in the beginning."



Thanks for the good wishes, Paul.



I am as curious as you are to see what eventuates in this relationship. Let's see what happens and fingers crossed!     (wasntme)

 

 

 

#2019-05-21 13:48:39 by Barry1 @Barry1


@anonymous20509

"Ease up on the drinking!"


The hardest thing I drink all day is either coffee or flavoured cordial.  BUT I do possess an advanced sense of dry humour and to me, there are a couple of top notch comedians on this site  -  Melcyan and OldGhost!        (clap)

 

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