Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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It's Getting Out of "Hand" - Part 1    

By Paul Fox
6241 Views | 40 Comments | 7/5/2014 2:43:26 PM

Thanks to people like Barry and Imi, we are slowly getting to know some of the more in-depth aspects of what on-line dating has in store for us mere male mortals. They should both be congratulated on their efforts in giving up their precious spare time to write this stuff in order to keep us entertained.

That said, I guess ALL the bloggers on CLM give up spare time in order to write stuff here - simply because we enjoy it !

So when someones makes a comment or reply to a blog, why do they hide behind anonymity in order to say things like - "You're a dickhead mate" - Instead of using anonymity to say things like 'My future Mother-in Law is a dragon!"? -  because THAT, we could understand!

............Moan over!

Gareth has just enlightened us into the Chinese way-of-life and what is expected of us .... but....

In reality, what do most of us guys have in common when choosing a new partner from the Asian continent? - I guess the short answer is we are generally looking at women who is younger than we are......? .....OK, so maybe only a few years, but it's not uncommon for a western guy to get involved in a relationship with an Asian woman 15 to 20 years his junior.

Forget the reasoning behind this for a moment - just accept it as a fact-of-life - because I guess we all know it's true to some extent.

Barry, who has given us an in-depth account of his escapades with a woman 15 years younger than he is, is testament to this fact. My Chinese woman is 15 years younger than I am - just a co-incidence in this case, but it's an irrefutable fact that Asian women are quite happy to accept an older man, and we are often vain enough to take advantage of that

Have you ever been to your local bar on a Friday or Saturday night and taken a look at the local 'talent' ? Divorced or seperated women with more baggage that a Boeing A380 looking like 'mutton-dressed-as-lamb' - and thought to yourself.... "Is this the 'market' that I am in.....Is THIS what is available to me?"

No wonder you are on an Asian dating site, looking for something a little more respectable, happy to accept you for what you are - even if you have to make a few 'allowances' here and there

The males 'mid-life-crisis' (as it is often called) has been studied by many scientists etc and yet none have managed to give a definitive answer as to what it is, or even if it exists in reality.

But if we look closely around our own network of friends and acquaintances, is it fair to say that we notice couples in their late 40's / early 50's (who have been together for years and years) are suddenly splitting-up?

I am no scientist, but my own personal belief is that kids have grown up and left home, maybe have their own families etc and they look at their partner of 30 years or so and think  - "We have nothing in common anymore"

Maybe we feel a 'need' to re-live our youth? Maybe we feel a 'need' to do some of the things we never had the chance to do when we were in our late teens or 20's ?

Or maybe it's a simple case of 'growing apart' and literally finding out that we genuinely have nothing in common anymore and we are scared to spend the rest of the 'only life we have', with a person who no longer makes us feel happy and fulfilled?

Yet. those of us who find ourselves in this situation don't necessarily turn to Asia to find our 'new love'. One of my closest friends is in this same situation yet he has now 'hooked-up' with a girl he was at primary school with - he is just not interested in Asian women - end of!

Love them or not, there is no doubt that with an Asian woman we have the chance to find happiness with a woman much younger than we are....a chance that we arguably would not have if we searched for a new love within our own western society.....

So then I got to thinking,,,,,, a LOT!

When we were 30 (and our ex-wife was of a similar age) we would have had no 'problems' in the 'bedroon department'. As we aged together, naturally our 'bodily functions' would have been somewhat 'parallel', so a reduction in 'bedroom olympics' would have been quite 'natural' as the years went on

But what about the 50 - something year old man starting a new relationship with a 30-something woman who is (arguably) in the prime of her life?

Natural 'desires' are in full-flow (as they always are at the start of a new relationship) - but often a certain amount of 'disappointment' is inevitable due to 'mother nature' being a first-class bitch!

What if she wants a baby and you have had the proverbial 'snip' ?

Talking about SEX is often a 'taboo subject' and is best left alone - especially in Chinese culture - but I am not talking so much about 'sex' as talking about mother-nature and her terrible curse on the male species which means that our testosterone levels begin to diminish once we pass 28 years old !

But come on guys - it's a FACT -OF-LIFE! We all like to THINK we are 21 when in reality we are 40 years older and as much as we would LIKE to perform like a 21-year-old 'stud' - we simply cannot......

That leaves our much younger bride a little 'disappointed' - to say the least

So I have found out some VERY interesting facts !!!

So much so, that some of these 'facts' appear to be completely un-believable, yet further research has proven them to be truthful - despite their original claims

The internet is full of rubbish - but if you sweep away the crap, you can delve a little deeper and find out the truth for just about anything....

After doing lots of research for the last 3 weeks (and digging REALLY deep), I have some interesting facts to share with you - mostly NOW, because today I just met a 68-year old man who has more 'bedroom stamina' than probably most of us 50+ year olds put together. (No John Abbot.... I did NOT find out for myself!)

This guy (also named John) has muscles on his muscles, looks fit as the proverbial fiddle, is divorced with 14 grandkids and has a wife of 39 who is as fit as a butchers dog!

He works as a crane driver (so he's not a multi-millionaire) and he only goes to the gym once a week!

After his divorce in 1999 he took a job as a buyer for an Australian mining company. It meant that he was based in Thailand but covered areas that included Indonesia, Malaysia, China, Singapore and Vietnam

As a single guy he "took advantage" of his position and essentially had a different girl every night before he met his current wife (5 years ago) - who is from Singapore (and she is STUNNING!)

There is a 29-year age-gap for heavens sake!

Forget the 15 -20 year age gap that I mentioned earlier - this is seriously 29 years !

So with 'mother-nature' doing her utmost to deplete the male testosterone as we get older - how the HELL can a 68 year old bloke keep his 39 year old wife 'happy' ????

This is where my research took a really INTERESTING turn .......!

Prostate cancer (for example) is quite common in men over 50 and apparently there is a reason for this

As long-term relationships become a little 'stale' over the years and sex goes from 4 times a week to once every 6 months, the male prostate gland becomes somewhat 'silent'. Once this happens it turns from being a healthy organ into a 'defunct' one.

The Australian Government had a HUGE publicity campaign a few years ago when billboards and posters were emblazoned with the words "Prostate Cancer ? ...Prevention is in your HANDS!"

YES !!! you guessed it..... the Aussie Gov were encouraging men over 45 to have a regular 'play' in order to keep that organ active!

And for the dim-wits out there, the prostate gland is the part of your body that is responsible for a male ejaculation (Have you noticed I am trying my BEST to keep this blog clinically clean?)

But no matter how much a guy feels the need to 'play' - he cannot do this sucessfully if he lacks testosterone because testosterone plays a HUGE part in getting the mans regional organ to 'stand to attention' (still trying to be clean here - lol)

In the UK the word is spelt 'OESTREGEN', but in the USA its 'ESTROGEN' - a female hormone that is more potent than Testosterone.

A lack of Testosterone in the male body will potentially allow Oestrogen to prevail and men will grow 'man-boobs'

(Oestregen is given to male transvestites who want to become a 'woman')

Haha, have you ever been driving down the road and seen teenagers (16 plus) with big boobs and thought "They never made them like that when I was at school" ??????

Well we usually put that down to the hormones in CHICKEN !  GROWTH HORMONES that make chickens FAT very quickly !

(Incidentally, a 'cage chicken' goes from hatching to table in 6 weeks. A 'free-range' chicken goes from hatching to table in 6 MONTHS! (another useless fact - lol)

Cage eggs and free-range eggs have the same nutritional value. It's only the TASTE that makes people prefer the more expensive free-range eggs !

But I digress here.....sorry !

So essentially, what I am trying to say is that 3 weeks research was backed-up today in one conversation with one old-timer! - Not connected in any way, other than sheer coincidence!

The fact is that we live our lives today as society dictates. We just take everything for granted, trust our peers and politicians and simply get on with our daily lives

But what if I told you that NO MATTER what age you are RIGHT NOW, when your grandfather was the SAME AGE (as you are..... right now), he had up to 30% MORE testosterone in his body that you have..... RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

Not your fault by the way!

I will continue this in part 2 but before I do, I want to tell you a most IMPORTANT thing


Unless you are prepared to continue doing so for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!

'False' Testosterone will stop your body from making it's own. Your willy will shrink, your testicles will disappear and you will grow boobs!

You will turn from a REAL MAN into a "Barry-with-boobs" in no time - hehe !

More to come...

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#2014-07-05 15:13:26 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Paul, I will argue with you for as long as it takes about certain things you say here, like the leap you make from the fact that some guys getting together with younger Asian or Chinese women because they can, to that being almost the universal reason why Western men are seeking Asian and Chinese wives of life partners. Of course, there are plenty of men in that boat, but it is just one boat out of many.

On another day, we'll get into this in detail.

BUT - for today - it is a fact that many men come looking for Asian women younger than them and find them. Nowhere near 50%, and I suggest more like 20%. More importantly, many more men than that come looking for Asian women because they think they'll make fantastic partners, and while they're looking for ladies closer to their own age, when they start their search they find themselves being distracted over and over again by Asian women who are younger than what they were looking for. A substantial number of them end up meeting and falling in love with much younger woman.

Together, these two groups of men (and their much younger wives or lifemates) probably do approach 50% of the couples who come together as Asian/Western cross cultural relationships.

And for that significant audience, and all who may become part of that audience someday, this is an amazingly relevant and important blog. And the issues you're raising that will "arise" (or not - pun intended) for these couples should be carefully, carefully considered by them as they embark on this already difficult journey.

Great, great blog Paul! I hope Part 2 follows suit.

#2014-07-05 17:38:38 by anonymous10831 @anonymous10831

"a different girl every night"...

Ah, a western man in the orient!

For the rest of us...the "hand"!

#2014-07-05 18:15:13 by Belle77 @Belle77

why a much younger Asian woman can accept a much older western man, the reason is very simple, because she wants to move to a western country with this man's help, in the name of love
In china, it is the same case, a much younger woman had sex with a much older man, mostly is because this man is rich, or this woman want to get something from this man, so many mistresses here
I think the western man know very well why a much younger woman approach him, it is like business, this man gets a daughter wife, and the young girl gets this man's money or nationality

#2014-07-06 16:00:33 by anonymous10843 @anonymous10843

Belle77 wrote some interesting comments and I would like to follow up on them.

The whole concept of a woman giving sex in an effort to "capture" a man (and his money) is ridiculous in my opinion. Not because of the nature of the transaction, but because of the low odds of success.

I suppose you could take the approach like you are playing the lottery. If the woman sleeps around enough she will eventually "snag" a good man. But just like the lottery, there is a good chance the woman will never win.

As a man, I could not imagine myself as a woman...throwing myself into the sea of dating (read:sex and one night stands) in the hopes that maybe, perhaps I might find the pot of gold.

The chances are too slim.

The sex for money thing doesn't work in my opinion. It ends up being simple prostitution and the woman is left with disease and sadness.

#2014-07-06 20:56:00 by anonymous10848 @anonymous10848

@Belle77, Unfortunately, most of them do not have money, but they have a nationally, at least they still can make a deal ... Sad :x

#2014-07-06 22:46:57 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


You said -
"a different girl every night"...

Ah, a western man in the orient!

For the rest of us...the "hand"!

Many western men in the orient are like this - are you going to chastise them all ?

People go there for their own reasons and for DIFFERENT reasons !

I am only re-iterating what I was told on a SERIOUS SUBJECT - so unless you have something interesting to say then please keep your opinions and sarcastic remarks to yourself !

#2014-07-07 01:13:17 by anonymous10853 @anonymous10853

Belle77...I am still laughing from your comments. Please be careful when you say " this man gets a daughter wife" the words can have many different meanings.

It is such a sad thing that Chinese women are willing to marry an older man just for money or social status but based on the amount of mistresses in China willing to be an older married chinese man's illegitimate partner or marry an older western man for money or green card does not say much for the women either...does it?

Paul once again you have hit the nail of the head!

#2014-07-07 15:37:05 by ferlo @ferlo

@Paul fox.
You have not seeing everything yet.
John you are right about the age we were looking at, my case I was looking at 55, years of age, of course I entertain looking at younger girls but never contacted any.
I was contacted mostly from the 30s. to 40s. sometimes even 20 and were very persistent for relation with me. May be I am lucky, but I guess I have more than 200 or more ladies who sent me kisses and messages.
Belle, you might be right on some cases but not all of them, there are genuine wishes from Asian girl to have a man from the western hemisphere, perhaps are some isolated case were the female only want a ticket for a green card. Ferlo

#2014-07-07 15:48:07 by anonymous10863 @anonymous10863


You wrote: "Many western men in the orient are like this - are you going to chastise them all ?"

You totally misinterpreted my meaning... I was approaching it from a *jealousy* standpoint!

#2014-07-07 18:14:13 by Barry1 @Barry1


An interesting article, thanks Paul.

Erectile dysfunction happens to all men, regardless of age. For those who aren't quite sure what I mean here, this is when a man can't get an erection of his penis.

In my case, this would occur from time to time for many reasons, such as if I was a little nervous or not. I found that I needed to be completely relaxed, for this best to happen. This is one reason why I could never use a prostitute, for example, I'd be too on edge.

Female menopause typically occurs for a lady between the ages of 50 and 55. Sometimes a bit younger than this, sometimes a bit older. Menopause occurs when a woman stops ovulating, her ovaries no longer produce oestrogen (one of the female sex hormones) and her monthly period (menstruation) ceases. It's a natural event that marks the end of the reproductive years.

Male menopause (also called andropause) occurs a little later than this, between the ages of 55 and 60. Again, maybe a bit earlier or later than this.

Female menopause sometimes - but not always - alters the lady's sexual desires. It can also have other side effects, such as vaginal dryness. These combined can have potentially serious effects upon her relationship. Sometimes corrective action can be taken such as HRT (hormone replacement therapy).

While HRT can have some genuine benefits, it does have possible side effects in some ladies. These small risks must be balanced against the benefits for the individual woman. A doctor can tell you more about this.

Testosterone replacement therapy is sometimes used to treat male menopause, yet some studies have shown a heightened possible prostate cancer risk and other side effects such as thinning of the hair.

Another possible treatment for ED is the use of pelvic muscle exercises. This can take three to six months for any significant changes to be noticed however.

One method older men can use to counter the effects of erectile dysfunction (impotence) is the use of oral medication. VIAGRA of course is the most well known one here, but other ones such as CIALIS (tadalafil) and LEVITRA can be effective also.

"I take Viagra!" was his honest reply.

Other methods to treat ED are available also such as pump up rubber bladders, etc, that are freely described on the internet. Don't laugh or be too disdainful or judgmental - - this is a serious issue for not only many older men globally, but their long suffering wives as well. Who knows, maybe one day it'll happen to you - or for women, perhaps you'll be with someone in the future who's affected by it.

Acclaimed actor Anthony Hopkins (now 77) was asked a couple of years ago how he managed to keep his young wife happy.

Remember also Rupert Murdoch who was around 80, married to a nice Chinese wife, about forty years his junior? The wife ended up having a baby!

The bottom line is that older men need to discuss this issue should they be interested in pairing up with a younger wife. Unless this is done, the relationship is likely to have problems sometime down the track. Ageing is an inevitable part of life.

If a younger lady is reluctant or unwilling to accept this inevitable deteriorating physical situation from an older man, then it'll probably save everyone a lot of emotional distress if a break is made, sooner rather than later.

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