Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Jasmine Huang, member of CLM, born and raised in the southeast of China, is sharing with you one Chinese woman's point of view regarding western men, Chinese women, online dating and cross cultural relationships. Not an expert, but would be willing to learn and grow with you all.
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Is it worth the waiting?    

By Jasmine Huang
2987 Views | 7 Comments | 5/16/2010 12:55:47 PM

Key words: not ready, lose hope, eager, empathy, roller coaster ride, Cinderella, Casanova, original dream, ‘microwave’ mentality, drop out, Mr. /Ms. Right now

‘I have been to the web for about one year, returned many letters and met one personally. However, I find some men are not ready to make a serious relationship but only want to find a woman to chat or to have fun. I think I am wasting time to write back letters without any results. At last, I lost hope for looking for a Mr. Right from cyber date.
Just at the lonely Saturday night, I happened to read these words. Really thanks Jasmine to speak out the heart of Chinese girls who are sincerely eager to find a match from the site.’

This is one of the comments I got from Ms. H on my 1st blog entry. And apparently my empathy started to work the moment I read this comment. How many beautiful dreams were there once you signed up online to find a match? You pictured him/her, and you may have high expectations at first, but when the reality started to chill you out, you lowered your standards a little bit, and then a little bit more. And you described it was awful, awful and awful, but then there came the surprises, which lit up your hope, and then it became awful, awful and awful again. Maybe it is just like the roller coaster ride. It is always with the ups and downs in your mood when you are experiencing the online dating.

Is it really that hard to find someone special online? Before answering this question, I hope all of you contemplate a while and ask yourself: why am I on a dating site?

If you put in your profile that you try to find a future partner here on CLM, and how serious and determined are you? Are you really prepared for it, even you know the road ahead may not sound to be that smooth as you imagined? Oh, please, girls, drop the Cinderella dream and face the reality. And guys, will you stop acting like a Casanova, per favore?

And how many times have you given up on the half way or not even close to the half way? How many times did you just find excuses for yourself for abandoning your original dreams? And are you still applying the ‘microwave’ mentality on online dating? If the process is not as enjoyable as you expected, will you drop out soon or will you give in to Mr./Ms. Right now?

Yes, we are on the same boat, and I bet most of you thought about the questions above. And in some way, I admire Ms. H’s determination to the pursuance of true love, even that means to enjoy the solitude. So, is it worth the waiting? Are you still holding out for true love which permeates our collective mentality? And do you still believe what they said: don’t try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to? Will you still hold it on when the online dating just stop it here and never comes to the offsite dating? I’ll leave you to answer them.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2010-05-16 14:34:03 by panda2009 @panda2009

I stayed CLM for 4.5 months until I started to write blogs.

#2010-05-16 18:54:37 by ernest19wood45 @ernest19wood45

Instant soup, instant spouse. Only one year on the chat site? Want an instant husband or wife? Marry in haste and divorce in regret. Instant husband , instant wife , instant meal. Instant house. Everything of lasting value takes time to prepare. Be it a meal, the building of a house or the building lasting relationship. Nothing good comes easy. We all have dreams but why give them up because of a few sour grapes? Nothing is instant in life, unless you like to live on a diet of instant soup packets. Nothing that lasts permanently can be done in a hurry. The internet is a vast meeting place. A place where you meet all types of men and women. Some good and some bad. And some very nice. But like anything in life. You have to dig very deeply to find the diamond that you seek.

#2010-05-21 11:45:10 by aussieghump @aussieghump

Rushing to the side of a maiden is a noble and chivalrous cause, but one fraught in danger and risk for most male foreigners and not made lightly.
Leaving one country to go to another unknown place (with no common language, no guarantee of income) is an enormous step - so 'being sure' of the right move is paramount.
All Chinese lady's expectations is 'good husband, good job, good income, good life, travel, care for family, buy house, buy car, etc' . So the costs are very high in the long run.
Often the foreigner's existance in China is fickle (3 year expat contract...then what?? local wage?).
So Ladies, Love may conquer all, and knights on white horses a romantic dream, but the practical demands of a 'good life in a foreign country' mean lots of probing and consideration - before jump

#2010-05-30 01:57:25 by h08serch @h08serch

Yes, aussieghump, absolutely agree with you. I have some experience of counseling, and sometimes it makes some difficulties for the couples, who come from the neighborhood of 50 miles. I have a great experience of counselling the guy who relocated to marry Chinese girl. Both of them know English and Chinese. Both of them share similar values, similar hobbies, even same church (they are Christians). But too many problems existed (it was their second year), and he even doubted if they would stay with each other. Though they still continue their family relations, he mentions that it was the blind and irresponsible move to enter alien culture and system of relations being almost unprepared. So girls, love is great, but it is responsibility that makes family.

#2010-06-03 06:32:43 by xmun02 @xmun02

Why are any of us here?

Flirting quickly fades into being boring, stringing someone along borders on cruelty & wasting not just others but our own time borders on insanity. There is the romantic side, no matter how small, in all of us. To meet someone on a dating site, develop a meaning relationship & actually meet & one day be happy together is a beautiful dream is it not? I don't intend to play with others hearts & I would suffer if mine was played with. Why are we here then?

To make that little dream of having someone become a reality. Enjoy.

#2010-06-03 10:40:16 by lisa1119 @lisa1119

aussieghump, I agree with you too, and understand your point well.

#2011-02-10 09:57:53 by cuyuni @cuyuni

Even though these posts are old, they are new for me. I recently became a member. I read the caution, the skepticism and even the pessimism and glanced over the implications of maybe there is light at the end of a long dark tunnel. For me, I would rather save my energy for the expected adventure that comes with cross-cultural exchanges; the challenge of learning new things and new ways of seeing things. I think the human spirit can be malleable and adaptive if we let it. Such things as love remains constant with all humans. It is only the expression of it that varies. An open mind; a creative spirit and a virtuous soul will fill the desires of the heart when a genuine effort is made. Surely there is a woman out there who believes this. If I don't seek her, I will never really know who she is.

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