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Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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Is She My Type Part 7 - The one you have all been waiting for! - The Perfect Woman RMB100    

By Paul Fox
3883 Views | 14 Comments | 1/11/2014 2:18:12 PM

Nobody is PERFECT ! Every persons idea of "perfection" is as different and unique as their fingerprints - but as far as this series of blogs goes, what you are about to read is, in my opinion, just about as perfect as you can expect to find on a Chinese Dating site such as CLM.

Before I go into the details etc of type 7, I just want to say a few words regarding the previous Types that I have discussed with you guys over the last few months

I always knew they would be somewhat "controversial" and I have always welcomed "constructive criticism". Some of you may have thought I have been stereotyping ALL Chinese Women - which is ridiculous!

Guys who know China very well have supported me here and I say a big THANKS to those guys, - eg, John Abbot, Anonymouth, Gareth (and others) because they have fully understood the underlying meaning of what my drivel has been all about - essentially they have ALL come across the TYPES of Chinese women that I have been describing.

I also want to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that with the exception of "The Money Woman", I have NEVER meant to imply that the previous types are "Bad Women". I would even perhaps include the "Money Woman" when I say that ALL of the previous types could potentially make an excellent wife/mother/lover etc. Just because they fit a certain "Type", does not make them "BAD" !

The DDH for example and the OTSSW really only have an issue with Peer Pressure and appear to be somewhat "desperate" to settle down with a good man. The fact that they feel "Alone in a Crowd" only makes them appear to be more desperate!

It really is the "Marry Now - Love Later" issue that us western guys find difficult to embrace. As for people like the "Money Woman" - well, these people exist in every country and in every society - not only in China !

In my "Type 6 - The KTV Girl" blog, I was heavily criticised by one CLM member and I felt personally insulted - yet I never gave one inkling of "hatred" for girls like these - they EXIST in Chinese society just like all of the others I have talked about

I was basically accused of taking the moral "high ground" when I said that if my articles saved one person here (who has perhaps NEVER set foot in China) from making "The Biggest Mistake of his Life", then my blogs were worth taking the time to write. To which I offered a very old and famous English quote - "LEARN BY OTHER PEOPLES MISTAKES - YOU CANNOT LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO MAKE THEM ALL YOURSELF" !

All of us Western guys are here for the same basic reason - to find a Chinese partner/girlfriend/wife - yet at the same time we all have PERSONAL REASONS for being here too!



I have often been asked WHY does a western man seek an Asian girl? - Apart from my OWN personal reasons, I can only ASSUME what other western guys reasons may be.

Maybe it is a deep desire to re-live his youth? Although maybe women (of all cultures) despise someone such as the KTV girl for example, she will give a 60-year old man the opportunity to sleep with a 20-year old girl - and if that "floats-his-boat" then who are we to argue ? (Even though he is paying) - but this is perhaps something he could never do in his own western society

However, in more serious circles it seems that many Asian Women are happy to accept a man who is 10 years (or so) her senior - something that also would not usually happen in Western Society

The Asian woman will accept a man 10 years older than she is (give or take) - possibly due to maturity, experience etc, and the man wants a younger woman due to vanity, or simply the "opportunity" to marry a much younger woman - something he could perhaps never do if he sought a western girl?

Yes, there are men that abuse this "opportunity" ( I have seen many in Thailand for example) - 60+ -year-old men hanging onto 20-"something" year old women - he is looking to re-live his youth and she is looking for a ticket out of Thailand, so it is nothing more than a business transaction in my opinion.

Some time ago, in the course of my work, I met an old man (79) who had a 41 year old Filipino wife. Ugly as sin, face like a box of frogs, but when we both went into his garage for a cigarette, he opened up a little and told me a few things that made the proverbial hairs stand up!

I don't need to go into detail other than to say that what he described seemed to me to be the "Perfect Woman" (despite her looks), and believe me when I say that this guy was extremely happy even after 10 years of marriage to her! As I said at the beginning - every ones idea of "Perfect" is different - but to HIM..... she was his "Perfect Woman"

Although I personally could not subscribe to the Chinese "Marry now-Love Later" idea, I can perhaps concede a little - let me try and give you a parallel to try and explain what I mean here...

You have NO MONEY in your pocket. I give you a task. You must go out into the street and find a RMB100 note - don't come home till you find one!

How long will it take - days, weeks, months, years?

Suddenly you come across a RMB50 note lying in the gutter - so the question is - do you continue your quest to find the 100 or do you settle for your RMB50 and hope that you can help it grow into RMB100?



This may seem a crazy parallel to draw, but think about it. Finding a RMB100 note in the streets of China is just as difficult a challenge as finding your "perfect woman" from millions of potential prospects.



Keep this in mind as I begin to discuss the "Perfect Woman" - Type 7



In mid 2013 I had the privilege of meeting a wonderful woman on CLM. It was my first time to join a dating site and I did not have a clue what to expect. In my profile I lied about my age (only a few years) because I thought I could get away with it. To be honest, I don't really think that I EXPECTED to find my "perfect woman" (my RMB100)

Without going into detail (too much), we met, we had a wonderful time together, so we met again. Second time we had an even more wonderful time together, but she discovered my real age. She was happy to accept around 10 years (or so) older, but not 15 years... as was the case......

So she decided we should go no further.

Because we had shared such wonderful times together, we both decided to remain friends - and we continued to chat fairly regularly on WeiXin (WeChat)

Despite the age gap - and despite the fact she wanted to be just friends, I remained deeply fond of her.  I decided to try my best to find another girl but despite all my efforts and after meeting many girls (from CLM and one other site), I found myself "comparing" all of them to HER.... and to be honest, none of them came close!

Had I found my RMB100 and not even realised it ?



Enter woman number 2....

We first "met" last August after meeting on another Chinese dating site that I occasionally use and we chatted daily on instant message (Weixin/QQ) before meeting in person for the first time. Completely different in every way to girl number 1 - but what a lovely, sincere, wonderful girl she is!!!!!

We have now met twice (each time for 3 days) and we have enjoyed each others company, had a great laugh together, spent quality time together and I know deep down she is "perfect" in many ways - BUT....... sadly, I am not IN LOVE with her!



So, maybe she is my RMB50 and maybe I can GROW to love her after time?

In stark contrast, girl number1 maybe MY RMB100, but to her I am only RMB50 - so can SHE grow to love ME ?

 

All my blogs have ended with the words - ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS - and Number 2 is evidence of this. I KNOW that she loves me - even though she has never told me so

Number 1 KNOWS that I love HER - so where is the compromise ? - In fact IS there a compromise at all ? Although totally different women, totally different styles, class, humanity, background etc - they would each make a PERFECT PARTNER/WIFE - given the chance.



So what do they both have in common ? - Haha, .............EASY!!!!!

In types 1 to 5 I have tried to tell you what signs to look out for and the same applies to this one, but this time it is so simple to explain.

After you meet online and then begin your instant messaging and video chats - take a note of the DATE! The chances are that she will hide or remove her profile, or simply not log back onto the online chinese dating site

She knows how to contact you and she will concentrate all her efforts on your relationship. She is not interested in contact from any other guys and she will not search on line for another.

You can check! I said to take note of the date, so go back to the site some time later and check when she was last on-line. I can almost GUARANTEE you that it will be close to, if not the exact date that you have written down!

This simple "sign" will tell you that she is genuine. Yes, it is POSSIBLE that she maybe chatting with another man, but the fact she has not been back on-line is enough to tell you that she is not interested in MEETING more guys, so if you do have a little "competition" then it is up to you to convince her that you are the man she should choose.

This is enough......just this ONE thing and one thing alone is the only sign that you need to give you an idea that you have found what could possibly be the "RMB100" note and the woman of your dreams.

As I look out of my 10th floor hotel window and gaze into the smog that surrounds the high-rise buildings in central Shanghai, I can look down at the clusters of tiny houses, the streets full of people and the terrible traffic.

The pollution, the population, the food, the "getting around town" and all the other difficulties that China throws at us makes me seriously wonder what the fascination is with this crazy country.

Why would I even contemplate for a nano-second that I would possibly be prepared to give up my comfortable life in Australia for...... THIS.....?

The fact is, I would happily live on the MOON if it meant being with my elusive RMB100



To those of you who have found your true love here, I wish you all the best and all the happiness in the world

For those of you who are still searching for your "RMB100" - don't give up - don't EVER give up - because believe me, she is out there somewhere and you WILL find her.


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 14) 1 2 More...
#2014-01-11 18:22:23 by zhshwu @zhshwu

相比于完美男人/女人,我更愿意相信合适的男人/女人。适合你的那一个,就是很好的。
100/%完美的人,不合适,未必好。
Compared with the perfect man/woman, I prefer to believe that the right man/woman.
For you that one, it is very good.
100 / % of the perfect man, and not appropriate, not necessarily good.

#2014-01-12 10:10:42 by Barry1 @Barry1

@paulfox1

Thanks for yet another interesting article, Paul.

As a follow on, perhaps I can tell you the following.

I'm currently chatting to about three ladies that I'm interested in seeing.

The lady I've been chatting to for longest (Lily) and who is at "number 1" position on my list has set her profile to invisible - just as you had mentioned.

Although this was not until she had told me that another man had approached her via CLM and she was also chatting to him also.

So regular as clockwork, each day Lily chats to two men.

Upon learning this, initially I became a little jealous of the other man, but fairly quickly realised this was entirely the wrong attitude for two reasons.

The first reason being that I'm chatting to more than one person, so it was only fair that she should do the same.

The second reason was slower to manifest yet in its own way, is more profound than the first reason. That is, I care enough for Lily to want her to make the right choice, to get the best person that she can. If this is me, then well and good - but if it's the other gentleman, then good for him and good for Lily. Of course, I'd be very disappointed yet comforted by the fact that she's made the right choice for HER, even if it wasn't the right one for ME.

In short, I genuinely do place her happiness ahead of my own. This may sound a little corny yet it's the truth.


You also said the following, Paul.

"she discovered my real age. She was happy to accept around 10 years (or so) older, but not 15 years... as was the case...... So she decided we should go no further."

The interesting thing is that all three ladies on my chat list are at least 14 years younger than me. For this reason, I had not approached them first - they all said hello to me first. When they queried,

"Barry, why did you not contact me first?", my reply was

""Well, I thought our age difference was too big".

But to all three of these ladies, the age difference is less important than our overall compatibility. So in your instance Paul, the fact that your friend considers a fifteen year difference to be a "non-negotiable deal breaker" must be very disappointing to you. I can see her point, yet if she truly cared for you as you care for her, then would this really matter? Why do all three of the ladies I'm chatting to, not also think that a fifteen or so year age difference is critically important?

By the way, I now have a decision to make. I was going to China in March to see my lady friends there, but Lily can only get one week off from work then. But if I postpone my trip to May, she can have an entire month off.

So as eager as I was to visit China sooner rather than later, it makes more sense to delay the trip till May. Just in case Lily and I hit it off really well together. Although as I keep saying again, again and again - we won't know our true feelings UNTIL we meet person to person, face to face.

Maybe she'll like me more when we meet. Or equally, perhaps she'll like me less? Thoughts, feelings and emotions are so ephemerally bizarre and capricious, after all. Thus it's a big risk, until this happens. This is why all of us - both men and women - need to be speaking to more than one person here.

For anyone who's interested, initial investigations of the cheapest air tickets from Australia to China point to airasia.com I need to visit Chengdu - tickets there from Queensland are around $700 return. This is quite a good value price. The last time I flew to China on Cathay Pacific, the return cost was about $1100. And the seats on this flight were rock hard - I had a sore back side even before departing Brisbane Airport - with another eight hours to go! lol

#2014-01-12 20:03:59 by ernest19wood45 @ernest19wood45

I really had a good laugh when I read this blog about finding a woman being 100Rmb
Having met some women from this and some other Chinese dating sites in real life it has been an amusing experience. I never lie about my age, I never pass of doctored photos .All of then are recent with a date stamp imprinted. I Show photos of my house , my car and am painfully honest about my financial and health situation. I leave the woman with no illusions and if she wants to meet me on my home turf I am quite willing to do so.
From the moment I met them it was a barrage of criticisms . Those who have moved to the west or who are living here change a lot and very fast.
Oh my God,you are an old man and bald as well you have an old car, a truck!.....the street where you live is off the main road, There is a police car parked in your road, you don't have and electric sliding fence, or a swimming pool nor a tennis court, you have no riding stables or a horse, your lawn is not green, and you live in a house and not a flat. The list is endless.
.None of these women ever seemed to read what I had written or had looked in the mirror or the bathroom scales what they looked like. The thick varicose veins all over their face, the pancake makeup, their own false photos and personal poor living conditions,
Sadly I never choose the young one or the pretty ones. These women were all in their or over 50s them selves . The meetings were short and sweet and the last one immediatly wanted to go back to the airport. Apparently they were so spoiled by all the other and somewhat desperate men, they had met before me, that there could be no contact at all.
] Again there was one exception who came all the way 1600 km to visit me in hospital and took great care of me when I came out a virtual cripple,
The right one???
Unfortunately the same lady was a personality who was a complete Napoleon in her ways expecting everything and everyone to obey her and her completely .Oh She was a good woman in the house and took good care of me and wanted to marry me at all costs but I really could not see myself with her in a years time let alone 5 years time. We parted on friendly terms .Yes she is back on the internet. I named her “2 cellphone Annie” because she was always chatting on two mobiles at once.
I wish her well.
I have to agree with you if you are looking for that 100RMB not to be happy with the 50RMB. Keep looking,
Best Wishes

#2014-01-12 22:06:20 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@Barry1
Once again, thank you for your kind words here. I am so happy that you will meet Lily from Chengdu
She is a lovely girl and I think you will get along well
When I was with her last week we had a great time together and believe me, she is SOOOOO SEXY !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha, only joking mate - lol
I was also in Chengdu last week and you MUST visit the Panda Enclosure when you are there - it is well worth the effort to go !

With respect to meeting multiple women, look out for a thread coming soon

As far as flights go, I am not sure what is what from your side of town mate, but for me (from Perth), Cathay is usually the better option. If I can get a flight around $800 return then I will use it - I have found them to be an excellent airline and the timing from here is perfect
Air Asia is OK, but check out the new airline from Singapore - called SCOOT

I used them on this trip and for a budget airline (Same as the likes of Jetstar, Air Asia, Tiger etc) I have found them to be excellent
Just make sure you have carry-on bags only, because if you have check-in bags there could be problems with connecting flights !

Cathay normally charge between $800 and $1000 from Perth to HK (return), but at Xmas they wanted $2500 (which is a rip off)
I used Scoot and paid $1500 from Perth to Singers and the Singers to HK (all return)
So for Xmas holiday time it was an OK price and the service was great
New planes, too many crew members (so service was quick and easy) and on all flights the pilot landed the plane on cotton-wool ! - not even a bump at touch down !

Back to Lily and I think she is being as honest with you as you are being with her - only time will tell if you are a match - and you will know very quickly after meeting her

However, my friend, I URGE YOU to read a forthcoming thread - I wont say any more !

If you need a hand in May, please let me know - I believe you have my e-mail address ?

#2014-01-13 10:34:13 by trix @trix

Valuable post and from a certain perspective the author read my mind - I was always suspicious about women who kept their profile active even when they knew we'll meet soon and even when they saw that my profile was turned to invisible. When I confronted them about this, they said they have a Gold membership for several months and they don't want to lose the service for the money they paid. That was a red flag for me but I decided to meet them in person. Needless to say that now we are not in touch anymore or, at best, we are sort of online friends. On a positive note I met a few ladies who removed their profiles as soon as they started chatting with me and I was impressed about that. They said they won't chat with more than a man at a time. And I believed that because given the fact that they use translators to chat, there is no physical time for them to communicate with several guys simultaneously.
Sure, this is not enough to consider marriage, but it's a great start for a potential relationship.
On another note - I am 100% honest in my profile and I expect the same from everyone else. And this starts with the age. Every person I met told me that I look much younger so it was easy for me to declare 5 years less in order to attract younger women. But I always thought about the consequences - a lie is a lie and sooner or later will be discovered (needless to say I rejected all women who posted fake info or pictures in their profile). And how can we build trust without being fully honest upfront? 90% of the women I used to chat on CLM were 10-16 years younger and obviously they had no problem with that (my ex is 15 years younger and she is European, so why look for an older woman now?). I encourage everyone who is genuinely looking for love on CLM to be honest and open to those they choose to develop a relationship with. And with some luck they might find the "100RMB" lady.

#2014-01-13 21:59:05 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@trix
Extremely valuable comment my friend and I thank you for taking the time to respond
I admit that lying about my age was a stupid thing to do and I did not do it for vanity
I was trying to avoid the 50+ year old people contacting me as I was really looking for someone in their late 30's/early 40's
I really thought that a 10-15 year age gap would not be a problem, but sadly I was wrong since my RMB100 had set her own maximum at 10 years
That said, we would never have met in the first place if I had been honest because she would simply have discounted me due to my age
As it is, we have wonderful memories to share together and we had some fantastic times together
This would never have happened if I did not lie about my age
I try to tell her now that it was a "Good Lie" and in some ways she agrees with me
I have a lot to make up to her. Of course she will never forgive me for lying about my age, but she does concede the fact that we would never have known each other if I had been truthful in the beginning
I am not trying to excuse myself, because it really was my first time on ANY Dating site and I did not know what to expect....
As things lie now, I am trying my best to re-kindle our relationship (despite the age gap) because she really IS my RMB100
I never expected to meet someone like her and I certainly never expected to fall in love with a girl I met on an internet dating site
God knows....we all make mistakes and we try to learn from them - my whole series of blogs has been about trying to stop people from making the same mistakes as me..
Yet I made the biggest mistake of all - or DID I ????
I already said that if I had been truthful, we would never have met - so as far as I am concerned it has mixed emotions (for both of us)

I have told her that 2014 is a new year and maybe we should "Try again" - but ultimately the decision lies with HER because she never intended to find a partner who was more than 10 years her senior

For me, I sincerely hope we can become a CLM "Success Story" - but for now, watch this space !


#2014-01-14 12:39:47 by anonymous8680 @anonymous8680

I am not intending to profile the author but I think the 50 RMB / 100 RMB situation happens a lot ... it can make a good man seem bad.

It feels like someone has played a brutally cruel joke on you when you find that 100 RMB lady but you cannot have her or be with her for whatever reason. You finally get over it but not really ... it sticks to you and memories or feelings creep up every so often. You even message her once in awhile.

Then you find your 50 RMB lady hoping she will become your 100 RMB lady (and she really might, you have feelings for her and you like her a lot).

You might even still keep window shopping and even chatting with others knowing this is not fair to the 50 RMB lady. You are not sure why you are doing this because it is not your usual behaviour. You decide you have to stop chatting with others and give her your full attention but it is not so easy now for you to do another 180 degrees turn because it feels like you just did 180 degrees turn with 100 RMB lady (not sure if this makes sense unless you have been there).

You might even feel you are not being the good man that you knew you were when you met the 100 RMB lady. You don't have the same state of mind anymore when it comes to women and dating but you still hope for the sames things you hoped for the day you met 100 RMB lady.

You both accept and deny that you will not be with 100 RMB lady and that is maybe what causes you confusion.

Excuse my anonymity here.

#2014-01-14 19:15:10 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@anonymous8680

EXACTLY !!!!!!

#2014-01-15 01:05:49 by JianadaYangGuizi @JianadaYangGuizi

I lost several 100 RMB notes last time I was in China. They were red on both sides, had some Chinese writing on them and had a picture of Mao on one side and a building on the other. ;)

If found please return to "JianadaYangGuizi" via CLM.

#2014-01-15 01:51:11 by anonymous8688 @anonymous8688

I have read all the blogs and have found them very entertaining and informative in many ways, I really enjoy your writing style.

I think Paul if she was truly head over heals in love with you, your lie about your age and the 15 year age difference would not matter to her. Remember they lie to us just as much as we do to them.

I think we believe we are their RMB100 men when actually we may be viewed as the RMB50 man by them. I know that I found that out the hard way and will forever be much more "eyes and ears much more open" in the future.
.

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