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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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Part 6 of the Teaching in China Series    

By Barry Pittman
5909 Views | 48 Comments | 12/7/2015 7:17:05 PM

“Barry, I love you.”  Tina whispered gently into my ear. “Please never doubt this.”   

Tina was lying on top of me in the bed, her slim, nymph-like body feeling feather light to me.  I gazed deeply into her misty eyes in the dimly lit room. Despite the semi-darkness, her eyes were shimmering, almost blazing as they penetrated upon my own eyes, burning down deeply into them.

 

“Of course Tina, I know this.  I have never doubted your feelings toward me.  You know that I love you too.”

 

“Then why do you look so distant lately, Barry?”

 

I didn’t know how to answer Tina.  She was a one-in-a-million lady, someone whose soul I believed was even more precious than her gorgeous figure and the simple elegance of her face. 

 

Ahh, her face.  This is what continually fascinated me about Tina.  Though not classically beautiful to many, to me she exuded a mysterious allure that was hard to describe. Her sultry appeal took some time to fully fathom, akin to listening to a song that you didn’t particularly like at first, but the more you heard it, the more it increasingly resonated within you.  I felt that Tina and I had met in another lifetime, that we’d kissed, wrapped our arms tightly around each other and had made love to each other many times prior to what was happening to us right now.

 

“Barry, where are you!”

 

Tina had noticed the far-off look in my eyes.  Moving her head a little forward, her cherry lips met mine and the obvious passion of her feelings quickly warmed me up, even more so than before. If anything, the swirling whirlpools that were her blazing eyes so close to me burned ever more deeply into my own.  I felt utterly transfixed by their mysterious and bewitching beauty.

 

“Oh, sorry Tina,” I stammered out weakly, “I was just thinking how beguiling, how enchanting you look tonight”.

 

“Simple words, Barry.  Please give me simple words!”

 

I laughed involuntarily, having forgotten momentarily that English was Tina’s second language and sometimes my penchant for colourful terms left her quite bewildered, not having the slightest idea of what I’d just said.

 

“Oh, I mean beautiful. You look lovely tonight, Tina.”

 

At this she smiled, looking even more captivating.  Her hips were wedged firmly against me, I could feel her pelvis pressing down onto mine. Her soft breasts nestled seductively on my skin as she gently laid her head on my chest, clinging to me tightly.

“Barry, sometimes I wonder where we’re heading.”

 

Instinctively I became alarmed at the direction her words had taken.  My pulse began beating faster.  A little concerned, I wondered if she in fact had noticed my suddenly accelerating heartbeat.

“What do you mean, Tina? What’s wrong?”

 

“You’ve been a little distant lately.  You’ve been thinking a lot, without telling me anything.  I feel something’s not quite right.”

How perceptive Tina was.  I glanced at her again, just as she raised her head a little to look at me.  Despite lying on top of me for the best part of fifteen minutes, her wispy body still felt feather weight.  I reached up and delicately stroked the back of her neck.  Soon my restless fingers were down around the arch of her back, languidly moving up and down.  A few moments later, they were tenderly caressing the smooth supple curves of her voluptuous behind, whetting my desire to be ever closer to her in body, mind and spirit.

 

“Speak to me, Barry.  You often are so quiet.”

Tina was right.  I’d never been a talkative person, tending toward the introverted end of the personality spectrum. I’d prefer to say nothing and hear nothing - than to speak or hear words of repetitious redundancy or verbose excess. But yet I owed Tina an explanation for my recent behaviour. It was unfair to hide my true feelings, to camouflage the unwelcoming reality of the situation, however displeasing or distasteful that it was.

 

Yet how could I tell this most precious and sensitive soul that after a tortuous process of evaluation and second guessing myself, that in the end I'd finally decided that China wasn’t right for me?  How could I tell her that there was a very real chance that we’d sooner rather than later, have to separate?  How could I tell Tina that our longed for dream of living together forever might imminently become but a distant, cherished yet no doubt very painful memory?

 

I tried to speak but could say nothing. My thoughts were frozen inside my emotionally drained mind. Akin to a stunned deer caught in the glaring headlights, unable to run or react in any way, believing its fate was sealed, no matter what it did, what move it made. 

 

At that moment my mind involuntarily wandered for a moment to the poor dog who lived nearby, incarcerated inhumanely for the entirety of its life inside a squalid birdcage by unthinking, callous people. I similarly felt sad and trapped by this invidious situation. I was with the woman who I loved and who loved me, yet we had to part through no fault of her own.  I knew insufferable pain and heartache would soon overwhelm me.

 

Tina had another four years left to her retirement.  Were she to resign prematurely, her benefits would nosedive. We’d each agreed there was no alternative but for her to wait out the next few years, until she could retire on full benefits.  This was a sensible financial safeguard for herself, should any unforeseen contingencies occur in the future.  There was no way that I'd ever selfishly request that she retire early, so we could each then be free to travel, once daughter Wendy left us in a few months for study abroad.

 

My fingers slowly and gently eased stroking Tina’s supple back till they were little more than a velvety butterfly's touch upon her. I opened my eyes and gazed deeply into her own dark, fathomless whirlpools, laced as they now were with a hint of apprehension and concern.  Instinctively she knew there was something important imminent.

 

Tenderly holding Tina’s soft face in my hands, my lips brushed against hers. Tears welled up in my eyes as I determined that this was the moment of truth.  This was the time that I knew might cut this sweet lady's heart into pieces, just as it was doing to mine right now.

 

“Barry, you’re crying!  What’s wrong, my darling?”

 

I smiled limply and kissed Tina’s soft lips yet again, trying vainly to conceal my overwrought emotions.  I could taste the warm saltiness of my moist tears as they flowed freely down my face.  She clutched me ever more tightly, suddenly afraid, aware that she didn’t want to hear the words that soon were to be spoken. It cut deeply into my overburdened soul like an excruciating dagger when I saw that dear innocent Tina also was now crying.

 

My God, why does life have to be so hard!



My throat tightened up reflexively and in almost gagging fashion, I began to quietly mouth those harsh, harrowing thoughts that I’d been stewing on, dreading and fearing. 

 

Words that I regarded as reflective of inner failure, words of personal weakness, words that I hated. Utterances that in fact made me despise myself on so many levels for the hurt, the sorrow and the pain that soon I would inflict upon the sweet lady that I loved.  This gentle nymph who for totally bewildering reasons, had managed to love me, I knew not why, for I barely even loved myself.  For I was clearly a selfish, ignorant and imperfect person that through the innate goodness and grace of her soul, God bless her, Tina could accept and somehow still see perfectly.

“Tina.... dear beautiful Tina........ there’s something that I must tell you.”

 

 

 

"A heart once broken

can never fully heal
A heart once broken

can only reveal

A love that once was
A love that is no more

I stand alone quietly
Upon sad distant shore

Tears flowing silently

As ever was meant to be"

 

 

To be continued

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 48) 1 2 3 4 5 More...
#2016-01-07 14:58:46 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Well Barry, first let me congratulate you for proving that you do, in fact, have a romantic bone in your body and you are very capable of writing material that is incredibly romantic. I confess that I have never really doubted that in spite of my words to the contrary a while back. I was, however, beginning to doubt we would never have the pleasure of reading such romantic literature by your hand. Thanks for relenting and giving us this.

Now, just let me say, that IF, and I say "if" because it is not yet 100% clear from this Part 1, but IF you let the woman go who you just wrote so lovingly about above because "China isn't right for you" then you are a dunderhead of epic proportions.

My God man! China being right for you has no bearing on whether or not Tina is right for you!

And 4 years is nothing to wait for the love of the right woman! That's barely longer than the time you were likely in diapers, and you waited that one out.

In fact thinking about it, perhaps you were in diapers longer than 4 years. That would go miles in explaining your predilection for writing about certain topics that keep popping up in your blogs. But I digress...

Barry, Tina is perfect for you. You just finished describing that perfection in amazing detail. If you let her go for something as trifling as "China isn't right for you" you will regret doing so for the rest of your life.

There are a thousands things you can do to either "make China right for you" for 4 years, or to make a life together less than full time for 4 years but still satisfying enough that you do not have to sever your ties to each other instead of waiting it out.

I am telling you this Barry, and unless the words you wrote above were a lie, I know it to be true beyond any doubt - you will regret leaving Tina the rest of your life if you do leave her.

I will reserve further comment for the coming Part 2.

Regards, John

#2016-01-07 19:38:57 by Nekko @Nekko

@Barry1

I was hanging on every word in this truly emotional display of your inner turmoil.

The only reason for you to part company with Tina would be if she absolutely refused to
move overseas in 4 years and at the same time you refused to remain in China the rest of your life. This is what you indicated in your last comment, that you cannot imagine
living in China forever.

The 4 years will pass quickly. You will be surprised how quickly. Especially at your age time flies and the waiting will be worthwhile from you description of the relationship with Tina.

Barry please indulge me and play along with me here for a moment.

Imagine you are now 82 years old. It is your birthday today. Some friends came
to celebrate with you this special day. Suddenly somebody asks you;" Barry when you were younger you went to China. You said you met this most wonderful woman.

Barry why did you not marry this woman? Why did you leave her love for you?

"Well to tell you the truth, I was not willing to wait 4 years."

"So you are saying that you rather spent the last 20 years alone than waiting you
a short time for her?."

"Yeah I guess so."

"Do you have any regrets about this Barry?"

Barry is now not so sure he made the correct choice all these years ago. His
heart is full of pain and grief of the future that could have been, but never was.

Barry make hindsight your foresight. Choose wisely.

One day on your birthday friends will say to you "You have chosen wisely."
(Raiders of the Lost Arc, Act 4, Scene 7.)

Cheers,
Nekko

#2016-01-07 20:56:25 by Barry1 @Barry1

@JohnAbbot

"you are very capable of writing material that is incredibly romantic"

Thanks for this, John.

I knew that at heart, I was a bit of a softie, so found it somewhat strange when people here kept telling me again and again that I was akin to a grizzled ol' cynic who knew nothing about women!

But when I looked back on my past bogs, I realised that indeed, romance had taken a big step backwards in favour of other writing styles, such as often irreverent sledgehammer humour that had a decided disadvantage that it tended to offend as many people as it amused! (doh)

As for my "toilet humour", it's been a while now since I touched upon this subject but it seems I'll always be continually reminded of it whenever someone wants to take a cheap shot at me. I'll forever be remembered as "the strange guy who wrote nothing except stuff about shit and toilets!", no matter how many clean/romantic/uplifting articles I write henceforth. ;(

You also said,

"you will regret leaving Tina the rest of your life if you do leave her."

I sincerely appreciate your good advice here, John. You've given me pause to think more carefully about my proposed actions.

To my chagrin, one major negative I'm currently finding out is that my age is strongly against me. In Thailand and other countries for example, teachers over the age or 45 have great difficulty in finding suitable teaching work. Blatant age discrimination is rife. Someone older than 50 will find it hard to get a decent teaching job in many places, let alone my "geriatric" age of 61. But I can jog for 10 kms at a stretch and feel great. Yet according to the teacher recruiters, I'm an "old fart" who should be retired and playing croquet, lawn bowls or whatever.

I don't get it. What's wrong with a highly experienced teacher who may be 50, 55 or 60? Are the teachers in many south-east Asian countries being hired for their youthful appearance - sex appeal? - or their teaching ability?

It seems a 25 year old with near zero teaching experience will mostly win out over a much more experienced teacher who's over 45 or 50 in many of these places.

This then limits my plans or options as to what to do or where to go for the next four years, until Tina can retire. I prefer not to stay in China for more than a year or so.

Ideas anyone?

#2016-01-07 21:02:41 by sharonshi @sharonshi

Surprisely, Barry shows stunning romance and very fine writing skills this time!

At the very begining, I thought it was a conversation of the kind between Man and Woman. You know, woman is over worried. Man's silence for days has nothing to do with his lady, but depression due to an incident scratch of his beloved motorcycle.

Sadly, The post implies departure.

I am puzzled.

What brings Barry geniune happiness?

What challenges ahead do Barry and Tina have to confront if you two were together?

What does Barry expect from Tina or jouney in China?

Will communication helps?

Oh, for God's sake. LOVE HARD. Or Life would be so hard.

Bless you!

#2016-01-07 22:41:37 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@Barry1
John is right - you DO have a romantic ‘bone’ or two in your body - hehe
As you wrote a little poem in your blog, I decided that perhaps the most fitting way to comment would be by writing a little poem myself

Poetry is AWESOME - don’t you think? It allows us to express ourselves in ways we don’t normally express ourselves. We can choose our own words, our own rhymes and make those words fit the ‘mood’. Poetry comes from the HEART....... A deep and meaningful feeling of emotions and thoughts..........

Of course, I CAN be a little ‘romantic’ myself from time-to-time - and just to PROVE it I have written a little ‘ditty’ below - JUST FOR YOU !

I sincerely hope you enjoy it.
I struggled to come up with a ‘fitting’ title for my poem but I eventually settled on what I felt was the more correct one for the current mood........

It’s called ‘BARRY-THE-BASTARD’..............enjoy.............

So Barry you are telling us,
That China's not for you
And because of that you really think
Your relationship is through

I've never heard such bollox
My whole entire life
It seems that Tina IS the one
That should become your wife

Your article's romantic
I think we all agree
And from your words, your Tina is
Your perfect 'cup of tea'

So don't be such a wanker
Don't beat around the bush
Four short years is not too long
No need for you to rush

So unless you are a liar
And your article’s not true
I’m sorry mate, I’ve gotta say
That she’s the one for you!

China is a massive place
It’s large, it’s huge, it’s big
So there’s no need to leave it...
You f**kin selfish pig!

It seems in Tina’s little town
Your life, it doesn’t fit
So go and find another one
Not all of them are ‘shit’

You may not be together
Every hour of every day
So find a place a little close
Or not too far away

There’s lots of jobs in China
For guys like you and me
Good teachers are in high demand
Just ring around, you’ll see!

Do the last 4 years mean nothing?
So you throw them all away
Just cos China’s ‘not for you’
Is that ALL you’ve got to say?

And what about ‘your Tina’
Is she prepared to part?
Just cos you don’t like her town
You’re gonna break her heart?

Barry, you’re not thinking
You’ve come a long, long way
“Rome” took lots of time to build
Or so they always say

I hope these words have made you think
Should you go, or should you stay?
Tina f**kin LOVES you mate
Don’t throw it all away!

And what will you go back to
Your old and boring life?
Or stick around in China
With Tina as your wife?

I’m sure you guys can make it
If you THINK.... and make a plan
Stop acting like a ‘pussy’
And be a f**kin MAN!

See, there you go mate..............ROMANTIC poetry at it’s best !
I’m like John, waiting for part 2 !(fubar)

#2016-01-07 23:00:35 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

@Barry1

I'm glad you edited this 6th installment of your series. Did you die to write it? Did you feel that you're less of a man? I don't think so. At least, now, everybody can see what an intelligent and romantic man you really are. You should convince your friend, Paul, too, to come out with something similar like this once in a while. After all, this site first and foremost is a dating site. Good job!

Having said that, if I may give you a suggestion, try to lose the fancy words when you're talking about your feelings. Everybody knows you're intelligent. You don't need to prove that to us over and over again, especially when you're talking to your lady in bed. When the heart is in love, it's stupid. It's not going to find fancy synonyms; it will only say raw, unpolished words. Using fancy words in bed just going to ruin the mood. I'm glad Tina pointed that out to you.

I have to agree with John, too. Four years are nothing if you are in love. Why would you give up a woman who loves you? After four years, she could give you 20 more wonderful years. The question is if YOUR feelings for her can face four years of separation.

I can hardly wait what you said to her. Cheers.

#2016-01-07 23:31:31 by anonymous14407 @anonymous14407

aiyahhh! Barry you are a romantic blunderhead afterall. I agree with John if you let "China is not right for me" be the reason for laving this wonderful women then you are making THE biggest mistake of your life!!! Do you know that in many, many Chinese women's eyes a man that cries is considered weak and not worthy? Yet Tina shows total concern as to the fact you are crying and cries with you for you and for Barry and Tina!!!!!!

All that I can say is you have a "love" that most of us never get the chance to experience and you are being selfish.......

I truly hope the next episode shows a return to sanity on your part....

#2016-01-08 04:36:52 by anonymous14408 @anonymous14408

barry used a nice chinese lady to write a stupid story about his pitiful life, a real life nut job

#2016-01-08 08:46:58 by Nekko @Nekko

@paulfox1
@Barry1

great poem. I wish I had your talent in writing so eloquent and straight to the point. Agree with every word in it.
Cheers
Nekko

#2016-01-08 09:24:07 by anonymous14412 @anonymous14412

believe me i've been to china 4 times and that girl is 1 in a gazillion

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