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Self-proclaimed “American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God”, a retired USA State Police Lieutenant with broad experience in SE Asia and China, David will focus on Online Obsessions and Real Relationships: Navigating Chinese/Western Cross Cultural Relationships. He'll share his and others experiences in internet dating, social networking and real life dating in China. Typically American, he will bring you the upside and downside of East/West relationships openly and directly. He hopes both genders can gain some useful knowledge from his blog as well as a few laughs.
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Introduction to a Veteran Online Dater and China Expat    

By David Lee
2931 Views | 2 Comments | 5/14/2010 1:10:38 PM
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My “Obsession” with the concept of Internet dating first began many years ago in the 1990’s with the A Foreign Affair website featuring photos of sexy and voluptuous Russian women eager to meet foreign men for love and marriage. This was the early days of online dating and matchmaking. Communication, translation and numbers of such websites were limited. I spent countless hours perusing the photos and profiles on AFA dreaming of finding the perfect girl who only wanted a good husband to love and a decent place to live. I even considered taking one of their “Romance Tours” to Russia. I never acted on these dreams and desires because more and more stories were being published about the Scams perpetrated by many of these women and/or their boyfriends or husbands. Warnings were published many of these girls had husbands or boyfriends in the USA and were simply using the man as a vehicle to get reunited with their true love. Other stories and official government reports abounded about the problems then with these Russian/American cross-cultural relationships. My bubble had burst.

Then some years later in 2000, I retired from law enforcement and immediately went to East Timor, a little shit-hole island that gained its independence from Indonesia. I was a security police officer there for the United Nations who was administering their transitional government. However difficult life was there, it afforded me the opportunity to become more of an international thinker and not just a so called “Flag waving American”. I was working with people from at least fifty different countries, exchanging ideas and having the opportunity to travel to exotic places like Bali and other places in Indonesia as well as Thailand. This was the beginning of my real experiences with Asian women. My first Asian girlfriend was a beautiful Indonesian girl I met in Bali. Beautiful, petite, long silky black hair below her pretty butt..., however, it was not meant to be.

I was at end of mission in East Timor and planned a two week stopover in Phuket, Thailand for some R&R (Rest and Relaxation) before returning to the USA. I changed planes in Bangkok, flew to Phuket, checked in my hotel and made my way to the sports bar below my favorite Disco Banana Club. I ordered my first beer and began to scan the club. It was about 8:20pm and there were few people there since the club scene in Phuket doesn’t even begin to get going until after 10pm. Something just wasn’t right. Then my brain engaged and I noticed everyone, with the exception of me, was standing at the bar watching TV. It was obvious something exciting was on. I made my way to the bar to see what the commotion was about. As I got nearer, I could see CNN was on. I arrived just after the second plane crashed into the World Trade Center in NYC. Yes, it was about 9:15 am in NYC on Tuesday September 11, 2001… forever to be known simply as 9/11.

The ticker at the bottom of the CNN footage was already proclaiming “America at War” over and over. Nobody knew what was happening yet, but CNN was already sensationalizing this terrible event. What I most remember was how conciliatory the Thai people were to me. I hadn’t said a word, but they had already sized me up as an American. I suppose it was my clothes as Thai’s are pretty experienced with foreigners from all over the world. Anyway, in less than 24 hours, the news became clearer and international travel had been temporarily suspended. It was a good thing I was in no hurry to return home.

I returned home as planned, but could not get Asia out of my mind. The visions of my old Indonesian girlfriend Bali Rani and all those sexy Indonesian and Thai girls from Bali to Bangkok to Phuket filled my head. Now I was back in the land of Beasts and Witches (spelled with a B) scrapping around for female companionship. Asian girls had spoiled me. No if’s, and’s or but’s. I was not a happy camper.

Then I discovered what is one of the oldest Internet dating websites, a major “Asian” pay site, in 2004. WOW! I was in heaven again, if only virtually. I could contact women all over Asia. It was great! More on this later, but regardless if you’re currently in or outside China, that site is sporadic at best and largely blocked by the P.R.C. for various real or perceived reasons. Their Customer Service admitted this to me after protracted complaints. Anyway, back then it did afford me the opportunity to meet many girls online and later meet many of them in China after arriving in 2007.

After 9/11, America was different…much different. It was not the country I was born into in 1953. This could be the topic for another blog. I was at a crossroads. My dilemma…stay or leave. I finally made the decision to leave the USA. Maybe forever.

After arriving in Guangzhou in 2007 and discovering the problems with accessing AFF, I began looking at alternative dating websites. This is when I discovered China Love Match (CLM) and another major Chinese site. I prefer CLM because of the high quality photos, attention to weeding out the criminals and spammers, responsive Customer Service, Last IP Locator and, maybe most importantly, CLM’s unique high quality automatic translation feature that makes it possible for easy communication. I have met numerous girls from CLM who had little or no English ability. It probably would have never happened if not for this great translation tool.

I’ve logged thousands of hours on Internet date sites and do not regret one minute of the time spent. I’ve heard happy stories, sad stories, made good friends, met some really nice and some really rotten people and learned much about China’s culture as well as cross-cultural relationships. I believe online dating is here to stay and this opinion is substantiated by the proliferation of both good and bad dating websites since I was first infatuated by A Foreign Affair in the 1990’s. The Internet will afford more and more global citizen’s opportunities to meet, communicate, exchange ideas and maybe get together for a real relationship.

I had a very successful career in law enforcement over twenty-five years. This experience, and later with the United Nations, taught me to be fair regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, national origin, religion or physical disabilities. I am not “Pro” or “For” anything except honesty and fairness among people. I am “Against” or “Con” many things such as dishonesty, criminals and child abusers, stupidity and ignorance to name a few.

I hope the reader will find this blog entertaining as well as informative. Experience can be the best teacher. If others can learn from the good experiences and emulate or be saved heartache from the bad experiences, then the time invested writing this will all be worthwhile. It will be a sort of catharsis for me.

This blog is dedicated to the good and honest men and women worldwide looking for good friends, lover’s or long-term relationships leading to long-term relationships including marriage.

I hope that everyone reading this blog will take the time to comment.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 2 of 2) 1
#2010-04-27 02:32:37 by goldsilhair99 @goldsilhair99

David, Sounds like your blog will be interesting to follow. I too am Southern by the Grace of God, born in NY but living in Texas for more than 20 years before coming to China. I too see that it is not the country I was born into in 1950 and like you I wonder if I will ever return. I've had some good experiences and some miserable ones too. Sometimes being honest in relationships is taken as an insult. There does seem to be a difference between those born after 1980 and even some born during or after the Cultural Revolution. A Chinese lady friend told me the other day that when Confuscian principles were abandoned the modern Chinese people seem to have lost their way; in her words, "no morals, with the pursuit of wealth becoming the basis for societal values regardless of who it hurts".

#2010-05-01 14:59:41 by danjianada @danjianada

That's a good summary. Thanks very much. It gives me some encouragement. I love China, and would love to communicate with people there, but had not thought of the dating connection until I was suddenly and unceremoniously dumped by my Canadian wife. I have not had any connection to any woman, except a handshake and friendly chat, in two years. Maybe this is the way. I am a good-looking man with a fun job and good income, so why not, I guess.

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