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Ryan Hendry is a former detective and lawyer from the UK. He is now a freelance writer living in the Philippines. Ryan has a Filipina partner and hopes to be married to her later in 2016. He has traveled extensively in Asia and is a veteran of the Asian online dating world. He has experienced online, and physically met, some scammers, including unscrupulous ladies from Thailand and the more obvious scammers from Nigeria. Ryan is keen therefore to share his experiences and uses this platform for his blogs as CLM and ALM is committed to hunting down all scammers. Ryan, despite some of his experiences, respects Asian culture, loves Asian food and is now happy in the Philippines!
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International dating: My Story - England Again    

By Ryan Hendry
1131 Views | 5 Comments | 4/28/2017 11:25:28 AM

Noi and I had said our farewells at the airport in Bangkok. I detest airport farewells. I get emotional. The month in Thailand had gone by all too quickly. And, I was not looking forward to England for many reasons. But, I knew my stay there would be brief. I was sad to be leaving Noi. But, we had got to know each other well. Our future was looking good. The trip had also resulted in us finding the house at Kanchanaburi. I could look forward to my return and settling down in that area.

 

My return to Southampton, England was greeted with leaden gray skies and a constant English drizzle. Any of you who know England will know exactly what I mean. Those days can stretch into weeks and are enough to make even the jolliest people depressed. My bed was once again a sofa. But, this time it was different sofas moving about from a friend’s house to another friend’s house. I didn’t wish to outstay my welcome.

 

Most of my time was spent on the internet. I went back to using the international online dating site but only briefly and then only to message Noi. We had returned to a state of a long distance relationship. It was difficult for both of us. I needed to get busy with finalizing everything before I could return to Thailand. First stop, was my new Thai visa. That proved to be easy. I completed all the necessary forms, enclosed the fees and my passport and mailed them off to the consulate in Hull. About two weeks later, I was in possession of a new 15-month multi-entry visa for Thailand.

 

Noi and I emailed each other once a day. They were long letters. She always enclosed photos and each one ended, “jub jub (kiss, kiss) from your Noi.” The photos were sometimes of Kamon. But none were of the house at Kanchanaburi. I queried this with Noi and was unsettled at the reply. She told me she had not returned to the house. Noi explained that she felt vulnerable there alone. This was especially so as the Aussie landlady’s Thai husband, the chief, had made some suggestive remarks to her. That explained why I sensed Noi had become subdued after we had met the chief in Kanchanaburi. 

 

Noi’s photos showed her at a house I wasn’t familiar with. She informed me it was in the south of Thailand near Songkhla, and was the home of a friend. It was surrounded by shrimp farms, she told me. Over the course of the next few weeks it became clear that Noi wanted us to go and live in this area. She seemed happy there so I thought why not check it out. I was a bit miffed that she wasn’t staying at the house in Kanchanaburi but that was understandable.
The trouble with my stay back in England is that I had time on my hands. I got to thinking too much. I started to think about the dictionary and the sudden revelation that Noi had been married before to an English guy. It started to eat away at me. I brought up the subject again in our email chats. Noi was annoyed.

 

Two days later she sent me pictures of divorce papers. They were written in Thai but I could make out her name and the English name of her ex. It was clear that they were divorced. I relaxed a little.

 

I must have relaxed a lot. Long distance relationships bring two people closer in many instances. Absence makes the heart grow fonder! We started to discuss marriage. Noi wanted to arrange a traditional village ceremony for us to get ‘married.’ It has no legal standing but seemed to be a part of Asian wedding traditions. I went along with the idea. I now started to research the Songkhla area of southern Thailand and became concerned that it was close to the Malaysian border. Parts of the province had been subject to many terrorist attacks and was a predominantly Muslim area. She assured me that she was in a safe area and many miles away from danger.

 

In the meantime, I got busy with all the small time-consuming jobs. These were the things I needed to wrap up before my final departure for a new life in Asia. It amazed me how many old bank accounts I had. Most had just a few pounds in there and one or two had about £50 or so. The act of closing them and transferring the money took weeks. It was exhausting. I also had to sell my motorbike. I put it on eBay and got a decent price but nearly cried when the new owner rode off on it. That made me think about what to pack in a suitcase and what to leave. I decided to pack my motorbike gear. An expensive leather jacket and boots took up a lot of room. More to the point, they were heavy. I stuck to my decision to pack them because I could see myself buying another big bike in Thailand.

 

These days and weeks dragged. They were as depressing as the weather. The only bright spot was the constant exchange of emails between Noi and me. It was clear that she was loving life at her friend’s home in Songkhla. Kamon had joined her there. Noi told me that it was a 15-hour bus ride from Bangkok. Not for me, I thought. It was about this time that Noi first mentioned buying a house. To be exact, buying land and having a house built. I listened and nodded metaphorically speaking. The information sank in but I remained non-committal. 
This was a big decision for me. I wasn’t going to be rushed into it. It could wait until my feet were back on Thai soil. As a typical guy, my thoughts were now more geared to finding wheels when I arrived back in Thailand.

 

Am I a typical guy? Do men prioritize a car over buying a house?

 

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 5 of 5) 1
#2017-04-28 11:50:00 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Hmmmm. I am not sure about whether or not you should have been miffed that Noi didn't stay at the house given her report about the suggestive remarks she claimed the landlady's husband made, but I think you should have been miffed that she was telling you that now, instead of when the comments were made. If he made the comments when you were busy negotiating and settling on the house then why did she let all that happen just to bow out later.

Either she was not concerned about the comments when he made them, or she let you go set your plans while holding back crucial information, or he didn't actually ever make such comments at all. One of those three things has to be true, and none of them bode well for a future with Noi!

Noi is starting to seem like a person who will say anything that comes to mind to make sure she gets her way and gets to do whatever she wishes.

You say you "got to thinking too much", but it seems like you maybe were still not thinking enough. That's not meant as criticism, my first 3 years in China revolved around a beautiful Chinese woman who, I would ultimately learn, would and did say anything that would make me step another foot further into her web. In hindsight, I realize I accepted some of the most outlandish stories ever told, simply because the words were formed by her beautiful lips.

I don't believe I ever did actually love this woman in the deep sense that we think of as true love. It was just that I was so completely taken with her, like a teenager with his first "crush". I was smitten with her, and when we were apart I didnt waste any time at all on thinking about the fact that much of what she was telling me reeked of fabrication. I was too busy thinking about my next time I'd get to lay with her, touch her, gaze into her eyes, and to frolic in her private playground, to bother thinking about the fact she was setting me up for a long, hard and expensive ride.

And I suspect now that you were in that same sorry state with Noi. I feel for you Brother.

And I hope you new guys are reading and learning.

#2017-04-28 23:40:19 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Sadly, many Asian women are liars and cheaters and will only do what serves them. Many of them know that Western men have the proverbial 'Yellow Fever' and they take advantage of that.

The biggest problem for me (since living in China for more than 2 years), is the fact that their total belief-system is based on what they see on TV.

Many Chinese women have a desire to marry a Western man just so they can go and live in his country. They have done ZERO research, they speak ZERO English, and haven't got the faintest CLUE as to what awaits them.

I have been chatting with a woman I met here for the last 10 months. She speaks no English and we haven't yet met. Suddenly she decides she wants to travel with me in the summer holidays. She then asks me where I want to go.....

I make several suggestions.......Vietnam....Thailand.....South Korea.....Japan.....etc....

Oh NO.......It MUST be Australia, America or the UK, because life there is so 'wonderful' - right?

We should feel sorry for these people - they know not what they do !

#2017-04-29 00:37:34 by anonymous16008 @anonymous16008

After reading this episode all as I can say is OUCH!  I have often wondered why many Asian women do this to so many of us "honest" western guys who are truly just looking for an honest Asian woman to love and to be loved back in return.

My buddy is now married to a drop dead gorgeous 24 y old Filipino woman whom he has a kid with. He is 55 y old is not very atrractive but has a bit of money. He has bought her and her family an expensive home(in her name) in a gated community in her home town, he goes there 8-10 times a year, he pays for her to come and visit him in his country. He was even able to get her a Residence Visa in his country. The eventual plan is for her and their child to live with him in his country.

"The writing is on the wall for him and he listens to noone."

If something does not seem right it usually isn't.

 

Cheers....

#2017-04-29 17:32:20 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@anonymous16008

Your buddy is a FOOL!

#2017-04-30 22:08:34 by anonymous16017 @anonymous16017

Paul, yes my buddy is a complete fool which is my point...all western men getting involved with Asian women have to be as careful as possible, if the red flags are there end it before the damage is done.

My buddy actually thinks this woman loves him and will be with him till the day he dies lol I have spent more than a few hours showing him websites that deal with this type of scam and he believes his relationship is real....so I cant help him so he will learn soon enough.

When dealing with women from Asian countries be sure of their real motives first. I am sure I will get flamed for these comments but deep down we all know it is true....

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