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Ryan Hendry is a former detective and lawyer from the UK. He is now a freelance writer living in the Philippines. Ryan has a Filipina partner and hopes to be married to her later in 2016. He has traveled extensively in Asia and is a veteran of the Asian online dating world. He has experienced online, and physically met, some scammers, including unscrupulous ladies from Thailand and the more obvious scammers from Nigeria. Ryan is keen therefore to share his experiences and uses this platform for his blogs as CLM and ALM is committed to hunting down all scammers. Ryan, despite some of his experiences, respects Asian culture, loves Asian food and is now happy in the Philippines!
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International Dating: My Story - The Dictionary    

By Ryan Hendry
1771 Views | 14 Comments | 4/14/2017 12:54:15 PM

The rest of the remaining month soon passed. Why do happy times seem fleeting? Yet, bad times seem to linger. I had to make plans to leave the villa in Kanchanaburi. Noi and I both knew the time was fast approaching for me to fly back to England. She understood the reasons why I had to leave. I assured her I would return as quickly as possible. Certainly, once I had attended to outstanding business back there.



I had no worries about Noi while I was absent. I believed she would be faithful. A trait that seemed to be common among Asian women. I had little cause for concern as my thoughts turned to flying back to London. We now had a house to live in. Noi was happy and able to cook in our new home. Kamon was also happy. We started to discuss schools for her in the Kanchanaburi area. It was part of our plans to have Kamon live with us.



There were a few things to see to before I left. We had to take Kamon back to Kampheang Phet and the car back to the rental company. What best to do with the car? One option was to drive to Phitsanulok from Kanchanaburi and drop off Kamon on the way. I could then fly from P’lok to Bangkok then connect to my London flight. In the end I decided to drive direct to Bangkok. The rental company would collect the car from there at a price. Noi called her friend who ran the rental company and confirmed that was the plan.



So, all three of us drove to Bangkok the day before my flight. I booked a hotel near to Don Mueang airport for my last night in Thailand. It was easier for the rental people to collect from there than Suvarnabhumi. It also had the advantage that all three of us could go to the airport by taxi and say our temporary goodbyes. Noi and Kamon were to carry on by taxi to the bus terminal in Bangkok. In that way Noi would make sure that Kamon was safely returned to her father’s home.



The restaurant at the budget Don Mueang hotel was basic. We went out to eat at a fancy restaurant a few hundred yards away. Despite the fantastic food, the atmosphere was subdued. No one dared mention the elephant in the room. The elephant being my departure. During our subdued conversation, Noi started to search her bag. Why is it that women have to carry so many items with them that they need a large bag? It seems to be a common factor across the world and ignores all other cross cultural issues. Eventually she fished out what she had been looking for. She handed me a small book saying, “You can learn Thai when you are in England.”



I opened it up and saw it was a pocket Thai-English-Thai dictionary. I smiled and thanked her. Then I spotted a hand written email address inside the front cover. It was in Roman lettering and not Thai script. Neither did it look like Noi’s handwriting. I said, “who’s this?” pointing at the email address. Her answer came as a shock to me. “It’s Chris. He from England like you. He was my husband but we are divorced.”



I did not feel angry, or hurt. I was perplexed as to why she hadn’t mentioned Chris to me before now. Noi had simply said she was single. I thought nothing more of it that evening. Noi was in the mood for more revelations. The subject matter was her sister, Som. She was a drunk and a gambler, according to Noi. Often she would go out alone without her husband, Mong, and get drunk. To make matters worse she would get into card games and lose a lot of money. Noi added that was why Som tried to scam me over the price of the house that was under construction. It was a devious plan to relieve me of a few thousand baht to fund her drinking and gambling habits.



I had been in Thailand long enough to realize that alcohol and gambling were two major problems with many ordinary people. The gambling reinforced the western held stereotype of Asians prepared to gamble on anything. It reminded me of an old joke about two Asians betting on which fly on the window would be first to take off. And, as a sports fan, I was aware that many of the corrupt sports betting syndicates were part of life in Asia.



Nothing was going to divert me from my happiness. With the benefit of hindsight, it all seemed irrelevant at the time. Now, I am wiser it should have caused me to think things over more carefully. But love is blind, as they say. In any case, this wasn’t Noi. It was her sister. Noi was still the sweet angel that I had fallen in love with.



My flight was scheduled for just after noon. We rode a taxi from the hotel to the impressive glass and steel Suvarnabhumi airport. The taxi pulled over at the drop-off next to the Thai Airways sign. The driver grabbed my bag from the trunk while Noi and I kissed. I suddenly felt emotional. She squeezed my hand gently as she knew I was upset. I kissed Kamon on the top of her head and said goodbye. Kamon started to cry. I turned on my heels to stride away toward the terminal. My eyes filled with tears. I heard another, “Goodbye Ryan. See you soon,” delivered in those familiar soft tones. Without turning, I tried to say “goodbye,” but no words would come out of my mouth, only a strange choking noise.



I hate airport farewells. Do you like them?  



 


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#2017-04-14 12:52:36 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

First, let me say "Welcome back" to you, Ryan. People have occasionally be asking where you went and if you would be back, but I have left it to be a surprise return. Not because I thought you might not return, but because it was by no means clear when you would return. Now it is clear.

So finally we get to follow the rest of the story you have been leading us through so carefully. I had almost forgotten Noi, but now the mystery of her is back, tugging at my curiosity.

In response to your question, during my first 5 years in China I experienced countless Airport Farewells and I hated each and every one of them. On the other hand I experienced an equal number of Airport Welcomes and I treasured all of them. So I guess it usually all balances out.

#2017-04-14 13:15:42 by RHendry @RHendry

@JohnAbbot Thanks for the warm welcome back. My sabbatical took a while longer than expected but here I am to finish the tale. 

Good point about the airport welcomes!

#2017-04-14 14:24:24 by melcyan @melcyan

 

 “It’s Chris. He from England like you. He was my husband but we are divorced.”

You were not angry or hurt, just perplexed about not receiving this information earlier. I would have been shattered. I presume that you had already given Noi your full history. Had you dug deeper in previous conversations about her history, do you think that she would have given you this information earlier?

#2017-04-15 01:10:16 by anonymous15982 @anonymous15982

Welcome back Ryan! I am probably most other people here hae been waiting to hear from you. So it will be extremely interesting to read your words. 

It sounds like you had some lovely final days with Noi and Kamon, leaving loved ones at the airport security gates is heart wrenching to say the least. I know this as I too have done it several times myself. I agree with John the welcomes at the airport are heartwarming and exciting.

Having read and re read your latest entry here I must say your words indicte that you are learning quickly about Asian women in general, cultures, family, the obsessions with gambling and how gambling and alcohol do not mix well. 

I am sure the book belonging to an English exhusband given to you by your GF Noi was an absolute shock to your system. You at that time say you took it in stride as you say "love is blind" to which I agree with but it was deception on her part which is not needed in a cross/country/cultural/international relationionship. For me (I hope) red flags would have been raised instantly but in that situation it is possibe the emotions inside of leaving a loved one may have clouded that moment.

 

#2017-04-15 17:11:19 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Welcome back, Ryan. It's interesting how your opening paragraph speaks about time. They say that time is 'relative' - who was it that said something about a minute of pain feeling like an hour, whilst an hour spent with the one you love feels like a minute? Relative indeed!

 

I think I know where you are going with your story now, but I won't make assumptions and spoil it for other avid readers.

Thailand may be a beautiful place to look at, but its beauty ends there.

#2017-04-16 10:05:31 by RHendry @RHendry

 @melcyan @anonymous15982 Thank you for your comments. I welcome them. Please bear in mind a number of things. My mind was already in turmoil from my divorce back in the UK. Many of the things I did back then in Thailand, I would not repeat but hindsight is a wonderful thing! 

As for how you would react @melcyan I respect that but we are all different aren't we? 

A further thing to bear in mind is there is only so much to write in any one blog post. I do my utmost to cover the important details and emotions involved. But there is a limit to the amount of detail mainly because I have no wish to bore the socks off my readership.

There are some very astute comments nevertheless and it is pleasing to see those comments. Thank you all!

#2017-04-16 13:22:28 by melcyan @melcyan

Ryan, I completely agree that hindsight is a wonderful thing and that we are all different. However, I still have a burning curiosity.

 

To what extent did you and Noi share information about past failed relationships? Using the advantage of hindsight, do think that if you had pressed her for full disclosure of past failed relationships, she would have told you about Chris?

#2017-04-16 22:15:50 by Anniehow @Anniehow

The story does not bode well....Interesting suspense though. I forget Kamon. Who is this one?

It seems that in Thailand the finance of family members is mingled. That can be a huge problem.

#2017-04-17 14:10:43 by RHendry @RHendry

@melcyan Interesting concept! The idea of "pressing" somone for full disclosure. I know what you mean though and wish I was the type to do just that. I was and still am a trusting type. That has produced some bad results for me both in relationships and business.

My attitude to a realtionship in its infancy is not to treat it like it was some kind of company merger or take over. I am uncomfortable with the concept of due diligence in persoanl relationships.

That's just me. I don't criticize others who follow a more corporate approach lol.

#2017-04-17 14:15:31 by RHendry @RHendry

@Anniehow Thank you for your comments. Kamon is the neice of Noi.Her sister's daughter. 

The mingling of finances within the family structure can also provide benefits, don't you think? 

I believe it is common in many Asian countries to assist family members financially. It strikes me as a better system that in the west when individuals shy away from approaching family for a loan (say to start a new business) instead they use the banks.

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