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Ryan Hendry is a former detective and lawyer from the UK. He is now a freelance writer living in the Philippines. Ryan has a Filipina partner and hopes to be married to her later in 2016. He has traveled extensively in Asia and is a veteran of the Asian online dating world. He has experienced online, and physically met, some scammers, including unscrupulous ladies from Thailand and the more obvious scammers from Nigeria. Ryan is keen therefore to share his experiences and uses this platform for his blogs as CLM and ALM is committed to hunting down all scammers. Ryan, despite some of his experiences, respects Asian culture, loves Asian food and is now happy in the Philippines!
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International Dating: My Story - The Beginning of the End    

By Ryan Hendry
1612 Views | 33 Comments | 3/28/2018 1:28:03 PM
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(Showing 11 to 20 of 33) Previous 1 2 3 4 More...
#2018-03-31 12:48:09 by RHendry @RHendry

@melcyan Good question! For me, close to the beginning. With the wonderful benefit of hindsight I should have kept my money in my pocket and the bank.

I rather leapt into things and seeing I am a trusting person, I trusted too much.

My best advice to anyone emabarking on a relationship anywhere in Asia is keep hold of your money.

If she is truly keen on you, the person, not the walking ATM then you have found a good, honest lady.

#2018-03-31 12:59:22 by RHendry @RHendry

@anonymous16981 There were no documents regarding the restuarant. None were needed. I just funded the start-up of the business. 

The lease (document) I refer to was in connection with the lot and the house I bought. The lot and house were next door to the restaurant.The lease was to protect my interests giving me legal right of occupancy.

That lease shows deep down I did not trust her. Events proved me correct.

I was old enough that I should have known better. Age does not guarantee wisdom. Experience brings wisdom. It is an experience that taught me a lesson... an expensive lesson.

Have you never heard the saying "there is no fool like an old fool?"

Most men will not admit to having been foolish when it comes to affairs of the heart.

I have admitted it (being foolish), and that is why I agreed to write this blog so others may learn from my experiences.

#2018-04-01 20:49:47 by autumn2066 @autumn2066

Totally understand your feeling.You did have very reason to be that angry and then became wild to let off your steam.Sorry for your love story ran towards that way.

I just thinking, what if, what if you kept a bit more patience and stayed,was there any hope to persuade her? 

Maybe the woman you loved is not that bad hatching a sinister plot from the first beginnin? Maybe she did love you but you two had some misunderstanding while you two were tired and a bit drunk?  From women's view, once she saw what you did right in front of her and her son, what did you suppose to make her and her son feel? Few women could forgive that easily even if she might be the one whom caused it.

What if we didn't allow our ardour over our sense at the first, and then not allow our anger over our patience in the end? Could things ever lead to a better ending? I truly don't know.

Could we truly be that reasonable to jump out of our own love story doubting our loved one and ourselves while everything seems going so well? Always good to do some self-observation time to time, but it seems nearly an impossible mission keeping our mind always standing besdie our heart watching the whole things calmly while we were truly in love with someone. 

Sorry for your experience. It is harsh torment reviewing how our hearts were played and broken by the ones whom we thought as an angel. After being hurted in this way, we might fear to trust and love unconditionally again. 

Making big mistake is not a shame, but if we ever allow our pain and anger and fear control ourselves since our failure, it will be the biggest shame and the saddest part in the whole story. Accept the failure. Turn over the page, move on! Fogive ourleves being so stupid, forgive those people whom treat money more valuable than our love, let us learn from our failure, and keep hope! We desert better!

Those who dare to love unconditionally again, desert a much better love than that!

#2018-04-02 14:29:27 by RHendry @RHendry

@autumn2066 Many thanks for you insights and thoughts. Just like me, you find it impossible to answer many of these questions.

I do agree with your conclusions that "Those who dare to love unconditionally again, desert a much better love than that!" I prefer to put it another way: a bitter heart will prevent you loving and being happy.

Without giving away any spoilers, you will see there is a "happy ending" if you continue reading to the end of this series.

#2018-04-06 10:47:05 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

" that is why I agreed to write this blog so others may learn from my experiences.": 

No one has ever learned anything from reading or listening to the account of another's mistake.Hell, most people do not learn for their own mistakes. Fortunately, I don't believe you for a second on this point. A personal account like this is written to purge the soul of the writer.  It's cheaper than therapy, and even better of you can get paid for it. As for the impact of the reader, I am reminded of an interview Bob Dylan was doing about his album "Blood on the Tracks," which was inspired by his divorce. The interviewer began by commenting on how much she enjoyed the album, to which Dylan replied, "I don't know how anyone can enjoy that much pain." Ryan, I have not enjoyed a moment of this account. Nor have I learned anything from it that I didn't already know. I do think commiserating in the suffering of other's through reading their writing makes us see our own burdens in a different perspective, lightens our load, and perhaps even allows us to forgive ourselves our misfortunes. And that for me is that this account has done.Thank  you for writing it. I look forward to the "happy ending."

#2018-04-06 15:05:27 by RHendry @RHendry

@woaizhongguo "A personal account like this is written to purge the soul of the writer." 

It must be  wonderful to have so much certainty not to mention the gift of knowing what goes on in my mind. That was sarcasm.

Thank you for your comments but I feel I must reply to the part I object to in the quote marks above.

As the person who experienced all of this and wrote the articles I can assure you it was not written to purge my soul. It was and still is painful to recall my experiences in Thailand. In any event, I do not feel and never have felt the need to "purge my soul." 

The writing of these blog posts hasn't been therapeutic at all. My therapy took other forms and some years to get over these experiences. 

On the other hand, if you are saying you disagree with what I say then fine. In fact it's also fine if you choose to disbelieve me. But please do not tell me why I wrote them because you are not privy to the inner workings of my mind. Are you?

I also find it interesting you disparage history. For is not history an account of past successes and failures? For my part, I believe it's a fool who does not take note of lessons from history.

If history was that useless surely there would be no need for military academies to name but one example.

The point of my response is to attempt to distinguish between your interpretation of my motives and the less cynical real reasons why I wrote these articles.

I do appreciate the rest of your comments. Thank you.

#2018-04-07 00:40:40 by RWByrum @RWByrum

If you don't mind, Ryan, I'd like to share a few observations here.  First I want to congratulate you on this series.  It was a compelling story and brilliantly told.  I don't really understand why it doesn't garner more views.

I don't think that your dalliance with Orn was a mistake.  Your relationship with Noi was effectively over the moment she told you that she wouldn't sign the paperwork you needed her to sign.  I would go so far as to say that your relationship to Noi was an illusion that had never been real to begin with.  You were obviously very much in love with her, but I don't think that she was in love with you, ever.  I think she was a con artist who was manipulating you solely for the sake of getting your money from day one.

I don't think that is your fault, though.  Any man who claims that they could resist the charms of a woman like Noi is probably not being completely honest with himself.  Noi was a very adept con artist playing the "long game".

Even if your dalliance with Orn was the excuse Noi used for her treatment of you, I don't think it would have mattered if you had not enjoyed her services that night.  I believe that Sattorn's behavior towards you during the wedding reception was very much a part of the set-up and would have been used against you even if you had been completely faithful to Noi until the end.

I don't think trying to build a relationship with Noi was a mistake.  It was just your misfortune that she turned out to be a con artist.  Nor do I think it was a mistake to put everything you had into it.  I can really only identify two mistakes in your narrative.  The first was failing to realize that unless you are legally married, you really aren't married at all.  The second was not requiring Noi to sign the proper documents to protect your interests before you bought the land for her.  Once you bought the land, you really had not more leverage.  Neither of these mistakes would have mattered if she had really loved you.  Unfortunately, she wasn't and she was able to convincingly fake it.  But things could have been a lot worse.

#2018-04-08 08:06:00 by melcyan @melcyan

@woaizhongguo

 

"No one has ever learned anything from reading or listening to the account of another's mistake."

 

It is a good thing that scientists do not believe this. I think your words would be more accurate if you changed them to - 

 

Most people have never learned anything from reading or listening to the account of another's mistake.

 

When I read Ryan's words I often imagine myself in a similar situation and think about what I would do. Ryan's target audience may be very small but even if only one or two men learn something from his experiences then this blog series has justified his original intention for writing it. 

 

 However, I fully agree with your following words -

"I do think commiserating in the suffering of other's through reading their writing makes us see our own burdens in a different perspective, lightens our load, and perhaps even allows us to forgive ourselves our misfortunes."

 Sometimes our genuine efforts to help others produce valuable outcomes that were not anticipated.

#2018-04-09 06:02:33 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@woaizhongguo

I totally agree with your comment above. I think that anyone who writes an article such as this, does so in the HOPE that it may help others, but you're right, no-one ever learns from another's mistake.

There's an old cliche that goes - 'Learn from the mistakes of others; you cannot live long enough to make them all yourself'.

That said, as painful as it might be for the writer, I DO believe that, subconsciously, it helps to 'purge' them, or at least get it off their proverbial chest.

In Ryan's case, it seems to me that his excellent account should be a warning to others.

For most of society, money is their 'God'. They say it's the 'root of all evil', and Ryan's blogs re-inforce that point exactly.

#2018-04-09 10:40:05 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

Geez, try to compliment some people! I did not disparage history. I simply said no one has ever learned to avoid a mistake by reading the account of someone else's. If you want to teach something, write a textbook. Nor do I claim any insight into your motivation for writing. But neither do I think you should have the final word on this topic either. If we always knew our own motivations, psychoanalysis would have died out a hundred years ago. Isn't it rather as Proust said, "no man is a mystery except to himself."

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