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Ryan Hendry is a former detective and lawyer from the UK. He is now a freelance writer living in the Philippines. Ryan has a Filipina partner and hopes to be married to her later in 2016. He has traveled extensively in Asia and is a veteran of the Asian online dating world. He has experienced online, and physically met, some scammers, including unscrupulous ladies from Thailand and the more obvious scammers from Nigeria. Ryan is keen therefore to share his experiences and uses this platform for his blogs as CLM and ALM is committed to hunting down all scammers. Ryan, despite some of his experiences, respects Asian culture, loves Asian food and is now happy in the Philippines!
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International Dating: My Story – Happy Ending?    

By Ryan Hendry
1830 Views | 68 Comments | 5/3/2018 11:55:34 AM
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One of the first things I did on arriving back in Phuket was to call Orn. I arranged to meet up near the Jung Ceylon Mall in Patong as I had by now rented a nice newish Isuzu D Max pickup truck. I had also rented a two bedroom condo overlooking a communal swimming pool. Orn sounded pleased to hear from me and a little surprised. She explained she hadn’t really expected to hear from me.

 

I parked the car on the main road outside of the mall and waited for Orn to show. She did eventually and gave me “that smile” as she got into the front passenger seat. One of the things I liked about Orn was she didn’t dress like a hooker.

 

There we are, I have said that word. To me, she was never a hooker. Yes, she worked in a bar and was a sex worker. She did it for money. Yet, she was like thousands of other girls who turned to the sex trade because it was easy money. Many of them are from impoverished families in the north east of Thailand. They have no income and no prospect of work. But, as tradition dictates, they are expected to support families and/or the children they leave behind.

 

Orn’s story was she had been married to the love of her life at 21 years old. A baby daughter was born then her world turned upside down. Her husband left her. Even when I knew Orn, she still loved the guy and vowed never to be married again. She had a daughter, mother and grandmother to support and as the eldest daughter was expected to fulfil her duties. At first she worked in a factory in Bangkok but hated the long hours and the pittance she was paid in wages. Then a friend suggested she try bar work. The rest is history.

 

I took Orn to the condo and we had agreed a fee for her to stay two nights. It was wonderful not just for the sex but she was such good company. You must have met women in your life and thought I have only known her for a short time but it seems like I’ve known her forever, right? That’s how it was for me. Orn left after the two nights and I dropped her off at her rented room above a convenience store in a busy street close to the main police station in Kathu. Two days later, I called her again. “Come stay with me.” She did and stayed for months.

 

Because of me, Orn effectively had given up her day (and night) job. We arranged to go visit her family at her home in northern Thailand at Songkhran. That is possibly the most important event in the Buddhist calendar. It signifies a cleansing of the soul. I met all her family including her beautiful daughter. I fell in love. Orn proudly introduced me to family and friends saying, “this is Ryan. I quit bar work because of him.” She was proud and so was I.

 

You must understand that bar work is not frowned upon by these people living from hand to mouth. It is what it is, an easy way to earn money and Thais, like many other Asian countries, don’t have the same western prudish attitudes towards sex. It’s a bodily function – period! That was best exemplified perhaps when we were at Orn’s home when she was approached by the mother of a teenage girl.

 

The mother asked Orn to arrange an introduction to a bar owner in Phuket to enable her daughter to work as a bar girl. It was open and honest, no double standards. Some time later, Orn and I met the girl at a Phuket bus station. She arrived there after the long journey from Orn’s home town. The girl, I will call her Tham, but that’s not her real name, spent two nights with us when Orn “educated” her in the ways of her new job. Tham was nineteen, slim but very ordinary looking but by the time Orn had instructed her on how to wear her hair, how to use makeup and what to wear, oh my goodness – what a transformation!

 

I was falling more and more in love with Orn but she was adamant. She was not going to divorce and re-marry, to me or anyone. Then I hit visa problems. My multi-entry visa was due to expire so I returned to the UK. I had little money and no car of my own after Noi had scammed me. They were difficult times. I tried so hard to get my car back from Noi and even resorted to going to the police. They just laughed at me, not in an obvious way but I knew it. I also tried to see a future for Orn and me in Thailand. The visa was an insurmountable obstacle in the path of happiness. Times were changing in Thailand with the military coup and it became a land of uncertainty especially for farangs.

 

I never returned to Thailand. I am still in contact with Orn and we exchange pleasantries several times a year.  The UK was not for me. Asia still beckoned. That is when I set my sights on the Philippines. But that's another story yet to be told.

 

 

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2018-05-03 11:55:14 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Ryan, when you say "that's another story yet to be told", I hope you're planning to tell it here. This has been a very enlightening and entertaining series, but I'd sure hate to have to leave you while you're stuck in the UK, and never hear how things went in the Philippines, especially since we already suspect that will be where you have your happy ending.

As for Orn, there will be many readers of these blogs who cannot understand how you could fall in love with a "hooker", but I am not one of them. Guys who have grown up in, and never lived outside of, first world countries will have trouble with the concept. Especially guys who are from those countries that were subject to the "Victorian Era" in which the prudishness of Queen Victoria dramatically affected the socialization of our forefathers, and still affects our social norms to this day. Although it is starting to fade a bit.

These countries, of course, are those that comprised the now all but deceased British Empire, including the UK, the USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand plus a number of other countries that were also affected, but probably to a lesser degree. 

But when you move to another country, especially third world countries,the sexual mores are so dramatically different than our own that you soon lose your prigishness, you stop moralizing and you grow to understand that in countries and cultures in which starvation is a constant threat, people have more important things to deal with or worry about than looking down on someone for trading sexual favours for their families' sustenance.

Young women who sell themselves to feed their parents, siblings and children are not viewed as bad girls. They are respected admired and treasured by the ones they are keeping alive, and by the ones who do not have such a dutiful daughter and are not so well fed. I've met couples in which the husband stays home to care for the kids, tend to the family, and operate a small family farm (an acre or two), while the wife sells herself in a nearby city, a distant capital or even a country in another part of the world.

This applies not only to women in many Asian countries (including rural Chinese women), but to most countries in African and many in South or Central America. In that part of Hong Kong, for example, where the partying is robust, the bars are full, the booze flows freely and the payments for sexual favors flow freely, you can find several bars in which many of the girls are Latinas from countries such as Columbia, Venezuela or Brazil.

I met one such woman on a flight from Paris to Hong Kong. She was stunning, fun to talk to and enroute from Columbia to Hong Kong, where she was returning for a 2 month stint in one such bar. She told me she would come to Hong Kong for two such trips per year, in which she would make enough money to care for Hubby, 3 children, 2 parents and 2 siblings plus herself. Besides the 9 people she supported, her and Hubby were also building a new house for all of them on land she had purchased.

I was recently single from my ex live in Chinese girlfriend of 3 years, and spent 2 nights with this woman while she was waiting for her job to start. I didn't have to pay her for her services, but she did get 2 free nights in my hotel room and I paid for her meals. In Hong Kong that wasn't cheap.

We had a great 2 nights, and I enjoyed her company immensely. Had it not been for that loving Hubby and family dutifully waiting for her to return home, we might well have become a couple. I would not have hesitated to enter a relationship with her if she could have joined me in China, but she was not remotely prepared to desert that group depending on her, and I wasn't prepared to ask her to.

The reality is that in spite of her being a "hooker', she was one of the better women I have met in my life. I have rarely met a "Western woman" who would have given so much for love of family. You were lucky to have met one in Orn.

I know you have touched on this, but I wanted to double down for you and try to get those who would criticize you for your caring for Orn to give some serious thought  before casting any stones.      

I'll be looking forward to learning about your adventures in the Phils.

#2018-05-03 17:35:42 by RHendry @RHendry

@JohnAbbot What can I say? I'm touched by what you have written not simply because it is supportive. You understand, been there, done that and got the tee shirt :)

Those were difficult days. Without Orn, I'm not sure I would be telling my tale. Thank you Orn (not that I think you will ever read this). You will always have a place in my heart.

Of course, I would love to come back and finish the story and bring everyone bang up to date.

Cheers to all well-wishers and thanks for the amazing support from you all.

#2018-05-03 18:36:25 by cuby @cuby

@Ryan   It's refreshing, also from John, of being so open about your story's and explaining so well the difference in cultures between the West and Asia.  I was wondering if you ever attempted to take legal (civil) action to get your truck and money back?  I know it's not an easy task especially when the truck is in Noi's name.

Hope to read your continues story in the Philippines.

 

#2018-05-03 19:12:58 by Barry1 @Barry1

@RHendry

 

"I tried so hard to get my car back from Noi and even resorted to going to the police. They just laughed at me..."

 

I don't fully understand why you didn't visit Noi's place in the early hours of the morning when you knew everyone would be asleep. Then quietly access the car by whatever means - and repossess it at high speed!!  If afraid to do this yourself, then you could have paid someone to do it for a relatively small fee.

This assumes you still had a key for it.  If you didn't, then another strategy would be for you to have entered Noi's place at two or three in the morning and knowing where she routinely kept the keys, sneakily grabbed them and then roared off in the car.

 

Possession is nine tenths of the law, after all.

 

As for the military coup in Thailand, I've heard from more than one source it's no longer the friendly, welcoming place it used to be for foreigners, confirming your findings, Ryan.

 

One book I've read recently cites the northern part of Malaysia as now a great place to live for expats. I'm sure parts of the Philippines would be also, except for the unstable dictator there who advocates violence.

 

Following a speech after taking his oath inside the presidential palace, President Rodrigo Duterte paid a visit to a Manila slum and unleashed inflammatory threats against drug traffickers.

 

“These sons of whores are destroying our children. I warn you, don’t go into that, even if you’re a policeman, because I will really kill you,” the head of state told the audience.

 

“If you know of any addicts, go ahead and kill them yourself as getting their parents to do it would be too painful.”

 

I don't mind the drug kingpins being killed, but urging the hapless addicts to be slaughtered seems a bit rich. Living in a land with a guy like this at the head would make me nervous.  Especially given my view that ALCOHOL is the worst drug of all.   :^)

 

 

#2018-05-03 23:28:43 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@JohnAbbot

I have always suspected that those who are so quick to judge others in matters of the heart probably never truly experienced love themselves.

#2018-05-04 13:50:26 by melcyan @melcyan

@RHendry

 

Your words about Orn make sense to me. I understand that you developed a connection with Orn that never existed with Noi. Now I have a few questions. Do you believe that it is possible to develop a strong and respectful connection with a woman before you have sex? Was the trajectory of your relationship with Noi, with the benefit of hindsight, evident from the start? 

 

Trial and error seems to be the dominant mode of relationship development for most Western men.  Unfortunately, it often fails and does so at great cost.

 

Ryan, thank you for writing such a great blog. Much appreciated!

#2018-05-05 12:23:29 by RHendry @RHendry

@melcyan Thanks! 

Q1. Do you believe that it is possible to develop a strong and respectful connection with a woman before you have sex? Yes

Q2 Was the trajectory of your relationship with Noi, with the benefit of hindsight, evident from the start? Not from the start, no.

"Trial and error seems to be the dominant mode of relationship development for most Western men.  Unfortunately, it often fails and does so at great cost." I agree with that.

Thank you once more :)

#2018-05-05 12:41:28 by RHendry @RHendry

@Barry1 I should have replied earlier (previous blog posts) to your questions/observations so here goes:

I don't fully understand why you didn't visit Noi's place in the early hours of the morning when you knew everyone would be asleep. Then quietly access the car by whatever means - and repossess it at high speed!!  If afraid to do this yourself, then you could have paid someone to do it for a relatively small fee.

Are you crazy? :) Dogs barking, Thai mafia with guns. Connections to the local police. Yes, I was afraid of what might happen to me if caught. What's the first thing going to happen if I paid someone and they get caught? No prizes for the correct answer!


This assumes you still had a key for it.  If you didn't, then another strategy would be for you to have entered Noi's place at two or three in the morning and knowing where she routinely kept the keys, sneakily grabbed them and then roared off in the car.

Now I know you're crazy! :) Such a half-assed plan.

Possession is nine tenths of the law, after all.

Even if that was true, which it isn't, Noi had possession of it, not me. 

I'm sure parts of the Philippines would be also, except for the unstable dictator there who advocates violence.

1. He was elected by the people and thus he is not a dictator.

2. I am a guest in that country and repect the decision of the people. He is still very popular with them by the way. As a guest, I take no part in internal politics.

3. There has been much mis-reporting of the Philippines "war on drugs." Don't believe all you read. I don't and I feel safe here.

Please don't take offence at my use of the word "crazy." If we were talking over a beer, that is how I would say it and I feel sure you would not take offence!

Cheers Barry! 

#2018-05-05 12:43:50 by RHendry @RHendry

@cuby

" I was wondering if you ever attempted to take legal (civil) action to get your truck and money back?  I know it's not an easy task especially when the truck is in Noi's name."

No. Waste of time and money.

#2018-05-06 14:17:35 by Barry1 @Barry1


@RHendry

 

Thanks for the comments, Ryan.

 

You called me crazy.   No offence taken at all.   Many people have told me this in the past and sometimes I agree with them.   (giggle)

 

With the utmost respect and reverence however, may I comment upon your reply to me? 

 

"I don't fully understand why you didn't visit Noi's place in the early hours of the morning when you knew everyone would be asleep. Then quietly access the car by whatever means - and repossess it at high speed!!  If afraid to do this yourself, then you could have paid someone to do it for a relatively small fee.

 

Are you crazy? Dogs barking, Thai mafia with guns. Connections to the local police. Yes, I was afraid of what might happen to me if caught..."

 

My response to this is - you lily livered, chicken heart!   :)

 

Just on sheer principle, I would've seriously attempted to repossess the car. 

 

I'm a good friend to have.  But a devious enemy!  (punch)

 

Noi had connivingly defrauded you out of a lot of money.  The very least you could have  - should have  - done is to get your beloved car back.  This would've involved however, a good deal of determination and guts.  I feel in this situation, I would've marched forward. Even though many around me would've no doubt followed your lead and high tailed it out of there, like rabid mongrel dogs running from a grizzly bear.

 

No, I'm no hero.  But I live amongst them. Their actions therefore, I like to believe I'd would unflinchingly emulate.   (muscle)

 

Perhaps I can ask @JohnAbbot, @RWByrum, @melcyan and @cuby what they would have done in this situation? 

 

Run like scalded cats, afraid of "barking dogs and the Thai mafia"? 

 

Or clenched their teeth, muttering to themselves like latter day Peter Finches, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it any more  - that thieving woman deserves some payback!"  (punch)(punch)

 

What say you all?   :^)

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