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Indonesia –Want Fries with Your Future?    

By Ken Silver About Asia
2987 Views | 2 Comments | 7/5/2013 4:15:13 PM

Indonesian women are among the most beautiful women of Asia.

It’s all so clear to me now, as I sip my mushroom shake in the cool Indonesian night. Einstein was wrong. It isn’t gravity that holds everything together. It’s Indonesia’s Super Glue!

And there, wow, look! Before me, on the main street of the town of Manado, one of the mystic salesmen of fabulous Lem Korea, the Indonesian Super Glue. (No connection with the country of Korea, which after all is still broken in half.) Always, Lem Korea is sold by gaunt, gray garbed vendors who sit on cracked sidewalks in the soft darkness, unsmiling guardians against the falling apart of the world, the awful entropy of it all.

This stuff will hold anything. Bond any two objects together, and then let heartless time just try to pull them apart! You and your long distance relationships, one like the shining sun!

Suddenly, I realize the stars in the sky are nothing but drops of this super glue, repairing the Big Bang of long ago.

Perhaps ordained by the Glue Scriptures, there is always one silent, waiting vendor to each Manado block. Their supply of tubes of the ultimate binding force is kept in a moldy cardboard box at their feet. Who knows what has been broken? Who knows when a weeping supplicant shall seek their help?

On each tube is the symbol of a baffled rat. Well, I think to myself, as I sip my shake, the universe is just a rat without a tail after all. A sparkling rat endlessly light years long and galaxies wide. Time and Space its cheese. And in Lem Korea Super Glue, the awful binding mousetrap force of a Black Hole has come to Earth.

All right, yes, it is a bit odd that the sidewalks they sit upon nightly are cracked and crumbling. Maybe that’s like Superman can’t see through lead, or something.
Suddenly I’m feeling like I’m falling apart myself! Super Glue, bind my thoughts together! Lem Korea, my life is broken and I’ve lost the pieces!

Me, insane? Oh, a tad. But, you should try flying an Indonesian airline for real Alice in Wonderland action.

Are Indonesian airlines safe? Sometimes, yes. It’s just that they partake of the same easy going, soap bubble nature of the quieter Indonesian islands. That’s fine when drinking warm beer on the beach, but not so good when repairing jet engines. Sliding off of the Bali runway into the ocean… taking off with nearly empty fuel tanks, habitually inhaling large flocks of very big tropical birds… nor was it helpful when a company spokesman pointed out that their plane slid into a “very warm and clear tropical ocean which our valued passengers were doubtless going to swim or surf in later anyhow,”.

Indonesian airlines are a bit, like the penguin, “Flight challenged”. Heavy turbulence and your seat belt doesn’t work… you might find yourself wishing you were safely bobbing in a life raft on the ocean below, and you soon may be!

The bad news is that they are currently banned from entering European air space. Hell, they are banned from entering most of Asian air space! This is not the American version of a No Fly zone, in which non compliant aircraft are shot down. This is the kind of no fly zone in which everyone on the ground - and certainly everyone on the aircraft! - is rooting for the plane to stay aloft.

The good news is that Indonesian airlines are about $300 less per ticket than, well, safer airlines. Since nobody in my circle of friends consider our lives worth $300, we get to shake hands at airports a lot and say either “I hope you make it”, or “I see you made it”.

My mushroom milkshake makes me very hungry, so, to honor the glued together universe we all live in I go into my favorite cheap restaurant stall to chow down on rat stew.

All gone! Rats! Well then, dog stew! No, it could be somebody I know. Chicken!

The proprietor goes into ecstasy. “How many pieces?” He mouths the English without understanding it, really. I hold up three fingers. He dances in his glee, spreads the word to his helper who runs to the kitchen.

I sit down, resigned to the fact that my meal may never come.

Indonesia food stalls can be like that. The order is taken with great attention and then somewhere between the proprietor and the ten feet away stove that serves as the kitchen your order just pops like an Indonesia island soap bubble and is gone.

Well, the old family food stalls –warungs- are feeling the stress these days, if this town of Manado is any indication. Shopping malls are springing up everywhere, and along with them have come the Western fast food chains. You know MacDonald’s, KFC, Pizza Hut, you name them, and like the Devil, they come. With the seduction of air conditioning it’s just no contest.

They bring depersonalization, impatience, the pettiness of making sure you get just the right super sauce, dehumanization of the restaurant staff. And, they are more expensive. If you want to impress an Asian woman, take her to KFC. Very soon, Asian culture and Asian traditions are going to need a shot of super glue.

And women there are in this town of Manado, Sulawesi, in Indonesia. I might mention that the women of Sulawesi are considered to be among the most beautiful Asian women. Young women in shorts, selling snacks and sodas, selling phone cards, serving tasty bat stew. Manicuring, pedicuring, medicuring. It is the Promised Land as far as that goes, but like Moses, visitors like me can’t enter unless they are marriage material and look willing to make that commitment.

Who is behind this global dehumanization of humanity, which, in the interest of real intellectual honesty, includes, (I’m very sorry to say), getting more and more young Asian women to wear tighter and tighter shorts? Professor Noam Chomsky says it is a fiendish alliance of global corporations and increasingly fascist nation states.

Sure thing, Prof, but even that alliance, and the entire globe, is controlled by a council of seven not so funny talking animals from the future. I had proof, but the cleaning lady threw it out. I do have photos of their paw prints on my pickup truck. They know that I know that they know that I know. They even know that you now know that I know that they know that I know that you know that I know. You know? That places you in grave danger! Protect yourself!
Go out and see a movie!

Meanwhile, I’ll order another shake.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2013-07-07 00:48:21 by twhite725 @twhite725

Great existentialist stream of consciousness rant but you did not tie in the fries. Poutine has not found its way to Indonesia? Could be made with water buffalo milk cheese!

#2013-07-12 11:41:10 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

Another great article. Haven't been to Indonesia but think I will avoid Indonesian airlines when I do. Keep up the good work!

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