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Born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Daniel has lived in Toronto, Canada for 28 years. He’s a loving father, practicing dentist, divorcee and a well traveled “citizen of the world”. Having had extensive experience with online dating, travel and life in the Philippines, Daniel will tell it like it is and will no doubt open some eyes. He is currently engaged to a Chinese lady that he met on CLM and will very soon get married. However, he's seen a dark side too. Get ready for the good, the bad and the ugly.
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In Search of the Ideal Partner    

By Daniel Chermont
3969 Views | 4 Comments | 3/10/2012 12:39:27 AM

Human beings are gregarious by nature. There will be a time in our lives when we will consciously or unconsciously engage in actively seeking a person; to live with us, start a family and it has been like this since the dawn of times. Christians and Jews believe that the first couple was hand picked by God Himself, well, it could not get any better than this, but for the rest of us we have to do the work ourselves. Hopefully, God will give a hand. Some call it fate, others destiny, some believe that is just luck, a love lottery, others that happen by chance. For some it happens accidentally in the most unexpected way while other get a little help from friends, family or even professional matchmakers. With today’s technologies, with the advent of the internet, we have the “dating sites” and I believe that saves us a lot of leg work and help to select a few people that are more suitable than others to share life with us.

We all know that there is no such a thing like a perfect person. I personally use a simple formula ”the total of pros should be greater than the total of cons”. By logic, most people would not consider associating themselves with shady characters, people engaged in illegal or immoral trades and serious flaws in their personality. If you gather with pigs, you will end up eating acorns. Unless you identify yourself with a person with serious abnormal behavior or wrongful conduct, our natural instinct is to stay away from those. Birds of a feather flock together…

A psychiatrist friend of mine, doing her R3 residence in Psychiatry, said that she and her colleagues were supposed to examine a group of patients and interview them. They were also told to make notes that would be reviewed by their professors later and appraised. Without the knowledge of the students, some people considered perfectly normal emotionally were among the patients to be interviewed. She examined a patient for over half an hour and could not see anything wrong with that person. In the last couple of minutes, for just something the person said, she realized the person had mental problems. Even for the untrained eye, some people can fool some people during some time, but not everybody all the time, sooner or later the mask will fall.

Instinct tells us to select a wholesome, honest, trustworthy, first class human being. In Brazil these days is a common occurrence young couples living together under the same roof, before tying the knot. There are advantages of doing that. The only way they could effectively observe the daily behavior of the person they are considering to be their partner for life is to live for few months together with him or her. They will have a chance observe how the person reacts under different circumstances, if it is a person that will work together with them as a team player or not. They will observe whether he or she is an altruist or an egotistical person.

They will observe also if the person is tidy and practice hygiene rituals compatible with him or her. They will have the opportunity to sit down, talk in an amiable and open way about what they expect from the relationship and if everything goes well, their chances of building a solid relationship are maximized.

Love, respect, trust and loyalty are the sacred foundations, which will bond people together and sustain a long-lasting, fruitful and healthy relationship, which will endure the trials of life. Love is essential and should be sprinkled with romantic moments to keep the flame alive. Respect is a must. Once respect is gone, things will go downhill. Trust and loyalty are like a broken mirror. You can fix it, but the cracks will be always visible.

When we write our profile to be published in a dating side, we should be as much careful when describing ourselves as when describing our “ideal partner”.

I feel it should include likes and dislikes. This would send a strong message and should be carefully thought, using all frankness. It is always better a nude and crude blunt and even hurtful truth, than a sweet lie. What is the point in pretending to be something we are not or look like we are flexible in certain angles when we are not? I would not associate myself with a racist, intolerant, aggressive, vulgar or disloyal person. No thanks, I pass, regardless of how beautiful, sexy or attractive the lady is. The true beauty dwells in the soul, not in the flesh.

Do your shopping list; be honest to yourself in the first place. What are the criteria you will use? Which points are relevant to you and which qualities are paramount to you? What kind of flaw would turn you off?

For some physical beauty, gorgeous looks are the most important. For others, an intelligent fast thinking partner would be the ideal. For some, a person with a good sense of aesthetics is important. I believe most would enjoy a person with solid moral principles, dignity, integrity and honesty.

For some, a solid and stable financial situation is a must. Not necessarily that the lady or the guy for that matter could be interested in his partners assets. People can always enter some sort of legal agreement and look for a lawyer to prepare a pre-nuptial contract. I see this more as a cultural thing. I observed that Christians and Muslims place more importance in love, family ties and fearing God, than those belonging to other groups. Other groups want financial stability in the secular world; perhaps for their lack of faith in God and not considering that the things that surround us are temporal and that this is just a brief stop in our Journey to a better place, as Christians, Jews and Muslims believe. It is not the purpose of this article to discus religious beliefs, or the absence of them altogether. I believe in total freedom and each person should run his or her life as he/she feels is better and right for him or her.

I have seen in my country, Brazil, very wealthy girls, dating guys that belonged to the low middle class and sometimes did not even had a job. Also wealthy guys, belonging to the top of the social pyramid dating girls coming from very humble families even destitute. Love takes precedent over money in Brazil. In some cultures, they want to see how much you are worth even before considering dating you. Gold diggers? Not really, I think they are concerned if they will have some comfort and won’t have to endure a life of hardships.

Some people place a special emphasis in similar Education. They feel difficult to relate to a person with limited access to information and in a lower cultural bracket. So my friends, there is a Universe of criteria and values, what can be the ideal for one person, may not mean anything to another.

Brazilians say that a couple should behave like a gentleman and a lady in a social event or walking down the street, they should act as mom and dad in front of the kids and have a torrid, totally free, steaming hot sex life in their bedroom, like there is no tomorrow. This is a classical Brazilian approach.

There are people that prefer people that follow the same religion; they feel more comfortable that way to avoid conflicts when it comes to giving religious orientation to their kids in the future.

Watch out for aggressive and impulsive behavior. If a person is rough, unkind or yell at children or cruel to an animal, he/she will also be cruel to you, this is an almost certain sign of future problems. Nobody needs that.

So, do your homework, prepare your shopping list and go for it. There are lots of good potential partners out there for everyone, it might take a bit of work, but you will find your princess or your white Knight is his polished armor. Always remember, to love and to be loved is not a right, is a privilege.

Good luck, bonne chance.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 4 of 4) 1
#2012-03-11 10:46:15 by jericho7 @jericho7

You make so many good points. I really appreciated your article and wisdom. I wish you could write another article dealing with the spiritual dimension and religion inside of dating and marriage. I'd like to hear your profound perspective. Thankyou, my friend

#2012-03-13 23:51:16 by lucyinthesky @lucyinthesky

Reading your article is such an enjoyable experience and knowledgeable learning process. ThAnks for being so thoughtful and generous to share.

#2012-04-06 21:53:18 by smile01 @smile01

You are a good person who make so many good points .However ,I felt your indea about life and love is too poetic .Sometimes we must face the ugly truth of life .

#2012-04-26 23:16:59 by gaspasser @gaspasser

Another very good article...you are right on in what you say...I hope there is still hope for me now that I am an old man...

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