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Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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I'm Gonna Buy a Bee !    

By Paul Fox
3383 Views | 15 Comments | 2/14/2014 5:01:30 AM
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(Showing 11 to 15 of 15) Previous 1 2
#2014-02-16 16:49:08 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@paulfox1 - I'm not sure why but when I read this, some questions and thoughts that border on the periphery jumped into my head. Some are more relevant than others:

RE: "if we guys are honest with ourselves, we tend to somewhat subconsciously categorize women, on first sight, into one of the following - Ugly, So-So, Attractive, Pretty and Beautiful"

1. I don't think this is remotely somewhat subconscious, it's right there on the absolute surface of our conscious thought. How could we "subconsciously" elbow our buddy (whichever one is handy) every time a woman comes into site and announce to him our assessment of her looks, which is something every man I know does, including myself.

2. I think your words are not quite in the right order. In my mind it would be Ugly, So So, Pretty, Beautiful or Attractive. The difference being that to me "attractive" suggests she is at least Pretty and maybe Beautiful, and that she somehow displays something almost on first site that leads you to believe she is also beautiful on the inside. In other words, she has something special that really "attracts" you to her.

3. I think in North American culture at least, as opposed to thinking in terms of words when we make these initial assessments we do so in terms of numbers, namely a ranking from 1 to 10 in which 10 is the highest. But I will say that these numbers apply strictly to absolute physical beauty. And in my experience, the women who are generally the most "attractive", that is "possessed of inner beauty", are found among the ones who are in the 6 to 8 range for pure physical beauty.

RE: "how often do you see an ugly guy with a beautiful woman or a handsome guy with an ugly one?" - I think you see it all the time. In fact it never ceases to amaze me how often I see it. And every once in a while, but not often, it turns out that the ugly one isn't even rich.

RE: "I had to turn up the TV volume in order to drown out the noise of her farts that I could hear billowing from the shower!!!!!!" - is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that for some reason Chinese hotel rooms, and even Chinese houses and apartments, seem to be designed to amplify the nasty noises coming from the bathroom. If the bathroom doors aren't made out of paper, then they have several different "vents" built into them and the open space under the door is about 3 inches high.

Compared to Chinese bathrooms, ours are built like bank vaults. Be honest Chinese readers, do you guys actually like the sound of farting, or of certain made made objects splashing in the toilet bowl?

RE: "her friend certainly had some "class". She was naturally attractive and she was wearing clothes that complemented her good looks." combined with ""career girl", single, never married, no kids and no interest in a boyfriend" and "how much "better" sites like CLM would be if all the girls were like her friend and how much happier I would be if it was HER FRIEND that I had come to meet".

When I read this, I immediately thought of how fortunate we are that on CLM we seem to have a great number of Chinese ladies who fit your description of the "friend". This is best evidenced by so many of the regular female contributors to the blogs and forum who consistently demonstrate themselves to be classy, well educated, well mannered, elegant and ATTRACTIVE (see my definition above). I think we have been blessed in that regard.

RE: "I am going now, to buy MYSELF a bee..... and I am going to love it, care for it and next time I meet someone I am going to put it gently into my hand......" - while I realize this was necessary to get to your really funny, and brilliant, punchline, for those of us with an instinctual fear of insects of whom I am one, and I suspect even moreso for those with allergies to bee stings, the thought of placing a bee gently in my hand almost sent me into a state of comatose shock. I'll take Miss Piggy over a bee in my hand, anyday.

Just the same, this was a very entertaining and enlightening article - thanks for the read.

#2014-02-16 17:13:52 by Grace172 @Grace172

@paulfox1
you said: "Your profile is invisible - how can we fall in love ? " haha.... Don't you think this is the only way which not make me fall in love with you? And also avoid the risk that your ears have been pulled by your girl friend. (giggle)
Bye the way I think you make all the Chinese women hate chicken head now. So you don't need to worry will meet a girl who like eating checken head any more. But as I know there are still some Chinese(men and women) like eating chickeng ass.. (puke) Yuck! Maybe you will be lucky to meet one. (giggle) Looking forward your next story.

#2014-02-16 19:41:13 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@JohnAbbot
Haha, thanks for your reply here. Of COURSE the 'bee' was there to deliver the punchline and in no way am I recommending putting one in your hand!
When I first announced to my friends and family (back in 1999) that I was emigrating to Australia, I was greeted with several similar comments such as 'Oh, you dont want to go THERE, it's full of snakes and spiders!" In the last 14 years I have seen 3 snakes (from a distance) and many spiders that are more scared of me than I am of them (even though I hate the damn things)

As for your comment regarding the 'ladder of looks', it depends on whether or not you consider 'attractive' to be higher up than 'beautiful'

For me, it would have to be - Ugly, So-so, Attractive, Pretty, Beautiful....and then of course ....STUNNING!

Haha, I remember an e-mail I got a few years ago from an old school mate - it was a photo of the most beautiful woman you could ever DREAM of. She was wearing a bikini and was simply STUNNING in every way you could imagine
Under the photo there was a caption which read -
'No matter how good she looks, somebody somewhere is fed up with putting up with her SH*T"
Something that always stuck with me (for some stupid reason)

As for the 'sub-conscious' comment, yes I agree that I have certainly been in many situations where a beautiful girl may walk into a bar and I have nudged my friend - but this article was written with perhaps a different mindset
When you are sitting ALONE at a computer and contemplating the lovely women on CLM, maybe it IS the subconscious mind that 'filters out' the ones we are not IMMEDIATELY attracted to?

As we scan the list of 'matches' or 'newest members', it's easy to quickly run through the photos and your brain says 'no.no, possibly, maybe, no, definitely worth a try, no, no ,no, maybe' etc etc - because it is INSTANT attraction that I was trying to get across here

I have met some genuinely LOVELY women who fall into the 'ugly' category and likewise some stunners who would fall into a 'complete bitch' category - and this is true the world over (not just western/Chinese) - I am sure we ALL have!

But as I stated earlier, the whole POINT of this article was to try and get Western CLM members to understand that visiting China to meet only ONE WOMAN is a crazy, stupid idea and anyone who considers it has rocks-in-their-head as far as I am concerned!

I sincerely hope that I made my point - but at the end of the day I always refer to the famous words written by a person called 'A NON' ...
.
"Learn from the mistakes of others - you cannot live long enough to make them all yourself'"

#2014-02-20 03:39:18 by Joewood @Joewood

Paul,
This is a great article, and even though it has the true life experience which sounds like a night out with a horror flick, it does have some bearing on many other things in picking your next (and hopefully last) partner. I look through the profiles, and some I go back and make a comparison to, some have high match percentages, but some have incomplete information. Pictures are misleading, and makeup can transform. But certain manners, especially table and other things of etiquette, will turn another person on or off in a heartbeat. It can also be a forewarning of what you are getting yourself into, the life of embarrassment, and making excuses for your other half for the rest of your life. Run Forest Run! comes to mind. The bathroom scenario is just too funny, and she may not have taken a shower at all, but turned on the water to try and muffle the sounds generated from Mount St Helen's, I bet her woolly hat wasn't even on straight when she emerged. I find a woman's bathroom to be a tell tale of the woman. Having dealt with the actual counting of things on the sink counter,and the shower, it opens up, the reality of what is going to be. A man can be happy with 3 things on the counter, and a bottle of shampoo and a bar of soap in the shower, but a woman will have 20 things on the counter, and 10 things in the shower.
John Abbot, when you go into the attractiveness of women, it does go to a certain point of do I want to look at this woman for the rest of my life, or do I want to wake up one day, finding her sleeping on your arm, realizing what did I get myself into, Chewing off your own arm preferring to die from the bleeding. Yes western men will look at a woman's photos, and look for one that meets their do they turn me on, or could I spend the rest of my life with her? I have to agree with you from a guy's standpoint, not to sound chauvinistic, or misogynistic, but most men do want a woman they are attracted to, and the beautiful woman walking into the room will turn their heads and stare, if they are not happy with the woman they are with. The ladder scale of appearance especially when it come to Western thinking, and the way men in the U.S. have been "groomed" to look at what is and what is not attractive does come into play. Your statement about the 1 to 10 scale is right on the money when it comes to a lot of the perceptions, and the women in the 6 to 8 range can be more appealing, not just in their physical appearance, but in their inner beauty, it's everywhere. I have a few friends with Asian wives, One is a decent looking guy with a very outgoing great personality, who has a 6 to 8 range wife, but her hospitality, her manners, her personality, all add up to a very attractive partner, and I am glad to have made friends with her. Another marriage is a short, fat, kind of toad looking guy, who's "trophy wife" although seems to be a very attractive woman in her late 50's, some of us wonder how he ended up with her. She knows she is a successful, good looking woman, has a nice personality, can be friendly, but you know she is a little full of herself.
And Paul, your statement about a man going to China to meet one woman, it's an eye opener, and for someone like me who does not travel well, I am hoping I may find a woman here in the states. And your little pun about holding a bee in your hand, and having been stung twice, I will be looking for something else to hold. I would like to post something about the income issues I find when I look at profiles, but that's for another topic.
Hopefully from making mistakes, we learn. But being a little more selective, and doing a little research, going through the profiles, it brings a better chance for a happy match

#2014-02-20 18:02:22 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

I am really SORRY to those of you in China who cannot open this link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_o2JT9N5Un0

It is absolutely HILARIOUS - make sure you have speakers on

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