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Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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I'm Gonna Buy a Bee !    

By Paul Fox
3296 Views | 15 Comments | 2/14/2014 5:01:30 AM

Since the dawn of time when man sent his woman to the local takeaway on a Saturday night for deep fried Dodo and chips, the subject of women's beauty has long been a somewhat topical discussion for the discerning male. In the same way as "one man's meat is another man's poison", your idea of a beautiful woman may not match mine, and vice versa...



So, I'm gonna buy a Bee!



This whole Blog article is based on my OWN opinions - and since I am the one writing this drivel I guess that is blindingly and painstakingly obvious -



But I think it's fair to say that if we guys are honest with ourselves, we tend to somewhat subconsciously categorize women, on first sight, into one of the following - Ugly, So-So, Attractive, Pretty and Beautiful



A friend of mine is about to get divorced because he stupidly wrecked his marriage to a beautiful woman by having an affair with a woman who is what I would call "So-So" - which I find crazy



In stark contrast I have another friend who would never even look at another woman because he is hopelessly in love with his wife – who in my opinion, has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp!



It stands to reason that if we were all the same, life would be totally boring - and I believe it is important to recognize that a woman's outer beauty is often not as important as her inner beauty - but inner beauty is not the subject in hand.



I am talking about outer beauty - instant attraction - do you "fancy" her - the "love-at-first-sight" kind of beauty



Just where IS the line drawn between Beautiful and Ugly - and are the other "categories", (ie So-So, Attractive and Pretty) simply like rungs on a ladder between the 2 extremes?



"It all depends on your own perspective" - I hear you scream! - and you are perfectly correct, but take "Mr and Mrs Average" out of the equation for a moment and what are you left with ? - It's easy for an ugly guy to get an ugly girl, just as it is easy for a handsome guy to get a beautiful girl -



But how often do you see an ugly guy with a beautiful woman or a handsome guy with an ugly one?



It is only naivety that drives the average looking fella to try his best to grab a pretty (or beautiful) girl and I don't believe we often need to look further than our own automatic reactions to prove it



How often do you see that you have received a message from a woman on CLM only to hit the "delete button" before you have even read it?



How often do you go to the "My Matches" section and actually LOOK at the women’s profiles one by one?



You don't, do you?



What you do is to SCAN that section just waiting for a photo to "jump out at you" - and THEN you will read her profile! (I am sure that women here do exactly the same) - You see her photo before you read her message and if you don't immediately fancy her, then you don't bother to read it!



But then - what catches YOUR eye, may not catch mine - and again, vice versa



I am no oil-painting but I once had the pleasure of knowing (for a while) what I would describe as a beautiful Chinese woman. This was not just my own perspective - all of my friends who met her, commented on her beauty and every time we went to a restaurant or a bar she was constantly being stared at by men within range of our table (especially western men).



Naturally "attractive", while getting ready to go out she could transform herself from an attractive woman into an extremely beautiful one.



Sadly, any chance of a relationship ended because like many Chinese women in their late 30's and early 40's, she has designs on having another baby



There seems to be a huge attraction these days whereby Chinese women want to have a 'half-breed' child.



Admittedly, I think that some of the most beautiful women in the world are the product of an Asian mother and a western father, but I am really not into the thought of new fatherhood at my time of life - anyway, I digress -



So, let me tell you why I'm definitely gonna buy a Bee!



I have just spent the day with "Miss Piggy"! (by which I am referring to the character from the famous “Muppet Show”, I am not implying the lady was a member of the swine family),  - and dinner this evening has prompted my typing fingers into immediate action!



We had previously had contact for a while (including video chat) and as far as I was concerned, she certainly fell into the "attractive category" We had daily contact on qq - but nothing can compare to meeting in person



We met at lunchtime..... She was not hungry so she watched as I ate some simple Chinese food. She is 38, divorced with one child. As she sat across the table donned in what I like to call “typical Chinese fashion" – oddly mismatched clothing in competing colours - her woolly hat didn’t match her coat, which didn’t match her shorts, which didn’t match the leggings under them. She looked like something out of a Chinese version of "Little Red Riding Hood" as she stared at me while I ate  Her phone rang - it was her friend calling who was (apparently) curious to meet me and within a few short minutes her friend joined us at the table.



Compared to Miss Piggy, her friend certainly had some "class". She was naturally attractive and she was wearing clothes that complemented her good looks.



My mind was already contemplating Miss Piggy's looks and in real-life she had been downgraded to the "So-So" category by the subconscious part of my brain



Miss Piggy asked me how old I thought her friend was. Putting on my very best "Diplomatic head" I thought for a moment and said "36" - She was 30 - Shit! (How to win friends and influence people - lol)



I got out of that one by telling her that I MEANT to say 26 (easy really since neither of the girls spoke English, so a "Freudian Slip" was easy to blame) - but in reality it was a total lie, because as far as I was concerned she looked 36!



After lunch, her friend went off to work and so Miss Piggy and I had a wander round a few shops. Everywhere we went, we were stared at by both men and women. Maybe it was because I was the only westerner in town, or maybe it was her woolly hat - I don't know - but from what I have seen of Chinese "fashion", it was probably the former that was such a strange and unusual sight in this cold Chinese town



She kept trying to hold my hand as we walked, but as far as I was concerned I was already attracting enough attention with my western features without drawing even more attention to myself by holding the hand of the latest honours-degree graduate from the university of How-to-wear-clothes-that-make-you-look-stupid!



It was cold - very cold, so we decided to go to my hotel room and watch some TV for a while and get some warmth



The room had its own computer and she was quick to ask me to log-on to CLM because she wanted to see "all the girls" I was corresponding with (or had been in the recent past)



Fortunately I was able to remember the username and password of a very old account I once had on CLM that is no longer active - so I used that to log on



I told her that I only use CLM to read the articles and to write my drivel and since she could see there was no recent "activity" under my old username, I got away with it



Then it was her turn to log on. Her inbox was stuffed with un-opened messages and "Kisses" - including one old message from myself - still un-opened......



She translated something I had written previously and appeared to read it quickly, then logged off before giving me any chance at all of asking her to open any messages from the other guys (not that I would have asked her to)



I turned on the TV and she asked if she could use the shower.



I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT -  I had to turn up the TV volume in order to drown out the noise of her farts that I could hear billowing from the shower!!!!!! - Oh, so "lady-like" (not) - it was at this point that I realized I had my very own Miss Piggy!



She emerged from the shower looking exactly the same as she did when she went in - including the odd woolly hat!



"Dinner time!" she exclaimed as she put on her boots



She led me to a restaurant close to the hotel and as a whole host of dishes began to arrive on the table she was quick to dive in



IT GETS WORSE -  The REAL Miss Piggy would have had better table manners!



She farted once again as she sucked on a braised chicken's foot, spitting the tiny bones onto the floor, while at the same time flicking her cigarette ash into a soup bowl (6 inches was obviously too far to reach for the ash-tray).



She attempted some kind of conversation but speaking Chinese with a mouthful of chicken's foot sounded more like Klingon and I never had a hope in hell of understanding her (Beam me up Mr Spock!)



With another chicken's foot grasped tightly between her chopsticks, a mouthful of skin and bone and a cigarette in her hand it was no surprise that I was happy to see her attractive friend come skipping through the restaurant door



As her friend joined us, Miss Piggy was quietly trying to avoid choking to death as she noisily sucked the brains out of a steamed fish’s head, so my attention quickly turned to her friend for a little conversation



A "career girl", single, never married, no kids and no interest in a boyfriend. As far as she was concerned, dating sites were for "desperate people who couldn't find a partner"



Between mouthfuls of fish-gills and with smoke billowing from her nose, Miss Piggy was quick to remind her that without such platforms she would never have met ME (God forbid!!) - which of course is true - but her attractive friend wasn't having any of it.



As I looked across at Miss Piggy I began to wonder what real chance she would have of finding a partner without a dating site, how much "better" sites like CLM would be if all the girls were like her friend and how much happier I would be if it was HER FRIEND that I had come to meet instead of Miss Piggy herself



With my diplomatic head firmly stuck back on, I suggested to her that maybe it would be a good idea for her to go home and check some of the un-opened messages she has in her CLM inbox. (She may find a man who already OWNS a bee!)



So, I am going now, to buy MYSELF a bee..... and I am going to love it, care for it and next time I meet someone I am going to put it gently into my hand......



Because, as you all know – (wait for it)……….. Beauty.......... is in the eye.......... of the BEE HOLDER!



As always - Actions Speak Louder Than Words!  (But maybe not as loud as her farts!)


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 15) 1 2 More...
#2014-02-14 05:04:54 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Paul, this is an interesting article at so many levels. I have a few comments to make but no time at the moment to write them up. I shall return, and look forward to seeing other comments in the meantime.

#2014-02-14 12:32:12 by Barry1 @Barry1

@paulfox1

Very funny stuff, thank you, Paul.

Though one thing struck me. You said,

"She emerged from the shower looking exactly the same as she did when she went in - including the odd woolly hat!"

Are you saying she wore her hat whilst in the shower? If so, why would she have done this, do you think?

I must say that some of your descriptions were so graphic that they made me want to look away from the page! For example,

"Between mouthfuls of fish-gills and with smoke billowing from her nose"

This lady sounds like a fire breathing dragon! lol

As for your description,

"Miss Piggy was quietly trying to avoid choking to death as she noisily sucked the brains out of a steamed fish’s head"

I think you've turned me off eating fish for life!

A well written and amusing article, Paul - thanks for sharing it with us. :)

#2014-02-14 12:41:27 by matthew1975 @matthew1975

Well, I didn't know where you were going with that, but I must say I erupted in laughter when I got to the punchline! Well done sir.

#2014-02-14 13:52:49 by anonymous8896 @anonymous8896

@Paul - This has to be one of the funniest stories I have read on CLM! If it were me in that situation, I would have been absolutely HORRIFIED. Where on earth did such a woman come from? There is such a thing as being TOO carefree. Then there's the smoking and disgusting eating...so gross! So low class! Yuck!!! Run brother...RUN!!!

#2014-02-14 15:52:46 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@Barry1
Your questions make me laugh my friend. The SHOWER is in the BATHROOM and although she said she would take a SHOWER, I only actually saw her walk into the BATHROOM. She emerged from the BATHROOM wearing her woolly hat. So I guess she must have took it off in the BATHROOM in order to take a SHOWER and then put it back on again in the BATHROOM ! - haha (rofl)
And YES, she put me off fish forever too !

#2014-02-15 06:57:25 by Windee @Windee

@Windee: Funny stuff Paul, humour can save some memories best forgotten.

#2014-02-15 10:19:09 by Grace172 @Grace172

lol, your article makes me laugh. You really have good sense of humor, and you are a very wise man. (rofl) Oh, God, don't make me fall in love with you. lol;) Looking forward your aother amusing articles.

#2014-02-15 16:19:20 by zhshwu @zhshwu

Actually have such a demeanor , I can not believe it.

#2014-02-15 21:41:05 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@johnabbot
Thanks for your input. you said "this is an interesting article at so many levels" and I am interested to hear them

Not so long ago @Barry1 (and others) were discussing the virtues of travelling to China to meet only ONE woman

I tried my best to discourage them (based on personal experiences) - but they all seemed resolute

This story is 100% TRUE - although I have done my best to write it in an interesting fashion. the words are all 100% true

What about the guy from the USA who meets a girl like this. He spends a fortune travelling to China to meet her, only to be deflated at their first meeting ?

In my opinion, certain CLM members need to wake up and smell the coffee. They need to realize that the camera DOES lie and that spending time and money travelling to China to meet only ONE WOMAN is the most stupid idea they have ever had in their lives !

#2014-02-15 21:42:31 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@Grace172
Your profile is invisible - how can we fall in love ?

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