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Peter lived for nearly a half-decade in China, including two as a Peace Corps volunteer, and is the author of Socrates in Sichuan: Chinese Students Search for Truth, Justice and the (Chinese) Way. It is the intention of his blog to foster the sort of intercultural understanding necessary for long term relationships.
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If You Want a Successful Relationship with an Asian Woman, Don’t Do This    

By Peter V
1483 Views | 27 Comments | 9/28/2018 12:26:33 PM
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(Showing 21 to 27 of 27) Previous 1 2 3
#2018-10-07 15:35:30 by melcyan @melcyan

@newbeginning

If you are fully committed to love and happiness in your relationship, then there will be many times that "right" and "wrong" will be forced to take a back seat. What is more important to you, being “right” or being “happy”?

#2018-10-08 06:28:48 by newbeginning @newbeginning


@autumn2066 Thank you for your detailed reply, you go into alot of Chinese cultural and social ideas, thoughts, statures and ways of life for men and women in China. Interesting that you mentioned homewreckers. If there are many Chinese men screwing their mistresses it also means there are alot of Chinese women who are ready and willing to be said mistresses. This also leads to an all time high in divorces in China and venerial diseases in China. I personally think that cheating on your spouse is disgusting and degrading to the cheater and the person being cheated on. 

I was raised to respect women if they are deserving of my respect just as I will do for any male involved in my life, respect is earned. I will not apologise to someone if I am not wrong just to let them feel better but I will quickly apologise if I am wrong. 

Women throughout history have used and still use cunning to control their men, these men are sheeple and weak. Women are attracted to men who are a challenge not men who weak. Smart men know this and stay away from control minded women. No amount of crocodile tears from the woman should have any effect on a man but if the tears are genuine most men have a lot of depth to their compassion. 

I will never absuse, control or cheat on a woman, I will treat her well and make her feel loved, safe and provided for. I would hope that women feel the same. If a man feels loved, cared for and respected  for who he is he will never have any reason to cheat or look elsewhere. Make your man feel like a King and he will move mountains for you. Treat him like crap and you will be miserable and end up divorced, same goes for how men treat their women. 

If China's history goes back 5000 years as claimed and has been dominated by men for that long, how do you Chinese women expect Chinese men to change in such a short time? I see many Chinese mothers treating their sons like Little Emperors, they are just fuelling the fire, keeping the status quo. Why does Chinese culture still call unmarried women over the age of 28 Forgotten Women? I personally find that barbaric but also it is a reason why Western men have so many single Chinese women to choose from, just as Western women are driving western men to look elsewhere for happiness. Kind of strange parallel dont your think?

Western men seek Chinese women because Western women have lost their appeal as they drive forward with wanting to be men. They have destroyed the concept of the Western family. 

Personally I have always been attracted to Chinese women. I find most to be lithe, graceful and intelligent.

@Peter V, I have no problems with my masculinity lol

Ta tah 

 

#2018-10-08 17:06:26 by sunrise68 @sunrise68

Thank you guys all. I understand the meaning of a low-context culture or high-context culture completely now.

#2018-10-09 18:12:42 by Map1 @Map1

I agree with most of what Peter has written from my own experiences. Also I learned about a lot of the theory behind all this while doing my MA TEFL/Intercultural Studies at CIU in Columbia, SC.

#2018-10-09 19:56:35 by oldghost @oldghost

@newbeginning

Women are attracted to men who are a challenge not men who weak. Smart men know this and stay away from control minded women

Given (and it is a given!) that half the women are as strong or stronger, as smart or smarter, as educated or more so, than half the men, what you say is too much of a stereotype.  Many women will accept love and respect lesser males, and many males will accept love and admire stronger women!

Otherwise both parties have to fake it in half the cases! :D.  Including me!  

老鬼

#2018-10-13 22:33:49 by newbeginning @newbeginning


@melcyan

"If you are fully committed to love and happiness in your relationship, then there will be many times that "right" and "wrong" will be forced to take a back seat. What is more important to you, being “right” or being “happy”?"

I find it interesting that you actually asked me this question. I never said I had to be right, I said I would never apologise if I did not do anything wrong. To ignore what is right and what is wrong to achieve happiness with a woman is not something that is healthy. To allow yourself to make compromises on these core values all in the name of love and happiness is just playing with a loaded gun. Give a woman an inch she'll take a mile. I will never compromise these moral values "right or wrong" in a relationship with a woman nor in everyday life. I can however make compromises with a woman if it is a situation where it is not crossing those boundries.

When it comes to holding true to my values of not apologising to a woman or anyone for something I did not do, I will never change, I would rather be alone which does not make me unhappy. Would I rather have a woman in my life? heck yah but I do not need a woman to make me happy and definitely not at the cost of compromising myself just so a woman's feelings are not hurt.

@oldghost if Chinese women are given a choice they would never marry down socially or education wise when it comes to Chinese or Western men. Yes there are women who are smarter than men and mentally stronger than men. Some men are weak and want a strong woman with a strong personality. Some men want weak women and the old school way of doing things, many women want strong men. I dont stereotype at all when I said most women want a strong man who challenges them. Ask Chinese women why they are attracted to western men, you will hear answers such as western men are more masculine, bigger, stronger, better looking, well educated and have more money which we all know is not neccessarily true.  Go through a divorce in the west and we know who gets the money, women, who gets screwed, the men.

Personally, when I was younger I was the proverbial bad boy, wild, aggressive, full of life. I am a very handsome man now and when I was young I was considered by females to be extremely good looking. Not boasting just a fact.  I never had any problems attracting girls then or attracting women now. My current Chinese woman is highly educated, extremely strong willed and a real firecracker actually she and I are almost the same personality wise. At the end of the day she repsects my strong will and strong personality as she knows I am honest and will not take any lies, deceipt or manipulation in a relationship, never have never will. I respect her for being the strong willed firecracker that she is, I like the fact that she is highly intelligent. 

Like I mentioned in another blog reply, I am attracted to Chinese women because they are smart, lithe, graceful, believe in and want a strong family unit with the man as head of that family.

Is that stereotyping?  Nope!

I am quite looking forward to reading more of your bus adventures!

"till tomorrow"

 

#2018-10-14 18:28:53 by melcyan @melcyan

@newbeginning You said -

"I will never compromise these moral values "right or wrong" in a relationship with a woman nor in everyday life." 

 

Sorry, @newbeginning. I now realise that we were talking at cross-purposes. My moral values are not compromised by my partner and her moral values are not compromised by me. So on that score, you and I are on the same page.

 

My moral values are fairly consistent with Buddhism's non-prescriptive guidance summed up in the Eightfold Path which suggests that a person should exhibit:

    • Right Understanding - Aspire to better the state of yourself and others
    • Right Thought - Think on that which is good
    • Right Speech - Be positive, honest, comforting and caring
    • Right Action - Exert energy to do what you think is good for all
    • Right Livelihood - Use your talents well for the good of humanity
    • Right Effort - Do not exert effort in the pursuit of evil
    • Right Mindfulness - Direct your attention to good & proper things
    • Right Concentration - Be caught up in a life of good works and love

 

I think I have strong Buddhist tendencies.  My partner and I respect each other’s moral values. When I accommodate my partner’s superstition I don’t believe that I have deviated from the Eightfold path even though I am not superstitious. I have successfully looked after my dog for many years before I met my partner. I now look after my dog my partner’s way. Why make these changes? Am I weak or smart? It makes my partner happy and it requires much less effort than trying to prove that my way was right. We are both happy and I think my dog is happier too! 

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