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Jasmine Huang, member of CLM, born and raised in the southeast of China, is sharing with you one Chinese woman's point of view regarding western men, Chinese women, online dating and cross cultural relationships. Not an expert, but would be willing to learn and grow with you all.
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How to Communicate Under Asymmetric Information Exchange?    

By Jasmine Huang
2973 Views | 9 Comments | 5/14/2010 1:10:38 PM
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Thanks for the great offer from Mr. John Abbot of CLM that I got this wonderful opportunity to write the blog for CLM from a Chinese woman’s point of view. I am sure many members here on CLM are same like me, trying to find a true and serious relationship that will finally lead to marriage. And we all know that internet provides the convenience and short-cut for online dating, which save us from the embarrassment of the blind date or matchmaking when 2 people have to sit face to face (especially for a Chinese-Chinese matchmaking, when you are surrounded by a group of family members or friends, which we will have another topic to introduce the matchmaking in China) and try to rack their brains to find the suitable topics.

Here with the chat function provided by CLM, we are free to chat with the ones we have feeling for. (You are always free to contact VIP members. CLM is a one way pay site.) Even if you are a shy person in reality, instance chats will make you to find another side of yourself, you can be funny, talkative, intelligent and amusingly ‘bad’ with wits and ease, which just bring two hearts closer in such a relaxed communication mode.

However a small group of people called scammers just destroy our fantasies of the online dating short-cut. Here I am not talking about the ones who will cheat you to send money, I want to discuss about how you will be convinced of your date’s provided information, either by profile, chats, mobile texts or emails, before you try to meet each other in reality.

There was a Mr. C (not his real username) I met on CLM and we were on email contacts for some time. In the 1st week, he was quite seriously saying that if we are not to meet each other in reality soon, then he did not want to waste the time. But he insisted me to visit him in his country. (And in one chat, he even said to buy me the tickets, I refused.) So I said OK, but we have to wait until June or July when I finish the planned business trip to another country first. And in the meantime I was also wondering why he did not plan to visit me in China first. And I asked and there was no answer to this question. One doubt leads to another, and in this way, there comes the trust issue due to the impacts of the scaring online scammers. And in the last recurring communication attempts, I finally uttered my doubts, yet he was feeling insulted. I asked, if you want me to fly all the way to your country and not to find myself a fool, could you please provide your non-spouse certificate and your passport scan? Apparently my boldness lead to one charge: identity theft, and I am not trusted.

Does this sound familiar to you? Have you ever worried of encountering scammers online? And if you are the one to fly to another country for the first visit, isn’t there a voice telling you to be careful? Under the asymmetric information exchange by chats or emails, how do you try to have further communication? I think trust issue is always on our concern since the day we signed into the online dating sites. That sometimes has to do with how you communicate. Or maybe you are just acting like a detective, trying to analyze the information you’ve got. Why is there only one picture on his profile? Why is he not being so active like he was in the 1st week? Why did he not replying to your mails? Why did he just disappear for days not even inform you first?......That is enough! These doubts will put you in a very miserable situation, and make you lose your mind by acting to be distrustful, grumpy and complaining. So how come that lovely, clever and sweet girl just became a resentful bitch with high emotional maintenance? You are right! We got a trust issue here.

We all well noticed that CLM has done a great job by having a scammer prison here. But what I wondered is concerning the trust issue we have on whatever online dating sites amongst dating members, can CLM provide a profound and different service for some members with special needs before they try to have the first meeting? Speaking of my previous case, regardless of the way of the communication failure, what if two people are really serious and sincere, and one people is asked to make the first visit, what can make he/she to be rest assured to fly maybe half the world to meet that one? My way did not work out as Mr.C has the right to protect his personal identity. So are there better ways for the members on CLM to be assured before they meet each other offsite?

Here is what I am thinking:

1. why not CLM work as the 3rd party that we all trust, to check up and inspect the authenticity of the documents(such as Non-spouse Certificate or passport scan) before 2 members try to meet each other?

2. As I know there are still many foreign members who never visited China before, so how about CLM organize the meeting parties every month for these members to come and find their matches in China? Of course, there will be some charges since certain labors and location and organization have to be taken into account. So in this way, the online dating becomes offsite dating, but this happens only when 2 members feel the need to meet each other in China under the protect of CLM.

(On the above 2 points please see CLMservice comments below)

No matter how you feel attached to someone online, things have to go to the reality one day that means you have to meet up, talk face to face, get along with each other for some time and see how things work out under the daily issues. I hope what I wrote here will give some insights to all the members here before they initialize the first meeting.

And I want to thank CLM again for making my voice heard by having this fantastic blog.

I sincerely wish that you can find your match here on CLM, regardless of the difficulties.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 9 of 9) 1
#2010-04-23 16:37:44 by clmservice @clmservice

We're excited to have Jasmine join us as a blogger and give us the POV of a Chinese woman. This lady is sharp and well worth taking the time to learn from. Understanding how the ladies think and the cultural differences is a huge first step to achieving success in finding your lifemate.

Jasmine has happened, without prompting I promise, to make 2 suggestions for new services which both happen to be in the works. The next stage of the new eMagazine is a full travel section, and accompanying that we are searching for a travel partner to work with us to plan travel to and around China, with CLM meetings and events along the way. We're also working on some special added security features. Both these items are a ton of work but we'll unveil them ASAP.

Thanks Jasmine and welcome aboard.

#2010-04-23 16:47:03 by sylvan @sylvan

You bring up some good points. The first thing I would be wary of is having one person make the other person's travel arrangements. It is great to have a face to face meeting, but I would never trust a stranger to buy my ticket, because then you are giving up a lot of control to that person. Stay safe. You should always meet in a neutral situation until you establish some trust with them.

Also, I would ask the same question; if he has the money to buy a plane ticket for you, why can't he travel to China to meet you? I think you were right to be cautious.

#2010-04-25 23:51:32 by neodymium @neodymium

A friend of mine met a lady from the Ukraine via another website. He went out there to see her, and they were both accompanied by a chaperone the whole time.

That's a wise thing to do. The lady them has the comfort of knowing she will not be meeting up with a stranger on her own.

Anyway, the next day my friend said that the Russian lady from the Ukraine wanted him to meet her daughter. The lady chaperone/interpreter said to my friend, "She's really serious about this if she allows you to meet her family".

#2010-04-26 09:37:27 by daggett @daggett

Your points are well taken. I met a woman in China and she kept disappearing for 1 or two weeks. I never knew what to think of that, and the language barrier made it difficult to know what to ask or say.

On the other hand, I'm a single dad of two kids, and I'm their only parent. Between work and the kids, sometimes a whole week goes by before I get enough of a breather to respond to a message. To make matters worse, I will log in, look at the messages, and then decide I just don't have the presence of mind or energy to respond yet. I can imagine these things might look odd -- "He logged in a few times this week, but never answered my message." Yet, the only reason is that I'm an overwhelmed dad. :D

Communication: probably the biggest problem with online "dating".

#2010-04-26 16:53:50 by dearjasmine @dearjasmine

To daggett
I am wondering whether you and that Chinese woman are really into something rather serious at the moment. If you do, then I don't think she would be disappearing for some time without a notice, or you would not have the presence of mind or energy to respond to the msgs. Language may be a big barrier, but if you've set up your mind to utilize all the resources you and she have, keep on talking to her and do not push her, just make her comfortable when she is talking to you, and even if you two both have the daily things in life to tackle, just be honest to say it out, and ask for the understanding, and I trust you can work things out. Remember, no pains, no gains. You won't have a good harvest if you don't want to(or don't have time to) do some input first.
Don't give it up!

#2010-05-05 13:19:33 by daggett @daggett

To dearjasmine

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I was referring to a correspondence that ended a few months ago, but I appreciate your advice. Next time I'll try to keep your words in mind.

Thanks again!

#2010-05-08 22:04:01 by huangliyun @huangliyun

thank Jasmine for her sincere words. I have been to the web for about one year, returned many letters and met one personaly. However, i find some men are not ready to make a serious relationship but only want to find a woman to chat or to have fun. I think i am wasting time to write back letters without any results. At last, i lost hope for looking for a Mr. right from cyber date.

Just at the lonely Saturday night, I happened to read these words. Realy thank Jasimine to speak out the heart of Chinese girls who are sincerely eager to find a match from the site.

#2010-05-09 09:17:48 by dearjasmine @dearjasmine

To Ms. Huangliyun,

Thanks for the comments. I completely understand what you have been through in the past year. Though there are some bad girls on a dating site, who try to be cheating ppl out of their money or who are gold diggers, I still feel that most Chinese girls are quite sincere to settle down. And I found many quality Chinese girls on CLM, some are traditional, family-oriented, good educated....And after all, I am proud that I am a Chinese girl. And now it comes to the men's part. How many guys are really into a serious relationship on any sites? Are you guys really sure you are going to accept a Chinese girl to be your another half?

#2011-05-28 21:54:58 by anonymous2022 @anonymous2022

i 100% to support jasmine's views, she spoke out what actually happened on me in clm. one guy chat with me so active, already be two times to disappear online after 3months chating without any advance notice. by the second time we met online, i ask for his approvement for divorce. He was getting upset. so i was very sure he is a scammer...even i know, clm is a one-way pay web site, so many time i would like to change myself to be a golden members, but i could not to take further step for this bad and untrusted things happened. but anyway, i still hope clm will sort its own way out to provide more secure for both parties, make its further triumph on the way of development in the future.

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