Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
John Abbot is co-owner of Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
Articles :
Views :
Comments :
Create Time :
This Blog's Articles
Index of Blogs
Index Blog Articles

Hey Chinese Women, Please Explain the Importance of Face    

By John Abbot
2471 Views | 4 Comments | 8/2/2015 1:44:44 PM

Can Chinese women please explain the importance of "face".

These are 7 rules for living that I spotted on  They are all interesting rules, but the one that really caught my attention is Rule #2. Think about it.

"What other people think of you is none of your business."

When I stopped laughing at this rule because it struck me as being so funny, and I started thinking about it, I realized it is sort of the other side of the coin to the saying "What you don't know can't hurt you." which is a thought I have always questioned in the past

It seems to me there are a lot of things that if you don't know can hurt you a lot. For example, if you don't know there is a hungry tiger waiting around the corner in a jungle, that could hurt your ass quite a bit, but if you did know it, you could turn around and get your ass out of there.  But on a different level, the point is that things that might cause you emotional pain can't cause you that pain if you don't know them. For example, if you don't know your wife and your best friend are having an affair, you aren't going to feel any pain. So maybe it's better not to know.

Now to me, this brings to mind the importance of "face" in Chinese culture. In China it is unacceptable to do or say anything to another person that will cause him or her to lose "face". You can think a person is an idiot, and you can even take advantage of his stupidity, but it is wrong to let him know you think he's an idiot or let him know you are somehow screwing him over, because that will shame him publicly and cause him emotional pain.

Doesn't that make "face" really about "What other people think of you is none of your business." It only becomes your business when it comes to your attention and causes you to lose face.

I am not at all sure about this, and I've been trying for a long time to clarify in my mind exactly why "face" is so important in Chinese culture. I'd love it if some of the Chinese women could enlighten me on this. 

Meanwhile I think I am going to start living by Rule #2 and refuse to care what anyone thinks of me until it is 'in my face". 

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
(Showing 1 to 4 of 4) 1
#2015-08-03 23:25:43 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


It may not surprise you in the least when I tell you that #2 is the one I value the most
I really don't give a rats arse what people think of me
After all, if they cannot see perfection when it stares them in the face then it's their loss ( hahahahaha)

#2015-08-05 14:37:27 by YinTingYu @YinTingYu

@ John Abbott
Man, I gotta respond on this one. I plead "guilty" to # 6. Number 2 is relevant to me, especially with the possible scenarios you have presented but, my head has always been prone to analysis.

Now, this "face saving" thing,....I understand it some but, shucks ya'll, I'm just an American fellow. In a non combative situation, why would one ever wish to cause harm or deceive another by possible insult ? If this happens, just stand up and make apology. So, for me this is a given in all interaction. I see there is a time for war, when necessary but, this will come at great expense for each and on many occasions, there is no need.

Back to "face". I sense it is an honorable thing to give basic respect to all. We need this. I have been "beat up" so many times by ladies(?) on this website. I am with John on his query. I really can't understand too good. All the "Little White Lies" and the bold faced ones as well. Gals, can some of you jump in here a little bit??
Give a little insight to this "face" thing ??
Peace out,

#2015-08-13 17:07:09 by anonymous13775 @anonymous13775

I am a Chinese woman, but I can only tell from my way of thinking
The face thing is that when I am with my boyfriends and his friends, then I will be very nice to him, e.g. if he asked me to do something for him in front of his friends, I will do that, that is to give him a good face in front of his friends, I know I should try to give him face in front of his friends or family, and I presume my boyfriend will do the same for me
And I think if I lose my temper in front of my boyfriend and his friends, then he will lose face, that is my understanding of the face thing
About the white lie, I am a very traditional chinese woman, but I don't like any so called white lies, what is that?
white lies or black lies, they are all lies, I don't like any lies

#2015-10-24 23:38:54 by danruble @danruble

Getting or giving face in public is kinky.. and can be exciting..Try not to get caught(giggle)

(Showing 1 to 4 of 4) 1
To respond to another member's comment type @ followed by their name before your comment, like this: @username Then leave a space. Ask John Abbot a Question : Click here...