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Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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Hello, Goodbye / I am the Walrus    

By Paul Fox
3964 Views | 16 Comments | 9/14/2014 4:10:51 PM

A very famous record by British Band "The Beatles". However, songs are furthest from my mind right now.  I know I am going to get hammered for this, but quite frankly, I am past caring....



Girls, you can scream and shout as much as you like, and John Abbot can stick up for you as much as he likes - but right now, I have had enough !!!!!



ATTRACTION has to be one of the most basic of human 'emotions' (if you can call it an 'emotion') and can be 'instant' or it can come after a period of time.

When browsing sites such as CLM, I would say that people scanning through profile photos can do it fairly quickly in order to find the photos that kind of 'jump out' at them.



'Wow, she/he looks nice' - and then perhaps a message/kiss will follow



The recipient sees the message/kiss and will check out the profile. If they like what they see then they will reply, if not, they may just ignore or send a reply back saying "thanks, but no thanks" - ATTRACTION - right ? It's either there or it's not!



Having found myself recently back 'on the market' as far as dating goes..... (please don't ask unless you want a smack in the mouth - lol), I have once again found myself thrown into the proverbial 'deep-end' and have already encountered many of the 'types' of women I once wrote about here, in what now seems to be a previous lifetime, lol.



It has long been bemoaned in several earlier posts and blogs about pictures and photos that we all like to put on our profiles (and I am sorry if this is an old 'chestnut', but this time it's more than just a 'moan')



As technology moves forward and the internet becomes bigger and (supposedly) better, we can often find ourselves looking at an international Chinese dating website for example, while a banner-advert for our local shoe-shop is flashing at the top of our computer screen - (don't ask me how this happens because I have no idea, lol !)



Whilst browsing the 'tinterweb' a week or two ago, I saw one of these 'banner-ads' that was simply called 'Look Good On-Line' - so out of curiosity, I checked it out.



The site was owned by a local female photographer who charges $50 for a half-day photo shoot on location (thats $50 plus a cup of coffee!). She will take 300 + photos of you and then send you 10 of the best ones that she feels will get you the best results on an online dating site



What the hell.... $50 ain't a bank-breaker, so I gave her a try.



She was a lovely girl trying to break out into what she saw as an un-tapped market.



To cut a long story short, she sent me 10 pics that I thought were OK. They were not photo-shopped, just natural pics that made me look OK (in both our opinions) - something to do with light and reflections and boring stuff that photographers get all excited about - lol



Jokingly, I asked her to make me look like Tom Cruise and you know what she said ?...... "Mate, I can make you look AWESOME, but you know what?... some girl has to meet you one day and I don't want her to be disappointed!" ............................ WOW!!! ................ TRUTH !!!!!.............. How good is that ?



A few days ago I was on CLM (and another Chinese dating site) and I noticed the same girl on both sites. I had sent her a message ages ago but I had no reply.  I tried again and finally she gave me her qq number.



I added her in a flash (she looked GORGEOUS) and within seconds she called me on qq.



We had a long chat (57 minutes) and I was convinced I had found the love of my life !



After our (voice) chat, we sent each other some natural pics and to be honest, I was devastated. I actually found that I was just not at all attracted to her. I wish it wasn't so, but what can you do?



Whilst I do not want to be disrespectful, the facts remain. If I am attracted to you, then I am attracted to you - simple. In much the same way, you are either attracted to me or not.



But if I am attracted to your "plastic pictures", and I also have "plastic pictures" that you become attracted to, then we are both going to be pretty pissed off when we meet and see each other for real, so why waste our time?



The girl from 'Look Good Online' was 100% correct when she told me "What's the point of me making you look like Tom Cruise when some poor girl will be disappointed?"



In my opinion she is 100% correct.



The qq girl in question was so upset, sad and disappointed when she said "You dont fancy me now do you ?" and I said 'Sorry, No'



Yet I found myself feeling guilty - why?



I upset her by telling her my true feelings - but had she not essentially 'lied' with her pictures?



Just go and have a quick look on some of the SCAM sites such as ChnLove and Asian Beauties for example. You will see hundreds of gorgeous 'models'. Women of 50 who look 29 etc etc - all fake, plastic pictures that are designed to hook any warm-blooded bloke. But do you REALLY think that these women look like that in real life? - Of course not!



Chinese women seem to generally be of the opinion that all us guys want a stunningly beautiful woman - we DON'T! We want a woman that we can fall in love with, regardless of age or beauty. Girls, we are not that 'shallow' - really!



You don't need to spend lots of money on studio photos in order to make yourself look like someone you bear no resemblance to



For what it's worth, my opinion is quite simple. Imagine you are going out to a nice restaurant. Go and put on some nice clothes and make-up, and make yourself look nice.

Then ask a friend to take some pics of you that you can then use on your profile



When a guy is attracted to you, he is attracted to the REAL YOU..... the girl that looks just like the girl he will see when he actually TAKES you to that nice restaurant.



That girl has now deleted me from her qq. I know she was upset and I still feel terrible about it. So there you have it, 2 people who are made to feel sad, simply because ONE of them put fake, plastic photos on their profile. I wonder how many other guys have made this girl feel the same way I did. I wonder whether or not she is becoming disillusioned and frustrated with online dating and perhaps feels that she will never find her 'Mr Right'



To be fair, MOST of the women on CLM do actually have natural photos (unlike the totally plastic ones on the SCAM sites), but now and again you will see someone here who only has studio pics on her profile. Only this evening for instance, I saw a new member who had one picture on her profile and already had 4 "stunning" opinions in the 'Men are Saying' section.



Sure, her photo certainly makes her look 'stunning', but I bet you anything you like that she does not look like that in real life - so why bother, darling ?



Maybe, just maybe, it's true that some women hope to get a man's attention by portraying themselves in this way in the hope that they will chat, get to know each other and fall in love, so that when they finally meet and the guy realizes she looks nothing like her photo, it's too late because he has already fallen in love with her.... crazy! (Marry him baby and he will have an affair with someone prettier than you, so why put yourself through heartache caused by bullshit in the beginning?)



This blog is dedicated to that lovely, disappointed woman, and also to all the other lovely women out there who have maybe put themselves in that same situation.

Photos here were gathered from the internet. The stunningly beautiful girl is 49 years old by the way, and her photo was taken off chnlove (SCAM) dating site (just to prove my point



The other pics are a little more like the truth (lol)


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 16) 1 2 More...
#2014-09-14 16:29:00 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Paul, I'm not sure why you feel I will be sticking up for people who post only glamour shots of themselves with no natural pics. I am a strong advocate, and always have been, of posting at least a couple of natural photos so people know the way you look in day to day life. If the women (and some of the guys) are intent on also posting glamour shots too, that's ok.

Now we get to know how good you can look that one day a year when you get yourself professionally made up. That might come in handy if we're ever invited to the wedding of a movie star or something.

Basically I agree with what you're saying in this blog. Nobody should think there's any point in posting ONLY photos that don't really look like you do 99% of the time. You're only hurting your chances of ever meeting someone who is attracted to you and will love you as you really are. Nothing good can come of it because the person will have to meet you someday, and when they do they will feel you are not honest.

Someone who might have been attracted to the real you in your natural pictures, will now intensely dislike you. It is that simple.

However Paul, what I have said in the past, and will say again here, is that doing this comes more naturally to Chinese women, because they come from a culture where glamour shots of the women (and the men to a large degree as well) is a cultural norm. This is not saying they should do it, it is not condoning it as reasonable, it is just by way of explanation as to why it might happen more frequently in Chinese dating that dating in other cultures. It's not okay, but maybe it's a little bit more forgivable.

#2014-09-14 16:33:04 by Barry1 @Barry1

@paulfox1

As usual, you've hit the nail on the head here, Paul. You've told us some home truths that many need to be reminded of periodically, myself included.

Let me say though that I'm sorry you're in the "available and still searching" category of men here now rather than the "happily taken" section. Maybe you could write us an article when you're ready, of the experiences you had with your last girlfriend and why sadly it seems to have now ended?

But back to the lesson at hand. I agree wholeheartedly with what you wrote. The most glaring incident that occurred with me in this area was quite similar to yours. Last year, I perused a lady's profile that showed a stunning photo on it. I introduced myself to her and after many hours of chatting to this person, she eventually sent me a picture of her true self, that looked nothing like her profile photo, which was totally false. I then felt no attraction at all to her unfortunately.

I thus politely terminated our online friendship, leaving the other lady quite upset, just as in your case. But all this emotional pain could've been avoided if the lady in question had simply been honest as far as her profile picture was concerned. It seems so short sighted and silly, to display a false photograoh on your profile, doesn't it? Yet surprisingly, some people still do it, leading to inevitable trouble down the track.

Anyway Paul, another good read. Thanks mate. (clap)

#2014-09-14 22:13:55 by anonymous11800 @anonymous11800

Paul,

I couldn't agree with you more on this. There is an immediate lack of trust when one person finds that the other does not match the pictures at all.

But while we are talking about pictures, I would also like to mention a different situation which I think is almost as bad - posting just pictures where the person is a small part of the picture. Sure, a picture posing in the park can show that you have a good shape overall, but I think everyone should have a picture posted where their upper body is at least 30% of the picture.Natural head shots are even better!

I once contacted a lady on another site who had posted just a picture where she was sitting on a jetski. The picture was taken from a bit of a distance so the whole jetski and some of the surrounding scenery where in the picture. All of her occupied about 15% of the picture, and clearly she had a nice shape, and looked to have a lovely smile. But when we exchanged emails and some pictures, I was completely put off. She hadn't actually "lied" with her pictures, but I still felt misled. To all ladies with JetSki pics on CLM/ALM, it is not you - I have not seen this lady here.

And to encourage people to use natural pictures, I have 3 stories. Before I was on CLM, I met an actual lady on Asian Beauties who managed to pass me her Skype ID before the "translators" could block it. Not a match, but the natural pics she posted on CLM when she joined were better than the ones on Asian Beauties. I had video chats with her so I know that the CLM pics were natural. Similarly, I have met another lady whose CLM natural pics are better than her CHNLOVE pics. And finally, the lady that I believe I have "matched" with is far more beautiful in real life than her professional pics on CLM. Her CLM pics were not "doctored" but they were taken by a professional photographer. I feel lucky that all you guys who are looking for the lady's pics to "jump out at you" completely missed her before I came along :)

#2014-09-15 18:42:12 by wildbill1122 @wildbill1122

@Paul Moral of the story....don't trust the pictures...they are only an introductory guideline anyway....especially on CLM...you are not the only one who has gone through this...if a girl is 50 + years old and her picture looks 30 then use some common sense...chances are she won't look the same...do not expect too much and you won't end up disappointed...and besides...this sea has plenty of fish...almost an overabundance I would say...talk to the ones without a picture...you might be pleasantly surprised there too...and less competition as well....'nuff said??

Wildbill..

#2014-09-16 10:07:04 by Grace172 @Grace172

@paulfox1
Great article again, Paul
I think it is a good lesson for both men and women.
You said
“A few days ago I was on CLM (and another Chinese dating site) and I noticed the same girl on both sites. I had sent her a message ages ago but I had no reply. I tried again and finally she gave me her qq number.”

“To be fair, MOST of the women on CLM do actually have natural photos (unlike the totally plastic ones on the SCAM sites), but now and again you will see someone here who only has studio pics on her profile. Only this evening for instance,”

And John said
“it is just by way of explanation as to why it might happen more frequently in Chinese dating that dating in other cultures.”

After I read these words, there are some questions in my mind.
1. Why you picked out this girl who posted her studio pictures only but not other women who show their natural photos as you said the truth that most of women on CLM do actually have natural photos?

2. Why not many natural photos of the women could catch your eyes?

3. How many men here are only attracted to the stunning photo for the first glance.

After you think about these questions, You may add one more reason to John why it happen more frequently. That is because of you, MEN. Since most of men (like you) only interested in the stunning photos at the first glance. The women who look general have few chances to catch men’s eyes. So they have to do this, at least have a chance to chat with a man to let him know about her character and personality, and until they fall in love, the man may not mind her looking. Like John said, “It's not okay, but maybe it's a little bit more forgivable.”

#2014-09-16 10:12:26 by Grace172 @Grace172

@Barry1
"Maybe you could write us an article when you're ready, of the experiences you had with your last girlfriend and why sadly it seems to have now ended?"
I agree with you, Barry. I l do enjoy reading Paul's stories.

#2014-09-16 12:26:16 by Grace172 @Grace172

@wildbill1122
I agree with you "don't trust the pictures...they are only an introductory guideline anyway"
"if a girl is 50 + years old and her picture looks 30 then use some common sense...chances are she won't look the same...do not expect too much and you won't end up disappointed"
yes, you are right. This chance may happen. But I feel this statement may not too fair to some Chinese women who are in 50's. Compair with the western women, as I know many Old Chinese women look much younger than their age. Some of them look like in 30's. Of course I do not mean the ones who do the plastic surgery. (Sorry if I offend someone, I do not mean that.) I just tell what I saw. Not only me but so many foreign teachers who I worked with said this.
so I think the good way is chat with each other through webcam. Then you can see if her/his appearance is as the same as the photo on the profile.

#2014-09-16 18:36:25 by Barry1 @Barry1

@paulfox1

By the way Paul, I notice somehow you got access to one of my personal photos, shown at the top of this page. This is how I actually look without my baseball cap.

I admit it's not one of my best photos. But then again, now that I have Tina who likes me as I am - who cares what I look like! :D

#2014-09-16 18:48:32 by wildbill1122 @wildbill1122

@grace...All I am really saying is in most cases whether it be in China or here in North America pictures should be taken with a grain of salt...I have seen profiles with stunning pictures of a pretty lady only to find out that her actual self is much different...lol...but we still talk and we are friends...it really depends on attitude...looks are maybe the initial attraction...but they never last forever...but other factors can...lol...judge not lest ye be judged...B.

#2014-09-16 21:47:47 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@anonymous11800 - Fair point. I have seen pics like this too and girls get very annoyed when you tell them they are so tiny - haha

@barry1 and @grace172 - OK, you talked me into it, I will write a blog about it as you have requested

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