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Jasmine Huang, member of CLM, born and raised in the southeast of China, is sharing with you one Chinese woman's point of view regarding western men, Chinese women, online dating and cross cultural relationships. Not an expert, but would be willing to learn and grow with you all.
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Game players’ prison also? Part 1:clinical experiences(1)    

By Jasmine Huang
3002 Views | 8 Comments | 5/20/2010 11:37:35 PM
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It’s been more than 2 months now since I signed up on CLM and during the past 2 months, I’ve encountered various kinds of guys here. In some way, I feel there are a certain amount of people who just turn the online dating site to be their playground. Generally in my mind, members in their 50s and 60s are more sincere and the same thing does not really apply to the ones in their 30s and 40s, but that is not set in stone, as it is more of my own impression. (I don’t mean to offend members in their 30s and 40s. Just don’t take it too personally.) Here I’d like to present some of the mails I’ve received and they are served more like for your information, and also they are the primitive inspirations for discussing of setting up a game players’ prison. For most of the red alarms here, they are simply and mostly stated from a woman’s point of view and thus if you guys have the similar experiences, you are welcome to share them with all of us. And girls, put aside your shyness, and speak out your minds. Here we go.

A detailed introduction with Q&A first:
‘I'm XXX, I liked your profile, so I wanted to write to you. I am ……(introducing of himself.) "Treat others as you'd like to be treated" Patience, respect, humor, this is serious!........
I get asked these questions a lot? 1/. "Do I like dance? Yes slow romantic and Salsa. 2/. Which part of the woman do I really like? A warm smile, sexy eyes, who laughs, I love legs, small feet on a woman, Chinese dresses hmm, I like it all ^_~ 3/. "Do I like giving or receiving oral"? Yes I love it! I love "Giving lots for starters" I love teasing, pleasing, massaging with oils, I love bathing together in candle light. 4/. "How is my manhood" size? Some Very Curious ladies? I'm Very-Healthy, Very Blessed, I'm also Circumcised, It's Over 20 cm long, thick / strong, and "Yes" you can have photo's if you insist to see it? ??Some Curious ladies asking for photos. I don't mind. 5/.Please leave me message at my email / messenger, XXX@yahoo.com I will tell you all about me, and I am a "True British Gent" not-pushy, I have gentle caring voice! You can judge! I work in Advertising, media for a large music company here in London. I’m half Turkish & half English; I have lived in London since I was 3 years old. I want your heart more than your beauty or age. Age is only a number to me! I am happy to chat to anyone with the right chemistry. Thank you, Hugs n kisses, XXX’

Red alarm No. 1: ‘Copy and Paste’
After checking his profile, besides the No. 4, and No. 5 Q&A, all the other Q&A are the same.

Red alarm No. 2: Sexually explicit messages
By a glance of these absurd nauseating Q&A, we clearly and instantly know what he is after.

And the funny and ridiculous thing is, this guy is a hot member TODAY (3rd page)!! Now I can’t help asking what makes a member to become a hot member on the searching list. And if a member like him hits the hot member, don’t we girls have to think about it? As his profile is in black and white and I can’t figure out why girls still would jump into the ‘trap’. Are you girls really as curious as he said?

Here comes the 2nd one:
‘you don't need to be speechless, i should be the one to be speechless, i most tell you if i ever saw an angel it was on your eyes that is why you need to be called the angelic angel and i wish to be blessed by your beauty, do you have yahoo ID?’
And in his 2nd mail, he did the ‘copy and paste’ job again by sending the same msg. only with the different headline: can we chat? I replied: depends on how sincere you would like to chat. No replies.

Red alarm No.3: Lollipop allurement
Girls, you’ve got flattered, right? Feeling so sweet and special and romantic? Didn’t your parents tell you to stay away with strangers who are offering the lollipop? Be cautious to the ones who use these sweet things in the 1st mail. (Oh, boy, I did not put very clear pics and how can you look into my eyes?)

Red alarm No. 4: Asking for offsite email address on 1st mail contact
CLM offers good mail system and the chat function and for initial contacts, it is better to remain communication just on the dating site. As here comes the red alarm No. 5.

Red alarm No. 5: VIP membership for only one month and asking for your offsite email address
May I ask, how many of the guys here just get a one-month VIP just to gather some IDs for instant messengers offsite? Spreading a net and waiting for the eager, dumb and careless fish to jump in?

And now the 3rd one:
‘okay babe tell me something about you. are u ready accepting western culture? i dont like wasting our time, so tell me... do u want me? i am a good lover and a hard working man. i can give you any pictures. this is my phone no.xxxxx give me yours so i can ring u and hear your lovely voice.’

‘ANYHOW i WILL SEND U SOME PIC NEXT TIME SO TAKE CARE FOR NOW AND i LIKE TO TELL U THE I BE AND CHINA SOON FOR THE EXPO and Shanghai maybe u can coming and have dinner with me he I will sms u to kiss kiss I will do my best to make u Happy’

Red alarm No. 6: Addressing you ’ bebe’ , ‘sweety’, ’honey’ or ‘sexy’ when they barely know about you
The first thing I bet is he has no idea of Chinese girls. Of course I am talking about modern and traditional Chinese girls. Refer to the emagazine to get more ideas about when we like to be called ‘honey’ or ‘sweety’.

Red alarm No. 7: Suggesting a meeting before knowing about you(normally also in the initial contacts)
Thanks for the invitation if we have had been dating for a long time and into something serious already. But NO when it came just as the 3rd or 4th mail before we knew each other. And certainly I am expecting the one who is able to hold decent conversations.

Red alarm No. 8: Suggesting to give you a hand by introducing his friends to you or paying you USD400 to find him girls in Shanghai
That may sound just too warm of him, trying to be a matchmaker. But do we know each other yet? And he turned me into a hooker mother? Shame on him!! He may just like to be making fun of people. But again that is not the definition of being naughty.

Here we go, the 4th:
It was a chat, the 1st chat, and before that no contacts. And when it came to the question: are you living with your parents? Getting this, I was instantly on the alert. Then another question: what are you wearing now? Oh, boy! Lights have just been put out.
Red alarm No. 9: Asking too private questions which may relate to sex

And now the very fresh 5th this morning:
shi de im 51 and a sexy doctor yong she xiang tou add me xxxx@yahoo.com xiexie dr p
(Yes, I am 51 and a sexy doctor, and I use webcam, add me xxxx@yahoo.com. Thanks, Dr. P.)

Red alarm No. 10: Asking for a webcam chat on the 1st mail contact
Well, I normally don’t use webcam with someone I barely know. If you’ve already got couples of authentic pictures, I don’t think I have to check you out in the first place. I’d like to know you through the communications first. Sometimes it just goes beyond my mind that suddenly this world just becomes the one with fast food, one-night stand, game playing, wife swap…?

More are coming for the next series, please read on.

See John Abbot's response to this blog under Game Player Prison - Impossible!

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 8 of 8) 1
#2010-05-21 01:49:11 by johnbernard @johnbernard

I have just read your blog Jasmine and I have to ask, are ladies really so naiive as to believe these disgusting creeps? It just seems like common sense to me. Of course I agree with most of what you said but one thing that I do contend is the offer to use webcams early in an online relationship. I think that if people refuse to use webcams they are probably hiding something. Not many people have signed up for the Gold service on CLM, so we revert to using yahoo, MSN or QQ. A scammer is unlikley to expose themselves to the glare of a camera.

#2010-05-21 11:29:33 by aussieghump @aussieghump

Just a few comments about this situation.
1) Online dating will get many people, scammers, trolls, one-night stands, serious relationships - whichever one you are, you may not find the other appropriate.
2) To me, a 'scammer' is someone dishonest - to trick you out of money etc. Although this person's approach may be distasteful, it doesn't appear dishonest - on the contrary, he is obscenely obvious in intentions/measurements!
3) I 'test-drove' a short-term membership before obtaining a longer one - that doesn't make me an instant bad-guy!
4) Chinese women get to the 'baby/darling' speech-making fairly quickly.
5) Stay scammer safe - email in CLM until comfortable.
6) Top Users = other user visits..his profile gets attention!!!!
7) Aim: Write 'hot' profile because bigger net = more

#2010-05-21 19:12:58 by dearjasmine @dearjasmine

Great comments! About the webcam, I agree if 2 ppl are getting along well after a few mail contacts, that is quite fine and also that should be suggested. But, not in the 1st mail contact with just a short sentence. Then why do we have to put several pics here?
And again offsite contacts are really ok, fine, but again, not in the 1st mail to ask for it.
For scammers and game players, in the initial contacts, maybe you can't really tell the difference. Just refer to the 2nd mail I've received. In the first glance, I did think he was quite like a game player. And it turned out a few days ago from the urgent scammer warning mail that he was a scammer. So will scammers ask for money in the 1st mail? This scammer certainly did not.

#2010-05-22 04:25:13 by abi513 @abi513

Here's a better idea. Let’s have a Golddigger Gitmo for all these equally creepy and low life scum. If for some reason you’re not familiar with the term Golddigger, it generally is defined as any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man's bank account than she does about the man. The closest male equivalent is a gigolo or boy toy. Equivalent to a prostitute, whore or hobag, a golddigger just takes other types of payment in addition to cash. They also accept having their bills paid, cars, jewelry, homes, fame, and power. The amount of time a golddigger turns their trick can vary from a short time to many years. Golddigger's are in my opinion, and personal experience, much worse than a prostitute or “Chicken girl".

#2010-05-22 20:38:50 by happyatlast @happyatlast

Hello Jasmine
I have just joined this site, and was looking at the message posts here.
please understand that firstly, the internet can often be a bad place to meet someone, I met my Chinese wife on the internet and at first I was a little concerned because I had just gone through a bad divorce from a Russian woman who only used our marriage to obtain a British passport.
it is always a testing time when we meet someone on the internet, and start our correspondence.
you will always come across men and women who only play games.
I prefer to call them low intelligent life forms.
someone who writes Sexually explicit messages and makes rude remarks,bad words, KEEP CLEAR of them. there are plenty of good genuine men and women out there, who really are looking for love and happiness.

#2010-05-22 21:00:52 by happyatlast @happyatlast

some good advice, when you start writing to someone, learn about each other, ask normal questions, like hobbies, interests, your characters,
when I first started writing to my Chinese wife, it did cross my mind, maybe she just wanted a rich man, or a passport.
I was wrong, after about 3 months of writing emals, we both started to use web cam. this is a must !!
now we were alble to see each other and our friendship grew.
to cut a long story short. I came to China 9 months later.
our meeting was more than I could have imagined. she is now my lovely wife, best friend,and much more.
never try to be someone, your not, be open, be truthful, show your feelings.
most important. is it love and happiness you seek, or money, if it's love you both seek, then you have much to gain.

#2010-05-22 22:51:22 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Jasmine, as is clear from my blog, I don't agree with some of what you're saying. Specifically I don't believe that we can ban or enforce a ban on game playing. I also don't think you are very clear in your mind as to what game playing is, and I think that's the same for all of us. But how can we make something a crime if we can't even define what it is. However, I do think you're onto something well worth exploring, and that is how to teach people in some way that certain behaviour isn't all that welcome by the vast majority of members of CLM. More importantly how do we teach each of the Westerner men and the Chinese women which behaviours are not acceptable in the opposite culture even if they are acceptable in our own. Maybe we could do some interblog brainstorming on that.

#2010-05-23 13:16:53 by thedragonb1 @thedragonb1

Aaaah, the scammer. Hate th The first email alone alerts you that this was a scammer. Too much information. The email is predictable and wordy on a level of a copy and pasted nature. They exist everywhere online and they all use fake photographs. Which is probably why he was on the HOT LIST. Good looking guys spewing lovely words will attract the ladies more. Especially if the ladies are not so wise to online dating to know the signs to look out for. All we can do is spread the word and hope read from our past experiences. CLM does a great job of warning their members of these scumbag-scammers. Other dating sites honestly don't care. So if you experience such a scammer please REPORT them. The more we cut their con games off the quickly, they will slither off to somewhere else.

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