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Born and raised in a small and remote village of China with two siblings, Zoe had a childhood with wild freedom in nature. After finishing her education at Dalian Foreign Languages University, she has been living and working in Dalian. A woman of strong feelings and a passion for life, Zoe's first series of vibrant articles will tell you about the rollercoaster ride that was her first serious relationship with a Western man. There is much you can learn from her telling story. After that we'll see where else she can take us and what other wonderful experiences she might share.
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GO, ZOE! 走吧, ZOE!    

By Zoe
29860 Views | 132 Comments | 9/18/2014 6:11:18 PM

Zoe feels like a leftover woman. She's not wrong. Click this photo for a recent article in the UK DailyMail.

In October 2012 after my visit of H in Germany, he cut the connection clearly, I didn’t hear one word from him afterword. The following winter of that year was long and cold, and I was lonely and desperate. The phone call from my parents every week turned into sighs and suffocative silence from urging and questions because I was still not married, the looks from the eyes of my friends and colleagues in the weddings of any other who were younger than me turned into pity and sorry instead of direct joking of before, Zoe, when will be yours?



The spring of 2013 came, shortly and left soon as usual for summer. On a sunny day of early June, I was walking back to my office after lunch, the grass revealed fresh green from earth yellow. Sitting back to my table, restarted the computer with a click on the keyboard, I continued the day for the afternoon work, the same routine job as every day.



One colleague came and joyfully told me that she had a guy for me. Without seeing this person, I got to know his height, his age, his job, his salary, his apartment size. My colleague walked out and turned back again, telling me, Zoe, be smart, catch him!



I was sad, really sad. A 33 years old Chinese woman in China, I was a head of cabbage in the late afternoon market – ON SALE!



After work, instead of taking a bus, I walked home. Trees standing along the road smelled green, there were even blooming of wild flowers. I needed a change, perhaps I could bloom too. Zoe, go, just go, somewhere, far away. I said, to Germany, go to study there.



My dear readers, please don’t say I wanted to study in Germany because of H, well, maybe he was part of the reason, and I dreamed that perhaps someday I could suddenly meet him on a street in Germany, but also because I could not afford other countries, Germany is the strongest country in Europe and its education is free, even to foreigners.



I would not bother you with the details how I started the preparation, how I went through the frustrating and complicated process of all the examinations and all the documents to be offered, but 6 months later, the Admission Letter of the Master Program of Intercultural Studies from University B of Germany was issued on the 11th December, 2013.



This day was happen to be my 34 years old of Birthday.



Yes, readers, you can believe that sometime life is unbelievably more dramatic than a movie.



The 2nd, January 2014, I was waiting to pick up a friend in Dalian airport, standing at the exit gate of the flight from Beijing, I saw H, yes, the man I wrote about 25 series in the blog in 2012, walking out.



I was shocked, I don’t remember what was the look on my face, I was just too shocked to make any sounds and moves, I was waken up when my friend was standing in front of me, and H was gone, he didn’t see me.



The next day, I sent a message to H, told him that I saw him in the airport, but I before I could call his name, he was gone. Half hour later, he called me, he was very surprised too, and asked if I wanted to have a coffee with him, he would stay in Dalian for two days. In the phone, I couldn’t decide to meet him or not. He seemed feel my struggle, and said, you can think about it, and then maybe give me a message.



Until the evening of the next day, I didn’t know why but I didn’t go to see him, I was a massy. By the end, I sent a message, sorry, H, I couldn’t meet you, have a good trip tomorrow



2012年10月,我从德国回来后,H就完全消失了,我再没有听到他一句话一个字。这年的冬天很长,我很孤独,也很消沉。



我每周跟父母通话一次,不知从哪天开始电话里他们不再催促我结婚,爸爸只是叹气,妈妈觉得我这辈子都嫁不出去了。他们不知道我的生命中曾出现过H这个人,否则会把我骂死的吧。任何一个别人的婚礼上,同事朋友看我的眼神变成了同情,不再像以前直接开玩笑,Zoe,哪天喝你的喜酒呢?



2013年的春天很短,刚露个头好像就让位给夏天了。六月初的一天,阳光很好,午饭后回办公室的路上,发现草坪里的小草已经从土黄变成一片欢快的新绿了。坐回桌前,打开电脑继续下午的工作,跟之前的每一天一样,我的日子只是重复昨天。



一位同事笑盈盈地进来,说要给我介绍男朋友。还没有见这个人,我已经知道他的身高,职位,月薪,他的房子面积。如果有时间的话就明天相亲。同事出门又折回来,特意嘱咐我,Zoe,明天要学聪明点,别把这个男人放跑了。



微信着答应同事,我很难过,我明白,一个33岁的女人,就是晚市上五分钱一斤的大白菜。



下班后,我没坐车,走路回家了。路上想了很多,我知道我得改变自己的生活,不能再继续重复昨天。走吧,Zoe,离开吧,去德国读书吧,不知道能否申请到,但不试怎么知道。



亲爱的读者,请不要认为我想去德国还是因为H,好吧,我承认他还在我心里,也幻想着也许有一天会在德国某个街道上能突然遇见他。但主要还是因为别的国家的费用我承担不起,德国在欧洲最强,但它的大学教育是免费的,对外国留学生也是。



在这里我不会把从准备,到各种考试,各种证件的准备等等这个让人焦虑和抓狂的过程都啰啰嗦嗦地写下来。六个月后的12月11日,我收到了德国B大学的跨分化交流专业硕士录取通知书。



这一天,是我34岁生日。



是的,有时候生活中发生的巧合比电影还要戏剧化。



2014年1月2日,我在大连机场接朋友,站在从北京飞来的航班的出口处,人群中我看见了H,是的,H, 我在2012年的博客中写了大约25集的这个男人,走了出来。



我的脑袋嗡嗡响,我不记得自己当时的表情,只记得张开嘴但发不出声音,双腿钉在地上似的迈不出一步。朋友站在我面前时,我才醒过神来。转眼看,H已经不见了,他没看到我。



第二天,我发了条信息给H,告诉他我在机场看到他,但没有来得及喊他的名字他就消失不见了。半小时后,他打来电话,也很惊讶我在机场看到他但没有叫住他。并问我愿不愿意一起喝杯咖啡,他要在大连待两天。电话中我不知道要不要去见他,我说话语无伦次。他大概感觉到了,就说,你考虑考虑,然后再告诉我,好吗。



直到第二天晚上,我没有回复,也没有去见他。我也说不清原因,心里很乱很乱。最后发了一条短信,对不起,H,我不能去见你。


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 132) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 More... Last
#2014-09-18 18:32:23 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

Welcome back Zoe!

I'm glad you decided to start writing again!

#2014-09-18 18:34:37 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I can hardly find words to tell you how good it feels to be posting a new blog article by Zoe. I'm sure everyone will be as happy as I am to see her back on these pages.

And in this post Zoe brings to life what is a popular issue in the press these days, the problem faced by China's "leftover women". If you click on the photo posted above you'll open an article by the UK Daily Mail about China's leftover women. And it's an interesting article for what it tells us on this subject.

But if you read the entire article you will have a sort of conceptual understanding of what these women are going through. On the other hand, in Zoe's blog here, with a couple of short sentences, she makes you feel it in your heart, in your guts, in your soul.

"I was sad, really sad. A 33 years old Chinese woman in China, I was a head of cabbage in the late afternoon market – ON SALE!"

This is an amazing piece of writing. Zoe, that one sentence says more to me than the countless articles I have read on this issue about how Chinese women are hurting.

Now I get it! Thanks for this. And welcome back! You have been missed, (clap)

#2014-09-18 20:27:23 by purplesea1970 @purplesea1970

amazing news,you have plenty chances to meet H type men now,good luck:P

#2014-09-18 21:22:51 by sharonj @sharonj

真心佩服啊!六个月搞定德语,佩服,佩服,还是佩服!

之前看Imi的故事还误点了鸳鸯。

祝福才貌双全的Zoe在德国学习一切顺利!提高自身价值的同时,另外再收获一枚德国帅锅!忘掉H,甩甩头,挥挥手,说88,前面的才是更好的风景!

#2014-09-18 22:51:43 by QinQL @QinQL

Wow, Zoe, 你可真的写来了!真让我们大家高兴啊!精彩!(clap)

“对不起,H,我不能去见你。”

已经过去了那么多个时日,但仍然能分明感受到你内心的那份挣扎和痛苦,并受到来自周遭的冷落感受:

“一个33岁的女人,就是晚市上五分钱一斤的大白菜。”

但我惊喜地看到了今天的ZOE不再是那时的zoe了,她已然能坚强地站立起来,有了自己的目标,听从内心的召唤 “我知道我得改变自己的生活,不能再继续重复昨天。走吧,Zoe,离开吧,去德国读书吧”,并向前努力行进,“不知道能否申请到,但不试怎么知道。”

“六个月后的12月11日,我收到了德国B大学的跨分(文)化交流专业硕士录取通知书。”

Zoe,真不知道要如何祝贺你!(hug) 你把你冷清孤独的日子化作了那么多个让人焦虑和抓狂的学习、考试、各种证件的准备中!Zoe,你让你周围的人,还有我们都对你敬佩不已(y),也已然让我们放心地看到今天的你能清清楚楚地向对方say no .

是金子,总会有发光的时候!只是时间的问题。Zoe,信自己!没有遇到你心仪的,不要委屈和将就自己。有时候,我也会想,一个人的日子也有一个人的快乐和无忧。如此放松心情,当命运之门再次向我们打开时,可以帮助我们不急不忙地好好把握。

看出来,故事还没完。我们的Zoe的文笔总会把我们这些读者的心牵着走……

#2014-09-18 23:21:25 by sharonshi @sharonshi

Brave heart! Broken open! Go go, zoe!(f)

#2014-09-18 23:46:52 by lucyove3 @lucyove3

@Zoe,if I were u , i would be brave enough to go to him and say helllo to him , which would shock him a lot at the airport at that time... and then both of u would have coffee together .... From ur story , i guess H has been busy with his work all the time ,so maybe he is still not ready for marriage ....however , ur family and friends all wish u to be married soon ... if u get the chance to study in Germany , u will meet lots of handsome German guys , maybe u will forget H in ur heart... three years ago, i met several young Germany guys, tall and very attractive and loyal, i even quarrelled with a chinese girl for a 33-year- od engineer from Germany .... sorry if my words hurt u, hope u will find ur happiness soon...Donot hurry to be married, Zoe, u are such a spoony痴情的 girl ...other sisters will give u some suggestions , let us listen to them ....

#2014-09-19 00:18:24 by JeffClayton @JeffClayton

That was very well written . Heart strings pulled. Good luck at school. I am sure you will be successful.

#2014-09-19 00:37:35 by JulyChen @JulyChen

Zoe:真的佩服你!你真的像 QinQL姐姐说的那样,把那么多冷清孤独的日子化作前进的动力!六个月就把德语学会了,还申请到了德国大学的研究生入学邀请!Zoe,我真的喜欢欣赏你这样的女孩。爱过,就不隐瞒自己的内心,把自己内心的真实感受,很好的表达出来。而且把那种内心的伤痛,与世俗的压力化作了前进的动力。Zoe,你是我们心目中优秀的女孩!你一定会幸福!一定会有出息!Zoe,姐姐喜欢你!

#2014-09-19 03:35:05 by grace2013china @grace2013china

太让人惊心动魄的故事了!加上你可圈可点的文笔,让人很被你折服。唉,你心里还是那么放不下,竟然即将再赴德国。看来你还是年轻有着浪漫情怀啊!估计还要过若干年才能释怀。33岁,一个多灿烂美妙的年龄,既有青春还有经历,是无价之宝的年龄,以后你走过这一段就会体会得到现今这个年龄是多么美妙无比!

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