Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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For the SENSE of Lily ..    

By Paul Fox
3943 Views | 13 Comments | 10/31/2014 2:48:10 PM

If you have not read Lily's blog, then you SHOULD! Her blog about the 'True of us and the False of us' really inspired me..............

There are guys out there who have experience with Chinese women and there are guys out there who don't - simple!

The fact is (or appears to be) that many Chinese women live in the same fantasy world as many of the inexperienced guys out there. A few messages, e-mails and chats and they are 'in-love' with each other, never to be apart........

Well this may be all 'fluffy-duck' but it really is 'fairies-at-the-bottom-of-the-garden' because it is all in your HEADS!

There are many lonely people in this world and perhaps the most lonely are those people who feel 'lonely in a crowd'. They are so 'desperate' for company that they quickly become the 'False of us' without even realising it

How long do you think that the 'fluffy-duck' syndrome is going to survive when you are together for a few months, the passion begins to wane, she finds out that you snore when you are sleeping (due to the copious amount of wine you drink after dinner), fart in bed and continually pick your nose?

Or maybe SHE does all of the above?

I remember one girl that I met a couple of times in China actually took me back to her apartment one night while she changed her clothes. What a 'shit-hole!'. OK, so the apartment may have been old but there is no reason not to keep the place clean!

Don't get me wrong, I am not an anal 'clean-freak' but a weeks dirty dishes in the sink bears no excuse in my opinion. Dirty (and clean) washing piled up in the lounge room, un-made bed and just a general state of 'dirtyness' made me feel quite uncomfortable

Chinese houses are small compared tp Aussie and US apartments so no reason to live in a dump - unless you are a lazy cow (which she obviously was)

Recently chatting to 3 ladies (at the same time) I have found that 2 of them are swinging towards the 'False of Us'. They both profess their undying, everlasting 'love' for me, despite us never meeting

On the other hand, #3 (Miss Cold Heart) chats to me everyday, seems genuinely interested and appears to have her head screwed on. She takes no bullshit and keeps me at arms-length. Maybe she is the 'True of us'.

So for all you guys currently employed as a 'Unicorn Wrestler' or a 'Dodo Hunter' - wake up and smell the coffee

You don't get to this time of life without a few experiences!

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-10-31 15:11:07 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Paul, I agree that Lily's blog was very helpful in explaining the need we all have to understand and love ourselves before attempting to love someone else. But you've added a whole other layer by showing how we can recognize someone who does understand and love herself and others who do not yet have that figured out. And as a result we'll be better able to recognize and resolve our own issues in our quest to find the True of us or how to better love ourselves. Well done.

#2014-10-31 18:41:06 by Map1 @Map1

I think the problem is that people misunderstand exactly what true love (agape) is. We wrongly think of it in terms of merely feelings or emotions. True love is unconditional or unselfish love. It's not based on feelings as they can't be trusted. This is one of the reasons that there are so many divorces, due to these romanticized feelings of eros love. The Apostle Paul gave the best definition of love in his letter to the church in Corinth. I Corinthians 13. In this passage we can clearly see from the original Greek that true agape love involves action not just emotions. It is impossible for us to do these things, so we need God's Spirit to help and empower us.

#2014-10-31 19:28:58 by Barry1 @Barry1


I've long believed that the word "love" is one of the most overused and abused words in the English language.

People are continually saying "I love this" or "I love that" or even "I love you", when what they actually mean is "I like this a lot" or "I like you a lot".

It's particularly important to be aware of this when enmeshed in online dating. Someone who says to the other, "I love you" before they've even met in person is saying this prematurely, in my view.

It's also possibly a pointer to the fact that the other person is slightly desperate. Either that, or they're rather naive.

Good stuff, Paul. I agree with you entirely.

#2014-10-31 19:45:15 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Thanks John

#2014-10-31 21:34:19 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

Thanks for your attention and affirmation on my article.

I want to say the external beauty will fade someday and something inside will not disappear forever.Those ones who only intends to seek exteral things like beauty or wealth will be easily disapointed with time going.

When we could be aware of "the true of us" and "the false of us", we will be more easily to feel and recongnize which type the other person is and know how we should do then.

Thanks for sharing.

#2014-11-01 15:00:47 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Map1 - with the greatest of respect to you, and to your right to practise the religion of your choice without interference, as the Manager of the site and the Moderator of the Blogs and Forum, I feel compelled to point a few things out.

1. This is an international dating site which accommodates virtually every culture, nationality and religion. If you peruse the blogs and forum carefully and thoroughly, you will find very few examples of anyone constantly referencing their religious beliefs as the foundation of every response. Or their cultural upbringing or their national affiliations. I suggest to you that is because all the members respect the rights of each other to practise their own beliefs and not have to enter into a religious discussion over every single topic that arises on the site.

If a Moslem chose to address every issue that arose by quoting the Koran as proof of what he was saying, how exactly would you respond the first time, the 10th time or the 100th time.

2. We are reliant on the goodwill of the Government of China to be allowed to have our site seen in China. We are very much not a religious website, and not about the support or the promotion of any particular religion, nor of religion as a whole. The Chinese Government does not care for a public display that appears to be promoting religion, as you might well be aware.

For both of the above reasons I am going to have to respectfully ask you to refrain from raising Christianity, the bible or other religious references everytime you wish to discuss something on the forum or blogs, or we will have to stop approving your comments. We don't wish to do that but for the sake of continuing to do what we do, which is to try to help people find true love, regardless of their personal beliefs, we will have no choice.

#2014-11-01 15:40:13 by sandy339 @sandy339

Maybe when we meet the right type, we should overlook some shortcomings, do we really need to distinguish what is true and what is false? Afterall, we are all humans...

I challenge your opinion, true love =agape? wow, but how could that be since we are all ordinary human, no one can ever be perfect like God, maybe we should lower our expectation of true love like a real man by accepting others as a whole package. I really don’t think human can get agape, but it doesn’t mean we don’t need any guides, priciples,morals and religions to improve it. We could reach somewhere in between human true love and agape, I think.

#2014-11-01 18:55:01 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Thanks for your comments mate. I agree... "I love you" is totally over-used instead of phrases such as 'I like you very very much" or "I really fancy you and cannot wait to rip your clothes off" - lol
The latter 2 examples can be used frequently prior to meeting in person, but 'I love you' needs to be saved for the right moment

#2014-11-01 19:05:03 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

I really must back John Abbot up 100% here
Maybe you are better suited to dating sites such as "Christian Single" etc etc
Any woman who's profile professes her love for any "God" makes me hit the delete button in an instant - it is just the biggest TURN-OFF!
I am not going to go into a debate about 'God', but I am perfectly capable of giving you as many genuine reasons why any form of 'God' does NOT exist, as you are of giving me 'reasons' why you think a "God" does exist!

I guess for now we need to agree to disagree on this subject, but as far as John's comments are concerned, if you feel the need to post your thoughts and comments on CLM, please leave any reference to your 'God' out of your postings and we will all be much happier

For those of you who can see this and want a good laugh .....

and this (from the same guy) is AWESOME!

#2014-11-03 01:16:18 by YinTingYu @YinTingYu

@John Abbot
Hello Mr. Abbot,
I've just read your response to Map1.



The choice of religion is a Very personal matter and needs not be "advocated" or "sold" to the public by any means direct or covert (my sentiments).
I have no problem discussing religious matters objectively and with respect but,...this site is not the place for it.
Thanks again for reminding and making it clear to all.
Yin Ting Yu

"... do we really need to distinguish what is true and what is false?"
I respectfully remind, is ESSENTIAL. :D
"...we should 'overlook' some shortcomings..."
It's not so much 'overlooking' as it is 'accepting' but,... I think we all get what you mean.
Excellent point.
Agape- 1... 2... 3."unselfish love of one person for another without sexual implications; brotherly love".
Even though it may be "boring" (;) to read a little further down the page,...I'm going with definition 3. World needs more of it.
It is hoped that you are not trying to "guilt trip" the males on this site into accepting some societally constructed, toxic mental concept of what a "real man" "should"(?) be.
I really don't sense you are, just sort of reads that way.
Remember,...It's not polite to "should" on people or,...yourself. (rofl)(rofl)
Peace out,.....
Yin Ting Yu
a.k.a. Gongji

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